I can't do brain
I can't do thoughts
I can't do friends
And I can't do smoking in parking lots

I can't do death
But I also can't do living

I can't do anything
Except for just giving
And giving

~
First God
Then Everest
To the ends of elation

Her eyes in sunflare
An imprint from her light
Heavy and pulling me
The ever after of the hereafter

In that moment I was hesitant
~

you left with no signal,
flying high, eagled eyed,
peering down at
all the towns
you passed over,
blue through burning
but never stopping, stilling
to listen but not hearing
those other throbbing tunes
playing in back of black rooms

oh, how you concealing
the ambiguous depths,
of ***** deals squealing,
the mess of contradictions
you can’t help revealing,
leaving rust, dimming dust
full in on the chokehold
of others hands upon my heart

still
your hearts are throbbing
in synchronization to
the river flowing of my
words needy & begging
for a timely releasing by,
in anticipation of ending
the sun’s confinement
on the other side of the
dark perimeter of the planet

where poets dare to tread
knowing the jeopardy to
themselves when their truths
are outed by the light shedding
come the morning’s birthing

11:44pm
2/28/25

can you guess what movie I watched last?

i thought i understood the water,
the silver whispers of stream,
dying the way sadness sighs  
like a star.

the water didn't bring me to
you or you to me.

you were not the shimmer of a
fish.

you were the light reflecting,
bold splashes of colour
on a bold canvas. you

were night when i could
hardly bear the night and you
fell through me

like twilight bringing black
marble moons and watery ghosts.

i thought i understood the water.
i thought the stars painted your
reflection on my lips,

but the silver whispers were not
sad they were happy and
i wondered how i ever
found them sad.

I heard a crackle;
A heart that was enkindled,
Entranced by laughter,
Feet on uncharted waters,
Life as I know it, altered.

I am waiting for slumber to keep
and surrender to the deep,
but only aches do conquer,
claiming victory over my saunter.

I should write
I must try
I wanna live
Not just cry

Why does it happen,

why does my heart open out --


to love, constantly?

Sadness
Grieving
Fear
Loneliness
Maybe it would be better for everyone including myself if I was dead
I try so hard
I really do
But it never seems to be enough
It never seems to get recognized
No one tells me they are glad I’m here
That they’re proud of me
I continue to struggle alone
And no one sees me
No one sees my pain
My hurt
My struggle
My stress
My cries for help
I’m really trying
But I’m just so tired of trying
I’m tired of struggling
I’m sick of this pain
Of this hurt
Of everything
Yes there’s some great things about life
But the future looks so bleak.

It’s that time once more.
Meeting between pastel colors.
I’m happy and free.
Singing our song together.
When bluebirds meet
on wings of daffodils
there is hope all over.
Birth of new beginnings.


Shell ✨🐚

my greatest love, my greatest poetry
Came from you.
Thank you.

She leans into the petals,
skin dissolving into soft color,
the green veins of leaves brushing her arms
as if they have always known her.

His voice, a thread of dusk,
winds around her wrists,
pulling without force,
settling in the quiet space
between her ribs.

Her breath, uneven,
presses against his mouth,
a drowning in tenderness,
a weight both unbearable and light.

She does not resist.
She does not speak.
She simply disappears
where the flowers open.

To be loved is to be dragged to the ends of the world.
To be hated is to be thrown hundreds of feet under the earth.
To be loved is to be forced to betray all that was important to you.
To be hated is to be held close and told lies.

We built
a tower
with hands
that did not know
how to touch.

It rose,
stone by stone.
Each word was a brick.
Each silence,
the mortar.
Promises—
now vanished in the air.

We stood
at the bottom,
blaming the height
for our aches—
but the tower
was never
what broke us.

endorphins + being in love

I never been so high

An inner light,
brighter than sunlight.
Her smile is bright,
a beacon in the night.

A treasure she is,
a diamond if you please-
strong in spirit,
even stronger in faith.

A voice like an angel,
elegance covered in grace.
She is beauty.
She is peace.

And I, her beast,
stand in awe.
My daughter is her name.

