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Sep 2016 · 895
Regrets
MonkeyZazu Sep 2016
to what end will i repeat
past mistakes that make me weep
past regrets that take my best
to lay down and put to rest

to what degree will i pursue
that reassurance overdue
the reassurance that will never come
from you
or anyone

to what extent will i keep thinking
that we could've done it and you weren't faking
that you really wanted
it and me
to live forever after
happily
advice: keep the past where it should be left - behind you.
Jul 2016 · 821
Fading
MonkeyZazu Jul 2016
Ash lit eyes
Lost in cloud filled skies
Searching for an answer

Grieving in the chemicals
Looking for a miracle
Maybe a happily ever after

Smokey grey emotions
Insides still unwoven
To myself I cant be the actor

Head rushes past self
Slowly past everything else
Wish I was fading a little faster
Feb 2016 · 2.4k
Little Brother
MonkeyZazu Feb 2016
my wisdom is wasted on you.
i share and share
and still you know not what to do.
when life's too much, you gaze and grieve
but be assured
leaves won't always be there to ease.
do not mistake yourself big
for you are truly little -
a weak resolve and your heart is so brittle.
you need to grow up and actually live
you need not only take, but actually give
stop trying not to be hurt and not hurt others
there's a balance in everything
and you need to find it, brother.
--
Higher self speaking down to the lower aspects of my being.
--
Feb 2016 · 484
Struggle to live
MonkeyZazu Feb 2016
Sometimes I feel like a waste of space.
Always falling behind, stuck in a constant haste.
I try to keep myself together, try to keep a steady pace
but I think it's obvious from the sadness emanating from my face...
I'm broken.
Internal wounds too deeply woven.
These emotions of mine
they become far too lonely.
So kindly I stick around
and give them some company.
My efforts are true
but seemingly meaningless.
Don't know what to do
but still try nonetheless.
Repeatedly I try to alleviate their pain.
Unfortunately it remains there, a psychological stain.
Their recovery would need much time
of which I cannot give.
So slowly my psyche unwinds
as I struggle to live.
Feb 2016 · 388
Irrelevance
MonkeyZazu Feb 2016
being one of the last things on your list;
just before sleep,
right after everything else,
sometimes
not even on it.
Jan 2016 · 556
Spilling insides
MonkeyZazu Jan 2016
l was on the floor sulking
or on the road walking.
No matter where I was
thoughts kept me company,
always wondering.

Enter - tragedy

What just happened...
Will I be ok?
I always find a way.
Sad and hurt, but does it matter
if nothing changes afterwards?

Rebirth yet?
No.
Still waiting to live, still too afraid to die.
It's painful, even if positive.

Cant focus on breath when suffocating.

What life are you leading
and why are you constantly bleeding?

Transcendental beauty in all moments.
Transitory bliss... Here again.

Sleep.
Jan 2016 · 629
Don't hold it in.
Jan 2016 · 374
lion
MonkeyZazu Jan 2016
Just because I'm not roaring
doesn't mean my lion isn't there.
It's resting, waiting
saving it's energy and fury
for something worth it.
Jan 2016 · 655
Untitled
MonkeyZazu Jan 2016
Find me where eyes can't take you.
In blind darkness
feel out my heart and soul.
MonkeyZazu Jan 2016
Lay me down in a pile of snow
Freeze my heart until I eventually let go
Freeze me numb until I'm no longer hung
up on the empty promises that she sung

Leave my body frozen and empty
Let winter's kiss be the only warmth within me
Her chilled breath so cold and stills
my heart numb, emotions no longer spill

Don't falsely warm and fill my being
Don't give out words you have no intention of keeping
You love old habits more than you love me
therefore
**Freeze me til I feel no more
Dec 2015 · 334
Attention [10w]
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
It seems minuscule
but when your always alone
it's everything.
Dec 2015 · 349
Losing mind
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
Sleep does little to help.
Threads come loose
slowly but surely
forming a noose.
Choking on faculties
that make me reconsider
cold hard realities.
Reassurance was never my friend
it would just silently laugh
as I fell to my end,
still falling...
Dec 2015 · 15.1k
Leaves leave
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
Naked branches
now scratch
cold wind

Leaves fell
and with them
his coping
mechanism

Within
with him
thoughts stay
no longer swaying
away
Dec 2015 · 371
Enough
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
Hunger sets in.
A PBJ sandwhich would be nice.
Though looking into the jelly jar,
it's almost empty.
I wonder if I'll have enough.

