Wala akong alam sa pag-ibig
Ngunit nang ikaw ay nahagip
Alam kong ikaw na 'king iniibig
Binigyan **** katuparan ang panaginip
Na dati'y tinatamasa lamang sa pag-idlip

Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Bawat hinagpis kong pinunasan ng 'yong palad
Ang mga labi **** nagsilbing liwanag na hubad
At kulay sa buhay kong mapanglaw
Kaya nga sabi sa sarili, ikaw na nga, ikaw

Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Kaya hinayaan kong mabulag mga mata kong singkit
Na ikaw lang ang tinatanaw, walang pakialam sa sakit
Kahit pa nung araw na hindi ka na lumapit
Mga taghoy ko'y pilit kong iniimpit

Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Kahit malabo na ang pag-iisip
Pinilit kong takbuhin ang distansya natin
Kahit alam kong walang makukuha ni silip
Sa paghabol sa taong ayaw na sa'kin

Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Musmos pa nang ika'y humangos sa'kin
Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Dinamdam ko ang pagtulak mo sa'kin
Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Tinanggap ko lang mga salita **** hagupit
Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Tinalo ng luha ko ang ulan ng bagyong mabagsik
Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Noon ay akala ko ikaw na ang nangyari sa'king pinakamasakit

Wala 'kong alam sa pag-ibig
Pinanood lang kita sa pagtakbo mo
Nabingi lang ako sa mga pangako mo
Marami ring oras ang inaksaya ko sa'yo
At mahaba-haba rin ang nasulat kong 'to

Ngayong natuto na akong tumayo sa mga paa ko,
Ang punto ko lang ay napakawalang hiya mo!

At sa pagkagat ng dilim
Kasabay ng pamamaalam ng araw sa'tin
Mahihimlay ko sa sulok ng apat na dingding
Huhubarin ang mga ngiti, ipapahinga ang bibig at ibababa ang hinlalaki kong kanina pa nangangawit
Sa kapapaalala sa mundo na ayos lang
Na makakatagal pa ko ng kahit sampung minuto

Sampung minuto---
Ito lang ang kailangan para tuluyan nang tapusin ang sinimulang kwento natin
At sampung minuto para dapuan ka nila ng tingin at sabihin sa'king
Kailangan na kitang talikuran
Ngunit di na ko inabot ng sampung minuto pa para pakingga't tupdin sila
Dahil sampung segundo lang---
Isa, dalawa, bitaw na, bitaw
Lima, anim, ayoko pa, ayoko pero
Siyam, sampu...ay nagawa na kitang bitawan
Ang sabi kasi ni nanay ay di ka nararapat para sa'kin
Sabi ni tatay pag-aaral ko muna ang atupagin
Ang sabi nila ay dapat ko silang sundin
Ang mga bumuhay at nag-aruga sa akin ay dapat na lagi kong susundin

Huwag mo nang gawin yan, ito ang mas bigyan **** pansin
Di yan makabubuti para sa'yo, bat di mo na lang tularan ang kapatid mo
Ang lalaki dapat ay matikas
Ang tanga tanga mo, wala kang mararating diyan
Kahit sino kayang makagawa ng ganyan, magsundalo ka na lang
Dinaig ka pa ng nakababata sa'yo?
Dapat pareho kayong tinitingala ng tao

Kaya't binigo ko ang nag-iisa kong pag-ibig at sumuong sa digmaang di ko kailanmang naisip
Dahil dapat lagi pa ring susundin ang mga bumuhay at nag-aruga sa'kin, mga bumuhay at nag-aruga sa'kin dapat kong sundin, ang sa'kin ay nag-aruga't bumuhay lagi pa ring susundin
Nay, yakapin mo ko't pahupain ang hapdi
Kaya, Tay, tapikin mo ko sa balikat at sabihin **** tama ang ginawa kong pagtupad sa pangarap mo
Dahil tapos na tapos na ko
Pagod na pagod na ko
Sa panonood sa pagkislap ng mga mata ni bunso
Mga kutikutitap na di mapapasakin dahil ang mga mata ko'y namumugto
Mga matang naniningkit na katatanaw sa sarili kong mga pangarap
Dahil ng mg paa ko'y habol ang bawat dikta't kagustuhan niyo

Sawa na kong pilit pantayan si bunso
Dahil kahit anong gawin ko'y di bubukal sa'kin ang kaligayahan
Di tulad niyang may malayang kinabukasan
Ako'y may busal ang bibig, may taling mga kamay, nakakulong sa ekspektasyon ng sarili kong mga magulang

Pagod na ko, ayoko na
Ayoko nang marinig ang "Tingnan mo siya,buti pa siya, mas magaling pa siya..."
Hindi ako binigay sa inyo para ikumpara niyo sa isa niyo pang anak at sa anak ng iba na hinihiling niyong meron din kayo

Gusto ko lang naman marinig na may tinama ako kahit papano, kahit kapiranggot
Gusto kong marinig ang "Salamat" at "Mahal kita" at "Ipinagmamalaki kita" dahil tapos na tapos na ko
Pagod na pagod na kong
Habulin ang liwanag ng talang matagal nang namatay sa kalawakan
Kaya Nay, Tay
Ako po muna
Ako naman ngayon...

