You are the water that
grows the seeds in my heart
and the sun that gives
life to the love that sprouts.

I'm still waiting
for the return of spring-
where life and love bloom
and the flower
that is you.

We are
just a memory
and memories
fade fast.

Our love is a sea
and baby, I am happy
to drown forever

9:59 PM
12/4/21

Rain of shine,
the solitude stays the same.
Wherever I go and
whoever I'm with.

Maybe there
was no struggle.
Maybe it was me,
myself and my thoughts
all along.

My heart ran away
with all the love I could give-
it's out there, somewhere

7:27 PM
4/5/21

I don't want to be
alone anymore writing
poems you won't read

8:36 PM
1/5/21

I miss the way your
eyes somehow smiled more than
your mouth ever did

3:07 PM
28/6/21

Caught myself wishing
for a quick escape again-
guard up at all times.

10:35 PM
21/9/24

Grief is a black cloud lurking above,
it shadows all who we dearly love.
One day it rains and drowns the soul
and we lose that love and pay the toll.

Rain turns to storm and life withers away
draining all the colour leaving nothing but grey.
Oh, how we wish we could turn back time-
to undo this remorse and break the paradigm.

Our tears fall like rain as we look back
at all the memories now faded to black.
But you will live on forever in my mind
as I have no choice but to leave you behind.

In this storm I am trying to find a way
out of this night and back into day
where I can find sun and solace in life again
and look back and smile from a place of zen.

I have done it once and I'll do it again,
to be my strongest every now and then.
Grief is a journey so very long and slow
but even in storms, new seeds can grow.

This poem
is a love letter
that's been sealed with hope
and sent with the wish
that all my little words
find their way
to you.

It's true-
this may be a
sad chapter in my life
but I do believe you
are the happy
ending.

The universe sings its secrets
over a symphony of stars above.
We answer back with a song of our own-
songs of love and hate,
of hope and memories.
Such soul we put into our songs
and yet they are but whispers
when sung over the
eternal song of the cosmos.

I feel nothing
for the greatest pleasures
and terrible tragedies-
this is how it has always been.
Call it a lack of emotion,
an emptiness, a hollowness-
I carry that around in my soul,
my blood and my bones.

Are you really healed
or are you just not trying
to think about it?

7:14 AM
18/8/21

There are some nights where
the words flow like wine at a
new year's eve party

2:34 AM
14/9/21

Whether I am sad or lonely,
or as happy as can be,
I still think of you.
Even though I am surrounded by joy,
it will never feel complete-
no, not without you.

I find myself peeking through
a window I had closed long ago.
All that remains is shadow and silence
of a life long left behind.
That place builds up dust now,
an empty room that I
once called home.

I thought I
was tired but
it turns out I just
wanted to dream
about you
again.

Treat your mind as if
it were your garden.
Be careful with who you
make memories with so that
you can plant seeds rather
than pollute what is good.
Indeed, memories are forever
and not the people so make sure
you keep out the locust to keep
your garden a pretty place
to return to.

She painted her
lips midnight black-
is that a call to love
or a call to arms?

The skies are
fading
and the leaves are
withering
underneath
my skin.
I've got the
Autumn blues
again.

My head is in the
galaxy and my thoughts are
spread across the stars

4:56 PM
9/9/24

Being happy and
being distracted from sadness
are not the same thing.

When trauma
punches holes in your heart,
we find ourselves seeking reassurance
and validity to plug those holes
so that love cannot
leak so easily.

You may never
read my words
and that is okay-
as long as I have a way
to get this off my chest.

Life was a kaleidoscope-
made up of the most vivid
colours and emotions and I
remember them like
they were yesterday.
But somewhere along the way,
it was as if a filter had been
placed over everything.
The colours still remain,
but are now lifeless and dull.
This washed out perception took its toll,
and soon these greys began to paint
this soul and all that it experienced.
Everything that made up the kaleidoscope-
the colours, emotions and experiences
now shades of grey-
shadows of their former selves.
It's an empty feeling to exist in
a world so vibrant when
all I see are shades of grey.

These thoughts become dreams
and then these dreams will become
a reality

3:44 AM
23/8/20

You broke the heart
you swore to protect.
Such irony ends with a laugh
as hollow as this hole
in my chest.

How can we
love someone who
will never reciprocate,
or more so,
love someone who
is not good for us?
The human heart is
a funny thing,
isn't it?

Wouldn't it be nice
if life had a delete button?
Imagine the memories,
the people, the feelings
you could erase with the
push of a button.
That would be nice,
wouldn't it?

You are a sunflower  
sprouting from this heart.
I am filled with your joy and
your warmth never leaves me.
The sun shines down on us
and you and I bloom
for eternity.

How can you
chase a dream that
does not want to
be caught?

You sprout from
the seeds of my thoughts
into a sunflower I cannot forget,
each petal, a memory I
will nurture with every
drop of nostalgia and every
ray of love.

Your smile puts the sun
to shame - without it the sun
doesn't shine the same

7:28 PM
10/3/20

Dear diary;
I find myself drained
at even the little things.
The chores, the socializing,
the emotions and the obligations.
It is no wonder I am exhausted
at the end of the day just
trying to survive.

Deep down,
I think I know that
I am better off alone.
Maybe I’m just saying this
as a coping mechanism
or maybe if I keep repeating it
enough times,
I might actually
believe it.

Hiding who you
really are from friends,
family or society is not self-care,
it’s self-sabotage.

We will meet again-
and our time together won't
be so short next time

10:30 AM
25/8/24

My fantasy is
only to be loved by you
in reality

10:17 PM
21/3/21

Do you miss me
like I miss you?
I do not know if you do,
or if you still think about me
like I think about you.
I do miss you,
who I thought you were
and how you made me feel.
Those things are gone now,
just a memory I will
continue to miss.

Grief is a
strange thing, isn't it?
One day it consumes you,
the next, you are okay.
And then, without warning,
grief strikes again at a reminder
of what once was.
You are not okay,
again.

I would rather not.
You have shown your true colours-
The damage is done.

2:28 AM
3/5/20

Spending Friday night
staring into the icy
heart of the bottle

6:37 PM
29/8/20

I didn’t ask
to be made of glass
nor did I wish to be
thrown so far.
I didn't ask to be so frail,
to fall head over heels.
I didn’t know you
wouldn’t catch me but
I thought that glass would survive.

Though this heart
still remembers our love,
your heart
has forgotten my name.

A series of mistakes
had to happen for you
to become who
you are
today.

Was I in love
with you or the idea
of you I had in my head,
my heart and my dreams?
Is it possible to be
heartbroken by
an idea?

There are demons
in all of us.
The sooner you can admit that,
the sooner you can get on with your life.