I turned to my soul and made it my God. I wanted to know who I was and found nothing but despair until I realized you cannot live on a bridge; you must continue on....

If I don't have your love
I hope I'm at least on your mind

Out of sight
It hurts baby
To never see you
But maybe you're thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you

If he has your love
I hope he knows how to treat you

In his arms
It hurts baby
To never hold you
But maybe he can't feel you
The way I do

If we never love again
I hope you know nobody compares to you

Walking alone
It hurts baby
You made me see
But I'd rather see it with you
The way I hoped it would be

On a tide-less shore
Ignored by a slumbering moon
The religion of the innocent
Howls at vacuous skies for guidance
Upon every braying sound
Stands the super-natural law
Believe in me
Descendant of moral decay
You stand with nature
Perplexed
Unknowing of yourself
Or the doctor declaring you unfit for life
You admire those who send gun-boats
And ignore those who hunger
For you have simplified the means of proof
Or further you require none at all
For as still as cut grass
It is enough that you may walk upon it again
In this way you may unencumber your mind
No obstacle to navigate
No foul smell
Only the fresh air of soft ignorance
Caressing your mind
For believing in very little
Allows you to believe in things great
Things you never witnessed
Not of God
But of this earth
To the detriment of all others
For what you were told
Was that sand is white
And black is night
Because that upon which you walk
And build castles
Is far greater than that which you cannot touch
And this you believed
Though in the heart of every child
Is a lantern
Waiting to be lit by love
To guide them to the gathering place
Where flesh becomes spirit
And white sand becomes brown as the tide rises
Waiting to be consumed by the ocean
To make the salt of the earth
If only you had a match

The sky,
flattened, tranquil,
like black and white tile;
For a moment,
I thought it was the ocean,
then I realized it was;
the clouds, shaped by the wind,
like white caps
dotting a distant sea,
they seemed the same to me,
though the land upon which I lay
and the air through which I see
could never agree

The cloud,
triumphant, imperial,
like continents dividing the earth;
For a moment,
I thought it was a mountain
then I realized it was;
the clouds, plateaued,
by the weight of the rain,
a gift of honor for the sun
they seemed the same to me,
though the land upon which I climb
and the air that I breathe
would argue endlessly

The star,
bright, ethereal,
like a burning bush revealed;
For a moment,
I thought it was a cross
then I realized it was;
the light, burning
by the prayers we whisper
for love and life,
they seemed the same to me,
while the land upon which I kneel
and the air a flame needs to be
could only watch silently

Take off your armor
Life is not to ward off the arrows
But instead your heart must feel the pain
You are no longer at war with yourself
Deciding if you are crying or dying
And if you can hear the air part
Then what I sent has already hit the mark
There is no preaching that can save you
Love is the chance to resurrect your life
Or remind you that you are still living

Something is wrapped tightly all around me
Though I am allowed to move freely
I can see the stars
Feel the wind at my face
And even smile at a stranger
But my footprints are washed by my chains
Though the key  is on the table
It fears no use or loss
For I willingly live within the confines of choice

Where a day must end with accomplishment
A night begins with longing
And what I may one day find of my myself
Is a trail that only I know to find
But will never walk again
And peace that arrived at the same time
That the trail did end

I wondered how long it would take before I could only see your mind
I didn’t long for the day but I knew we’d both leave our lust behind
What takes me an early morning always took you most of the night
I want to see things by day but you don’t like to dream by the light
We sail side by side but my hull is made of steel and yours of wood
We felt the same current but how it affected us we never understood

The blue skies were too few
And the sunrises were too red
Maybe that’s why we drifted apart
What a fisherman knew to be true
We decided to ignore instead
Because we sailed first with our heart

I wondered who would decide which way to go when the skies parted
A storm doesn’t listen but a glistening bow remembers where we started
You don’t forget who you were with when waves are bigger than the boat
That’s not the time for blame it’s just the way love sometimes has to float
We didn’t know if by sail or prop was the best way to turn this thing around
I wanted to believe in your instincts but instead I ran the boat aground

The storms were too many
And the sunsets we barely knew
Maybe that’s why we drifted apart
When the days heat was plenty
And the evening breezes few
We stopped sailing with our heart

I have the power to over-react
Or make people feel uncomfortable
But I'm the one who has to live with it
I can't change the world
Only how you feel about me
But that might take a lifetime
I'm going to let you be who you are
That's the only love I know
I hope that's not disappointing
Honesty can be that way
So can freedom
Especially if you don't want it from me

