Reality paints itself
with the color palette
of our souls.

I had hoped these thoughts
would've been sleep by now.

It made me open my eyes to how they could've lasted that long.
The emotion I felt from reading my granfather's letters...
It was if he had been waiting his entire life to write them to my grandmother.
As though from birth he had held this inextinguishable love for her.
Almost as if he had been put on this earth with no other purpose but, to love her.
Without a doubt it was obviously clear,
There love would continue for many more years.

At the edge of lost
stumbling through life
without meaning,
barely grasping purpose,
shimmering beings of light
find me
pulling me up
from the deepest depths
of my darkness.
They wonder why
they keep finding me
lurking down there
in the shadows.
I tell them
it happens whenever
they let go of my hands,
thoughts never hesitate
to grab them,
dragging me back down to that place.
Sometimes I can resist
but when their numbers multiply,
I'm helpless.
To that they replied-
thoughts manifest and multiply
from an over active mind.
Calm your mind
still your spirit
and you should be able
to overcome them.

the sky was crying
I could already tell she was lying
... why is this happening to me

earlier experiences omen the bad to come
but lately the bad's been so seldom
... I didn't want it to be

when it happen, I wasn't mad at you then
in all honesty, I wanted to be your friend
... pass anger your eyes couldn't see

in that moment, out of desperation
you made things worse by fogging the situation
... now no one will believe your plea

in the future, own up to what you've done
don't be dishonest and try to run
... the truth will set you free

I am thankful for the struggle.

Only in death,
in the turbulence of losing everything that I am,
do I feel alive.

Existing in moments such as these,
where the continuum of ones own way of life
isn't guaranteed,
it allows me to have an overwhelming appreciation
for what I have here,
in this moment.

Moonlit late night
clear mind and insights,
realizations had.

As I ponder on my love for her
lost in the wonder of being her lover
I understand what she means to me
I realize what I want to be

Not an "object" of her affection
No, not an uncontrollable obsession
but a nice cool refreshment
for her being.

Ideally she'll come, dip into me
I'll engage and wash away
all her misfortunes and worries.

Not being stagnant like a pond,
but more like a river that continues to flow on
washing over her
with new experiences.  

A catalyst for her greatest
keeping her vibration high
and her spirit weightless.

Evolving and growing,
not controlling,
but easygoing.

Ultimately I want to be
myself and uphold honesty.
Continue to adore her geometry,
and impress her with my poetry.

It seems minuscule
but when your always alone
it's everything.

Falling leaf in the wind
dances gracefully
in a ballerina spin.

The cold autumn winds
give color
to the grey clouds.

Winter is just around the corner.

clouded by the darkness of experience
in between the cracks of sanity and despair
tiny shimmers glistening with the divine light of truth appear
resonating and reverberating everything in your wake.

let it take you home.

the closer you are
the harder it will be to see
everything that i am.
I will only appear to you
blurred and distorted.
if you really want to see me,
know me for all that i am,
get back, back away.
moving in closer is not the right way.
you see
your focus can't stay fixed
for life is a blur
and you'll constantly have to change your perspective
to truly see it
to  truly see me
and everything that we are.

the more expressed
the more i lose
trying to connect
but don't know what to do

emotional landscape
feelings rampage and wander
reality drips away

moments pieced together with
fatigued numbness,
trying to get back to
supreme oneness

consciousness fluctuating
highs and lows
mind debates between
yes and no's

Sorrow broke in
plunged me into insanity
have to escape this nightmare
back to reality

Enlightenment?
In light he meant,
for he is no longer
surrounded
by shadows.

Shadows...
a little sad though,
the rest
are still lost
in darkness.

in a flash everything changes
it happens so fast, it's a little outrageous
life, slow and steady
becomes life, fast and ready
what you have, is there, then gone
lost in a fritz, wondering why, what went wrong
you wish you could rewind, go back and change the past
cause right now your in a bind, you were kicked out on your ***
that shelter of anger and confusion won't keep you warm and safe
you have to find a new home, stick it out, and just be brave
adversity constantly presenting itself to you
forced to answer the question of - Now what will you do?
through it all just try to remember
things might get worse, but they're bound to get better
life seems like hell right now, but it won't last forever
keep moving forward no matter what

Words flow for hours into the late night
I grow a little tired but it's all right,
for I'm not ready to depart.

As our words dance around one another
as we exchange ideas between each other,
I begin to see your heart.

You and I are not that different
even though there is some distance,
we are not that far apart.

My thoughts are very fond of yours
talking to you is not a chore,
I enjoyed you from the start.

You might wonder if I'm blind
but I assure you, I see just fine,
you're a beautiful piece of art.

