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Could we go somewhere?
Would it be running from life?
Should that be the way?
How to define a moment,
That happened over time?
How to define the time,
That began before your mind?
How to know your own mind,
When you're stuck rethinking things through?
How to escape an endless loop,
That was never tight, but loose?

Can something grow,
If it's as big as it can be?
Can water flow,
From the lowest point in the sea?
Can fear know,
When there are no more boundaries?
Can travellers go,
Beyond what their mind's eye sees?

If love is supposed to be beautiful,
Why is love blind?
Maybe it's selfless, giving something it can never have itself.
If hate is supposed to blacken your heart,
Why is anger red?
Maybe anger drains your heart of blood, and hate is what remains.
If life is supposed to be bountiful,
Why does it always end?
Maybe it's to teach us to make the most of our time.
If death is supposed to be final,
Why do we mourn?
Maybe it gives our mind time to detach itself from the lost.

Questions are what make us human,
Or is it the journey to answer them?
Or the answers themselves?
Or maybe it doesn't matter, as long as we have another question to ask.

How long is a moment?
How slowly can we live it?
And how full of questions can it be?
Run, flee, from the horrors inside,
The secrets, the words, so desperate to hide,
The fear is held, it never fades,
It's growing and boiling, and churning away,
That face, those teeth, rotting to dust,
The eyes, crawling, swimming with lust,
But pain and torture are too much to stay,
So lose yourself, Dorian, before it's too late.
The fire is growing, there's smoke in the air,
The blood is flowing, filling your stare,
Come on, let's go, before it's too late,
Don't leave me here, we both can escape,
That look, I see, your foolish demise,
You'd burn to the ground, the ultimate prize?
You've waited too long! This will not end well!
Come on then, Dorian! I'll meet you in hell!
Grey,
A mix of black and white,
When light and dark combine but neither wins.

Grey,
An uncertain compromise,
Not best for either side but close enough.

Grey,
Never beautiful,
Duller than all others.

Grey,
A gloomy sky,
Bringing loving water, yet hated.

Grey,
Dead,
Bringing only misery, always.

Grey,
The colour of my heart,
Until I met you.
I am guilty, I know, of a thousand sins
And many more besides
And I've punished myself every day
In vain hope I'd make it right
But wrongs are not erased by
Self-hatred, tears or tears in skin
But by accepting they were wrong
And letting forgiveness in
In place of bitter resentment of self
A new urge to give love instead
Because while regret makes sense
It doesn't repay the debt
This path we take, we follow,
Our feet between the potholes,
Half-filled with water,
Half-filled with mud.

The loose stones bite my soles,
And shift my weight away,
Half-over my ankle,
Half caught in time.

We're laughing, talking of things,
That shouldn't make us smile,
Half-crude, too much detail,
Half-rude, but meant in jest.

Sometimes, we break away,
From the pointless, from the fun,
Half-serious serious topics,
Half-broken broken hearts.
Sometimes I wonder
If I have stolen life from the world,
If my existence has a purpose
Or if it simply grinds against
The ever-turning gears of time,
Resisting the absolute certainty -
The inescapable reality that all
Must end,
Everything will fall apart,
And all I'm doing,
Is watching half a gasp
Of life's refusal to die.
A glistening stream of shining specks scatters down the sky,
A streak of hazy beauty, a backdrop for the stars,
And stars upon stars never seen, revealed in the clarity of distance,
Of isolation, freedom from the burden of structure,
Here, drifting between worlds, the heavens are open,
Their glory sprinkled onto the perfect canvas,
And in the trail of a burning rock falling to Earth,
The pure enormity of reality is revealed,
For behind each star lies another, further from reach,
Further from comprehension,
And behind that, the invisibility of a star so untouchable,
Not even a fragment of its existence has graced this majestic image.
Five hundred days, I've written,
About whatever came to mind,
Or eye, or hand,
And some days I struggled,
To find new words, new truths,
New sights, new sounds,
New concepts or new ideas.

And sometimes I put it off,
(Like these words I write right now)
And said "I can do it tomorrow."
But I never want to give in,
For I refuse to admit I have run out of inspiration.

I never will.

Everyday I see new things,
From different angles,
Through different filters.

