It's been a while
since I felt this good but how
long will it last for?

4:22 PM
25/8/20

If you ask me how
I can say I love you,
I'll tell you you’re the breath
I need to say it
over and
over again.

I miss the way your
eyes somehow smiled more than
your mouth ever did

3:07 PM
28/6/21

Take care of yourself-
no matter how little my words
mean to you now or
how second of a thought
I am to you now,
if a thought at all.
I meant every word
that I said.

I know that sometimes
I can be difficult,
even a bit frustrating,
but just know that
I still love you
and always will.

People are like candy-
consumed and
discarded
like an empty wrapper.

Your love is
like a sunflower
the way it blooms upon me
like a field throughout spring.

There is no such thing
as a perfect person-
only those with less
flaws than others.

Whatever happened to
baby Cas or our dreams of
leaving this all behind?
I still think about him
from time to time
just as I think about us
from time to time.
Is he all grown up now?
Have you outgrown me?

You planted
a sunflower
and it bloomed your future.

It is too easy
to hurt me because I am
human after all

7:33 PM
10/3/20

If your pillow had a voice,
what stories could it tell?
Would it tell the tale
of love and loneliness,
of laughter and lust,
of heartbreak and happiness,
or sadness and solitude?

You are still present
in every soul I witness,
every smile that shines
and every heart that loves.

Rain of shine,
the solitude stays the same.
Wherever I go and
whoever I'm with.

Grief is a black cloud lurking above,
it shadows all who we dearly love.
One day it rains and drowns the soul
and we lose that love and pay the toll.

Rain turns to storm and life withers away
draining all the colour leaving nothing but grey.
Oh, how we wish we could turn back time-
to undo this remorse and break the paradigm.

Our tears fall like rain as we look back
at all the memories now faded to black.
But you will live on forever in my mind
as I have no choice but to leave you behind.

In this storm I am trying to find a way
out of this night and back into day
where I can find sun and solace in life again
and look back and smile from a place of zen.

I have done it once and I'll do it again,
to be my strongest every now and then.
Grief is a journey so very long and slow
but even in storms, new seeds can grow.

Another endless winter
without you-
just the memories that
kept us warm
so very long
ago.

She knows how
to sit me down and
shut me up.
She puts me in my place
like no other can and
I adore it.

Stay in my life
with purpose or
leave and take your
dubiety with you.
Life is too short for games,
and half-assed attempts and platitudes.
I want meaning, I want passion,
I want the one.

I do not
love you because
you are flawless,
I love you regardless
of your flaws.

The time spent with you
went by like a dream.
I dream about those dreams-
moments in time where
I have never felt more awake.

Whether I am sad or lonely,
or as happy as can be,
I still think of you.
Even though I am surrounded by joy,
it will never feel complete-
no, not without you.

You have to always
stay committed to yourself
even though they don't

7:23 AM
5/2/25

Dear diary;
my back aches
from carrying all of
these memories-
my soul aches from
bearing all these regrets
from a distant life
I'd rather forget.

I find myself peeking through
a window I had closed long ago.
All that remains is shadow and silence
of a life long left behind.
That place builds up dust now,
an empty room that I
once called home.

I hate the way
your face reminds me
of a simpler time-
a collection of distant yet
unforgotten memories.
To this day I am left asking myself:
how could such a sublime smile
evoke such pain?
How can such innocent eyes
conjure such betrayal?
Whenever I see your face,
I can't help but wonder
what could have been.

Dear diary;
I still catch myself
from time to time
staring up at the moon and wishing
we could still admire its
beauty and splendor
together.

Are you really healed
or are you just not trying
to think about it?

7:14 AM
18/8/21

We are
just a memory
and memories
fade fast.

Love does not simply
vanish just because someone
decides to leave us

9:13 PM
3/10/21

You are a sunflower  
sprouting from this heart.
I am filled with your joy and
your warmth never leaves me.
The sun shines down on us
and you and I bloom
for eternity.

You are the water that
grows the seeds in my heart
and the sun that gives
life to the love that sprouts.

My heart ran away
with all the love I could give-
it's out there, somewhere

7:27 PM
4/5/21

I'm still waiting
for the return of spring-
where life and love bloom
and the flower
that is you.

I thought I
was tired but
it turns out I just
wanted to dream
about you
again.

Sometimes,
between this distance,
darkness and silence,
your voice will break through
and sing away the sorrows and shadows-
a reminder that we are never
truly alone.

It's only natural
to miss the one who healed your
heart, your mind and soul

11:46 PM
15/5/22

It feels like an
eternity and a blink
since the last time
I saw you and I
have been prisoner
to this paradox
ever since.

It is time to accept
that you are not coming back.
It is for the best-
I would not accept you.
What betrays me once
will surely betray me twice
and as many times
as it needs to.

Where is my peace
after burning your name
and all the memories it held?
Where is my peace
after drowning the love
that still remained?
After all that's said and done,
where is my peace of mind?
Where is my peace?

There are some nights where
the words flow like wine at a
new year's eve party

2:34 AM
14/9/21

Being happy and
being distracted from sadness
are not the same thing.

The stars that
fill my skies are
all from your
universe.

Maybe there
was no struggle.
Maybe it was me,
myself and my thoughts
all along.

We will meet again-
and our time together won't
be so short next time

10:30 AM
25/8/24

These are
troubled time.
Society is sick in a
world growing uglier,
as is the number of those
who wish to extinguish
the flames of hope
and freedom.

This poem
is a love letter
that's been sealed with hope
and sent with the wish
that all my little words
find their way
to you.

My fantasy is
only to be loved by you
in reality

10:17 PM
21/3/21

I feel nothing
for the greatest pleasures
and terrible tragedies-
this is how it has always been.
Call it a lack of emotion,
an emptiness, a hollowness-
I carry that around in my soul,
my blood and my bones.

How can we
love someone who
will never reciprocate,
or more so,
love someone who
is not good for us?
The human heart is
a funny thing,
isn't it?

Caught myself wishing
for a quick escape again-
guard up at all times.

10:35 PM
21/9/24