A friend is in pain.
Empathic nature sets in -
I'd like to help her.
Looking within for that uplifting wisdom,
it's seems I've run dry
for its felt seldom.
I give the little advice I have.
I wonder if I gave enough.

I've fallen in love.
The goal is to be alive with her.
If everything works out
I'd like to start a life with her.
Though looking at all her memories,
mine seem almost empty.
I wonder if I'll have enough.
*I wonder if I'll be enough.
Dec 2015 · 3.3k
Material Things
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
I've never had the luxury of material things,
but I'm starting to think that it was a blessing.
I find it easy to give up any material thing,
and do not find it the least bit depressing.
More than I, if someone needs this material thing,
come to me and I will give it to you.
For I hold no attachment to material things,
because I've only had but a few.
Dec 2015 · 354
Like the sun
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
something to look forward to
during the cold dark nights
of being

making each transition
from light to dark
and dark to light
something equally, beautifully
admirable

striving to be
a beacon of
light, love, and warmth

sending all
in all directions
nonjudgmentally
Dec 2015 · 715
Natural High
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
A let go and release,
a subtle masterpiece.

The moment's true treasure
nothing comes close when measured.
There, everything's beautiful
even the painful and the sorrowful.
The realized sensation of life happening
lost in the nature of true being,
every cell in the body tingles
all sensations perceived twinkle.
Spoken of as the 'here and now'.
I can almost only express it as 'Oh my, wow'.

Alive and realized,
euphoria crystallized.
That is *the natural high
.
Dec 2015 · 326
Silence
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
the silence is like a double edged sword.
in its presence, with discipline
many thoughts and feelings can be slain.
but don't naively believe
that what's trying to be killed
can't and won't
fight back
Dec 2015 · 283
Hidden Treasure
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
finding shards of your love
in the isolation
of our separation
Dec 2015 · 287
Broke-in
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
the more expressed
the more i lose
trying to connect
but don't know what to do

emotional landscape
feelings rampage and wander
reality drips away

moments pieced together with
fatigued numbness,
trying to get back to
supreme oneness

consciousness fluctuating
highs and lows
mind debates between
yes and no's

Sorrow broke in
plunged me into insanity
have to escape this nightmare
back to reality
Dec 2015 · 380
Poem's birth
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
A poem isn't effort.

Emotions aren't squeezed out,
but bleed out
into their own being.

The poet
a mere catalyst
for their expression,
letting go of continuous
repression.

Bleeding constructively.
Dec 2015 · 272
Frozen hell
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
Time stands still during the most insufferable moments...

Hell last an eternity,
while heaven falls short of a second.

Wanting nothing more than
to change the polarity.
Turn this agony
into eternal heavenly.
Dec 2015 · 225
Untitled
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
a tired mind
needs no sheets
it blankets itself
with drowsiness
Dec 2015 · 511
Old Friend
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
she said
he taught me to write in different dimensions
free myself into expression

in the writing it was clear
her words painted not pictures
but emotions.

her brush
rhythmical experience
her canvas
their soul
Dec 2015 · 319
some poets
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
a heart bleeding into rhyme
i'm not alone, these emotions are not just mine

some poets
express not for attention
but in hopes that someone will listen
relate and understand
maybe, possibly hold their hand
let them know that there's more to existence
than what they're feeling in this current instance
someone who realizes that these are not mere words
but an aching soul, crying out to be heard
Dec 2015 · 377
Sad
MonkeyZazu Dec 2015
Sad
if you can't let go
tears will start to flow
no worries though
just let em go
they'll help clear your soul
of what you don't want to be feelin' no mo'
no need for a show
but sometimes it can't be helped, ya know
hurt, sad, feelin' low
sorry I can't be more happy and glow
guess I'll just tip toe
wait for someone to bring back the radio
Twenty One Pilots - Car Radio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92XVwY54h5k
Nov 2015 · 948
Feeling sun again
MonkeyZazu Nov 2015
The goddess spoke.
Her mouth opening like
clouds letting sun through.
Her words, shimmering
blessed him
with warmth again.
TMN <3
Nov 2015 · 285
Empty Hello
MonkeyZazu Nov 2015
An empty hello
is worse than
an empty presence.

