I notice recently that everything I am good at bored me, Everything I am not good at runs after me.

I love to be different but sometimes I wish to be normal.

Just writing normal makes me realised how being different is a chance.

Stop complaining you are living a beautiful life : stop thinking LIVE instead

The real truth is that I am scared to be alone that’s why I don’t leave you. But I am also scared to be with the wrong person and that’s why I dont want to be with you.

I crossed oceans, rode the highest mountain,  fished Piranhas, fought with a crocodile and I am not able to succeed any challenges in my love life ... really ? That’s so stupid

Love is too challenging, can I surrender ?

Everything
that makes me happy - makes you sad
Everything
I believe in - is not important for you
Everything
I want for the future - scare you
Everything
I make - never complete you
Everything
I like - is not a priority for you
__
How can you love everything I am if you don’t understand anything I think.

I am perfectly fine by myself, I rarely need someone to tell me what to do, who to be, what to want.
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When I am all alone, I need someone to tell me that I am amazing and deserve it all.
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I hate lies but in those moment I just need a lier
P
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My happiness can’t be linked with anyone, I need to become my own lier.

I don’t know what I miss,
—-
I have been taught;
By the TV that I should be a princess,
By my mum that I should look like a princess and fight like a soldier.
But I am definitely not a princess :
- I eat like a dinosaur
- I walk like an elephant
- I talk loader than anyone
- I dress like a ninja
- I sing like a drunk teenager
- I prefer my drunk walk than the cat walk
—-
It’s supposed to be like in a film this is what I miss: the unconditional love that I see on screen or maybe I just miss you...
—-
I never know what I miss

Why do we live ? Why do we die ? Scream ? Cry ?
—-
I don’t want to be a robot : metro, work, sleep.
I never had my foot on earth I want to be a bird.
—-
There is like a bitter taste, like a taste of dust in everything and the anger that follow us.
There are silence that tells everything, more than the word that we say.
And all those questions that don’t have any sense
Surely, we still dance on the song we liked but not the same way. And we still laugh like kids but not like before.

I can’t be someone propriety.
I am not a jewellery we wear on shows and put on a side when the party is over.
I am not to play or I rather win the game.

Why should I find someone ?
Why should I need someone else everything
Why don’t we share ?
Why don’t we spread love and happiness

I want to stay when I should go
I want stability, I need adventure
I need love, I want freedom
I am everything but perfect, I love who I became
I am night and day, black and white, happy and sad.
I feel drunk even sober

Here we go again I have to cut my feelings.
I decided to make sure he feels good about anything that I am a secure point that I am his safe.
At the end no one is doing the same for you. I know the lesson but I have to learn it again and again.
When I decide to share a bit more it collapse maybe I should just keep it all. Anyway no one has never understand me... expect maybe you. It’s crazy how I think of going into your arm everytime I cry.

I am here alone sitting at the restaurant
People are wondering why am i alone
If they knew...if they knew that this is my new happiness. I decided to do what I love even if not one follow even if no one understand.
While they look at me I am sending back the weird look to those couple with kids. I am pretty sure I am currently looking at them the same way they look at me. And I am wondering :
This is what people aim for ? I am sorry I am not in! I want the father of my kids to look at me as the most Beautiful woman in the world because I am the mother of his. I don’t want the guy to stay there because he has to, the guy who stay there and look at the young ******* the other table.
Where is the love ? Where is the respect ?
Having kids is not the end of a life it’s a beginning of a new one, a powerful one. Being able to raise a kid is seeing someone impress by every little things, learning every single new words, running all over the place and knowing some how what they want. Kids are magic, being two to make one is wonderful begin able to stay passionate, in love and admirative is the goal not the impossible !!

What if I never stop thinking of you ?
What if love exactly that: be haunted ?
What if I loose myself because I refuse to see you?
What if I want to see you again ? Would you be angry ? Happy ? Would you ignore me just for revenge?
What if I miss you ?
What is it’s not the truth?

Maybe I am just living in a parallel world, after all why I have the feeling I am the only one who wants this kind of life : freedom and love all at once no more no less.

I am looking at those people going back to their country after a month in BALI and feeling unhappy. You f they are so unhappy why do they go back ? Why don’t they stay?

Choice is a matter of mind set, keep the right mind set and I beileive that all yours dreams finish to come true.

You put this idea in my head that love exist, I was all good before meeting you. I did not care that love did not exist and hen you persuade me that this kind of love exist that it’s possible and that the world look better with love.

You sold me this unconditional love that sound so perfect and so beautiful. I felt like in one of those film. I felt wanted and love and useful and beautiful.

Then came back the reality i jumped out of this beautiful film and you sent me to the horror movie.

At the end I was right it’s jsut the idea of love that exist not the love itself. People sold it to manipulate other and that makes them feel better about themselves so some time and what about the other.