You should just walk up to the door now
Go ahead, it’s the only way you can know
They will look at you and see stained surfaces
Only the imagination knows what lies below
You cannot convince a stranger of your past
They nod, wondering how much could be true
Everyone knows we have shaped ourselves
A real friend lets you become someone new
Experience is not how we wish to be judged
Our mistakes prefer the silence of blue deep
There is nothing to see if you forget yourself
Or remember if you see what you can’t keep
A life devoted to becoming duty and toil
You are now where birds gather not fallen
Swaying on swells, limbs and suns setting
And legs swollen with life giving pollen

Through the vision you have given me
I found the peace in my heart
But it was not as I thought it would be
To know comfort was not of knowledge
Only perception
But to know peace was not of perception
Only knowledge
And what I came to know was not how I’ve been sleeping

True love can feel fingers separated by glass
Smile knowing of the coming storm
Live on after the loss of a child
It is so that we must feel these things if we are to be alive

Born from dark murky shadows into bright cold lights
It is life that begins without peace
Or knowledge
Or perception
But though a flower will grow as destined with water and sunshine
A baby can be a rose for beauty
A tree for shade
A sunset for comfort
An ocean framed by palms and dreams
If only someone will show him how

Will he know a slave feels love
That a hero knows fear
That a woman can be brave
That men **** for a God of love
That the desire for equality is seen as subversive
As a **** growing in a green meadow
Will he know these things
And will he recognize it as peace in his heart

He will know
as…
An honest man
even as an island
as…
A civilized man
even as a bruise
as…
A dignified man
even as a victim
as…
A strong man
even as a pauper

It is this peace…
to be willing to live outside while it rains
… because outside is who you are
to be willing to be struck down in the streets
… because the streets are who you are
to be willing to be cursed as you speak the truth
… because the truth is who you are

Peace

It is not what you think
If you don't
It is not how to escape
Because you cannot
It is not what you pretend
If it is wrong
It is not about power
If that is what you want

It is only who you are
Who you are
No matter how much turmoil all around you

There’s a dog walking around on stage
It’s a calm moment even though the problem is still with me
There’s a family of rocks that got there first
But a swarm of rapids started forming their way to the sea

The flowers were lost in a blind alley
Somebody left them behind so they took root in my heart
There’s a way to accept life this way
But the soil you till must not object to sounds in the dark

The source of the sound understood
It’s meaning came from the way it drew joy from despair
When you are able to be who you are
Then you will know why what we breathe is what we share

She was a garden of a girl
Petals falling all around
Being stared at without a sound
Foot prints uninvited
Picked without permission
She felt like a church
Kneeling close to her thorns
They knew only pain
Though her beauty drew them near
But then everyone left
They expected she would stay
While she lived quietly
With the rain and the sun
Sadly knowing she had no name
It was like she was an arm
Or a nose
But instead it was a flower
Or a bee
But what about a life line?
Neither water or sunshine would do
She was alone though you loved her
You only wanted to touch her
And take a part of her home with you
But you left her behind
Because that was how you wanted to think of her
Like a garden for you to visit
While she waited
Devoted to you
But though she felt trampled
It was alright
After all she was a garden of a girl
And not everyone knows what to do

Excuse me while I think this through
It won't change the world
It won't change mine
It won't make me love you more
It won't make me love you less

It's just that it's important how I think
It's important to know what I believe
And if I can't take the time to think
I won't have the time to think about you
It's the time of my life that I must confess

I began with the time I was child in the South
Then in a dream I spoke Arabic with Rambam
What is the difference between describing God
And asking for your rights as a human being
Once I know I will know if my life is blessed

But you wonder why I can't include you always
It is so hard to make you believe in silence
It is easy to share but only if we know it will end
The balance between devotion and discovery
Is to know what is love and what are regrets

I want to get away from it all
I can’t go back and make it up to you
And tomorrow won’t wake up early
The sun said setting is all that’s true

I don’t need a big house
The refuge is only in my mind
I left town to see another one
Maybe a stranger is what I need to find

The nights aren’t that long anymore
I'm used to sleeping on both pillows
Maybe we talked too much
Now love is on the other side of the windows

How could I have known it wasn’t the right
Our whispers were so loud in our hearts
Something gave it all away
The secret is not how the fire starts