<3

Always leaving,
constantly running way.

Dont become too attached.
I will only lead you astray.

Will the time ever come,
where I can just stay?

With you always and forever,
I cannot wait for that day.

Staggering around*
-Tis' the middle of the night-
Ouch! That was my foot.

Darkness loves me too much
Always has me in a tight hold
It loosens it grip every now and then
But never really lets me go

Because it consumes all color
It's able to create any illusion
Sometimes I believe it's not there
But really, who am I foolin'

Darkness always surrounds me
Always lingers over my shoulder
Simulating fake happiness and warmth
Only making me colder

For now I endure the shadows
Try to put up a good fight
Still stumbling through darkness lost,
A blind man searching for light

In the darkness thinking
remembering your light
always brought me peace

calmed the storm within
but, some thoughts
are just too dark

for even your light
to reach.

Walking through this life of darkness
the only visible lights were
the stars that burn billions of miles away,
their clarity dependent upon
the number of thoughts clouding my skies.
Occasionally the moon would hint at a light just around the corner.
So, in that direction I walked,
in that direction I struggled,
never a %100 sure of it being the right way.
But right now the skies are becoming brighter with each step.
It seems dawn will soon be upon me.

This mundane way life grows so tiresome
Not just for me, but for everyone
The constant repetition of everything
Wake up, go to work, come home
Eat, sleep, do it again the next day
It's so bland, so constricting
Where's the exitement?
I mean there's a whole world out there
A bunch of new experiences to be had
Unknown mysteries to explore
Yet here I am continuing this repetition
Maintaining the system that enslaves me

Yea, **** this
I'm not some **** robot
I'm a human, with a soul
Which yearns to explore the other facets of life

My existence is so much more than just a job

happened among the chaos of living.

Unconsciously willingly stabbed,
slowly unknowingly bled to death.

Spirit doesn't die though
it suffers,
suffers to live again.

You said you’d always be my friend
but didn’t stick with me til the end.
You told me I completed you
that you’d love me forever,
yet here I am, by myself, alone
you and I no longer together.
Don’t cry, your not life’s only lie.
Society filled my head with so many misconceptions
pulling me back and forth in all these different directions.
Get a job, make lots of money, you’ll be real happy.
Yet here I am, busting my ***, feeling **** ******.
Go get educated at some fancy institution
then your life will be better, that’s the real solution.
Doesn’t sound half bad, I’ll take you up on that bet.
4 years pass, still busting my ***, forty grand in debt…
In a life full of lies
death seems to be the only thing certain.
I know it would never hide the truth from me
behind some ******* curtain.
When it comes, I won’t be seeking solace.
I’ll be smiling, saying “Thank you for keeping your promise.”

Sometimes I wish to be
like the dandelion.

Disperse into hundreds of seeds
and let the wind take me away.

If someone stabs you,
bleed.

Tired, but
instead of sleeping
I wake up.

I know not what to,
only that I want to.

In those places
I find myself
living.

To me it's -
Your in pain, I'm in pain.
You cry, I cry.
You **** yourself because the pain is too much to bare.
I suffer wondering what I could've done because I care.
I pull my hair out thinking of what I could've done to save you,
but in the end eventually end up taking mine too

An empty hello
is worse than
an empty presence.

An empty presence leaves me wondering,
an empty hello
is a direction reflection
of how much you don't care.

Hunger sets in.
A PBJ sandwhich would be nice.
Though looking into the jelly jar,
it's almost empty.
I wonder if I'll have enough.

A friend is in pain.
Empathic nature sets in -
I'd like to help her.
Looking within for that uplifting wisdom,
it's seems I've run dry
for its felt seldom.
I give the little advice I have.
I wonder if I gave enough.

I've fallen in love.
The goal is to be alive with her.
If everything works out
I'd like to start a life with her.
Though looking at all her memories,
mine seem almost empty.
I wonder if I'll have enough.
*I wonder if I'll be enough.

You let me live
when i should've died.
That wasn't as kind as you probably thought it was.

Imaginary blood
still drips from
this imaginary knife wound to the gut.
It's staining my psyche
with the uneasy remembrance
of you
letting me live
on a whim.  

Those eyes,
that mouth that spat those twisted lies
and dubbed them truth
just to make me feel better,
made me feel the complete opposite.
The acknowledgment
of being alive
not because your succeeding in life
but
because your doing so poor
that others can do nothing but pity you
is one of the worst feelings in the world.
How dare you give me such charity.

Next time
go through with it.
Don't stop midway in transit,
inches away from impact.
Even though the knife didn't touch
it's sharp presence still cut me.

