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Ry 7d
I hope someone held your hand
& I hope the silence wasn’t too loud.

I’m so sorry that I wasn’t around.

I’ll think of when your gaze got lost;
Vision blocked with unintended thoughts.

I’ll remember the mountains.
I’ll remember your words.

I’ll wonder if that was you;
When I woke at 1:00am confused
& I had a feeling this was the end of an era.

Took months to accept the unexpected end.
Took years to stop grieving.
But even now,
I still cry when you cross my mind.

I’ve tried to say this for a while.
But an endless amount of words could never be enough to explain how I feel;
Even if I kept trying to say it again and again and again.

You made me question everything;
You made the world look magical.

I’m happy that I met you
& I’ll watch for the ravens in the street.

Flashes years later;

Midnight in winter.
Instruments sounding out my emotions.
Feeling guilty for not crying enough;
Wondering why my subconscious was hiding thoughts.




“The night is lasting forever.”
- 7/28/2014
Ry Sep 23
017
I just wish I could see myself through your perspective;
You make me feel beautiful.

I’ll remember;
Credit card ice cream,
Summer afternoon,
Bright room.

You held the guitar
& I asked you a question.

It turned into a 10 minute song;
That made me smile the whole time.


Because you were smiling.
I love when I get to see you smile.
Ry Sep 13
I thought I was depressed;
then I got high
& realized I was just bored.

I’ll look through the birthday book I thrifted.
I’ll read, ‘1930- 90 years old’.

I’ll spend an hour wondering how that day went.

Who was the person who wrote it
& how did they feel in that moment.

I’ll wonder what broke their heart
& I’ll try to imagine their life.

I want to know if they’ve ever been in love;
& if they’ve cried while alone too.

Do they also ask, ‘how did I make this far?’ At random moments in their life?

It’s back but the thoughts don’t sleep.

(Chaotic series of moments)

Closing my eyes;
I’ll be remembering holding your neck
& you would gently kiss my head.
I’ll look to your feet crossed
& think it’s cute when you do that.

I know your thoughts are racing.
So it warms my heart to know  you made the time for me.

Our time was silent
& I heard every second of it.

I never know if I’ll ever see you again;
I’ve already grieved that possibility.

::years ago::

The moments I get;
Will always be replayed in my head.

Frown to show me where you know your wrinkles will be.
Pretend you get scared on the stairs
& make me worry.

I wish I could hold you again.

It’s been years &
I think you’re right.
Ry Sep 2
I don’t care if I’m sad. “”””””””””
You need to think about yourself-

& I’ll be admiring you from a space.

Be the openly amnesty presence.
Demand gazes & dream even more.

Be the solid ground.
—-
Deleted barriers then you’ll get
Saturation days turned on 70% more often.

I’ll come back & we will listen to birds yell at each other from across the trees.

‘I’ll wonder if they’re singing is a message or if they just are feeling whimsical?’

Are the birds confused? Me too.
I’ll sing along””””””””””””””””””””””
Closing my eyes to see pink waves & float into brighter timelines.
Ry Sep 1
My friend was working nights
& I found myself staring at a wall smashing the same chord progressions in hopes my inner self could somehow express what words couldn’t.

(Incapable)

I was scared,
I was alone.

I kept saying,
“Why do I keep falling.”

& Wondered if I should stay down at that time.

I couldn’t see my self at value after the lighting.

I was hollow;
But full of anger.

////————////

They didn’t deserve the reveal of who I was

They didn’t appreciate it

They put me down;
So I did too.

C D E G xLoop
           [ ]
42/611/20/7
Ry Jun 23
When I close my eyes it feels like everything is erupting inside my head & body;

But when I open them the world looks refreshed

& I feel like a viewer.
Ry Jun 20
cfb
Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


Crash, fall, then beauty


But we never see what happens after the beauty.
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