I gave you my heart.
I don't know where you put it.

When you grow up on love songs,
it gets pretty ******* hard to live without.

know me better than most, they say
my adjectives and nouns
but when i fell down in the forest
no one heard a sound

I told you that I'd wait forever,
now I fear I always will
Becoming sadder by the minute,
the love that time can't ****

My darling, sweet Prince Charming
now whiskey in the night
The arms that were so fond of love
are now so keen to fight
Awakened by the thought of you
left ending in a dream
When you said you loved me
what did you really mean?

If you can romanticize the hurt,
you must romanticize the heal.
Romanticize that his arms won't be the only thing you'll feel.
Although they were so loving, his kisses tenderly,
remember he chose to walkaway
he could have chosen me.

an embrace from the past carries me to this day
how can i come back to reality
when the clouds of my clouded thoughts
are a reflection of pink

The fact that you don't love me anymore
hurts.
But the fact that I can't love you anymore,
that's paralyzing.

what adults have yet to learn:
flimsy band-aids
don't provide closure

returning back
to the art of word
makes me realize
there is no art in these words
the interpretation of such nouns
is what makes poetry
and what breaks poets

if i had the voice to sing
the canary in the sky
  if i had stronger wings
to the moon i'd fly
  if they had a love like ours
they'd never have to try
if they saw you walk away
they'd also see me die

i just wanted him to look at me
and see music
see rhythm and sweet sound
the kind that changes your heartbeat
every second

i don't think i was ever in love
i was just
feeling

the snow falling
soft outside
the longing look
in her eyes
the things she keeps
he tried to hide
now buried in her snow

pretending that he heard me
pretending that he cared
pretending that this crazy feeling
was something that we shared
pretending God had planned this out
and it was sure to be
pretending that it wasn't just
a fantasy and me

not everyone
deserves to know
the things that you've been though.
              not everyone
              will see you grow
              transform into something new.
                                not everyone
                                you hold on to
                                equally wants to stay.
                                                    not everyone
                                                    will­ understand
                                                    wh­y things are better off this way.
     not everyone you talk to
     not everyone you kiss
     not everyone that holds you close when sunlight starts to dip
  
                         not every "forever" lasts much long
                         maybe that's okay
                         maybe it's just how life is
                         there's nothing more to say

just kids
getting high when your parents aren't home
hoping no one hears us
or sees us climb into the hot tub
half naked
on a cold night
with a blunt in one hand
and my hand in the other

i was scared and drunk and looking for you
so what do you mean
"Do you even like me?"

in the street
the pavement is wet
sloping hill, up to your house
brown, dying leaves
surrounding our warm bodies
car pulls up
we don't even notice

we lay

on the stained carpet
in the basement
apart from anything else
lights are off
playlist, ours
heads pressed together
one in the morning
you tell me who you were
and who you are
i follow suit, blindly
i trust you
with everything

we lay

on your bed
there's no bed frame
just a mattress and some pillows
my head is spinning
i felt like i was dreaming
afraid i would wake
and you'd be gone
our music still on

we lay

He pulled me closer, in the dark
then left when the lights came on
It's almost as though
he is embarrassed
and I am what is wrong
He's not the first to hate the light
and he won't be the last
For every guy,
a weave of lies
just waiting to be cast

why is my poetry ****

for every girl
he is a mark
that cannot be swept away
for every girl
he takes a heart
and paints her blue skies grey

i really tried
but i couldn't replace the HIM
in every song
with anyone else

grey hoodie
blue eyes
too bad
he lies

my head a pool of whiskey
my thoughts, they start to dim
in the swirling mixture
i see the face of him

the warmth will tickle down my throat
the roughness smooth my skin
my lips will crave one sip more
i love the taste of him

the saddest thing
a kid could wish for
is that she is not like her father

i'm weak when i forget that everyone always leaves
and i have the nerve
the audacity
to chase after
a hot air balloon

it's a jumble of cliche words
designed to attract the attention of strangers
so that I can convince myself
that these things are real
that I am real
that the things I feel
don't just belong to empty space between my ears
that there's something out there
besides the backlash of my hurt
fantasies hurt less
please don't go

