I am the last bird of the extinct species
crying out my chirps desperately for a mate
but they are hindered by these glass walls and lookalike trees
as my cries go in vain, I cry louder with immense pain
even if these walls didn’t exist
there is no one out there for me
someone who can understand my cries, see and feel my feathers
outside I felt the sun’s warmth after rainfall
here even though it’s sunny all the time I feel cold
even the cries of love are hurting me
my cries becomes quiet as these days pass
why am I born with these wings, voice?
Is it not to glide with the wind?
Is it not to sing my songs?
Set me free of this misery
I’ll die in the wild finding a non existent mate, eating what I want
is there anyone like me out there?
I don’t know if I am lost or the last
but I am the last bird of the extinct species
crying out my chirps desperately for a mate
as my cries go in vain, I cry louder with immense pain

Dangerous fleeting thoughts
That return far too regularly
Create the impenetrable bars
That keep my mind in captivity
That keep me afraid of me
That make me my own worst enemy
If I had a penny
For every
Scary thought
They'd be what buries me

©2024

i watched a movie today                                            
        and it made me think a lot about houses
what a threat they are to us                                       
                        how they tighten in on our fears
  and contain ***** hobbies
slyly       
    adjust our moods and personalities                             
                  tuning us to match their wallpaper
  their architecture  angling our minds                         
they make us fierce tail tiger chasing captives
presence extends                                                          
                      and we are for always on a leash of expenses                    
            leased out to the world   only for toil                                   

                 houses shelter us from the elements
so that we may lament                                              
                                          and carry our damage
like mourning  through generations                        
                             and fill them with rewarding
     gummy treats                                                                   

                                            what ugliness is made  
         without the weather to worry it all away
...anyway.. that's how i felt                                               
                             after i watched a movie today

From my view, while side eyeing beyond the periphery
I basically see a place that's not a place anybody would actually choose to be
But when it's the landscape of your own psyche
It's hard to see any way out of the intensity that will always accompany insanity
And no one can hear your inner voice plea for much needed mercy
Begging yourself to set yourself free
But this inescapable captivity is your eternity
But it just occurred to me,
I can't tell if this is free will or destiny...
Did I choose to fall slowly?
Maybe I decided to come undone gradually
Or did some higher power think this was best for me?
Either way's bad news for my trajectory  
Zero possibly of a redemption story
No guts
No glory
Just constantly repeating "sorry"

©2024

(song)

Dark is older than light so that might be why fright is what I'm accustomed to
Neither vast nor confined, maybe both at the same time, it leaves no clue
I don't know how to get my point across to you to help you to see what it is I go through
It's a nothing that consumes my everything, there's not a thing you can compare it to
Similes only vaguely paint the picture, but it helps to toss in a few
If there was only a wind that blew, even once, maybe it would bring a familiar view
But this void in its vastness brings nothing new, allows nothing to continue
It's the solvent to my glue, everything I've done it's managed to uproot and undo
And it's so quiet but yet this silent surrounding is deafening to an alarming degree
In it I use to find beauty, now it's my captor, one of which I'll never be set free
And it's convinced me, or maybe I've convinced myself that I am unworthy
Of anything else and its that false certainty that cleverly keeps me in captivity
I carelessly embraced this darkness that slowly replaced the old me entirely
I scream, cry then whimper softly as the misery slowly embodies me
Then lay back in submittance, in silence and plea for swift mercy
I can't stay in this purgatory so give me my life back or take it from me completely

I feel numb, I feel numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing, nothing, nothing...
I feel numb, I'm so numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing here for me

I had light once, I actually got to hold it
But it was a betrayal, only staying for a moment
In its wake the dark returned to claim what was stolen from it
The door was too heavy, I couldn't shut it
The nothing engulfed my everything, I couldn't outrun it
Panic set like quick cement, begin to sweat, my feet became heavy, I began to resent and regret
All those scary movies I watched 'cause I knew for sure that this was it
But that's just it
Nothing happened, I literally mean nothing was the constant
No up, no down, no light, no sound, I couldn't even pick up a sent
Then in an instant it hit me, before my head hit the pavement, I knew what it all meant
Light, so faint and vulnerable, so young and naive
It didn't stand a chance against the dark, give a **** what you believe
Just because you achieve a small glimpse of hope don't think you'll never grieve
When your life starts to unweave that's when the dark races in like a thief
Every religion and belief labels it differently depending on the way they perceive
They have to cause a mind can't conceive it so it almost has to make it make believe
But please believe this is real, don't mis conceive
Best heed my warning cause once you're here you can never leave

I feel numb, I feel numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing, nothing, nothing...
I feel numb, I'm so numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing here for me

©2022