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April May 2018
Eyes, why are you crying?
Lungs, why can’t you breathe?
Heart, why are you racing?
Stop! Oh, stop it, please!

I know I shouldn’t panic
There’s nothing I need fear
I’m safe and I’m protected,
But Terror cannot hear!

Worried parents
Soothing words
Scared. I’m scared as hell!

Heart. Racing.
Chest. Tight.
Crying.
Can’t explain.

Can’t breathe
Can’t breathe.
Can’t breathe!

And then it’s gone
Isla May 2018
I'm shaking
why am I shaking?
breathing rapid
eyes wide
tears fuzz the edges of my vision
indifferent faces swirl
like a van gogh painting
I hug myself to keep my heart intact
I can't breathe
it's so loud
why is everyone so loud?
no one is here to save me
no one is here to protect me
help me
please help me
I'm shaking
why am I shaking?
first panic attack, always such a lovely time
Erica May 2018
im not submerged into anything
im drowning in my own breath
drowning in stress
anxiety
sadness
yet nothing at all
im numb
but im suffocating in this world
nothing is blocking my air passages, nothing is around my neck
but i feel a tightness in my throat
i shake
yet im silent
i get irritable
annoyed
and i shut down
sometimes i'll cry
others i just sit there staring at nothing
and i just... sit
Behold my face, so serene, I'm every part of the scene;
the crucified, the prosecutor as well the chorus.
When I breath my chests cage shows gaps ,the focus.
Here you are again my parade of pestilence my imbalanced state showing as ailments.
My sides tearing, stress penetrating my skin. Tragic,
Oh how the spear of reproach entangles and dives deep,
Piercing my belly and lets it noxious poison seep.

I beg 'No please do not twist', he then spoke of my dying dreams and loses to the soul.
The knots bind my thought and any move in conciseness has it toll.
The darkness strives for my sight but he knows how to not give it room.
The poisoned tip barley nearly missed my heart , I thought it the end, I relaxed too soon.
The tincture of doubt burns my open sensitive soft non-flesh.
Am I not one of the blessed, where is my place of rest?

The jury spectate from its pedestal, good for nothin but blaming.
His aim was never my life only that which makes it worth living.
His aim was the spark, my soul, the light at the end of the tunnel showing it all, so you don't stay down when you fall.

The earth knows me from My hands, feet and knees.
I rarely pray only spoke if it preceded an action, I fell a lot you see.
Now I walk with caution but my legs can barely take the weight.
My breathing and steps were heavy. you wouldn't have know my pain by my face
This has been my truth I believed it fate.
Early I realized wherever I sat was a throne.
Hubris led me to take on the woes and faults of the world as if they were my own.

The jury clamor great hollow truths, to lessen the sentences existence.
As much as they are valid and grand I see them only as excuses
"You will pain those who you love and love you"
"You will forsake the hopes and dreams in your view"
"You are good, only want the best for everyone "
Was it that ambiguity that lead to my current "wrong"
Seems if you aim to give others happiness you will never win
I know this but I still hurt: it's all starts and ends within.

Woe is me
Been on the darker end of melancholy, A discription of my anxiety/depression attacks recently
Laura May 2018
I took too many busporine,
But I'm still anxious.
I'm still ******* freaked.  
I'm still nervously shaking.
I'm still sputtering about.
I'm still worried why you haven't opened my message.

I know this whole thing is new.
I know you're probably sleeping.
I know you have a life outside of me.
I know you sometimes need a break from me.
But my anxiety doesn't.

My anxiety doesn't get that you're busy.
Anxiety doesn't get that you're sleeping.
Anxiety doesn't get that maybe you just want some space.
Anxiety doesn't get that I didn't do anything wrong,
And that your feelings for me haven't changed.

Anxiety is scared.
Anxiety is panicking.
Anxiety is popping one too many pills.
Anxiety is crying and trying not to cut again.
Anxiety is worrying that you've found someone else.
Anxiety is worried that you're out with them now and just ignoring me until you're ***** later tonight.

Jesus Christ, Anxiety.
Give me a break,
Quit giving me a battle.
Jesus ******* Christ, Anxiety.
Take a deep breath,
Try to stay rational.
Jesus ******* Christ, Anxiety.
I'm trying to salvage a relationship here,
And ruin the one I have with you.
mjad May 2018
There are more secrets that my heart holds,
than arguments I have woken up too.
More anger and resentment rising upwards,
begging my mouth to attack you,
at every waking second I am in your presence,
than times I have muttered the words: I love you

Happy Mother's Day
We don't have a good relationship unfortunately
empty seas May 2018
bile rising in my throat
i’m the ground again
away from people
but the noise won’t stop
won’t stop
god why won’t it stop
my mind is a never ending barrage
of loud, violent thoughts
overwhelming, unstoppable

i hide and hide
laying down to slow my heart
beating, racing
as if trying to escape my thoughts
is this a panic attack?
but i’m not crying
and this feeling has lasted days
so of course not, of course not

my skin doesn’t feel right
like i could peel it right off
my clothes are too tight
i can feel each atom in my body
vibrating so urgently, so violently
nothing is right

other methods fail
they always do, they always do
so i turn to my worst comfort
tearing into flesh on my arms
carefully hidden under shirtsleeves
i can finally breathe

this feeling is all consuming
no end in sight
i hide and pretend
i can’t worry anyone again
it’s been days
but i can wait
help is too much trouble
i’ve already annoyed my girlfriend enough
zb May 2018
soft sweaters and
harsh breathing
fabric pulled tight
around cold fingers,
the grooves of the stitches
an odd comfort

hair tangled with eyelashes
a dark curtain
a shield from the outside world
knotted and wavy
from days without brushing

toes, flexing
mouth, twitching
unable to stay still
unable to stop moving
for fear of losing self
in a world of bright lights
and too many warm bodies

blood, bubbling like soda
under skin
itchy
messy
get out
get quiet
get dark
please, silence,
no more

breathe in
fingers play with hair,
the texture soothing
repetitive
familiar
safe.
Özcan Sh May 2018
Every attack I get
The fire comes up in me
They want to see me on the ground
But they do not know that every attack I get
That the  fire awakens in me

I am like the phoenix bird
Through the fire
I become stronger
I'm not afraid of the fire
Because I am the fire.
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