“Perform all thy actions with mind concentrated on the Divine”

We are free where flowers grow
But if you walk into the garden
Do not send me into the desert

“Blessed are the peacemakers”

You may accept who I am
And you may think freely
You may give me your hand
And you may think freely
You may speak of your wounds
And you may think freely
You may be who you are
And you may think freely

"Renounce attachment"

I am not a preacher of miracles
I only know them when I see them
But knowing of them is not understanding
It is only a miracle if I do not understand
Otherwise it is as common as my failures

“Look upon success and failure with an equal eye”

I am not a wise man
I only gather the words of those who are
For they have opened their minds to others
And the castle has already been built
I must choose to walk within its walls

"Spirituality implies equanimity"

Do you want someone to save the day
Or is the name you know all you need
Is it in his name that you walk
Is it in his name that you pray
But in my own name I see only despair

"I and I is the oneness of two persons"

The deeper you fall into your face
The further away from your soul
It is that you have invested in flesh
And while your mind withers alone
In desperation you watch as you age

“The cause of all suffering is desire”

The only thing I can control is trust
The trust you have in me is my word
The trust I have in God is faith
The trust he has in me is not for me to say

“Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone”

I do not know what it is that he trusts
I am his creation with nothing to offer
There is no need to trust in me
For I have not been asked to make a promise
Only to believe

“We only dream this *******. Wake up and let it go.”

Mock those who do not smile,
be glad you are not one of them;
but know you have not begun to live, until
you have found a way to live freely,
with everything that happened to them,
when it happens to you

I'm just getting started my love
They said I'd forget you soon
Not to take it so seriously
But I can't live like that

I wanted to think of forever
I wasn't practicing how to love
I thought you deserved my best
I guess it's not good enough

I'm the one that got away
It's gonna come alive
You'll remember I knew
I knew how to love you
Because that's all I wanted to know

I don't want to make mistakes
I tried to figure you out
That's where I went wrong this time
Putting pieces together before they break

Now you want to say you're sorry
Somehow I'm more important than ever
Telling you it's ok so you can move on
And give a clean heart to someone new

I'm the one that got away
It's gonna haunt you
You'll wake up thinking of me
And how I was the right kind of fool
The right kind to fall in love with you

But I'll love again
Yes I'll love again
In spite of you
In spite of you

There are men who stoop low
While their pain builds slow
And their women clean homes
Full of dreams and wistful rooms
But still they live this hard life
Because their God told them so

He stared at a sunset nailed to a wall
Scraps of inspiration were in his hands
The envelope was white and empty
He had sent the money to foreign lands

There’s a way to survive
Even if you’re dying inside
There’s things that you know
And things that make you grow
But you will never begin
If you let someone tell you no

He never had a conversation with her
When it seemed she thought him her equal
When she was young she wanted someone else
Now she thinks she’s starring in the sequel

There was a time to remember
The bullet was in the chamber
But he didn’t take the opportunity
Though he was angry about inequality
It was why he lost her love
She could only think of him with pity

He was separated from her brown skin
And the one who once carried his son
They all had dreams of a different life
But they learned to live apart from their own

I’m standing on the waters of my birth
reaching for the end of the skies that only my eyes can see
there are so many paths connecting the stars
and my love for you will travel each one
until I find the one you left inside of me

I’m standing on a carpet left behind
by those who rode it so their God could set them free
there are so many paths connecting our souls
and my love for you will travel each one
until I find the one I can finally believe

I’m standing on a sidewalk still life
painted with blood cast by a memory’s shadowed marquee
there are so many paths connecting our hearts
and my love for you will travel each one
until I find the one that will not let me be

I am standing on a dream of my own
returning from the escape from which only I can leave
there are so many paths connecting our life
and my love for you will travel each one
until I find the one that will no longer grieve

When you can no longer live in your natural state
As the desert once it has felt the rain
You begin to curse who you are
For dry air and sparseness offer no relief
And while the heat recites a story of certain death
The sand and cactus, as the heart and mind
Parch and wither, forlorn, waiting for its mate
But she no longer believes in possibility
Or you
For as she rained down upon you
You made no pools for her to gather
No rivers for her to roam
Instead she was only to vanish
And die
As you do now
Until the rain answers your prayers
To try again
To effect your very nature
As an oasis would
Where those who live hard lives go
For life

