I am worrying
that I am worrying my
worrisome life away

4:51 PM
24/7/24

Healing begins
with a choice.
A difficult one, yes,
but commit to that choice
and you will be
on your way.

Silence comes in
many shades,
for good or for worse.
Sometimes the soul can take
solace in silence and
sometimes it can drown in it.
Other times we cannot tell the difference,
and we are left to decipher our soul
and what shade of silence
it chose today.

Realizing that you are
not as special to someone
as you thought you were
just cuts that much deeper.

We can't start again
so let's just promise to do
better tomorrow

3:53 PM
20/2/25

Why do I wake up?
It was always you.
Knowing that I share the
same moon that kisses your
smooth and pale cheeks
is all the reason I need
to get out of bed each day.
And knowing that you bless
my dreams each night is
all the reason I need to
rest my weary soul.
It was always you.

Though I may not see you
if I close my eyes,
my body still feels you
despite the fact that
you're gone.

Another year,
another roller-coaster
around the sun
and all its highs and lows.
Some of us were left nauseous
while others chased the thrill,
daring to ride another year.

Treat your mind as if
it were your garden.
Be careful with who you
make memories with so that
you can plant seeds rather
than pollute what is good.
Indeed, memories are forever
and not the people so make sure
you keep out the locust to keep
your garden a pretty place
to return to.

I like the city
but I do miss looking up
at the starry night

1:45 PM
3/8/21

There was something
quite not right when I
last saw you-
I couldn't put my finger on it
but I could tell you weren't there-
the you I used to know.
Perhaps it were the flames
that had left your eyes or the
magic absent in your smile that
had brought forth this darkness
that shrouds us to this day.
Yes, you sowed the seeds of our demise
on that day and I was too hopeful,
too in love and too naïve
to see the signs.

Why do we try so
hard for those who simply just
do not care at all?

11:55 PM
7/10/21

No love is ever lost
no matter how wasted it may feel.
The love will return to you
in time, through healing,
in all sorts of ways.
Love cannot be measured-
it cannot be lost nor expended.  
Love surrounds us every day
in all of its abundance and awe.
Love is a miracle that will always pull us through
over and over again.
So never regret the love you give to anyone,
it will always return in its abundance
for you to share again and thus
the cycle of love
continues.

It is time to accept
that you are not coming back.
It is for the best-
I would not accept you.
What betrays me once
will surely betray me twice
and as many times
as it needs to.

To kiss your lips
again
is a broken heart
worth repeating.

I have learnt not to
talk too much in case
my glass lungs may shatter.
I am sick of plucking the
shards from inside myself
so I have learnt how to
whisper instead.

There are no heroes-
only villains and victims
in this ****** up world

12:49 PM
8/6/21

If you want to last,
stop telling me one thing but
doing another

10:05 PM
10/8/20

I hate the way I woke up,
hungover,
and all alone, again.
I hate the loneliness and
I understand why I am
every time I see my
reflection in the toilet water
throwing up last night's bottle of gin.
I hate the way I waste the day
and do it all over again that night.
I hate this cycle that I
cannot break.

There is no such thing
as a perfect person-
only those with less
flaws than others.

Fear not,
your soulmate
will make you fall in love
with yourself too.
They are you and
you are them.
Two souls,
one love.

I love you during rain or shine,
and everything in between.
I love you in my solitude
no matter how distant I seem.
I love you in my absence
even across the land and sea.
I love you when I'm anxious
even when it's taken my autonomy.
I love you in every country
from Vietnam to Turkey.
I love you now and forever
and for all of eternity.

Something tells me
that this withering sunflower
inside my chest will bloom again
once I find my way
back to you.

There are so many
people who have entered my life
and have left behind a piece of them
in my heart.
What an honor it has been,
to cross paths with all the beautiful people
who still reside in this heart
and these memories.
Thank you for for the memories,
the growth, the lessons and the joy
and I hope we can
cross paths again.

If I would have known
I would have called you more often
and make sure you were never forgotten.
If I would have known
I would have laughed extra harder
and made sure to smile even wider
If I would have known
I would have thanked you for being you
and being there for all we've been through.
If I would have known
I would not have taken you for granted
they way you made life more enchanted.
If I would have known
I wish I had opened up more
after all that's what family is for.
If I would have known
I would have hugged you even tighter-
yours had a way of making life lighter.
if I would have known
I would have told you that I love you
and this grief I wish I could undo.

