So then why is it that crying is seen as weak when
every time I cry,
I wipe the tears away
and say
I’ll be ok
even though my tears represent
each time my mind was corrupted with hate for myself,
each time my heart was torn apart by the people I loved,
each time my soul was plagued by the mistakes I made
every time I cry,
I wipe the tears away
I won’t give up
I’ll be ok

I’d willingly die,
for the person that keeps me alive
Even though I know
They would never do the same.

Isn’t it ironic how,

The thing that I love the most,
Is the only thing that can break me

How the thing that I work towards,
Is the only thing that can fail me

And how I’d willingly die,
For the thing that keeps me alive

This is war and we must fight,
Tonight may be our last together,
We don’t know what tomorrow holds,
But I know that I’ll love you forever.

Take me into your loving arms,
Engulf me in your warm embrace,
Hold me close and kiss me goodbye,
Know that I’d follow you till the end of time and space.

I am a fortress
I am strong and capable and determined
I will defend the ones I love until my very last breath

I am a fortress
I stand tall and proud and confident
I will protect and preserve until my very last breath

I am a fortress,
So then why can I block the positivity
but let the negativity flood in?

I am a fortress,
So then why can I brush off the compliments
but be struck by criticism?

I am a fortress,
So then why can I shield myself from happiness
but be exposed to pain and sorrow?

I am a fortress
I will always protect you
But can I ever save me from myself?

my mind never stops,
a whirlwind of emotions rage inside me
wave after wave
the slam into me without notice
I’m speechless

my mind never stills,
unwanted thoughts consume me
sparks ignite new ideas
overthinking everything
I’m on overdrive

my mind never quietens,
songs blast constantly
reverberating, resounding within me
countless stories and jokes and memories
I’m tired

my mind won’t relax
and I’m trying
but I’m tired

My mind is on overdrive,
Currently working overtime,
I'm overthinking and its slowly killing me.

I am made of nervous energy;
I cannot stop,
I am not quiet,
I will never be still.

I nearly froze
As I walked down the aisle,
I realised with shock
It was the first time I saw him smile.

I saw his smirk everyday
I’d seen him laugh and cry,
But he had never looked so happy
Smiling in his black suit and tie.

My father guided me forward
I was dressed in white lace,
My own smile was hidden
By the veil that covered my face.

I stood before him now
Slowly he took my hand,
And placed a soft kiss on my forehead
Still smiling; things were going as planned.

He became more tense
As the ceremony went on,
He worried that he’d blink
And in a second I’d be gone.

But I was his, forever
I vowed ‘I do’
He smiled again, softly
And whispered ‘I love you’

I saw him smile a third time
As we were pronounced husband and wife,
He kissed me; gentle and passionate all at once,
And I knew this was the best day of my life.

Apparently it was true love
How foolish he had been,
To trust her completely
And not realise she was only keen,

To use him completely,
Until his smile was no longer seen
Leaving him hollow and bitter,
Oh how foolish he had been.

I’m sorry it ended like this,
There was no other way.
You told me how I couldn’t leave you,
But you never gave me a reason to stay.

Through all of this, I am my own person
Full of quirks and imperfections,
I am not perfect, nobody is,
But my heart is still beating, beating loud and proud
And as long as it does, I will keep smiling because I am,
I am me.

~ a poem : part 8/8

I am stubborn
I will fall countless times but I will rise again,
This time only to stand taller than before.
My pride will carry me forward; my determination will not be lost.
Life may have won the battle, but I will win the war.

~ a poem : part 7

I am broken
Underneath this mask of bravery
A whirlwind of emotions rage inside me, threatening to overwhelm me
Rendering me helpless - the damsel in distress as fate would have it.
Tired of saying “I’m fine” over and over again; I’m ready to give up and tell life it’s won again.
Life has won the battle again.

~ a poem : part 6

His eyes weren't grey,
They were a faint azure blue
That faded into mercury.
Pools of molten silver,
Glistening like diamonds
Capturing me in his trance.
A glint of steel; a hint of teal
His eyes weren't stormy,
They were bright and rich,
Shining in the night.
Light dancing like waves
In their inky depths.
I'm drowning.

His eyes weren't grey,
and I'm drowning.

His eyes are beautiful,
and I'm drowning.

I'm drowning.

Most said she had brown eyes,
Others said her eyes were hazel,
Some even said her eyes were bronze,
But they were all so wrong.

Her eyes weren’t just brown,
They were a brilliant mix of chestnut and chocolate,
The perfect blend of mystery and magnificence,
They were the windows to her soul.

Her eyes weren’t just hazel,
They were the colour of the very earth,
Like copper against honey,
With flecks of molten gold that glowed amber with pleasure.

Her eyes weren’t just bronze,
They sparkled like a ray of light shining through a raindrop,
A soulful medley of cinnamon and caramel,
Overflowing with fire and joy.

Oh her eyes,
They were alluring and enchanting
They hid treasures I wished to seek,
And I drowned in them every day.

I am strong
My heart and head in perfect harmony,
Rising to challenges,
Fighting for the truth, doing what is right
With my voice proud and my head held high.

~ a poem : part 5

The brown eyes met the blue
Sparks of hatred flew,
They were 'enemies', this was nothing new
But, could there be more between the two?