I will not run out of words,
For at least another half-millennium,
And by then, why stop there?
The doors to each side,
A killer in each room,
Not a knife-wielding ******,
But a face I try to forget,
A voice I'll never forget,
The feeling of sick, sick regret,
This hallway never ends,
Behind every door,
There he is,
There he stands,
Smiling,
Waiting,
Knowing,
He knew me too well,
I'm running,
But now the doors,
Are frames for his perfect picture,
His design,
And I'm posing,
He moves my limbs,
Manipulates me,
Into his shape,
And now I'm falling,
And he's stood over me,
Smiling,
Impatient,
Sick,
sick,
sick,
no,
no,
no more.
NO!
NO MORE!
LET ME OUT!
I'm banging on the window,
But his face is my reflection,
Oh God!
NO MORE!
PLEASE!
I can't forget,
I tried to forget,
But it's just this sick, sick regret.
The broken days I left behind
Are paving my steps
And gently crunch beneath my new boots
Becoming as brief as the wind on my face
And as colder days come near
They will be hidden by mud and snow
And washed away with floods
But it won't stop them sticking in my mind
Or slowing my walk to a halt.
In my eye, the untainted beauty reflects upon -
- crack, crack, crack
A snapping through my skull,
Metal assaults metal
And clashes with any thoughts,
Cut off before they reach -
- crack, crack
It resonates in brutal disharmony,
Tension pulls on tensed
Muscles already on edge,
Eyes blink and unfocus,
Losing clarity with -
- crack...crack crack
I can't keep my -
- crack
Stop! All beauty gone from this -
- *crack, crack
For so long,
I believed,
That to find joy,
Needed a change in me.

For so long,
I maintained,
That happiness could not,
Give me more than pain.

For so long,
I decided,
That to keep smiling my heart,
Has to be divided.

For so long,
I condemned,
Myself to despairing,
Until the end.

But after so long,
I've realised,
I can be happy as I am.
Feet running faster than they can
Keep up with my master plan
And spread your wings. Take
To the skies, don't let them fake
Your death, for goodness' sake
Keep moving, no need to wait
For them to catch up, we'll make
Them work to catch their man
Though we always know they can
Steal control from our hands
That shake
Before the earthquake
We can anticipate
Death.
On a scale beyond all
That came before the fall
Before we heard the call
To arms! All great and small!
That started the wrecking ball
Of war.
But instead we escape, above
The clouds we hide in love
The plain white peace dove
That always will and always does
Its duty.
And from our vantage point we see clear
That every single one of the people here
Is filled with a simple and stupid fear
Of believing too much in what they hear
Is right.
So run, fly, escape from this place,
In the vain hope that one day I'll see your face
Again. And maybe then we'll find the space
To be who we are. So make haste,
My child, don't hesitate,
You are in control of your fate.
A girl sits on the worn out
Stone of an old staircase
Deeper in the middle from
Shoes gone by
She leans on the wall
By her side
With a smile on her face
And her eyes barely open
Air drifts in to her
Like she is a part of it
And with it she flows
Up from the cold stone
Out of the shadows
Across the town
The only one she knows
To find the eyes
That she spotted last night
Filled with ripples
And colour and light
And from the hazy shapes
She strained to see
She builds a person
Thin arms, thin waist
Hair half over one shoulder
And a smile,
Then a laugh which
Tickles her own lips
And makes her open her eyes

She stands and shakes her head
She must forget
Until she sees her again
My head!
Calm down my blood!
Stop screaming, I know,
Leave me be, please,
Just go.

My eye won't stop pounding,
Oh God! Why won't you stop?
What do you want?
Will painkillers help? Another?
Why not?

Ah! No! God...I give up.
The dark is crushing,
My heart is breaking until,
I hear her again.
Waiting, always, as I always have,
Once the suggestion floats across my mind,
Now it takes shape,
Becomes a hunger, a purpose,
To keep my heart busy,
So I replace my loneliness,
With the chance of its end,
A hollow promise to myself
That only she can fulfill,
But she will, I tell myself,
As I sit here and wait,
Wait for that clock to climb the second half of its face,
And to fall again into evening,
And into talking for hours
Along pointless tangents but still
With purpose: Another step, another moment.
Another smile, another laugh across her lips.
A too perfect green paints the field
In block pastels and petals
Like God is some child
Making a piece of scrap paper
Into a display piece to be stuck
On the front of some heavenly fridge
Press,
Hammer,
String,
Vibrate,
Hear,
Press again,
Wait for mistake,
Prepare for complaints,
Apologise,
Apply mute,
Press softer,
Hammer,
String,
Vibrations muffled,
No resonance,
No sustain,
The keys just as solid,
Still heavy,
Less inviting,
Forced away,
Stand,
Close lid,
Turn,
Leave.
Her
Her
She stirs
To remind the world to breathe
The sun dances from her eyelashes
The sky sings in her gaze
Every flower blooms at her sigh
Every wave caresses her hand
For that moment the whole Earth wakes with their most perfect creation.
Blood rushing quickly, tickling the walls of my heart
A breath, a whisper, a shudder through my nerves,
A feeling, like a breeze through my chest.
Certainty, terrifying certainty
Here. Here is my home.
A place I've barely known for more than a snapshot of time.
Yet this place fell upon me like a roof above my head
And sheltered me like a blessing,
Here. Here I must stay
It's strange,
How even when you know,
What you need to say,
And that saying it,
Will change your life,
Still you can't quite do it,
For so long,
Until you're so sure,
It will be okay,
Even though you knew it would be fine,
The whole time.
He stands,
Eyes closed,
Dreaming,
No,
Fighting with his mind,
In utter peace,
Breathing slowly,
Calm,
Within him,
Nothing but growing warmth,
Pulsing through him,
With every mellow beat,
Of his yearning heart,
Slowly calling,
In a glimpsed moment,
Of panicked caring,
Soon dying down,
Into pure bliss,
As her smile,
Soothes,
Gently,
Embracing his soul,
As he steps forward,
In endless trance,
In hopeful steps,
That hardly dent,
The expansive miles,
That separate their hands,
That keep them,
Longing,
For their eyes to meet,
And share in,
Perfect joy.