My head is in the
galaxy and my thoughts are
spread across the stars

4:56 PM
9/9/24

Being happy and
being distracted from sadness
are not the same thing.

Dear diary;
I thought about dying today...
or so I thought I did.
I think about death a lot lately
and I'm not too sure I
know the difference.

When I walk through this city,
I see so many wonderful restaurants,
but the only one I want
is located halfway across the world
somewhere down your street.

As I come to terms with
the heartlessness within me,
I lose count of how many times
my heart has been broken-
how many shards still remain.
I may never recall,
but what I do know
is that the love you seek
within me does not remain.

I close my eyes and
summon you into a dream.
Even if it's for a little while,
let's pretend it is real.

We're passing strangers-
eyes meet eyes, lips meet lips-
strangers once again

11:39 AM
7/8/21

If my time were to end
tomorrow,
I would hope not to upset you.
Just know that I lived life to
the best of my ability.
Know that I remained loyal,
bold and sometimes bizarre.
So if I meet my end
tomorrow,
think of it more as a
mere inconvenience
rather than a tragedy.
I have lived a hundred lives,
been on a thousand journeys,
so just be sure to wish me a
safe and thrilling journey
for whatever comes next.

Even in darkness,
my shadow will torment me-
I can't outrun it

8:45 PM
13/5/22

I feel too much-
I know it all too well.
I hold on for too long despite
knowing when the flames have smothered.
My heart is in ruins and I am left
wandering through embers of
all those long lost memories.

Now that you've confirmed
all of my worst fears, who knows
what will come of us?

3:09 PM
4/7/21

Dear Diary;
Would the world
be any different if I
stopped putting pen to paper?
Would life
by any different if I
stopped pursuing my passion?
I've considered it,
but what would I be
without my voice?
I feel too much to sit in silence,
to bottle it up without an outlet
to keep me sane.
The truth is that I am incapable
of separating myself from these words-
an extension of myself on page
and I wouldn't have it
any other way.

If I had to choose,
I would say I miss
your accent the most.
Your foreign words
took me to a foreign place,
a place away from this life,
a place I called my home.

12365 kilometres,
an ocean and two countries apart-
it may as well be another galaxy,
yet I can feel the warmth of
your smile radiate from
across the globe and I can
still sing along to your heartbeat.
With all this distance,
we are never really alone
when our love
transcends all.

You are the water that
grows the seeds in my heart
and the sun that gives
life to the love that sprouts.

All this time has passed
and I still think of you.
All this time has passed
and I hope you do too.

And now we say goodbye
to what we thought would never end.
I can't believe it,
it's really over
and what do we have to show for it?
ashes and anguish.
All we can do now is
rise up like a phoenix
and learn from
our mistakes.

Memories are traps-
look to the future and start
all over again

2:31 AM
20/9/20

Grief is a black cloud lurking above,
it shadows all who we dearly love.
One day it rains and drowns the soul
and we lose that love and pay the toll.

Rain turns to storm and life withers away
draining all the colour leaving nothing but grey.
Oh, how we wish we could turn back time-
to undo this remorse and break the paradigm.

Our tears fall like rain as we look back
at all the memories now faded to black.
But you will live on forever in my mind
as I have no choice but to leave you behind.

In this storm I am trying to find a way
out of this night and back into day
where I can find sun and solace in life again
and look back and smile from a place of zen.

I have done it once and I'll do it again,
to be my strongest every now and then.
Grief is a journey so very long and slow
but even in storms, new seeds can grow.

We all have different
ways of healing.
For me, I need solitude,
so much solitude and silence.
To just be with myself and
my thoughts is how I
recharge that battery that
never had much spark
to begin with.

Whether I am sad or lonely,
or as happy as can be,
I still think of you.
Even though I am surrounded by joy,
it will never feel complete-
no, not without you.

I could play
your heartstrings all day,
blow a kiss through the horns
of our love
always
and forever.

I was never a singer,
but when my heart was full
I could not help but
write you a song that
you will never
get to hear.

Let my pour my soul
onto the page until
it overflows
and drowns me
in passion and pain.

Her heart was
where I found my home.
Her thoughts and words
open up doors I could never find
and her eyes painted the walls
in beauty only rivaled by her own.
This is the house I wish
to spend my days.