Don’t dry your eyes too soon
You feel more than we are able
It’s seems more than you can take
It’s like you pay the worlds debt
They said Jesus already tried once
He sent you because of all the hate

Don’t dry your eyes just for me
If it’s you then that’s what you should be
You wait by the bed while they sleep
I will wait until your heart has room for me

Don’t dry your eyes too soon
It’s never because you’re too weak
A cursed gift because you always care
You never wash your hands of it
Like sand pulling up the ocean blanket
Dripping with life you are always there

Don’t dry your eyes just for me
If it’s you then that’s what I want you to be
You always are the first one they see
I will wait until your heart has room for me

If I have to be somebody's ex
She gonna' think about regrets
Her friends are gonna' say ****
You walked away from him?

That's right it's gonna' get better
You're gonna' forget her
But she's gonna' remember
Because you didn't let her win

They might think it's over for you
And between you and her it's true
But your life is so much more
It don't matter where you've been

I know why you did it
I know why you quit it
I'm no bargain for a lover
You had to fight for it
And you didn't want to do it
That's what love is about
But the honeymoon was not it
You said I was in charge of it

I can love you desperately
And watch you reject me
Tomorrow will still love me
Yesterday will be your sin

Don't think I didn't feel it
I can't lie, you did steal it
But you can't **** my heart
In between each beat I mend

I know how goodbye feels
There's nothing more real
It's time to wonder about life
You're not the reason it will end

I know why you did it
I know why you quit it
I'm no bargain for a lover
You had to fight for it
And you didn't want to do it
That's what love is about
But a honeymoon is not all of it
You said I was the reason for it

I have not abandoned you Lord
But unworthiness is a desert without mercy
It is how I live my life now
Yet what you planted within me remains healthy

There is room in my heart for learning
Tell me where to begin no matter north or south
What language should I speak
For what is holy is beyond the grasp of my mouth

I have only found within my nature
The drive to inscribe my pleas into the public domain
And into my mind has been revealed
A way to avert my eyes while I confess to you my pain

I never heard a word from you
But what I am feeling is as powerful as love lost
What lingers though is my conscience
And I will rebuild myself no matter the cost

He loved what could not love him back
He could hold it in his mind for years
A purple dress in the moonlight
But really it was someone else’s woman
A ranch road driving with two friends
But really it was the stark desolation
The dry air was not so sweet to his mind
And yet the memory was pure confection

He was drowning in thorns he thought holy
Blood drawn from the body gives life
He saw a man with his hand open
And another with his closed
Their hearts felt strangely the same
Neither holding a dove or a rose
Mountains rising inside their dreams
Pushing clouds to places no one knows

The cold is never as cold as it seems
Except when you believe something
That’s not as true as it once was
An angel flying apart from the sun
Turning back for one last look
Lonely for the need of someone
She couldn’t get him to notice
Not even a glance, not even one

He no longer felt the need for a tailor
And was comfortable in dull black shoes
Passing through his mind like insects
Mere curiosities for pretension
He prepared his table for importance
In the minds of his growing children
Yet even in cold air he held open the window
His love for her could no longer remain hidden

He was too curious to ever be lonely
Without a plane he traveled the world
He could see the eyes of pain all around
Except the one that could see it in his own
The mistake was no longer caring about time
It was like a kiss that had always been alone
But when his lips parted the sun and moon
A shivering angel asked, “Will you take me home?”

It had become so easy for her to say goodbye to a lover
She had become a rose with too many thorns

The melancholy of a guitar lingered always,
playing softly,
as she grew worried about things like intentions

They all walked away because she told them to

When she finally became a flower,
she could only love a man who refused to leave

There was no need to linger on the vine
When it was time for thorns it was time

Growing up one way is hard to forget

That’s what she decided
It was too hard to forget

But still,
she would try
because thorns can only hurt

and that’s not what she wanted to be

Flowers do not grow well in memories made of rice
or ribbons
or promises

But thorns can survive being buried in flesh
and in someone’s heart

Yes it was easier to live that way
Like a rose with too many thorns

Until he picked her for himself

It’s a matter of knowing
What seems only sadness can comprehend
That a smile is all that can part tears as they fall
Like rocks in a mountain stream riverbed
Swiftly steering the wash along its way
As only a stubborn will to live can
The only voice that matters, the oceans call
Not despair, but happiness instead
No matter how distant
Through faith that can apprehend
The belief, not in sorrow
But in where shells are floating
No longer living for the shores reach
Instead, embarking upon new lands
Gazing at the revealing stars
Whose glow reflects not tears of pain
But the way a smile learns to swim
In unfeeling headwaters
Where only the strong know how to mend