Que j'aime les héros dont je conte l'histoire !
Et qu'à m'occuper d'eux je trouve de douceur !
J'ignore s'ils pourront m'acquérir de la gloire ;
Mais je sais qu'ils font mon bonheur.
Avec les animaux je veux passer ma vie ;
Ils sont si bonne compagnie !
Je conviens cependant, et c'est avec douleur,
Que tous n'ont pas le même cœur.
Plusieurs que l'on connaît, sans qu'ici je les nomme,
De nos vices ont bonne part :
Mais je les trouve encor moins dangereux que l'homme ;
Et fripon pour fripon je préfère un renard.
C'est ainsi que pensait un sage,
Un bon fermier de mon pays.
Depuis quatre-vingts ans, de tout le voisinage
On venait écouter et suivre ses avis.
Chaque mot qu'il disait était une sentence.
Son exemple surtout aidait son éloquence ;
Et lorsqu'environné de ses quarante enfants,
Fils, petits-fils, brus, gendres, filles,
Il jugeait les procès ou réglait les familles,
Nul n'eût osé mentir devant ses cheveux blancs.
Je me souviens qu'un jour dans son champêtre asile
Il vint un savant de la ville
Qui dit au bon vieillard : mon père, enseignez-moi
Dans quel auteur, dans quel ouvrage,
Vous apprîtes l'art d'être sage.
Chez quelle nation, à la cour de quel roi,
Avez-vous été, comme Ulysse,
Prendre des leçons de justice ?
Suivez-vous de Zénon la rigoureuse loi ?
Avez-vous embrassé la secte d'Épicure,
Celle de Pythagore ou du divin Platon ?
De tous ces messieurs-là je ne sais pas le nom,
Répondit le vieillard : mon livre est la nature ;
Et mon unique précepteur,
C'est mon cœur.
Je vois les animaux, j'y trouve le modèle
Des vertus que je dois chérir :
La colombe m'apprit à devenir fidèle ;
En voyant la fourmi j'amassai pour jouir ;
Mes bœufs m'enseignent la constance,
Mes brebis la douceur, mes chiens la vigilance ;
Et si j'avais besoin d'avis
Pour aimer mes filles, mes fils,
La poule et ses poussins me serviraient d'exemple.
Ainsi dans l'univers tout ce que je contemple
M'avertit d'un devoir qu'il m'est doux de remplir.
Je fais souvent du bien pour avoir du plaisir,
J'aime et je suis aimé, mon âme est tendre et pure,
Et toujours selon ma mesure
Ma raison sait régler mes vœux :
J'observe et je suis la nature,
C'est mon secret pour être heureux.

Have you got TikTok Rot
Head in a constant spin
Telling you their brand of truth
As you nod along, with a goofy grin

Have you got TikTok Rot
Finger in a constant swipe
Can’t find your way to concentrate
While they infiltrate your mind

Have you got TikTok Rot
Eyes in a constant shift
Before you know it you’re all out of focus
With the foolishness, they put in your head

Have you got TikTok Rot
Constant in your drooling
Where all you know is what you’ve been told
No idea of what you’re doing

Have you got TikTok Rot
In a constant state of panic
On the edge of certain death
If they were to ban it

Have you got TikTok Rot
Hey Buddy, what’s that smell
It’s all the rot inside TikTok
A generation stumbling over themselves

You didn’t call it love,
but it could’ve been.
You never called it love,
but you laid the pieces down anyway,
knowing I’d try to glue them together
with whatever was left of me.

Its a secret
straight from the heart
its a secret
sent with cupids dart
Its a secret
a signal, a new start
its a secret
this sweet smile of mine
Its a secret
your prisoner for all time
Its a secret
a desire for you to be mine

i think we got it wrong
when we think of strong

for its not a mind
that thinks of me and mine

or controlled
by need or greed

its one thats gone inside
and dissolved all internal needs
and turns towards the world
with hearts and hands of kind

I tell her I'm fine
I tell him I'm great
I keep preaching love
While I reek of hate

I bought the best of materials
For this teary wet wall
The thickest facade
That I will never let fall

I decide weeks in advance
The emotions I will feel
It's hard to be sick
But it's harder to heal

I feel comfort in my decision
To lie to all around me
So I may continue to rot
So no one will stop me

I know all the steps
The steps one takes to remedy
But the plague in my blood
Has made me lose my memory

For now I'll be alive
Though I might not be living
And I'll cling onto my blight
And all that it is giving

A pulse that never reached the air,
where the ground cracks open,
but no weight falls through.

A flicker burns,
but the flame never touches the wick.

Time folds over itself
a thread pulled thin,
but not unraveled.

A voice is lost
before it’s born,
and nothing moves to fill the gap.

I think of you
because I love you
and when I am no longer
do not forget to
reMember.

Los ranchos dorados cercados de cardos;
chanchos en las calles;
una rueda de carreta
junto a un rancho, un excusado en el patio,
una muchacha llenando su tinaja,
y el Momotombo
azul, detrás de los alegres calzones colgados
amarillos, blancos, rosados.