Hindi agad nagtama ang mga mata natin kaya naman
'Di ko akalaing magkukrus ang mga landas natin
Alam mo 'yong: 'makuha ka sa tingin'?
Ang ginawa mo'y hinablot mo 'ko sa kada titig na
Dadampi sa aking gawi—'di ko pinapansin
Ngunit nang magsimula na ang tugtog ay siyang kusang
Pagdidikit ng mga palad natin. Bawat hakbang,
Sabay ang galaw ng ating katawan
Ito siguro ang pakiramdam ng nalutang sa buwan

Binibigay ka ng mga ningning sa mga mata mo:
Ang mga lihim na nakayukom sa puso mo
At sa mapupula **** labi ko narinig ang
Sinabi ****: ganiyan din ang nararamdaman ko
Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, nakakabingi
Kung alam mo lang na ito ang dalangin gabi-gabi
Kaya ang sabi ko, wala na akong pakialam pa
Kung sa balikat hahawak o sa bewang ba
O kahit pareho pa tayong nakapalda
Basta isasayaw kita hanggang sa ako'y
Maputulan ng hiniga

Ikaw ang kaharap ko, wala akong pag-aalala
Kahit pa ramdam ko ang mga mata nila sa'ting dalawa
At mas maingay pa ang bulungan
Kaysa awit ng banda
O kahit ilang tapak pa ang gawin mo sa aking paa
Hindi ko bibitawan ang kamay mo; hayaan mo
Mapapagod din sila

Basta ako, alam ko ang mahalaga: ikaw ang mahalaga
Ang pakiramdam ng hininga mo sa balat ko
Ito ang mahalaga, ang pagyapos mo sa'king kaluluwa
Habang inaangkin natin ang magdamag, ito ang mahalaga

Iyan ang mga sinabi ko noong gabi ng pagtatanghal
Pero huwag ka sanang mabibigla
Hindi ito madadaan sa isang sambitla o kahit
Maupo pa 'ko upang ilahad sa 'yo lahat
Hindi ko rin alam kung saa't kailan nagsimula
Ang alam ko lang, dito ako ipinadpad
Ng agos na pilit kong nilabanan
At sa tuwing maglalakbay, ang anino mo ang
Laging nadadatnang tumatakbo palayo sa kalawakan
Pero saglit lang, 'di ko alam kung ako ba'ng may kasalanan
Sa walang hanggan nating habulan
Na para bang tayo'y laging pinagtatagpo upang
Tunghayan ang sakit na dinudulot sa isa't isa

Pero teka muna, saglit lang, ako lang ba ang nagdaramdam?
May ngiti na sa 'yong mga mata kahit mga luha
Ang umaagos sa kanila; ang iyong tindig ay parang
Noong una nating sayaw— ngunit may nagbago sa 'yong galaw
Napaisip ako, 'di ko mapigilan, kung ikaw pa ba ang natatanaw
Ang dalaga noong una't huli kong sayaw
Na alam kong imposible nang balikan
Ang sa'kin lang ay sana'y alam mo na
Lahat ng 'yon ay tunay
At mahal kita, maniwala ka
Kahit ako pa ang unang bumitaw

#

Sumibol* sa akin ang 'yong tahanan
Ang hangin ko'y malinis, pinaramdam sa'yo ang kapayapaan
Pananabik ay labis sa iyong pagtuloy
Di inasahang mapapalitan ng panaghoy
Dahil ako'y tahanan mo lamang
Kapag sa ulan ay kailanganin mo ng *masisilungan...

Years of meaningful friendship
                  Apart as days drip
                              Is farewell our final trip?

When everything moves in flashes
And so fast you slip through my fingers
I'll try to catch the years til I'm ashes
And one last time I'll dry your independent tears

Grow down, my sweetheart, grow down
Just lay still amidst my breast
Grow down, my sweetheart, grow down
Sit with me and take your heart to rest

The days when all is summer
And laughter is all that escapes your lips
I just can't see you suffer
So dear, listen to my wish

Grow down, my dear, grow down
Come with me and eat your favorite treat
Grow down, my dear, grow down
I'll hum you songs til you're asleep

To see you in full bloom
Makes my heart swell
With delight, tears, pride and gloom
And all I want's to see you doing well

But grow down, honey, grow down
It's hard for me to watch you walk down the aisle
Grow down, honey, grow down
Back to the days when your world's only I...

