I remember the closure.
I took it.
Then put my headphones in.
I heard those notes play in that specific order
& I heard the emotions reverb through the passing era.

I heard your words &
I felt the pain from a third person perspective.

I heard that versions train of thought spiraling in some moments.

I felt the ground on my feet in summer as I paced across the parking lot;
Asking if I am actually missing gaps in the timeline.

Asking if there was something wrong with me.

I saw some of the good &
Said goodbye to it all.

When I got up;

I felt a weight lifted off my shoulder.
& A haunting image of a face off of my mind.

Anxiety went away with time.

Years later;
I woke up & the rose had died.

My heart didn’t hurt;
I swear I have feelings.

You’re a moment;
I’m forever.

I hate who I was & I hate how you made me feel for it.

Punch me in the nose;
I’ll cry at the end of the era.

I’ll mourn the years.

Flooded streets;
Cement stairs.

I wrote this song about you.

It sounds like how you make me feel.

Layered voices filter the room.

You touched too many memories;
So my brain chose to have no thought at all.

I felt,
Unheard.

I felt,
Like something was wrong with me.

I felt,
Really ******* sad.

Watermelon chopsticks in summer;
Warped social perception.

Walking the streets pretending to have a purpose.

In my head;
Trying to figure out
what the **** is going on.


& Why won’t they answer my questions?
I’m frustrated.

Im confused..
Why was I always confused?


Am I loud enough?

I just wish I could see myself through your perspective;
You make me feel beautiful.

I’ll remember;
Credit card ice cream,
Summer afternoon,
Bright room.

You held the guitar
& I asked you a question.

It turned into a 10 minute song;
That made me smile the whole time.


Because you were smiling.
I love when I get to see you smile.

When I close my eyes it feels like everything is erupting inside my head & body;

But when I open them the world looks refreshed

& I feel like a viewer.

My time is valuable
                          
                         & my energy is rare

& thoughts require both,
  
    // // // // // // // // // // // //

        So I don’t really think about you.