You know In my kind of love we don’t insult each other.

There is no Happy love story.
Come one look around you and show me one, one love story that is happy ever after.

We got sold this idea of the charming prince, the beautiful princess and this huge castle.

Seriously ? I am just ****** at love.

I would rather regret the things I have done rather than the one I have not done.

In few years the things we would remember are the crazy one we have done, the one for which we makes our heart beat and our hands sweat.

Quit your job, fall in love, take the next plane, join me, leave me, be happy, cry, make mistakes, live, laugh, travel.  

Do what you like and don’t regret anything.

being alone

Apparently you have to look where you mind is going when you wander — that’s the way you know where you heart is.

Where is yours ?

Because mine is all there !

Do we need to fall in love madly ?

I am always questioning love and the couple as it has been sold to me.
And as weird as it seems : it’s totally not one of my goals.

How can I trust the world and the idea of love if I don’t even see what’s being a couple means.
I heard it’s holding hands at the sunset, laughing until sunrise and drinking to get blind.
This who sounds beautiful for most of the people sounds painful for me.

The sun rise every morning in a different way and set every evening with different colors it looks beautiful but what if it’s jsut the look what if the red colors are the symbol of fire, of anger, of unhappy feelings ?

I saw so many of those “couples” and they always seems not to get enough.
I want magic, no lies, only laugh, no battle, no drama ... apparently it’s too much to ask.
I would like someone to hold my hands traveling the world, raising kids who can understand that seeing the positive way of life is always the best option. Is there anyone in this world who just want to go that way ?

Until then I am here, I am waiting, I know you find me.

Sometimes I feel unwanted, rejected,
Then I remind Myself that the only person who can makes me happy is ME.

I know I am not clear.
I would like you to stay when i ask you to go away
I want you to be mine especially when you are never here
I want you to leave me and pardon me
I will ask you to close the door behind you and wish you stay  
Just leave me alone when i wish you would hold me on the floor and love me.
I know I am not clear.

I am sorry I fall in love this night
I did not mean to fall this night
I know how to play, it's always the same,
But it did not play this night
Every time i close my eyes I am back to this night.

I hope you can just hold me and tell me that you feel better.
Sometimes I feel like giving up but it’s not in my genes I keep taking care.
I look into my phone and know that nothing will pop up and I know you know it hurts me but at least you feel better and you will be better without me.

"There is no destiny, nothing to save.
I don't know how to receive love
It makes me feel uncomfortable
Before I think I was for but
I emptied a gun loader into my foot"

I would like to live in a world
where i don't have to talk for hours to look cleaver
where i don't have to wear hills to look ****
where i don't have to get a good job to be considered
where i can live without being judge
where i can love without being afraid

I am still wondering why this world is so fake ?

I stop looking for what I want to do I am starting looking at what I can do with what I get

I am here wind in my hair,
Sunglasses on it’s cold but I just need affection to warm me up, to put a smile on my face.

I am here watching the kit on the beach a blanket on my legs, their is no 3G I am away from the online world.

I am hear smiling at an old guy who just get out of the water he was enjoying the waves...

As simple as it could be...I am here and it’s enough

I am at this turn in my life where choices are important. The only thing I need to remind myself is to not settle for less than I deserve.

The day I choosed to just stop looking and keep stable all of you pop up in my life, it’s just a small Hello what’s up but for me it’s destiny telling me *** are you sure ?

Feeling like hercule when he has to pass all those obstacles and finished anyway to hurt himself.

Can just someone come and tell me what’s best ? That would scare most of people that would relax me with life I would follow : just tell me what’s best I will put my mind there and don’t ask for anything else but tell me or show me something !!!!

Stop sending my past show me the future

Today I did bad, I looked at your pictures. I mean we are still friends it’s not like I made a mistake.

And I saw you there, smiling, traveling, drinking wine, you even speak English now and you are learning Spanish, I just hear you say “Te amo”, que lindo!

I felt sad for a moment and then I felt so happy :  You who never wanted to move, to try new things, to explore...seems that I was not that wrong at the end to choose the world you did too <3.

This morning your smile made me happy! Love Miss Flex

Am i better living my life without you ?

Why do you always pop up somewhere somehow in my mind in my game ?

I don’t talk to people anymore because I am afraid of you coming straight there and did not letting control anything

Why everyone loves you ? Why do I hate you so much ?

#feeling

"what you want exist, don't settle until you get it"

"Kiss slow, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Some eyes contact need no words... My soul is too deep to be explored by those who always swam in the shadow.  Believe in myself --- Be unstoppable."

