WE TALKED WITH NO SOUND
AND I HELD MY HEART CLOSE
IN HOPES FOR SOME WORDS
I KNEW I WOULDN'T HEAR.

TWELVE FEET CONNECTED
AND TWELVE FEET APART,
I WAS MOTIONLESS
ONLY WISHING I WASN'T.

I have an ocean of blankets forming warmth in my bed but I
am still shaky. Frantic. With whatever my heart--
going off like an Olympian's--has been feeling lately.
To which I wish I can choose not to oblige, at least more than I
get to do so in contrast to when I do to my brain. But
you have been visiting my mind too often and too much
back from the moment I saw you out of the corner of my eye
(...)
If I ever had you.

Cleaning houses you can never afford
For a whole day
Almost
Just so you can feed your four children
Breakfast
When you get home
At three in the afternoon
With a hand
Full of two dollars
Fit for all of you
Wanting to think about tomorrow
But it only hurts
So you smile
To mask the death inside
And you do not know for sure
If there is a day after this
Or if you even want one
But you go on
For them

Your ghost is still in my arms
I can feel your eyes and your palms
Pressed against me. Why do we waste time
Being this far apart?

Come to me and lay your bones
Hold me viciously close
Until I can't tell if breathing is necessary
Torture me until I spill of gold

My copacetic life:
Boring, plain, safe.
I am only resting and waiting
To just stop existing
I never waited for you
Or the fear you instill to me
Because why would I
Angel/Devil
I do not know you
But I want to

You are blind

:To the way you look at me
With eyes of honey and whiskey
:To the way your smile breaks in through them,
Like the seeping sun through my windows unto my bed
:To the way I'm so hooked on you
You're like sweet ******* that's ******* good
:To the way my face is drunken-red
Each time I drink the thoughts that spill out your head
But once the drinking is over I know I will ache
And I know I'm going to hate the after taste