You make me feel like
I can be honest
but if you want,
just say the word
and we'll drop it
         .
I'm sorry
that I dropped you,
it's just something
I can't not do
and it's not you;
I don't plan it,
this bad habit,
it just happens.
It just happened
to involve you.
            .
And I know I
can't console you
because each time
I call your phone,
I rub salt
deep
into
old wounds.
            .
And every night
you go to sleep,
you feel me
naked
in your sheets.
So you let songs
I'd hate
run on repeat-
like you
no longer think of me.
              .
And I would do
the same thing;
if I'd ever been
that mean to me.

I am sorry i made you watch
whilst i slowly disappeared
abusing the body
you spent 9 months carefully constructing
starving it of nutrients
becoming nothing but
hollowed out bones and translucent skin

I am sorry that i made you watch
whilst i slowly killed myself

I used to love apologies
When you’d admit your wrongness in lew of
my rightness my pride did somersaults
with my ego
I would spend hours admiring their
acrobats and my posture would reflect
their newly practiced muscles with ease
Your apologies were music to my ears
until the bow broke the string
Now the music isn’t right
The gentle hum of my ego doesn’t find
comfort in your shame anymore
I now beg you to stop the music
It has become a terrible scream
A high pitched ringing no one else can
hear but I swear it’s there and I’m not just
crazy or lacking potassium
I want to grab a needle and thread and
sew your mouth shut before you can ever
apologize again
You cannot control the weather
Don’t apologize when I say that I’m cold
You cannot control my sleeping habits
So don’t apologize when you hear how I
couldn’t sleep last night because I
was craving something but didn’t know what
it was and I couldn’t go to bed without it
Don’t apologies to me
When you say you’re sad please don’t
apologize
We are all sad sometimes
There is no shame in realizing our
happiness is only skin deep sometimes
When you say you don’t understand the
joke I just made please don’t apologize
I promise I will explain it to you differently
even if it loses its humor that way
I know you can’t control how your brain
deciphers the meaning of words
When you read my expressions wrong
please don’t apologize
It was my fault for not seeing your
hesitation and confusion and failing to
comfort your headspace with promises
that I’m not mad or upset
I promise it’s just my face and you
heard me the wrong way
That’s okay
I hear things wrong sometimes too
But please don’t apologize for being you.

          ---Autism is funny that way

I’m sorry to see you this way
We were having fun
I just wanted to play
But when all is said and done
Bouncing around acting like fools
Now they must fix your arm
With all their instruments and all their tools
Now I know that I can do real harm

I’m sorry I can’t sleep,
That I spend my nights in constant agony,
Closing my eyes and trying to stay calm
But never finding rest within my mind.
I’m sorry I always have a headache,
That I have a constant pain behind
My eyelids, a torture that plagues my temples
And unmercifully spirals around my head.
I’m sorry I have to fake my way through
Every day, smiling and laughing while
The constant fatigue drains at my soul,
Tempting me to snap at everyone.
I’m sorry I frequently wake up in tears,
Fully convinced that the terrors of the night
Are real and tangible, and even though they aren’t,
I know they’ll come back night after night.
I’m sorry I’m too scared to tell anyone
What I’m going through, too worried
That they will think I’m weak, or stupid,
Or that I’m lying to gain attention.
I’m sorry I apologize for everything,
That I am paranoid, worried sick about
All the wrong I’ve done, and all the
Wrong my mind leads me to believe I’ve done.
I’m sorry.