A cup of tea is what we shared
Through sweet exchange of sighs
I want to pour all what I feel
'Hind this ceramic cup
Autumn leaves and puff of air
I try to convey my words
But a gust of wind to my cup of tea
Is all that had occurred.

Like shooting stars you shower
Me with your non-stop lies
You might wanna go slower
I see truth in your eyes...

I believe in freewill
That we have control over our lives
That is why I choose to believe
In destiny,
In soulmates,
In true love.
I choose to believe in the stars
And choose to believe in faith
That it is real
It is present
And it will happen

I look at all your pictures
Reminiscing our times together
We were inseparable creatures
I really thought we'd last forever


Remembering your smile
That always brighten my day
Hearing your sweet voice from a mile
It makes me feel okay


Sometimes I long for you
But they scream everything's fake
Still, without you my world's blue
But someday I know I'll be awake


I'll come to my senses
Realize that you and me can never be
Not even the wind can bring me happiness
For far from you I will always be


Yes, this is to my sky
The one that I can never touch
No matter how high I fly,
Down from afar will I watch...

You need not put your tough face
In front of me you don’t need
To add made up stars to your shadow
Just come and let me take hold of your heart
Then peacefully crumble in my arms…

It is up above the world like stars
But then you see it in the horizon
More days shall come and go
But only seems a blink away
It feels like you're getting there
When in fact you're just about to run
Within hand's reach, but you shall spend
Tireless tries to achieve it
You want to be there but frightened by the thought
Of your presence at the end
Because you won't know, you'll never know
If Death is there awaiting
Or the finish line is where
The Dawn of new beginnings...

We are entangled
To each other
To keep ourselves in a knot
Is our commitment
We go around in circles
Traversing a single path
For we are
Knotted, entangled, committed
To breathe each other's breath
And beat each other's heart...

What fills the space,
the empty void that life has taken
Who's to fill your dying heart---
beating raindrops like crystals
slipping under your black eyes
Where will you go if
nobody has asked you to stay
And lastly,
when will you come home to me---
the place you belong wholeheartedly...

It's dripping
From my fingertips
The cold diamond
Shining under the
Golden sun
Until one is left
Resting in my palm
Like a string
I grip tight
As if this is
My lifeline...

Days had evaporated
And leaves had been blown by wind
Fingers had turned another page
The pen breathed out a new story to tell
Time had sped away, leaving almost everything
Old and forgotten
Forgotten and old
A newborn beginning had started
As the young mind grew wiser
And an innocent heart became learned
And I blew my candle, thinking still
Of what to make of this chance,
This new opportunity that
I have held and grasped
This gift that I was fortunate
To be blessed with
This life, my life...

Breathe deep, my Love
Sleep tight on my thighs
Feel the breeze carry you
To your dreams to and fro
Grip light, my Love
Tomorrow is still afar
Rest now your dying heart
And let me treasure this
In my mind...

Heart splatters blood like fireworks
Eyes are tired but you've woken my soul
And I'm not sure how this really works
What I know's except you blurred is all

I've been shot by arrow
Then everything seems true
You somehow erased my sorrow
And added colors to my only hue

I see you now in a different, new light
Light so bright that blinded my mind
Your hair, face and bag still in my sight
And seriously, I wanna ask, "Do you mind?"

You made blood rush fast as lightning speed
Race with my other thoughts
That's all you did
Mercy on me now---just let me sleep...

Spots of lights
Closed my eyes
None came to sights
Mind was filled with lies

It was a hard day
No one was left gay
Then it appeared: the sun's ray
It was time for another play

And so the actress came
With bright smile on and heels
Everybody knew her name
But never what she truly feels

Mask to her soul
Makeup to her face
She finished it all with grace
And for that had always been praised

In pretending, she has awards
For running away instead towards
Head's down, head's up, cover up
The rising truth was bottled up

It was easier to put her thumbs up in the sky
Than cry the tears she's been hiding inside
She says she is strong
She's not too small
And so she continues to play the game on

Then my mind was filled with lies
Nothing right came to sights
That I had to close my eyes
To see the spots of lights...

I waited for you again
To come and paint me with your colors
Outshining the rainbow
As we collided to every inch of each other's being
Deep inside, I trust 'tis real
But I've always known 'tis all a deal
A little experiment of curious minds
And a vulnerable love of two wild hearts
I just wish that this could all be a dream
Of an adventurous mind
Whose imagination's running the reel
And perhaps, just maybe
This growing pain right in my heart's core
Will be washed away by these pleasures
That originated from bore...

