it's a slow burn, easy to ignore
you're slowly sinking into
the teeth of your bedsprings.
you don't hate the sun but you
don't remember asking it to rise.
you enjoyed last night but tonight
it might not be so easy to fall asleep.
and if it is then you've not left your bed
for the best part of a week,
it's been one of the worst weeks in
your life.
you don't hate the night but you
don't remember asking the sun to set,
your eyes have just become
accustomed to the light.
you're slowly sinking into
the teeth of your bedsprings.
you're not even eating, you'll lose
all strength in your arms
and when you want to get up
and you want to shower
and you want to eat
and you want to feel clean
and you want to breathe fresh air
you'll be trapped in your mattress
with the bedsprings wrapped around
your spinal chord.
it's a slow burn, it's easy to ignore.

earlier
when the sun woke me up
I decided to take a morning shower
in your endless despair

I unfolded
between the delicate creases
that the storming waves
had built up around you

you caught me riding your wave
and unmercifully, you thought
you would drown me
since I was drowning anyway

choking
on your salty sea water
became my daily dose of *******
my comforting shelter

as the ocean having unlimited power
I kept on stumbling
underneath
your bleached layer of foam

Now I am cleaner
than a drug addict after *******
my spirit finally clearer
than the ocean wind
only weeds still tangled up in my toes

Found the quarters for the laundry
Counted them by loads

We have enough for eight

You picked me up and counted me by mistakes
I weighed a ton but we carried it together after we exchanged numbers

I did the laundry
And week after week
Again and again until we had enough quarters for one last load
And I washed the bed sheets
Figured we could take all our ***** clothes off and lie in the clean there
Because it's nice to have a clean house

We have a clean house
When I can't sleep I scrub the tiles
Until they're bright like the rising sun reminding me
I should have been sleeping
It's okay though
You're asleep and can't tell you're alone
I ask myself while making coffee
If you know
I've got bags underneath my eyes
And the floor is cleaner and cleaner every passing night
And the smell of bleach resonates off the square white tiles
You continue to wake and just smile
Smile
Just smile
Look at me
And smile
Like the world is smooth
And runs on smiles
My insides mock fire
"Are you tired?"
"No I'm just wired,
drank too much coffee
I'm not tired."
You know
And I know you know
I guess you're happy with the clean floors and extra space in the bed
so you don't have to worry about rolling over at night or kicking me

my eye lids are crack ed
flaking, an abundance of tears
leaving so frequently

a multitude at once, i know for sure
the end is nigh
but i charlie brown drag,
puff puff, no pass
and clean, straighten
in hopes of piecing together the in-
side while at it--

self-reflection looms
as i stare steadily in the mirror,
spray,
wipe,
but i know you have much to learn
& i can weather my demons
or just
flush them,

if only soul depth
could be explained as simply
as wiping away the cat hair
from the bathroom sink--

The storm has passed. Its     surrender was swift
as chalk wiped away     from a wet, slate board.

I am sinking deeper,
beyond possibility,
into the grime.
Sloshing, dark waves are washing
over my body,
pale and thin,
and cleansing me.
I will treat it like I would the water
and bask in its horror,
metallic and harsh.
I will allow the copper flavour of blood
to rinse my mind.
Purity.
Feel the dry sandpaper skin
and the gravel in my eyes
as the rending of metal
tears my mind from itself
and I resurface,
gasping for air.