have i run out of words?
because

i

cant
..seem

t o



          fi n d


                                  t
                           h
                                  
                                                    e

                      m

A girl
who I knew
was the new girl at school
And the boys
all used to
in a gaze
see her through
hollow eyes;
Salivate
as if she
were a dish
And their stares
were affixed
In their heads
just one wish

Nothing new
No surprise
In a trance
In a state
Under hypnotic spell
Never cease or abate
Lick their lips
“Just you wait”
A nightmare
but awake
Lived each day
In torture
till no more
she could take

Like a cake
you would bake
Recipe
you would make
Stalk with stealth
A cheetah
Not a sound
Lie in wait
Fat and bloated gazelles
not aware
of their fate
Mindlessly
stood about
with one thought
‘I must mate’

Every day
sit and wait
like they were
on a date
The boys on this car ride
Not two hands;
They have eight
Always grab
and they *****
Sexually
violate
Decency and respect?
Not possessing these traits

Not one way
show or say
No reflection
Today
What they want;
Get their way
And for her
there's no say
Transformation from prey
This day forward will stay
All that ****
our protagonist took
ends today

Thinking that they will keep
And forever their treat
Going on for so long
They're not even discreet
They're not able to see
that this "thing"
Is a "she"
Cost til now has been hers
it's time they pay the fee

What's in front of me now?
Can it help me somehow?
Does it benefit me?
Kneel before me and bow!
Narcissist
Not enough
to describe
how they ****
They're the ****
Parasites
Leeches
And they are stuck

If you wish
to get rid
Trap inside
Close the lid
Bring the bug to the fire
Ice cream truck to a kid
These soul-suckers will burn
Agony; writhe and squirm
Not my motive
admit
I'll enjoy
They don't learn

Going to
take a guess
that you can not digest
any type
of abuse
It must cease and desist
Gonna end it today
Now's the time
They will pay
Sudden surprise attack
It will blow them away

Arsenal
Loaded up
Today's walk
Is a strut
As she enters
The gauntlet
Starts hearing the ****
But what happened
Might stun
The explosives,
hand guns
When it came to weapons
Truth be told
She had none

Well at least
In the sense
Of conventional type
To do so
Is like them
And just would not be right

But she wasn't unarmed
Had a "weapon"
her 'Voice'
Will be silent no more
And today
Made a choice

She bravely
Was the first
Against them
To speak up
None before her had dared
Each had kept her mouth shut

It's the fear
That's the ammo
To control
their minds
Facing up
To a pack
When alone
It takes time

Once there is
The first one
Who's had it
She is done
I am not
An object
Or a trophy
That's won
I demand
My respect
Like all others
Will get
Perhaps you did not know
But your match
You just met

A new precedent set
Now the filth
Are in debt
Margin call
They can't pay
Feel the heat
Start to sweat
Because one
Becomes two
Just like that
Seams unglued
Thought they could
Get away
But it all
Will come due

Had their wagers
attached
Only to
The small fact
They got caught
Now distraught
"What are you looking at?!"
Even though
They can't see
Ignorant
And naive
How they're feeling right now
Life for her
Used to be

Now those days
Are no more
That one voice
Now a roar
Found a new confidence
She did not
Have before
The filth pile
Could not see
In no way
To believe
Not a "thing"
Or an "it"
She is a
Human being.

Its 2am
I'm lying on the bathroom floor again
Heavy breathing, I got pills in my hand
Shaking and waiting for the sandman
To take me to sleep so you can understand

This is not a claim to fame
Only an attempt for you to remember my name
When you see me in the headlines saying "He wasn't okay"
Oh you miss me now? Ain't that a shame.

I'm not coming back, there is no replay
You can't take back all the words that you say
Today you're gonna learn there's a price to pay
For every single action and every mistake

Everyone says they understand but it's not the same
I try to focus on the positives but my mind goes astray
Point all the fingers you want but you're to blame
Your actions and your words caused my body to decay

ugh i do not have the time for this
the will for this
the decency for this
not now
im too tired
of all this *******
this sadness
bleakness
the never-ending existential crisis
dont text me now
i wont answer
i dont want another spiral
into the darkness
well…
maybe i shouldnt call it
“the darkness”
thats cliche and stupid
lets call it
“the creepy basement youve always been secretly afraid of thats inside your head”
or maybe
“the space under your bed that you just cant block or cover up no matter what you do”
yeah
thats much better
way more descriptive than
“the darkness”
but i dont want any more of that tonight
so dont be mad when i dont answer

...sorry
i just
cant do it tonight

This is why I don't speak
Because every time I open my mouth
Nobody likes it

I guess I just cant express myself well
because everything I say
Gets returned with hatred

I'm tired of people telling me to speak
yet when I do
they don't like it

Maybe I just don't undertand
I'm probably the one at wrong
I just don't get it

I don't know how to form coherent thoughts
even if when people read my writings
they say otherwise

I really don't understand
why so much hatred runs through us
I didn't mean to offend you

I was just happy
because I did something good for once
but I guess its wrong to be happy for one self

This doesn't make sense
like my voice others don't understand
but its the only way to speak without opening my mouth