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Neon Beaches Aug 2018
My hands shake
My chest hurts
My heart yearns
I am alone
It’s been a while
Neon Beaches Jun 2018
Oh how I’d welcome the darkness!
Let it’s cool embrace sweep me off my feet
Take my mind, rid me of the curse of consciousness
The gift of nothing is all I want; my tired mind can take no more!

Let go!
Oh please, just stop thinking!
Let go of your mind
(Stop repeating stupid songs in your head)
Leave this plane of existence
(1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4 sheep, pink psychologist sheep says I’m slightly loopy)
I can’t make sense of the thoughts that slug around my head
(Just close your eyes)
Ascend to another world
(Ok, stop writing **** and just try to sleep)

(I have exams tomorrow)

It’s too hot
It’s too cold
My pillow is too hard
And now it’s too soft

I can’t stop moving
And now I can’t move
(I somehow cut the blood flow to my leg)

I even tried wiki how for advice on how to sleep...
Obviously being on a device doesn’t help
Neon Beaches Jun 2018
I’m a fanatic when it comes to finding ways to **** myself
A zealot of self destruction
Addicted to pain

The knife pulls me closer
It promises happiness
It shows me ecstasy within my blood

The bottle beckons
“Come in, have a drink. Forget”
It wraps me around it’s spindly fingers
Twiddles me around it’s thumb

My music
It tells me of worlds far away
Promises peace
A quick escape from anything

But now The bottle makes me remember
The music brings me closer to everything
And the knife no longer feeds me
It simply bleeds me

Because nothing compares
To my addiction
To you
Neon Beaches May 2018
I just hurt everyone
I fabricate false truths like art
I weave them together like threads in a tapestry

A kind of poisonous performance art
I steal others ideas and use them as mine

Upon an alter I sacrifice friends to the abyss
And for what?
Who knows why

Long ago has my fire burned out
Its last sparks disappearing as I write

Too young am I
To cloud over with the sorrows of my past
My possible futures I’ve given up
Just to cry

Stuck like a record player
I repeat the same mistakes
I repeat the same mistaks
I repeat the same misaks

I repeat the same mstks

I repeat the same mstk

I repeat the same mtk

I repeat the same mk

I repeat the same m

until there are no more to repeat
and those that loved me
leave me

I fall in spiral
Endlessly into an infinite hole
Unable to stop

Yet it is me
I am killing myself
I can’t live like this anymore
But I know I will
No matter what anyone says
The last sparks of hope,
That used to blaze
An inferno in my eyes and soul
Mind and body,
Have died

Neon Beaches May 2018
Like fireflies they dance on my eyes
Twisting and turning as I lose consciousness
Sparks that float upon my pupils
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