An empty presence leaves me wondering,
an empty hello
is a direction reflection
of how much you don't care.
Nov 2015 · 723
Strange
MonkeyZazu Nov 2015
You left
to find yourself
of which you found

I'm thankful
your world's
a little less upside down

Got yourself together
your life
you rearranged

But now im not in it
and am left feeling
strange
Oct 2015 · 409
Waiting
MonkeyZazu Oct 2015
hours pass
don't know how much longer
my heart can last
it's bleeding leaks into being
sadness felt, uncertainty's within me
this is important, don't let me rot away
this is important, don't let me become
the afterthought I believe myself to be
Oct 2015 · 386
The Best Relationship
MonkeyZazu Oct 2015
is one where
the bond you hold with them is so strong,
the connection between you two is so great,
that the words "I love you"
never have to be ushered;
their evident
in every interacting
moment,
even the silence.

But when conveyed directly,
heaven sings
for it is a treat beyond
any earthly
delight.

Your souls
resonate, always gravitate
towards each other.
Even after rebirth
you always come back together.

Never lost, always found
in each others presence.

Supreme oneness.  

Even when apart great distance
there is no separation
in space,
or being.
Oct 2015 · 318
Unspoken
MonkeyZazu Oct 2015
Words repressed.
Thoughts somewhat cause
unwanted distress;
puts you right on the edge of
ok and depressed.
Chill presence, words of comfort from the rest
try, but do little to restore you to your best.
It's a mess.
Really gotta get rid of some of this stress.
Continuing on, hoping to pass always late test
of things that honestly hold little to no interest.

Sigh.

Poems attest
to thoughts repressed
of words that can't always be
expressed,
that linger
*unspoken.
Oct 2015 · 494
Flower
MonkeyZazu Oct 2015
A flower
blooms
only after experiencing
all nature has to offer.

the sun, the rain.
the love, the pain.


Through sorrow and despair
our stems must stay deeply rooted
in love, faith, and hope.

Storms will come and go.
Hardships
will push you
to think and grow.

Even though
petals fall
the flexible stem still stands
through the unknowing winds of change.
Oct 2015 · 446
Remember
MonkeyZazu Oct 2015
The soul
finds itself
in the passing moments
of life.

Resonance rekindles
the crippled wings
of spirit.

The remembrance
of true essence
jolts us back
into being.
Sep 2015 · 3.9k
Hippie Poem
MonkeyZazu Sep 2015
let's disappear for a while,
let go of everything we know and have.
let's be
carefree
in the oneness of the universe
letting go of fear
holding on to love
each other
and peace.

Craving the flower hippy days
where everyone was chill and lay,
soaking up the sun rays.

REALIZATION
real lie nation.
let truth be the goal and destination
of heart, soul
craving information
to create an elevation
in mind.

Silence =
the sequel
to life.

Peace.
Sep 2015 · 304
Walk
MonkeyZazu Sep 2015
Away from agony, closer to love.
In the middle of mental torment
detach yourself from thought.
With each step, let go a little more
until you find yourself
inches, feet, miles
away from yourself.
Sep 2015 · 409
Live
MonkeyZazu Sep 2015
You might find yourself asking life why
With little to no response, you'll want to cry
At wits end with almost nothing left to give
Please remember, life wants you to live
To flourish and thrive
doesn't need, but wants you to survive
Wants you to walk not crawl
Maintain a balance, not have it all
Live for yourself or another
Feel the love of our earthly mother
So if you've fallen, rise
Please don't let the temporary be your demise
Life is sure to bless you with a new surprise
All you need to do is continue to try
Sep 2015 · 2.1k
Overcome
MonkeyZazu Sep 2015
Regardless the pain
the day to day suffering
try to maintain
a sane mind.

Depressing thoughts will come
naturally like the weather
creating dark, shadowy clouds within mind.
Your life might become frozen,
put in standstill bind
but stay calm, try to unwind
be aware of the coming sunshine.

