⠀⠀1
snow spills
like stars shredding onto soil.
suddenly I’m sinking,
& the world weighs like a wound
wrapped in the white, wet wool of winter;

      2
autumn appears in amber, already
pulling out my pieces—
again, it aches;

      3
death dawns in darkness
& I dance, drenched of the desire
to dream—breathing and breaking
bonded before, now they birth
a boundless burden;

     4
night
nests its nails into my neck;
& I’m bone-broken, body-bloodied,
sprawling scarlet across my skin;

     5
eclipsing with you,
I lose my light, looking for love,
& all of my colors cease to conceive;

     6
sun sits
on the saffron spine of summer
but the melancholy doesn’t melt away,
dreams do;

     7
skies spout
my sorrow in spring—
garnished with green grounds, I grieve.

In the rain out with an umbrella black,
Standing still with the weights on your shoulder.
Passes by the passengers of time,
Leaving footprints of moments enclosed in your mind.

Traveling and meeting eyes,
With strangers you may never find
Again in this lifetime...
Lost in the sands of time.

Feeling broken and the heart heavy,
Hurt in ways never imagined.
Drifting down the window pane like rain,
In solace you find your stay.

I've lost the will to penned
the undetach cord
between real and fantasy
where I laze and daze
the uncomfortable feeling
until I become the ultimate leech
who ***** people
dry.

there are days
i only feel like a burden.
someone who fills backseats
so that someone could be at the front.
and the weight of my own bones
are too heavy for a family name to carry.
heavy enough to crush a sorry girl.
my breaths are sometimes apologies
people refuse to hear.
im sorry if i am this way.
i wish i could be something more.

The heart aches

The heart sinks

Whatever you do

No matter how you try to protect yourself

The heart will always get hurt

It is a heavy burden
You can never run away from

I was a bigot,
My body wrapped in red and white,
With blue eyes on stardom.

I was a saint,
Satan's servant with a Bible,
A man of God's war crimes.

I was a fundamentalist,
Funding mental lists of hate
With money stolen from the poor.

I was a colonist,
Carving out sacred land
For the benefit of my white body.

I was a misogynist,
Marking my territory like a dog,
******* on the other’s freedom.

I was an American,
A white straight man,
A brutal prodigy of the patriarchy.

I was
As he was,
A lineage that will be broken.

I ask if I'm too much for you to handle
I'm a forest fire that you see as a candle