Don't take away from yourself the liberty to experience all the love the world could offer you

Because you deserve so much of it

Embrace people and when it's time to let go,

Breathe in then loosen your grip

It was love
When I first saw you
And it was the same love
When I chose to let you go...

Invincible and unshaken
Bruises, wounds and no scars taken
Geared up for ev'ryday battle
Steel clothing--- set for the tackle
Survive blows and dodge an attack,
The duties of one playing rock
But toughest is to smile outside
When rock is crumbling deep inside...

Because it's only in thine eyes
that you see beneath the figures and
the cruel layer of reality
'Tis in thy eyes that you see
the glory of humanity...

Dark eyes bore on me
Your words sting but all I see's
You looking at me...

I like the way we rhyme
Your fingers laced with mine
It feels like it's been a while
Since I have seen you smile
Skies are as blue as the eyes that tell you
My dear, my dear, it's only you
And I love you, I love you...

do not tell me to smile
to show my teeth
to let my laughter ring
and echo in the room
Do not tell me to look directly at people
Bore my eyes on them as I tell my fabricated stories
Because that's what everyone does
Do not tell me I should fake happy too

You slip through my fingers
Such as the freeform curves of the wind
Such as the hem of the sea offshore
A long dream from the sinews of my mind
You slip through my fingers in kind

So distant, so far away--I don't wish you to go
Go and slip away, eerie as a night's phantom
Go and you'll leave me in yesteryear's joy
Gone cold, singing soliloqy, grappling with forlorn
Should you slip through my fingers one morn

And your shadow'll overshadow the you I know
As if continents have surfaced between us
As if we speak in different tongues--not a mem'ry
But a past life affair unknown to your mind
My love, must you slip through my fingers in kind?
#

Back when I had lost all my friends and the last lover sat there behind the barred door, she would gather me up with so much warmth.

      She knew I could not be without rhythm. So she played the harp for me. Caresses from hushed lullabies sitting against the windowsill.

      She wept when she saw me naked. I pretended I did not see. She bathed me in flowers and silk.

      Her touch sang mellow tunes on my discolored skin. And her eyes held my soul still, cuddled me as if I was once in her womb.

      Tender, careful breathing into my lungs she did. I looked at her. She only smiled. The air sounded an apology.

For the shards underneath my kitchen stove.
i run my fingers through moments thawed
clawing, catching, grasping—
drip, drip, dripping mercury gold
a rupture veiled with wisdom sought
like a Band-Aid on my pinky toe,
a mere stain ‘cross the tablecloth
when every gasp ***** holes anew
deep in bosoms pulsing violet blues

For the wrinkles i failed smoothing through.
paracosmic ashes from bridges burnt
decaying below my point of view, overdue
adieus stashed ‘tween your books and
pertinacious passion seeping through
my pillowcase i tucked in place
souvenirs of potential
framed laced pinkies sitting down
with my strewed syllables marooned and brown
a lynx vanishing with clementine eyes

Until the chalice of chrysalis manifests.
come ‘morrow is an acquainted rue
when all but my love subdued

We live in the liminal of imagined dreams

                                           What if

We parked our shoes and dust our sleeves

The wounds are clean
                             
                                                            What if

We mean what we spoke

And pinky swear and it’s still there

Feed the elephant of what it craved

Carcasses of threshold crossed

                           It’s you and me

Finally; what if

         I die every day loving you

And silently you do the same

          And our lungs are fresh air

i m p a s s e – for some time it’s that temptation / to step back, knowing you can always come / home to being vintage and pre-loved; I stand / on the white fence of falling over / and falling back—this seesaw of a timeline / patience breathes me life

l i m i n a l – but I was limestone diamond / climb mountains to chase the void / to be estranged more so / the omnipresent detachment / for all I care about is a curse / I could never be too close / for seeking indefinite answers

a r d e n t – paint me pictures that loosen these shackles / I would know to smolder / make these bygones ashen / I’m the doltish lover who sinks first / then flourishes second

so you wait for tides to sweep you away
but they could never
you are iron—a part of the collective
there's no such thing as belongingness
everything is mathematical
projecting onto reality
that's all in the mind
an assignment
freedom is a concept
cultivation of hope
of extreme disappointment
as they all gravitate to you
but they can only do so much
give you all the evil
of both worlds: matter and forms
just all the evil
nothing beats your skull
closing your eyes shut
and your windows uneven
perhaps the armor
is for the sworn enemies
inadequate to **** the protagonist
for the armor is the skull
and the only way to victor over the skull
is to shatter it to pieces
but the ribs will quiver—the second hand
always afraid to play the part
always
always
and that would be the end of it
like another romeo and juliet
only unrequited
#