Disguises No More

I don't have to make a change
The desert is always wet
the clouds are always dry
I don't make it happen
The mood figures itself out

There might be a girl walking
Somebody about the lord talking
My car drives back and forth
Trying to decide which one is me
I stopped thinking about where to go

My disguise is laying on the floor
My why's walked out the door
I'm a banjo playing like a guitar
I'm not born to play a certain way

I don't really try to do anything
The first thing in my mind is a story
It will make sense after I'm gone
Somebody might tell me what it means
That's how we get to know each other

I'm not going to duck anymore
The birds gonna fly by either way
Standing still is being part of the action
You can feel a good fire next to a cactus
The distance in the sky is bigger than now

My true self doesn't need me anymore
It became what it never was before
They look the same but it's a different star
The way they move tells time a different way

I can feel you next to me
You can’t hear what I say so I say it to myself
But I hope you think about me
There’s a love and this is what it said
There’s more to a dream than a kiss
That’s the only thing your heart could ever see

I woke to a conversation in my head
But nothing made sense
An obsession in the dark cannot see the picture
I could only hold the brush tightly as it moved
Though the beginning was lost forever
The coming light will reveal what I need to remember

Whatever stands on the far shore
Thinks the same of you
Horizons comfort though the sand sinks beneath you
Yes I can feel you next to me
But no matter how many times I say it
It will remain the same until I decide what to do

the words floated towards her ears;
and though they were a whisper,
though not so much to her;
onward they flew,
like an arrow in search of an apple;
as i watched its unbending advance,
intent upon its true aim,
i prayed an eagle would sense its prey
and by its tyrannical claws,
sharpened for battle,
my insults would be given a stay,
dragged away for just recourse,
like a judge halting a widow’s creditors;
but alas my safe harbor of regret
was not soon enough in its valor,
as the apple i loved,
a beautiful gift of nature,
shattered
bursting loudly,
into the tears that exist only for me;
no they would not spare her,
not my words
not her tears
for once sent,
they could never repent,
and once wept,
they would never forget

I sometimes wonder when my mind will catch up
Whoever thought us up had something in mind
I never can tell if I’m learning or just surviving
I just hope I’m a chord somebody is trying to find

The sign said the line for life starts right here
I looked down and it was where I was standing
But is it Rome or my own home, how to know?
Maybe it has something to do with not pretending

I don’t have a ticket but it’s playing in my head
But they can’t tell you if you’re the salt or the water
The ocean is beautiful but you can’t drink from it
Whoever made us won’t say why it’s mixed together

I decided a t-shirt was enough of a statement today
But I had to be sure that how I lived could be worn
The only thing that made sense was either a word
Or a picture of a man dreaming of being reborn

You had to tell me the limits of my capacity
It was as if you told me tomorrow was my last day
I can’t question myself all the time or else what?
That’s the choice, a question or a time to feel okay

I saw a man shrug who could make people happy
He walked away thinking he missed his chance
Everyone else wished they were him for a moment
But whoever made us won’t let us wear his pants

The things that hold tight the most can’t be seen
The light forms at the line between heaven and earth
We can choose which way to go while darkness decides
The only path to take is the one that challenges your worth

Every promise I ever made  was important in the end
I never told anyone things like I would except if they did
We can believe in nothing and rearrange furniture at will
But breaking a promise became a life from which you hid

I don't always want to dream
Sometimes I only wish for sleep
But until I find peace
Or love
I will dream
And while I may seem weary
What I carry
Is only the struggle of desire
Like a potted plant
With roots holding fast
To petals dreaming of the sun

She knew his eyes were different
It wasn’t how they looked
It was what they could see

His eyes shined down upon her
He told her she was beautiful
Though she turned her face to his
She didn’t believe he was truthful

She knew her eyes were different
It wasn’t how they looked
It was what they couldn’t see

The mirror cast shadows upon her
She thought it was being truthful
Still he turned his face to hers
His heart only saw what was beautiful

An angels breath burned my bridges down
There's not enough faith if you don't cross
I was given the one chance to linger in town
Walking with voices offering to take me across

Playing with matches unable to find my way
My conscience knelt in a closet where I grieve
I pray alone as the sword decides who stays
She hid her beauty inside the empty sheath

I turned my back to gaze upon never again
But how can I say goodbye to all that I know?
I lied in my prayers though she was my friend
It was only sin that made me happy long ago

I can only believe what my soul tells me to
To every candle I ask the same question
Is it that I have always known what to do
Or are my bridges an angels reflection?

