Downer


Grab me quickly before we fall,
I want to take you down with me.
I hate you and your version of love,
So you must share my agony.


I am on the ground because this is where you have put me;
Six feet under is where I am going soon.
You have burst open my rib-cage and driven me to insanity;
My heart is in your teeth now, you feast and I live in the gloom.


Kurt is talking, I am falling,
She is crawling and the angels are calling.
I am an eruption of feelings and a dead man walking;
You bring me down and my melancholy is my everything.


Pick me up out of the mud honey,
I am wasting away without you to care.
I am crying in my puddle of shame and you think this is funny?
I need you; I can’t live without you.  Why so much despair!?


Hang me out to dry with the corpses,
I have nothing left to fear.
I have apathy for love and apathy for horses;
I hate everything you love, including me and why are you still here?


The rain continues to pour from every cloud
And hides the sunshine from this clown.
I look up at you from this downer I am under
And you can no longer stand to pick me up when I am down.


Tears don’t heal you; they only leave you feeling blue.
We used to have everything we could ever have needed
And now we are through?
The sun has exploded in front of my eyes
And I didn’t notice because I was crying.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Don’t believe in love


Don’t believe the truth,
It is just what they tell you.
You already know your version of their truth,
So show them that the two of you are through.


I don’t believe in love anymore;
I’ll never be with someone beautiful.
I will never find a love that is pure;
So tell me, what is there left to fight for?


Forgive me my apathy and my heart of steel,
But this is all I have left to feel.
I used to have you and your love,
But that has disappeared, like the sun.


The rain ruined your hair
And I no longer cared.
You talked and talked about nothing at all
And I was gone to a place of despair.


The earthquake you caused when you ended us,
Had no effect at all, because I have had enough.
Enough of you, enough of love,
Enough of this world;
I have had enough.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

As he walks on by, leaving you to wonder.


Walking home on a Saturday night, I saw a spaceship flying so high.
I tipped my hat and turned my back and I continued to walk on by.
You see I have already seen this, inside a memory inside my mind.
I have had this thought a million times, so I just let it pass on by.


A light burns in the distance,
As a comet flies through the Heaven’s above!
I cast a glance, a peek perhaps; nothing more than a quick look.
You see I have seen it all before, a thousand times or more
And all the wonder has disappeared, along with all the fun.


Other people do not believe in me;
They say I just tell fantastic stories that I create.
They tell me that I should just write a book of fantasy,
But I have never created a page,
That could ever shine as bright,
As the idea’s that you will find along the way.


Another morning after;
I awake with another story to tell.
They tell me that they are tired of the tales that I weave
And that they are no longer under my spell.
But that has never been my objective;
I never tried to change the way that you see.
A thousand non-believers have nothing to give,
To a wondering mind that has already been.


I want to believe in my own ideals
And follow a thought until the end.
They can disbelieve and question my words,
But they can never stop me from attempting to make new friends.


Maybe I can also speak the truth too;
Maybe not all I say is a lie.
Maybe one day you will see me disappear inside a cloud,
After a thunderous flash of light.


I have travelled over the oceans and I have walked under a moon.
I never thought to take you with me,
Because I thought that you already knew,
That I am just a traveller
And I am passing through your time.
Maybe next time I am passing through here,
I will try to drop you a line.


I would have liked to have taken you with me,
But it would have taken all of your hope.
If you believe enough in me, who knows?  We will see;
Maybe I could find a way to offer you a saving rope.
A way for me to lift your heart, when you are falling down.
I want to raise all of your spirits
And show you the universe, before I leave this town.


Some people say I never existed;
Some say I must have been a ghost.
The only man I truly knew, is unknown to you,
But he is the one I admire the most.
Some people tell my story, without ever knowing of his;
But I could never write an autobiography,
Without an acknowledgement of his tragedy.
I am living in his shadow, I have his memories inside.
I see an image of the man that I could have been,
But I must leave his body now and return to my life.


I’m heading off into the blue now;
I’m leaving you all behind.
I have left you with a memory…
As I leave you all to be mankind.
I’m leaving you all to wonder,
Who was the man that was talking that night?
And as I turn the corner,
I climb into my flying saucer
And I fly up into the sky.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

A no answer machine


Our basic instincts are to find love and run through the woods.
From the tree’s we climb down to walk like a man;
No longer on all fours.
Now we do not need to give thanks, for the food we have;
We deserve to be full.
All beautiful art fades eventually,
As we all become too dull.


No more to say…
I let it all just slide away.
Nothing will be relevant on the final day.
Keeping up with the Joneses;
Mobile phones are diseases;
Conversation is dead;
Only speak if it pleases.


Couple’s councilor; I could not manage to go.
So come or go, or let me go, if you think that I would care.
Love is not amazing anymore,
I would say it is just so, so.
Why would I bother speaking to you, when you are no longer there?


Phone on silent;
She is a no answer machine.
No reply necessary;
The end of the dream.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

they kneel in the
corner of the room, unaware
maybe uncaring
most definitely unfeeling

apathy: a symptom of depression
in their case, undiagnosed suffering

over the years of fighting
a disease that wanted them dead,
they learned what the worst part was.
not the self-hatred.
not the permanent exhaustion.
not the intrusive thoughts.
not the suicidal urges,
not the emotional instability.

it was the apathy.

they had periods of time,
hours, maybe days
in which they couldn't feel anything
a horrible numbness
like saltwater crawling in their veins
like their skin was drawn too tight
like their heart had stopped beating
hours of nothing.
days of nothing.
terrifying, but not
because they couldn't feel fear.

the apathy was an infection
they could not find it in them to care
they could not find it in them to smile
to laugh
to cry
to shout
to love
they could not find it in them to live.

the apathy was the
emotional equivalent
of a sensory deprivation chamber,
the kind intended for torture;
a horrible lack of sensation
designed to bring a person
to the brink of an indifferent insanity.

years later,
and i have recovered
i have grown
but in the darkest moments,
when i feel the saltwater
lap at my ankles
when i don't feel the terror
i know i should

i wonder
if this time is the time
from which i can't
recover.
i wonder
if this time is the time
in which i will forever lose
my ability to love.

Is there a pill tougher, than that of time?
Swallow or not, it marches on
Caring not for thoughts of apathy
So don't waste a life, wondering on
Places you'd see, or people you'd rather be
People won't stand aside, and welcome you to
The dreams you lock up for none to see

For i see a blank canvas, without a story to share
Shutting out undeserving company
They don't know your dreams, you don't care for theirs
They only remind you, of you
So, to another day spent staring, at these four walls
As blank as the canvas, you call your life

Hollowed bones.


Give up on drugs and fail to love.
Live life unknown and do not trust.
Break up and cry.  Suicide.
Fall apart behind their lies.


Have apathy for you and me;
I live to die, keep your empathy.
My lack of faith is a disease;
I fail to believe in anything.


So hate them all and break apart.
Tear out each other’s broken hearts.
No light in Hell and no new start.
We suffer eternal agony, so let’s depart.


No Queen or King; no money for things.
No saints, just sin; no longer sing.
No love of hate can survive inside me,
Because I have learned to accept my every disease.


So pity me; forgive me please,
For I can no longer stand this world of sin.
I cry at you all because you’re nothing like me;
So tear away my skin, because I feel everything.


Leave my hollow bones a scattered skeleton relic;
For gone is my hope and faith.  Call a medic.
Relish the reason for life instead of reality;
For I no longer want to live the destiny of a tragedy.


(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.