I know I am not perfect
I am not sometimes I am messy or maybe all the time
I know I have issues and that I have to live with
But I also know that life is great and that I have everything I need to make it works hoping my dark side won’t wake up too soon

I never be really a huge fan of love
I prefer to be tough
Or maybe all those romantic movies does not have that much influence on me
And then you pop up into my life I was kind of looking for you but not ready for it

There is still protection and walls and million of gates to cross to my heart

But now I know I am not an helpless soul

That is not to say I will run to you that is just to say I am happy you give me this and I won’t forget it ever

Now the question is still the same should I stay or should I go most of the time I decide to go... only the future can show us the answer

Until the future come please live, laugh, love

The time might come or not we will always have somewhere in our heart, this feeling of unconditional impossible love

I just want to talk to you
As little as it might sounds
I miss our deep discussions
The one I am always looking to be right for
The one you always let me win just because you like the cheeky smile I am making when you say I am right

I just want to feel your hands on my back
Going down the lines crossing one by one my beauty spots
I want those kind of caresses that give goosebumps to my skin
Left side, right side, get down

You breath on my neck
And all the snuggles you like so much that make my hair look messy and I don’t mind because I know you would offer me to brush it in the morning

Your eyes on me...
I could continu for hours describing how I miss you !

I am listening to this song
And as soon as the first note ring
I am thinking of you
I have look for love all my life
And here we go with this impossible love that feel so right
I don’t even feel stuck
You said you would wait years for my return while I just wanted to stay
I become to believe in all those stupid things and yet I never let you bring me on a date
Oh **** I miss you and I don’t even know how to control it because I never get through this before
You have haunted me all my life

Why do I always ask myself so many questions?
Most of the time I don't even want to know the answer or even better I know there is no answer yet. So why do I keep torturing my mind with those questions?

Why not living for the moments and let things happen the way thet should happen. Let it go and just enjoy the moments.

Mind please stop questioning everything, I can't answer it all anyway. Lets make things happen and beleive its all right, alright?

"They say soulmate is a perfect eternal lover that fate brings into your life, is irreplaceable. You can find your soul in our universe even if your light years away and in another lifeform. Every soul has a soulmate that offers powerful love energy, it's an equal exchange."

Then if it's so obvious, can someone just come to me and tell me" hey it's me" no need to worry anymore, not pressure, no society feeling nothing. Just easy and eternal unconditional love.

Anyway, if it was that easy peole would have already make business out of it. But i beleive in miracles, so I will wait.

I feel like a teanager again
Full of hope,
Smile on my pocket ready to be shown as soon as needed
Going on a trip like it's my first holidays
Seeing my future ahead
Feeling like my first love
Today I feel like a teanager, first love, first holidays without parents, freedom and happiness like I just found the purpose of life.
I love this feeling so much, being happy, feeling my heart bumping and so exiting for anything coming.

I never know how to walk away because i am always afraid i won't find something that special again.

You say things and you never respect them,
You say you have money but you have to sold your computer to get out of ****,
You say you decided to be nice with people and you fight with them,
You say you don't like when people leave but you make them,
You say you don't have many friends and there is always a new one around the corner,
So don't say you love me because it does not make any difference,

I say i don't share feeling and I don't,
I say i have a BF and i do,
I say i am afraid and never sure of anything and I am,
So trust me, when i say I don't want to talk anymore, I mean it !


At least for now.

You can't stab and apologie,
You can't say bad words and take them back,
You can't make me say something and then say you are sorry to force me,
You can't make me believe you are perfect and then take it all back,
You can't say you are sorry when it's too late.
You can't, that's it.

It does not means that there is no secret place in her.
She has her counter of battles,
But you ll will always see her smile,
Wake up in the morning, ready to fight more for what's right
And give the best of herself.

The "..." in your messages make me relax,
Because i know that more you think, better you are at calming our fights.
But sometimes i need to scream, sometimes just sometimes.
But i love it so much when you calm me down, i always wait for you to do so.
I am just afraid one day you push me away and the "..." i love so much during our fight will turn from I love it to I don't want to talk to you.

This is what you told me the first night we met,
And now i am wondering, if egoist and love go together.

You say you love me,
You say you understand,
You say you will follow,
You say many things,
And i trust you !

But how can i be so sure when you escape all fights, all clarifications of situations ?

I believe i found exactly what i would like to do in life.
And all my little world is falling apart.
My mum always happy start being moody.
My boyfriend always staying starts leaving.
The gouvernement quite supportive, start withdrawing all my rights.
My emotions quite inexistant start fighting.

But if i look deep inside me, i know i am still there, i know i can trust myself, i know i will and i am making the right decisions.

So let's it be, let the world fall apart, because the one to come will never.

Tonight i want to be love like in the films, like I read on Instagram. But who could I ever ask that?
I always pushed love away and even if  I succeed to get the best lover ever I always **** their feeling and mine.
At the time that I am actually ready to share there is no more perfect lover in front of me to receive them as they should be received : with butterfly in the stomach and hapiness in the smile.

Maybe I just always ruined everything. I just don't beleive I am enough to love.