Ernest Hemingway said to write about what hurts.
But what do I do if it all hurts?
What are the words that capture the audience?
Probably nothing I can write
My tongue is dry,
signing off

your eyes are kissing me
but let's not romanticize pain

i gave you
more chances
than i gave myself
..
but it's my fault

i am losing your name
you walked away
and i stayed
digging myself
an early grave
a piece of my mind
was what i gave
it's now lost, just like your name

my words don't fit my words don't fit my words don't fit my words don't fit mY words don't fit mY w0rds don't fit mY w0rds don't fit mY w0rds doN't fit mY w0rds doN't fit mY w0rds doN't fiT mY w0rds doN't fiT mY W0rds d0N't fiT mY W0Rds D0N't fIT M Y    W O R D S      D O N ' T        F I T

and i still cannot believe he used me
like all the women in my life
have never warned me
like i couldn't see the tricks in his eyes
royal flames eager to burn
like i hadn't let him

w h a t     do you      w a n t     from     m e
you don't love me
you won't leave me
w h a t     do you      w a n t    from     m e
i can't give you everything
i refuse to give it twice

i've been waiting.
"what for?"
for when i don't have to answer that question.
when i won't even be able to hear that question.
when i am too far away to hear any questions.
when, one day, i get in the car.
and then i drive.
i'll just close my eyes, and pick a direction.
and i'll keep driving.
i'll only stop when i meet the setting sun, and everything has an orange glow.
i'll stare into the light, and forget your name.
i'll throw my phone into the desert, and bury my memories along with it.
i'll count the stars and change my name
i'll shave my head and burn my possessions
i'll lose myself and become a mirage
i'll paint my skin with the sunrise's pink
i'll find a million different ways to love, and ways to say '"i love you"
i'll kiss a thousand lips, without having to hear them move once
i'll be a hundred different people, a hundred different stories
i'll be in the middle of nowhere, but i'll know where i am
and you'll say
"what ever happened to her? she's just...gone?"
but i won't have to answer that question.
i won't even be able to hear that question.

today, i am blue.
sometimes we need to be blue.
it's what makes us human.
it's what makes us poets.

among the things i cannot do
is somehow rid my mind of you
your smile creeps in, your eyes so blue
you mined straight through my skin

ASK ANYONE
                  when we met, i was a mess
                  i was hurting, i was unloved
                  i was scarred and bruised and left and used
ASK ANYONE
                  when we talked, my words found color
                  they became bright and jubilant
                  they became a whirlwind of paint
ASK ANYONE
                 i saw the best parts of myself in you
                 the universe was aligned
                 and fate shown its strong hand
ASK ANYONE
                 when we were over, i felt incomplete
                 like those best parts of me were walking away
                 and i was left, crumpled, angry
ASK ANYONE
                 time taught me how to smile
                 hurt taught me to have heart
                 you taught me of strength
ASK ANYONE
                 i cried at a stop light
                 why won't you let me go?

does he look at everyone like that
and if so
is that because
he sees the beauty in everyone

my jokes are never funny enough
my mind is never sunny enough
Are my tears even runny enough
to be counted as real?

i was in love with a boy, i was not enough
i am in love with a boy, i am not enough
i will love a boy, i will not be enough

when simple thoughts bring complex hurt
you need to let me go
but squeeze knuckles white
and hold on tight
for love i long to know

without you i'm healing
towards you there's no feeling
but when i'm with you
my mind starts reeling
my head falls back, eyes towards the ceiling
asking God in a whisper
"what kind of hand are you dealing??"

i keep my poems short
because i'm afraid
i'll unravel something
that i can't unsay
and i can't un-think