Though his eyes are closed,
He finds love that keeps him,
Though unable to compare,
With the day when,
He can let his eyelids rise,
And still see her there.
I have been writing a poem every day for 2 months now :)
Unrelenting joy radiates,
That smile never leaves,
He takes no notice of pain,
Just laughing again,
No fear of future,
In present, bright,
Any past mistakes
Disintegrate at will,
And in this cynical world,
He seems...naïve,
But our dismissal,
Makes no dent in his
Elated existence.
Close the windows,
Turn on the lights,
Hands on your head,
Bow to the night.

You know you can't hide,
Though you're shut away,
The dark won't be held,
By bricks and glass gates.

So give it up dear,
Let me in and drown,
Breathe in the black air,
Let the your lids down.
Run away,
Little fly,
Your wings can't help you now.

Run away,
Little spider,
Eight legs won't let you out.

Run away,
Little bird,
Your feathers aren't that strong.

Run away,
Little cat,
Your legs are not that long.

Run away,
Little beast,
You're not smart enough.

Run away,
Little girl,
His hands are far too rough.

Run away,
Little man,
You think you'll get away?

Run away,
Little king,
Your crown won't keep you safe.

Run away,
Little town,
I'll burn your hopes for free.

Run away,
Little monster,
Your teeth and fire don't scare me.

Run away,
Little god,
Your "wars" are little brawls.

Run away,
My children,
I pull the strings of you all.
Sitting silently,
He sits and stares at his phone,
Shifting slightly,
He doesn't look up from his phone,
Coughing quietly,
He ignores me and looks at his phone,
A little louder,
He stays there slowly reading his phone,
Groaning with the pain,
He still remains there silently checking his phone,
Starting to bleed,
He raises an eyebrow at the screen of his phone that he studies so intently.
Feeling faint,
He sighs and looks at the clock before looking back down at the obviously intriguing phone in his hand.
Skin pale, vision blurred,
He chuckles to himself and takes a sip from the half-empty cup of tea at his side and scrolls with a single finger on the screen of his phone.
My voice is weak as I call out,
"Dad..."
For the last time the blade glides over my wrist.
He stares at his phone.
His breathing is slow,
His slumber deep,
A bottle in his hand betrays,
His never-ending wasteful ways.
Hit
Hit
A bullet hits my brain,
Fired from within,
And screams from the knife in my hand.

A blade hits my wrist,
And blood is set free,
At last released in pain and tears.

A breath hits my lungs,
And no more.
I'm staying up too late again
Listening to songs that make me cry
And I'm wasting away hours
That I could use for...something at least
So little purpose these days
So little meaning
I know the dream is coming
Just, it's too far for now
My life is a phone off the hook
Stock music crackling to no-one
Waiting for someone to pick me up
And lead me on.
Look me in the eyes,
And see the real me,
See me beneath what you're told to see,
Look don't just see what you believe,
In these holes in my defense,
I will let you find my soul,
Open with naked honesty if only,
You would choose to see it.
Close my eyes and that sea breeze
Becomes the gentle wash of air
Filtering through leaves
And I am sat in the shade
Of the tree I remember sheltering me
But I know that trunk no longer stands
Its branches are bent and dead
And half its leaves are down the river
But it does not matter
Now, I am there, and it stands
I'm not afraid to admit the truth,
Though am scared of what you'll say.

I won't avoid being honest.
Just because people have told me I should lie.

I refuse to live in secret, no matter the cost,
My soul is open to both change and attack.