Put yourself together
so you can leave
I didn’t ask you, but
you need to think to believe

Everything we felt; we
couldn’t talk about
We were assuming, but
was it assurance or doubt?

I never know
I never know
I won’t pretend
I just never know

You will never know either;
but you are stronger than me
You have to put yourself through it,
so I can believe the way it will be

When you left,
you really left
When I watched,
I knew what you could not accept

Whatever the wind did to your hair,
you had already left with me

Whatever you gave away,
you had already given before me

I never know
I never know
I won’t pretend
I just never know

I don’t even know how I got past your door
I was wondering if I could walk through it
I can’t be the messenger anymore
Just a light at the end of the room
But it’s my shadow that knows what to say

I'm not a road or even a small tower
You can look at me though if you dare
You can go around the side but not know how
Everyone who felt the same way knew why
But everyone with their own mind said nothing

A crowded room has spaces nobody can see
I noticed it one time in a painting
It was a long stretch of land
It seemed like a good place to shoot a gun
But not where spaces hide from one another

Sometimes there’s so little to say to one another
Except which way the money went today
Everybody who digs a ditch wants a window
Everybody with a window wants to open it
I thought the answer came with a bottle

You know you got lost before you started
The sax in the song was too fast for you
It was confusing anyway you heard it
It didn’t add anything to the room
So you left before you even got there

I think I’m gonna’ laugh about it now
Making sense never works for me
No matter how far, they’ve already been there
I thought about writing a song about you
But a long explanation is too shallow
And a short one is always too deep

Our friends are mercenaries
They have their own love and mission in life
And you may have troubles that cannot be helped

But still they come

Though what they may leave behind
Are rivers carving valleys you have never seen
Where green meadows await the night
Chasing their children home
So the breezes can sweep the dust from the porch
Cooling the sweat upon your brow
Guiding the sounds of a pedal-steel guitar into their hearts
Where each season waits its turn
Accelerating the change from warm to cool
And the migration of nature from north to south
From leaf to limb
And ice to garden
Yes all of this is what they may have come to know

But still they come

You can build a life of honor
No matter how poor
Dignity or hunger
The choice of some must make
It has always been so
Or instead to make a stand
There is no advice from a white man
For someone on the bridge
You can only walk beside them
But you cannot be them

But still some came

Sometimes that is all that matters

We watch while anger enters our space
Choosing to understand is that easy
If you can only clear you mind
Forget from where you came
Even if they cannot forget their past
There is no community without open doors
There is no country without open minds
Each of our troubles takes its turn
Like the seasons
It can never be the same
Happiness is not a life
But a moment to cherish
Suffering is not something to ignore
But a moment to live
What kind of a life would it be
To wait until it happens to you
Is to close the windows into your soul
Without sunlight
Or air to breathe
Or truth

But still you expect them to come
Because now it has happened to you

And they did

The water laps without memory
upon sand that once bled
He feel to his knees once there in prayer
and now again to recall what God said
Even the breeze fell silent to the witness
of the bells, echoing what we once read

A reluctant hero, the same as a tourist
this land was not his land,
But the hearts that once beat in sorrow
recognize his outstretched hand
The moon spoke without being asked
“Their grieving washed away with the sand”

When dreams become nightmares
and glory ages into regret
we watch as he stretches his uniform
over a heavy heart covered in sweat
He knew the tears of a soldier fall hard
upon folded flags unable to forget

There’s a baby who was born alone
Hearing a voice he did not know from his own
It would not be the last he would ever hear
From a world that didn’t ask what he had become
He wanted to know how a moment felt
Smiling after someone had left their mark
He saw green meadows that survived the fire
But they have no memory to burn into their heart

It's only a choice until you make it

The crowd can only hear the things they cannot say
Leaves and waves always replenish from stormy skies
But a baby can only live the life it is given today
The path he makes leaves a trail when nature decides
Three paths asked his permission to tell their tale
One to believe in a life that revealed only pain
One to believe in a life where he felt only shame
One was to believe in a dove that had no name