I am young
So young, that the world doesn’t see me as a real person yet, even though I am part of the next generation
But not old enough, nowhere near as old enough to have explored the depths of reality and religion or to have understood the world and it’s ways
So many more years lie before me, waiting for their turn:
To prove to those who doubted, to thank those who helped, to care for those who were kind.

~ a poem : part 4

I am free
Free to think and dream of endless possibilities,
Free to laugh like it’s the first and dance like it’s the last
Free to define my life with my own hands, to see the world with new eyes - my eyes.

~ a poem : part 3

Music helps me forget,
Writing helps me remember,
I am nothing and everything at the same time
I am indestructible.

Music is my escape;
I am only truly free when I compose
The only time I ignore the world around me
The only time my feelings cannot be controlled.
It is the only time they pour out of my heart and straight into my fingers as they glide and crash against the beautiful keys of my piano.
It is the only time I  exaggerate my wins and fully revel in my joy.
Music is my escape and without it, I am nothing.

Writing is my cage;
I am only truly aware when I write poems
The only time I delve deeper into the world around me
The only time my feelings cannot be repressed.
It is the only time they pour out of my heart and straight into my fingers as they rush across paper, my pen scratching furiously.
It is the only time I drown in my sorrow and fully relish my pain,
Writing is my cage and with it, I am everything.

I am nothing and everything at the same time
I am indestructible.

I am the same
The same as any other sixteen year old girl,
Subject to questioning glances and stereotypes,
Being controlled by expectations and society,
Taking and shaping my life, as if I were a mere puppet in the hands of a master
My actions are no longer my own; I conform to the status quo.

~ a poem : part 2

I stepped outside
Into the bitter cold,
Tiny droplets of rain whispering across my skin

I looked up
Into the abyss above,
Inky clouds gathered in a tight knot

I smirked slightly
Into the frozen night,
Shouting "Is that the best you can do?"

The universe was scorned
Hell hath no fury akin to it,
Unleashed upon me was the wrath of the cosmos

The droplets turned into hail
Ice and rain dancing ferociously,
Seeping into me and freezing my soul

The thunder rumbled,
Running riot across the sky,
Lightning cracking and cackling

I gasped, sinking
into the wet grass
Knees covered in mud, cheeks covered in tears

I pleaded, praying
into the howling wind,
"I'm so sorry, please, stop I am sorry"

I collapsed, falling
into a puddle of water and silt,
Trembling with fear and awe

The universe was content
Hell had done its job,
Unleashed its demons, scaring me into oblivion

The rain ceased
The lightning disappeared,
The night was now still and calm

I opened my eyes,
A network of stars draped across the ebony night
Twinkling and shining, smiling down at me, victorious

I smirked slightly
Into the frozen night,
Shouting "Now this is the best you can do"

I am different
With the wind in my hair like I just don’t care,
With my own opinions, thoughts and tastes,
The world revolving, evolving around me;
Chaos filling the space words were entitled to.

~ a poem: part 1

What will happen if I stop trying,
When I give up and start crying
Will there be someone who feels the same way,
Who will understand things I can’t say?

What will happen if I stop caring,
When I lose all hope and stop daring
Will someone help me pull myself together,
And tell me I can’t be like this forever?

What will happen if I stop feeling,
When emotions float through the ceiling
Will there be someone with a gentle touch,
Who reminds me that without love, I am not much?

What will happen if I stop breathing,
When life itself acquires its meaning
Will there be someone who remembers me,
Who feels my presence in places others can’t see?

What will happen when I stop being so pessimistic,
When I lock up all this negativity and become realistic
When I appreciate the beauty around me everyday,
And realise life shouldn’t be lived any other way.

What will happen when I start smiling,
When I understand that every cloud has a silver lining
When I don’t need someone to tell me who I am,
When I can be independent and not be defined by a man.

This will happen when I start living,
When I stop blaming myself and start forgiving
When I will finally be able to see
What happens when I am different, when I am me.

I wrote you a love song
My feelings were so strong,
I realised I was wrong
You didn’t love me all along.

I hate you.
I hate the way you played me,
I hate the way you betrayed me,
I hate the way you left me stranded.
But most of all,
I hate the way I don't hate you at all.
I hate the way I still love you.

The night was ebony
Clouds huddled close together,
The moon disappeared
This might would be remembered forever.

The against the
darkened sky,
Appeared a sight
that made her sigh

A shooting star
Flew through the dark
The jet of light
Flooding the park

She closed her eyes
And opened her heart,
To make a wish
For a fresh start

The night was ebony
The dark now fading away,
The sun started to rise
She smiled; it was a new day.

I'm not leaving because I don’t love you,
I’m leaving because I need to love me too.

Show me who you are
Beneath the layers of lies,
Show me how you see
The world through your eyes.

Show me how you smile
When you’re hiding something,
Show me how you laugh,
Show me how you sing.

Show me how you feel
All the emotions around you,
Show me that you care
About yourself too.

Show me how you cry
So I can wipe your tears,
Show me your anger,
Show me your fears.

Show me who you are
Underneath that mask,
Show me the pain,
I know it’s a hard task.

Show me who you are
Let me see the real you,
Show me who you are
Let me love you too.