Overcoming adversity
refines the spirit, creating true beauty
in how you now have the ability
to help others with their insecurities.
You can be their purity,
the living example of what could be.
Sep 2015 · 4.2k
sunrise
MonkeyZazu Sep 2015
dawning radiance
showers anew
day within
my soul

soft warm glow
gently brings
my sleeping dreams
to rest

mind
blissfully tranquil
adores this placid
moment
Sep 2015 · 1.0k
Aspiration
MonkeyZazu Sep 2015
Moonlit late night
clear mind and insights,
realizations had.

As I ponder on my love for her
lost in the wonder of being her lover
I understand what she means to me
I realize what I want to be

Not an "object" of her affection
No, not an uncontrollable obsession
but a nice cool refreshment
for her being.

Ideally she'll come, dip into me
I'll engage and wash away
all her misfortunes and worries.

Not being stagnant like a pond,
but more like a river that continues to flow on
washing over her
with new experiences.  

A catalyst for her greatest
keeping her vibration high
and her spirit weightless.

Evolving and growing,
not controlling,
but easygoing.

Ultimately I want to be
myself and uphold honesty.
Continue to adore her geometry,
and impress her with my poetry.
TMN <3
Sep 2015 · 504
Meditation
MonkeyZazu Sep 2015
The love of the universe is all around.
Only in stillness of mind can it be found.
Quite yourself and just listen to its sound.
Peace and bliss is what will be found.
Aug 2015 · 466
Disperse
MonkeyZazu Aug 2015
Sometimes I wish to be
like the dandelion.

Disperse into hundreds of seeds
and let the wind take me away.
Aug 2015 · 960
Meditative Reflection
MonkeyZazu Aug 2015
in stillness
I saw the movement of heart and mind.
it was then i realized it was time
to let go and unwind.
now, i feel fine

more than fine
it really is sublime
this feeling...
it's a state of healing,
a pealing away of being
seeing more than I am

was engulfed
by thoughts, lost in the chaos
the shadows moving
i wonder if it's proving
that there's more than just light
maybe let's not fight
the dark

in that shadowy realm of thought
a silent angel sat down and taught
me the tribulations of what was sought.

it was natural to feel that way
never will i forget that day
i found myself, within myself
and then
there was really nothing left to say,
only to forgive.
in that moment, it was time to live
Jul 2015 · 2.2k
Glass Eyes
MonkeyZazu Jul 2015
Not enough pain was felt
to cry
so I just sat here alone
with glass eyes
thinking, trying to figure out why
the worlds too cold
for angels to fly
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
https://youtu.be/UAWcs5H-qgQ
Jul 2015 · 489
Her
MonkeyZazu Jul 2015
Her
Her hands, long and elegant
have a knack for crafting
geometrical elements.

Her touch
melts me into
a puddle of euphoria.
Never before
have I felt
more vulnerable.

Her eyes
when filled with wonder,
fill me with love
at the way she ponders.

When my spirit is lost
in agony and chaos
she finds me.
Her words lift me past
my dark clouds of thought,
and allow me to see
the starry light of hope.

A realization forms.
Without her
I would be no more.
TMN <3
Jul 2015 · 282
Untitled
MonkeyZazu Jul 2015
grey
the perfect way
to describe
today

it wasn't ok...

memories
please, fade away
let no remnants
remain
Jul 2015 · 1.9k
Lust
MonkeyZazu Jul 2015
Each remembrance
of her kiss
leaves me in
an agonizing bliss.

Her passion and love, I admire.
It fuels and ignites
these chemical fires.

Libido
coursing through my veins,
engulfing me
in lust filled flames.

My love for her
itches at my flesh.
I can only suppress
these feelings
for moments
at best.

I'm forced to endure
for this is the consequence
of loving her.
TMN <3
-
Jul 2015 · 361
2 a.m. (10w)
MonkeyZazu Jul 2015
I had hoped these thoughts
would've been sleep by now.
Jul 2015 · 331
Not a poet.
MonkeyZazu Jul 2015
I wouldn't call myself a poet.
I'd say that my being
is constantly bleeding
varied thoughts and convoluted feelings.
And the only cloth I have to clean myself up with
is rhythmic metaphor.
Jul 2015 · 402
Tasteless
MonkeyZazu Jul 2015
The sake has lost its taste.
It's been had so often
the taste has become so common
that the experience has been rendered
tasteless.

Life
in constant repetition
losing site of true ambitions,
its flavor
can barely
be savored.
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