I am not pleased, by the way the world works, with its cruelty and injustice, and also, the shape of my feet.
I am not pleased, with how my friend is so great and yet her misfortune is greater, and the broken home that shelters also her breaks her on the inside.
I am not pleased, of how my eyes water when I say silly words and yet I cannot cry out my misery.
I am not pleased, sitting still and waiting for an epiphany .
I am not pleased by the way we all deny the evil inside us,
taking comfort in the idea of the light in us being so strong that if we saw it, it would blind us.
and yet I still wait for you to realize.
I am not pleased by the punishment life gives us for no apparent reason, and the boredom inside me that makes life so dull,
almost unbearable to be in.
and yet I still dance around and enjoy silly tunes,
in hopes of it easing my prominent loneliness and misfortune.

Who are we to be brave?

Strutting against a rhyme scheme or a meter or form.
Fighting against a current that tides us all in. Endlessly.
Maybe patterns arise and patterns and patterns.
Adding and subtracting memories broken apart or together by the mind.

Maybe they don't.
Maybe we're left wondering what the **** happened to us, or thereabouts.
But whatever happened happened and that shouldn't matter.
Or maybe it should.
It doesn't matter.

Maybe it's ok to live in the future or the past or the present.
Maybe it's up to us to choose two.
Maybe it's not up to us at all.

So is life a wheel? Endlessly turning and spinning towards the next destination.
Or is it a block? Where sometimes we push and heave and can't budge it forwards.
It towers over us as we dent our hands and our shoulders and our foreheads trying to shift it, trying to ease it out of the dirt, trying and trying and trying.
All we can see is where we stand and where we've been.

Is fear ok then?
Fear is always ok.
It's the second strongest emotion.
Sometimes fear is the bravest thing we can do.

And so, standing against this block, heaving with everything I have, my feet digging down into the dirt beneath me I want to say with great fear and wavering that I love you and that I want to push forwards until it doesn't hurt to look back.

Please Don't Go

Please don't go away alone,
I want to stay by your side in this earthly place,
Holding on tight to keep you here,

Wishing God would not take you home,
I love you.

Looking into your eyes,
Seeing a beautiful Soul,
Lying next to me,

I want to fly away with you,
Guided by the Angels,
To Heaven's paradise.

Copyright © 2017 Ronald J Chapman All Rights Reserved.

I can't hold on,
I can't let go...


I keep on breathing
But each breath is suffocating.
My heart keeps pounding
But in my own blood,
I'm sinking.


I wanna hold on,
I wanna let go...


Smiling if I'm sad.
Frowning when I'm glad.
The past feels like a dream,
The future, a nightmare.


I'm not holding on,
I'm not letting go...


Here's the feeling I can't express:
There's a fret I can't suppress.
Words, thoughts
I've been screaming to you
Come back as whispers
Like I'm talking to my echo.


Tired of holding on,
Afraid of letting go...


I don't wanna die
But I keep on killing myself.
I need a reason to live.
I need the sun to wake me
From my restless sleep.


I can't hold on,
I can't let go...


Hands stuck in the solid air,
Standing on waters, crystal clear.
Hanging on to the nothingness,
Begging for help from the emptiness.


If I did hold on,
If I do let go...


If I fall deep into the sea,
I only wanted to see:
If I disappear,
Would anyone care?
Shed a single tear?
Pull me up here?


As the gravity drags me deeper...
As the light vanishes from my sight...
As the waters conceal my tears falling...


As I keep on holding on,
As I finally let go...
As I talk to my echo...
And drowning...