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Time is tragically still
and the air is frigid.

I've now begun to settle from my past state
of pure livid,
anger I can't live with.

With the mastering of calm and meditative breathing
the stress melts away.
I'm constantly watching it slowly decay.

Control back on my side
as I suddenly feel
the odd sensation of content inside.

Coping and alive,
and somehow,
still,
I thrive.
Jack Torrance Feb 2020
Bottle an emotion,
or put it in a pill.
I’m trying to move forward,
but I’m only standing still.

Past becomes the present,
but my presence is in the past.
A nightmare that’s grown teeth,
to tear me apart at last.

What do you see in him,
that you didn’t see in me?
Why was I so horrible,
that you had to get free?

Now I need medication,
to fill the void that’s left,
but I cannot find the colors,
that left my soul bereft.

Am I really crazy?
I only ask cause I can’t tell.
Every day that I wake up,
is like waking up in hell.

Emotionally castrated,
full of wounds that never heal.
I wish I could be normal,
but I’ve lost the ability to feel.

It breaks my heart to think,
that there is no going back.
Because the past is now the present,
and the colors are all black.

So I guess that leaves the future,
and all I can do is hope.
Hope that my future past,
will allow for me to cope.
Jay Feb 2020
There is this anger within me
you left me
I needed you the most
and you just gave up
you were on the floor
you didn't cry for help when you collapsed
why didn't you yell?
we could've saved you
you just laid there
and let it happen
you left me
I scream your name at night
I don't even know I do it
I am scaring people
I need you
you left me
you left me for what?
you don't believe in a heaven or a hell
you left me for nothing
you were supposed to be there for me
you were supposed to take care of me
you were supposed to walk me down the aisle
because my real dad is in and out of prison
abusing every girl he sleeps with
injecting every shot he is presented with
you were supposed to be my safe haven
you left me
you died
you.
My father figure who is also my best friend died in early November. I am getting worse. I don't know how to deal with death. I think grieving the dead is stupid. the dead is dead and that is it. yet I have nightmares of him... I miss him
Mark Toney Jan 2020
****** into a turbulent nexus
Exceeding ability to cope
Sucker-punched in my solar plexus
Victim of life's rope-a-dope


© 2020 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.
01/01/2020 - Poetry form: Rhyme - Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2020
Iz Dec 2019
Pain is the only healer I can befriend
Her unconventionality is my only sin
The bait and bleed
Then relief
She helped me when you only knew how to hurt
Kelsey Nov 2019
When sadness comes
I push away
"No, I dont want to do this today"

Because if I face my fears
So dark, so clear
Joy won't have a reason to stay

Supress, supress
Clean up your mess
And live to smile a new day
SelinaSharday Aug 2019
I almost fell in love but I took it buried it with my pen.
Tried to promise to not let it surface again.
My brain forced my logic to creep in.
I just dived back into paper with pen.
I wanted to watch your beauty its like a rainbow.
I reminded myself one day it would turn to winter cold ice and snow.
You walked by me close enough for me to feel the
warm beauty in your shadow.
I told myself it wasn't what could comfort my tomorrow.
You became my beautiful songful muse.
I realized that began to leave me feeling a bit confused.
Bubbles forced themselves out from my harmony they sparkled
they did rise.
To you it was no surprise.
Those bubbles left colorful tears in my eyes.
I begged mercy to keep away any kind of calamity.
Fight away the passions that dazzle to drown me.
Trying to break free..
stringed like kisses planted all over me.
Trying to break free as you  decided to secrete from me.
Advance from the tracks you left all over my body and its
memory.
Maybe it was all a state of my unnecessary reclines.
Now seeing our lengthy messages and unsent replies.
Dreaming about weird unsorted things.
Recalling bells with no rings.
Giving freely inconsiderately of me.
Almost I almost walked away from me..
Things deserved that are best for me.
I remembered I could cope.
Wait on what's good for me, I remembered there's always Hope.

By SelinaSharday S.A.M All Rights Reserved 2019
.Something said as creatively as could be..who are they.. us we that privately be..trying to stay out of unnecessary things
growingpains Jul 2019
All my friends got friends
Every single one of them
I’m afraid I’ll become a hinderance
As opening up might show my lack of strength
All my friends got friends
While all I have is them

So, how do I cope?
How do I reject jealousy when it wants to comfort me?
When it assures me that alliance benefits me?
When it asks me not to resist?
When it’s presence is so enticing, I can feel it’s breath down my neck, intriguing me more than scaring me
How do I cope?
When they get to experience life outside of our ensemble
Get to see corners my sight won’t reach
Because those experiences are unique to their memories
Memories I wasn’t invited or welcomed into
Memories that didn’t make sense for me to inherit
How do I cope?
When anger sneaks into my morning coffee
The heat burning my tongue and leaving me with a lingering bitterness
Stealing my voice and replacing it with its own to yell that only I can provide happiness
For so long, I’ve tried looking for different things from different people
Distributing parts of my trust to different pieces of the puzzles
So that their whole could make me but their individuality couldn’t break me
But what happens if I stopped at two?
What happens if only two pieces to the puzzle held that much power between them?
And why is it that bringing the two pieces of puzzle together left me so lonely?
I've been having a hard month mentally but I'm always trying to be the person I envision myself to be.

Much love, N.
V Jun 2019
Some days,
I do nothing but remember to breathe;
And some days,
That is enough.
...
Trying to hold on.
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