I cannot help but wish I was on the
first side, where life blooms in rippling
fantasies and all has colour.

On this side, where they said it was greener,
all is rotten and dead. I sent out my
poison and killed all of the grass, so now
there is nothing at all to shine its green
upon me.

Maybe I will catch someone's eye
The way she catches mine.

I was told that heartbreak is beautiful,
that I can use it to create something,
use my skills to create words of beauty
from the beauty of my pain. Yet I can't.
Pain before was my muse, but then you
replaced it and now you're gone. I have
no words because my words left me, you
took them. I wrote my love into an
ancient ballad of confessions, only for
you, and it turned out to be a goodbye.

I wrote my words into happiness from
my agony, in hopes of regaining
something. My agony turned to happiness,
and I was able to write the future.

I wrote my words into agonies from my
happiness, in hopes of it never happening
again. My happiness turned to agony
as I was able to write the future.

I wrote my words into alternate realities
where I had lost you, hoping to avoid
that pain. My fear turned into reality
for I was able to write the future.

So now, I am writing my words into a world
where I didn't lose you, venting my agony from
the happiness I turned into pain, in the hopes
that I can still write the future.

Dispersing into dust motes
As you catch the light
And glimmer as the stars do
Behind the clouds filled with my tears.
No sunshine on rainy days;
Without the sunshine from your gaze,
I am effortlessly lost in my efforts to be empty.
No need for sadness
When the cold freezes my heart -
My mind cold and dark
As songless larks fly nowhere.

All I need is the rush... the rush of emptiness which used to fill me up, the rush of agony which I used to ache for, which I still somehow ache for. I want to burn, to cry, to hurt; I want to feel empty. The sad thing is, I do not know how to live when happy. This happiness is suffocating, like a noose of positivity is choking me and I cannot escape. Let me plunge into the cold depths of pessimism and swim through glimmers of beauty to which I am blind. Let me be blind to this world I do not belong in. I am just afraid - afraid of losing... this. I am afraid of becoming lost to freezing cold waters as soon as I find comfort in the warmth. *I want to be empty so that the pain doesn't have to take away this incredible fullness.

Listen, because I think this is something
you need to hear. You are not a failure.
You have not failed yourself by being upset.
You have not failed the world by being yourself.
You failed to be happy, but that does not
make you a failure. You are yourself, you
look like yourself, you feel like yourself, and
there is nothing more beautiful than who
you are. Do not look to others for the
beauty you feel you do not possess, because
if you look within, you will see beauty
like you never thought could exist. If you
live life as yourself, you will become more
beautiful than you could imagine. Look
at yourself like I look at you, and you
will become more beautiful than you could
imagine. You are more beautiful than
any imagination thought you could be.
Imagine that.