It's only a choice until you make it

Every sound means something to someone who cares
The only thing a baby must learn is how to sell regrets
But there is nothing sure once the forest sheds its secrets
Inside the quiet stands the doubts he must learn to believe
The feelings of a lifetime lurk once he knows it is time
He may not remember but the path he chose will remind him
Whatever final word he wanted to hear was his choice alone
But on this earth the circle only leads him to what is known

It's only a choice until you make it

what if this
wait until then
what it means
think about it
how I feel
it depends
why I do it
it's my right
when will I do it
when I'm ready
if I meant it
I always do
where I am
I'm still traveling
what about my plans
they never turn out
if I believe in God
why should I tell you?
if I love someone
don't you?
if I'm happy
it no longer matters
if I'm angry
aren't you?
if I love people
I love my children
what about that
I can't solve it
how to be
don't hurt anybody
have I hurt anybody
everyone I know

There is no leaf caressing a ration of rain water
No tree bent by green skies
No hedge split by the wind
No meadow laid bare by it's own kind
No form of nature
That has not witnessed man's tribulations
Or man's secrets
Or man's history
Or felt man's longing eyes
For beauty
For strength
For power
For fearlessness
To be who we are
And live the life we are destined to live

It was one of those days
Like being all out of paper products
Or your last pair of dress socks
Only worse
Much worse
It’s not so much how much you love them
But the realization of how much they loved you
They planned for you
And thought of you
Before you were even born
And a day never passed
That they didn’t love you
Even when you let them down
And cursed their name
And counted the days until you could leave home
And then that day came
And you rejoiced
While all theycould do was cry
And now history has passed
Everything you have ever known
Or read about
Is a part of them
A world that collapsed
A world at war
Nations fighting over holy land
Because they couldn’t share God’s love
And the fight for a man to be treated like a man
And an eagle that landed
All of this happened
And the entire time they loved you
And while you knew they wanted something simple
Such as a phone call
Or even a thank you
You still held them at arm’s length
And now you want them in your arms
To tell them these things
But it’s too late
Too late because it is
A moment has passed
A lifetime has passed
And suddenly you know about life
And each day brings a reason for tears
Because your entire life is now day to day
Because it’s your turn to be the one who loves
And as the leaves turn brown
You look to your children
And hope that while they curse you
And long for freedom
That one day they will know this day
And realize what you meant to them
And what they meant to you
And in the dreams of the future
And remembrance of the past
Today shall mark time
And watch the sun set once again
As the chance to come together
As parent and child
Has lost another day

We spend our entire life looking for it
Even before we knew life was a search

For
A word that is more than a voice
For
A voice that is more than dream
For
A lens that is more than a vision
For
A smile that is more than a child
For
A feeling that is more than birth
For
A love that is more than life
For
A life that is more than death
For
A God that is more than creation

We spend our entire life playing pretend
Even when we believe we have found it

As you turned your head slowly
I could see black shadows changing to crimson
While the flame in your eyes flickered in wait
The light walked it's way up my body
Like the sunrise up a stone mountain side
When we met we didn't turn away
We stared longer than we could endure
But the pain of being unsure was not greater than love
The excited faces all around us became blank
Our hearts were no longer buried under our fears
No longer demure, your eyelashes drew me near
Your breath made my hair stand on end to catch the wind
I wanted to sail beyond all sense of where I'd been
And yet as I walked towards you we knew the games would begin

He thought about his goals all too often
Sometimes he drove right by them
He never seemed to know where he was
Except his dreams that always waited for him

Nothing mattered as long as he believed
He had faith that his desires were worthwhile
It was the life that he decided to live for himself
But he couldn’t decide if it was a foot or a mile

He finally realized accepting reality was life
Trying to impress strangers could never last
The people that he knew always felt left out
He won not by winning but by accepting his past

Ignoring his mistakes sustained him for years
Pretending to be different is easier than it seems
But he decided he measured with the wrong cup
Loving a woman was harder than chasing dreams

