My blood runs down the warm steel strings.
My fingers ache.
The noise stops.
My pathetic attempt to cope by writing a song about you has failed.

I feel myself wearing down like a wax candles melted flame,
Left all my bridges burned and I only have myself to blame,
They say love is blind, but how could I have been so blind if it wasn’t love?
Everything we had was a lie, everything I was just wasn’t enough,
Now I’m left bleeding in the dirt,
Because I couldn’t make it work,
Me and you, it should have been so easy,
But the equation got complicated as soon as we started adding other people to it,
Me and you, it should have been so easy,
But you weren’t loyal and I knew it,
I feel like Humpty Dumpty, you knocked me off the wall and left me to bleed,
So I’m left here in pieces, on a pair of broken knees,
Now all I know is pain,
All I feel is ice in my veins,
As I’m getting older, I’m getting colder,
And your whose to blame,
Your words never meant sh*t,
And every day if you silence keeps proving it,
I never wanted to watch you walk away,
If I made a move, would you have stayed?
I know your not suppose to ponder the past,
But I feel myself moving backwards just to make it last,
How is it possible to miss something we never had?
All the light in my eyes has faded, I’m alive but inside I feel dead,
I hate it when my heart refuses to listen to my head,
I’m left screaming at the skies because no one else will listen,
Loving you was a mission,
Well consider it aborted, just like the unborn child that was living in my stomach,
But you couldn’t stomach it, so I literally had to stomach it,
No support for you, you literally tried to run from it,
But you can’t run from responsibilities so I had to take care of it,
Cause I knew we couldn’t take care of it,
I wasn’t going to bring a baby into a world that couldn’t properly love it,
And now I have to live with it, I hope it’s on your conscience,
And you can’t sleep at night because of it,
It was supposed to be through thick and thin,
But when things got thick, you became thin and were gone with the wind,
Now I’m standing alone wondering how to cope,
So I turn to the dope, and hope this time it’s the end,
But I guess it’s never really the end,
So I hope when I get reincarnated I don’t meet you again.

They say "I'm not sure,"
and they know it's veritable.

Cluttered desk--hats and
textbooks and papers and
earbuds all askew, heart
pumping too quick

Sitting on a black plastic chair,
legs curled up underneath, eyes
flickering to The Latehomecomer,
stomach unsettled

"I'm not sure." of what?
head down, eyes searching,
mind spinning, lungs catered
like coffee at noon
"Everything."

Supplied lies, shaking hands
pouring chamomile tea into a
white cup, hoping for--
that too.

"Everything?" on their mind
is falsified and unknown,
twisted skin ruddy,
shoes all in a row,
nails bitten like marionette

"Anything." of confirmation
belongs to the stables
which blossom with the
stench of sweetness and
wild, roving insecurity

"I'm not sure," they
murmur, "what you mean."

Precipices are lonely business
and so are "People like me,"
Forks are steel but the
mind is molten
and rusted in decay

"dream of quiet," they laud
slick on thin ice of
the essay due tomorrow in
history on the death
of too many

Sunglasses are similar
to winter waters and
lightning spirals in;
they are in debt to
themselves, in depth of

"broken moments." that
clash and too much
to think
              slivers down in silver

carcasses of thoughts
"Okay, I can't help you."

"I know," filters out
behind lips of burning iron
"I never expected you too."
floats down the crowded
unfinished
                    street.

They're not sure of
everything and
I'm not sure of
me.

I know it's true.

Beam at me
Baby blue
My bitter moon
So far away
Your golden truth

All too easy to please me
Bring me to my knees
Until euphoria is all expelled
And I'm left bereft of reason

In too deep
Navy blue
Echo-less room
Bury all poise
In this sunken tomb

Drag me back down under
the sheets and leave me
To succumb to my delusion
It befits this physical pain

Is this love?
This bleak, black doom
That makes its way
Into my veins
When I am destitute

Implicit and distant
I should cope
On my own
But all alone
I only suffer visions of
The ways I might still try to die

I’ll be broken
I’ll be beaten
I’ll even be pieces of blue

I’ll stay scattered forever
As long as they fix you

For my times are many,
Like birds of a feather

Plus I’ll figure it took all the glue in the world
To put you back together.

Some days its hard to figure out where it all went,
Or if there was anything really there to begin with
Some days I’m blind
And I’m lost,
And sometimes I’m scared.
But then sometimes I’m comfortable being lost,
And I rather enjoy being blind,
That way what I can’t see
Can’t be close to hurting me
No vision to remind me
Of everything I should be,
And these things never change
And it’s probably for the best
To be lost without a reason
And without a care.

The three phrases I was given
At a time I thought
I could not go on
I want to share with you

You did not cause it
You can not control it
You can not cure it

Someone who understood pain and loss  
Shared these words with me

I did not cause it
I can not control it
I can not cure it

     I repeated them during my morning runs
          I put them on my to do list
               I read them aloud everyday

It wasn’t until it became my mantra
That it sunk in

At first I fought against them
My mind taking over
As it often does
With overthinking
And inflicting painful thoughts

     If I only I did it differently...
          I did not cause it
               If I only I do this now...
                    I can not control it
                         If only you would...
                              I can not cure it

I did not heal
Until I realized
I really did not cause it
I really can not control it
I really can not cure it
     But I can chose to
        ... Cope

I can choose to survive
I can choose to love myself despite the reasons these words became important
In the first place

Now I give them to you