I will not hate you for hating me,
But I live in hope that you might one day understand.
Ignorance will never die
Stupidity will never die
Prejudice will never die
Violence will never die
Sadness will never die
Fear will never die
Anger will never die
War will never die

But neither will hope
Maybe that hope will be in vain,
But it will keep understanding alive,
It will keep the intelligent solving problems,
It will keep the downtrodden fighting for justice,
It will give the unsafe peace,
It will dry tears and bring light,
It will comfort those in danger,
It will calm deadly rage,
And it will give the wounded sanctuary.

*It doesn't matter if this hope is false,
If it can do so much good.
If you believe, you can do anything
But not that
And not that

If you work for it, you can get anywhere
But not there
And not there

If you try hard, you can fix anything
But not that
And not that

If you love enough, you can be happy
But not now
And not now

If you commit, you can be anything
But not that
And not that

If you're ready, you can face the world
But not yet
And not yet

If you give enough, you can get anything
But not that
And not that

If you stand up, you will be counted
But not you
And not you

If you dream, you can do anything
But how could you ever hope to do that?
Am I falling or flying?
The rushing by my ears,
Holds no answers,
Beneath the screaming,
No whisper,
No code,
Just broken cries,
Or cheers?
Maybe I'm scared,
Or surprised,
By myself,
Or something,
More fundamental.
But in my uncertainty,
I catch a glimmer,
And feel the breeze catch,
My battle-worn wings.
Can I ever hope,
To keep my heart aloft?
Or are the holes in my defence,
Enough to render,
Me dead in the air?
A scratching in the back of my throat
Closing off all attempts at apt tone
Burning behind my voice
Flames itching my tongue
And screaming at it to stop
So I close my mouth
To quench the blades
Poetry
Music
Sleep
Not really a poem and not really worth posting. This is more if a reminder to me than anything else
We used to call having a job
'Making a living' but we can't
When living costs more than
£7.50 an hour.

The way working works
Isn't working when
Employment is no rescue
From poverty.

You can't budget
When you can't budge
The ever looming baggage
of debt.
We used to call having a job
'Making a living' but we can't
When living costs more than
£7.50 an hour.

The way working works
Isn't working when
Employment is no rescue
From poverty.

You can't budget
When you can't budge
The ever looming baggage
of debt.
I heard that tone twice,
Once to tell me of failed love,
Then that ours was too.
Goodbye
Slow progress,
No revolution,
But steady success,
Eventually,
Got us to where we are,
Things getting better,
Easier,
Fairer,
Acceptance gaining,
Ignorance failing.

But.

In one signature,
A thousand steps taken,
The wrong way,
Back to before,
When no one,
Understood,
And blindly,
Blamed,
Accused,
Hated,
Divided.

But.

The world screams,
It cries out:
*"They are human too!"
WE ARE HUMAN TOO
Step back,
Into the shadows,
And hide,
Or pay.

Kneel down,
Under the radar,
And hide,
Or pay.

Mouth shut,
Keep your secrets,
And hide,
Or pay.

Be anything you want,
Just don't be different.
I am second place,
I am the runner-up,
I am the one who comes so close,
Just to mess it up.

I am the failed designer,
Who left out the crucial part,
And without a thought condemned to death,
A thousand heavy hearts.

I am a second too late,
I am the narrow miss,
I am the one who lost the girl,
Just before the kiss.

I am the last survivor,
The final one to die,
Who saw his friends bleed and pass,
Before his very eyes.

I am the chosen one,
Who failed to meet their fate,
I am the glaring disappointment,
Overwhelmed with hate.

I am inside everyone,
I live within the soul,
But lucky for you, instead of me,
You will meet your goal.
I am complete,
For once,
For the first time,
The person I see,
And the person other people see,
Are the same,
At least for a while,
And I'm so happy.
Sometimes I feel useless,
Because I do too much.

I try to be part of everything,
But I end up falling behind,
The specialists.

They devote all their attention,
On one thing.

But I devote my attention,
A million ways and end up,
Burnt out with nothing to show for it.
Those eyes look back at me,
Softer than I remember,
Brighter than I thought.

That slight smile I've wanted for so long,
Smiles back at me,
Lips shining where the light catches them.

My skin looks just smooth enough,
My jaw not so harsh,
My cheeks pale.

My head tilted at just the right angle,
My hand in just the right place,
And for that moment I can truly believe:
I am pretty.
Ice
Ice
Slowly,
Once shining spears of nature's glass,
Cry themselves away.
The shards that decorated the freezing arms of aging oaks,
Lose their will to live.
Hopelessly,
Striving for stillness, seeking life,
But doomed to become,
Tears of trees that fall in slow motion in winter's chill,
When the sun's warmth fails.
Finally,
Their journey ends with a triumph,
Not their own but still,
Celebrated by chaos, as order collapses,
With each falling drip.
Drip.
...
Drip.
...
Drip.
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