I have never been able to straight line a draw
Nor my name,
a letter missing always when I sign
Nothing so grand that would a painting make a camera sad
Beyond these perfections,
I fell short yet to speak was still mine
I have nothing to stare at for so long except the rain
So different, yet the same
Today I watched it’s fabric,
like wind across fields of wheat
or corduroy pants
But I do not have any to wear;
still,
I am dry as the balcony only feels the water like light
The rain does not care what I think
Nor of my sight
And though I am moved forward in my chair
Nature is not one to meet
Not anyone or anything
No language
Or memory
That is for me only
Like something I said to you long ago
Something that was true
I wonder if you remember
Or if only it was like the rain upon you
Not a place to live
A smile
Or a frown
A face to the sky
Or to run because your dress was new
But you know
As do I
The park will be there for you in the spring
There is nothing vain about rain upon your heart
Like the words I once spoke
Uneven as they were
Without every letter I wished upon you
A crooked line
An unrecognized signature
My life
Not perfect
Instead, discovering what an accident blessed;
still,
I will remember what love broke
Will you remember what love spoke?

He’s got half of what a man ought
Still he climbed up on that horse
Luckily it already knew what to do
Chase that calf no matter its course

He finally knew what they meant
When people look but cannot see
But he didn’t have to ride a horse
To find know who his friends might be

A one-eyed cowboy
Half himself
But now twice another
While faith flowed in his veins
It was grace that gave him back his reins

His wounds were unexpected
At least not while he was wearing his boots
What he thought God took away
Instead he used to lay down new roots

He found his calling was vision
How no man is an island
How it is not so hard if you choose to be
Someone who can live a new life
By the light that despair finally set free

A one-eyed cowboy
Half himself
But now twice another
While faith flowed in his veins
It was grace that gave him back his reins

You ask yourself
As if you were preparing for a play
How would you have reacted?
Mostly calm mostly calm
So you wish to say
How would they remember you?
Mostly crazy mostly crazy
So they do remember
You made things happen
But it was all an act
Honesty was their enemy
You watched as your friend became them
Was he corrupted
Or just afraid?
I do not wish to become old
But it has become my last hope
Duty all I have
Love a lone tree far inside a meadow
Each leaf a picture of expectation
My children the light carried by the breeze
Running long with discovery
Will I live long enough to feel young again
If I see it in your eyes then I will believe
Look upon the way that I live
Fill the distance laid upon the horizon
Bring the calm that I need
The love that I miss
The life that I dream
The meaning you have become

I don’t know what I’ve become
I’m living in the middle of a river without a name
If I choose I do not have to recognize anyone
I feel like no nation under God
Or no church under God
But God knows he is not the one I blame

Growing old doesn’t make it easier
I know too much to work for that man over there
Farming my mind in a one-piece rainbow jumper
Walking among those who actually do
Ashamed of my fearful dignity
The money I made killed the flowers in my hair

She was a metaphor trying to take the blame
I took it literally but she thanked me anyway
Sincerity emptied my pockets
Pretension laughed at my convention
I never knew anything about that
But my thoughts treat my demons the right way

I know you and you think I don’t
But what finally struck my heart was your aim
I watched while you let yourself go
It was the only way to know
I decided you meant everything
For a moment someone wasn’t playing a game

I want to be able
to know a cool summer breeze
without feeling it
I want to be able
to be satiated by a mountain spring
without drinking it
I want to be able
to reflect a sunset for lovers
without seeing it
I want to be able
to be swept away by the ocean
without swimming in it
I want to be able
to live where dark becomes light
without having to fly in it
I want to be able
to care about pain and suffering
without waiting to live it
I want to be able
to accept truth no matter what
without denying it
I want to be able
to love someone faithfully
without resenting it
I want to be able
to be a free man in my lifetime
without killing for it
I want to be able
to worship the God of my soul
without be told to do it

Do you believe in your path
Is it enough to live this way without me?
I am not the path
You cannot walk upon my heart
Or the reasons why I may be by your side
Where your life may point
Is a direction we never discussed
It had to be this way
Because now we know
We are meant to be together
Not as a choice
But as who we are

We were both drawn to it
And though the river moves swiftly
We are able to withstand its force
Because we are the rock of our own life
Though we are eroded from our birth
We have altered the course of the waters
I felt your hearts effect upon mine
As its soft edges strengthened my own

Do you believe in my path
Is it enough to live this way with me?
We are the memory of the same forest
We would never walk upon fallen leaves
Without purpose
We would never face the sky
Without its motion in time with our own
You did not have to speak of it
I already knew
Yes my love I feel it too
In our whispers the wind is born again
And we will follow no matter how far