Ash lit eyes
Lost in cloud filled skies
Searching for an answer

Grieving in the chemicals
Looking for a miracle
Maybe a happily ever after

Smokey grey emotions
Insides still unwoven
To myself I cant be the actor

Head rushes past self
Slowly past everything else
Wish I was fading a little faster

never be too quick to love
it'll make you feel really dumb.
one of the hardest drugs to recuperate from,
likely to leave you numb.
lost and confused
your heart will completely feel
broken and bruised.

I tell myself I'm not afraid of dying.
But in truth,
the closer I get to perishing,
the more fearful I become of death.
I'll do almost anything to resist it.
In doing so, living life
becomes unbearable.
Never still, cuz death
is right around the corner.

The goddess spoke.
Her mouth opening like
clouds letting sun through.
Her words, shimmering
blessed him
with warmth again.

A flower
blooms
only after experiencing
all nature has to offer.

the sun, the rain.
the love, the pain.

Through sorrow and despair
our stems must stay deeply rooted
in love, faith, and hope.

Storms will come and go.
Hardships
will push you
to think and grow.

Even though
petals fall
the flexible stem still stands
through the unknowing winds of change.

Lay me down in a pile of snow
Freeze my heart until I eventually let go
Freeze me numb until I'm no longer hung
up on the empty promises that she sung

Leave my body frozen and empty
Let winter's kiss be the only warmth within me
Her chilled breath so cold and stills
my heart numb, emotions no longer spill

Don't falsely warm and fill my being
Don't give out words you have no intention of keeping
You love old habits more than you love me
therefore
**Freeze me til I feel no more

Time stands still during the most insufferable moments...

Hell last an eternity,
while heaven falls short of a second.

Wanting nothing more than
to change the polarity.
Turn this agony
into eternal heavenly.

Not enough pain was felt
to cry
so I just sat here alone
with glass eyes
thinking, trying to figure out why
the worlds too cold
for angels to fly

I've been blessed
by a goddess
in disguise.
Her everyday dress
tries to suppress
but doesn't fool me.
I understand
who she is
fully.

Kindness incarnated.
Through her
in a sense
I feel liberated.
Judgement is non-existent,
for her love
only knows
acceptance.
Redemption is her touch.
That feeling...
Her love...
I just can't get enough. (pun intended ;)

But,
her transience...
I'm left in pain
from her absence.
Regardless,
my faith
still remains.

Has she pulled
the wool
over my eyes?
Maybe so
I admit it
I'm hypnotized.  
Mesmerized even.
Right now
her love
is the only thing
I believe in.

You can't stay the same.
Try, and nothing will remain.
Constantly evolve,
let your negative aspects dissolve.

Start walking then run.
Become smarter, have fun.
Strive to be
the person you want to see.

I'm in pain because I possess too much.
Others cause pain because they don't possess enough.

Wanting her
more than air.
Seeing her picture,
you pause and stare...

Time stands still.

In that moment
you become filled
with heartache and sorrow
because many tomorrows
lie between now and then,
until you get to see her again.

Eternity exist
in every second
your away from her bliss.

My love engulfs
everything it touches.
You could potentially become ash.

Like the sun, I stay
millions of miles away
so you won't be incinerated.

Her hands, long and elegant
have a knack for crafting
geometrical elements.

Her touch
melts me into
a puddle of euphoria.
Never before
have I felt
more vulnerable.

Her eyes
when filled with wonder,
fill me with love
at the way she ponders.

When my spirit is lost
in agony and chaos
she finds me.
Her words lift me past
my dark clouds of thought,
and allow me to see
the starry light of hope.

A realization forms.
Without her
I would be no more.

finding shards of your love
in the isolation
of our separation

let's disappear for a while,
let go of everything we know and have.
let's be
carefree
in the oneness of the universe
letting go of fear
holding on to love
each other
and peace.

Craving the flower hippy days
where everyone was chill and lay,
soaking up the sun rays.

REALIZATION
real lie nation.
let truth be the goal and destination
of heart, soul
craving information
to create an elevation
in mind.

Silence =
the sequel
to life.

Peace.

Sadness collapses the faculties that hold together reality

Disconnected
the observer lost in painful recollection,
experiences life with no feeling of the present

A silent numbness takes over the senses,
a muted movie plays.
The zombie walks forward
hoping for better days

beyond my flesh, part of me is a machine
made up of many biomechanical parts,
i operate and go about tasks
with my advanced psychological circuitry,
i gather, process, store, and retrieve large volumes of data
without a doubt,
i am a Cyborg

honestly though, it scares me a little
in a sense, i am very similar to a robot  
these machines can be programmed and controlled
so can I ...

being one of the last things on your list;
just before sleep,
right after everything else,
sometimes
not even on it.