life is an equation.

not a simple y = mx + b curve

rather one with countless variables
leading to one solution with each combination

think about it.

what I call variables, philosophers would call free will
and albeit a select number of variables are within our control
hundreds of others are not

if you find yourself stuck
with a conclusion you deem incorrect
or a development you know can't be the answer
always remember that your input controls the output

change the variables within your control

creases streak the mandarin squares
cool crisp paper that reminds me of
the way
you fold your collars right out of the dryer
the way
you tuck loose strands behind my left ear when I'm not looking

"when will you stop folding origami, silly goose,
the window sills are full of these little birds you make."

your inquiry about my little ritual
makes me beam as I know in my heart

I will fold a crane
with the glimmery glory of each sunrise,
the light being as constant in my life
as your love

900 little cranes smile back at me

Had I known yesterday was the last time
That I’d ever speak to you
I would’ve put your arms around my waist
Pressed my face into your collarbone
Closer and closer

Until my alar cartilage bled
And your ulna snapped  
A subtly violent fusion
That would still hurt less than you walking away

you wanna know something
if you gotta feel pain
go ahead and ******* feel it

sit with it
map it out like a small town
navigate down every street and alley
name the roads
pin the monuments
become the ******* mayor

let it rip through you
like wails and gusts of wind
or relentless waves pushing you out to sea
an unknown ocean
making a skilled sailor

as all emotions
pain is a colour in the palette
of human emotion
one that transforms us
remolds us
rebirths us

so ******* own it

days were built from hours and minutes
throughout these months
darling,
i crave you like a cactus yearns water
knowing only arid realities
of the wistful desert

what a beautiful trance you have been
flooding my monotone dreams
with a rainbow of colors
saturating my mind

would show you such kindness
if only you'd show up for it
a homage to the hydration
you made me feel

but this has been nothing but a mirage
and now I'm parched

wisps of smoke
coil from incense

been in anguish
since we last spoke

his amorphous presence
left me breathless
i gasp for air
i choke

yet your fragrance lingers

your eyes predetermine the forecast of my heart
and amidst prediction, they've stirred up a storm

my mind erupts from peaks to oceans
your breath being the momentum that fuels it endlessly

barefoot you walk
across the terrains of my thoughts
tread delicately love
your footsteps foreshadow movement of the sands

its odd weather you bring
but strangely i feel replenished

i like to close my eyes
and dream of carrying my
toffee eyed baby girl
through museums and exhibits
uncovering to her
eons of renaissance magnificence.

i imagine us holding hands
walking through botanical gardens
humming at birds
blooming with flowers
talking about the ecologic manifestations
of modern day society.

i want to take her to NASA
and make her mind expand
like the universe has for as long
as mankind lived
and realize some concepts are
so vast, so unfathomable
that the greatest beauty within us all
is the curiosity leading us
to try and understand.

i want her to know
that this life
has stretched on for centuries behind of her
and will continue for centuries ahead
but her arrival
in this era, at this time, in this moment
is the pivotal point around which
my universe turns.

its like a fire,
licking your raw skin
mapping its way across your body
kicking in the windows
leaving your home in flames

i have never been more fearful
and in that, lies my strength

see now love
that's what happens
when you keep living in your head
life passes you
right by

clutching chaos in a tight embrace
fingers clasped, a strong grasp  

ask the trees, root deep
snuggled in the soft soils of mama Earth
yet skyrocketing, infinite potential

ask the water
skipping and stumbling in silly streams
soon to transform into mighty rivers
oceanic magnitudes conquering the expanse of this planet

ask the flames
making candles flicker weakly
but in the same essence
fuelling the volcano  
a rudimentary relationship so simple
yet vital to development

its not a myth
rather an equilibrium of elements
in unequal proportions
but complete unanimity

and somewhere
amidst the daydreams
lost in flow
I evolved from child to woman

it rumbles and crackles
roaring with majestic furor
consumptive and commanding  
powerful through the most dire of days
constant and driving through those of peace
the fire in my belly demands a feast

i'm an exotic spice
you cannot just mix me in any fruit-bowl
or use me liven up a dead dish

listen.

i've been made to salsa with the red peppers
to sizzle with the onions
i'm not a scattering of freaking doughnut sprinkles
oh no
i melt with the honey that marinates your soul
the warmth of cayenne that leaves you craving more

so take that into account the next time you compare
pancakes to paella

i see a white sailboat from the corner of my eye
gliding majestically across the caribbean sea
& i want to travel wherever it goes
as far as it may be

some people are simply leftover carcasses of a carnivorous existence

warm summer exhalations embrace
the nape of my neck
giving birth to billions of hills
cascading down every inch of my skin

she wore her pain
around her neck
adorned as the most beautiful set of pearls
and i envied her

ode to our friendship
she unclasped her struggles
on my shaking hands

this string of majestic mourn
collected from mysterious depths of the ocean
how could i have been so foolish

for now i know why its called a choker

oh Sun
i crave to bloom

i want to nourish myself
i want my petals to feel your grace
i wish to dip and dive elegantly
as calm currents turn to riveting ripples
and clean crisp breeze flutters my spirits

yet my roots hold tightly
an age old clasp
love them deeper than the ocean
an inexplicably intricate matter
more complex than the cosmos
protection from wind and drift
clenching me to the same reflection
and i cannot move
so i cannot bloom

dear Sun
i pray to you

there are so many questions to be asked.

theories of the universe
prophecies untold
codes hidden
answers bidden

flames of passion consume the artist
enrage the curious
tickle the delirious

the hill in my throat
sinks into valleys

with mustard grass that flows
prairie currents rippling through the peace
swooning deep and wide into the canyons

a diamond has many cuts and edges
facets cannot possibly describe you

my darling

uncarved
unchanged
meticulously ignorant

how do I help a man,
drowning in superficiality?

would not I rather
let the ocean lick him
the fires ***** him
the truth consume him

a rather passive existence
its all generic, like tissue paper

and my hope an eagle
perched on the branch of the universe

its all spontaneous.

there’s been an occurrence
a robust inferno
fumes of confusion
soulful soot scattered
crayola carnage

its dark now
quiet
twisty as the infinite branches
of a willow tree
serenity seeps slowly
like the tea in my cup

rugged, jagged
cracked terrain
from which I anticipate
blooming colours
of chrysanthemums

myriad specks
settling, scattering

now recent
but soon to be archeological remnants,
my mind as matter

i've been ignoring it
stress seeping
in trembling airways
effects of cortisol

i've been ignoring it
subtle shaking of breath
once constant, once confident

i've been hiding
from a heart hurt
unaccomplished goals became looming dreams again

but like Rome I will pick myself up
I will piece myself together
from resilient rubble
and a blank blueprint
become a beautiful mosaic

Now is the time.
Because I've been ignoring it.
Ignoring it all too long now.

I really haven't done this in a while
pen on a page blanc
mumbles of my mind
or rants, as I recall
it really has been punishment
having my soul shut up so long
speak now, love
and forgive me

I hear your words baby
Drip out of your mouth like honey
Viscous, oozing
So easy to get stuck
Sweeter than sugar
But rotten to the core

Amidst shuffling playlists
I took out my earphones today

Decided to listen to the music of the breeze.

I’ll find you in a coffee shop
In some corner of a bustling street
Staring into cracks and crevices
Of the words in a book
Amongst a pool of phone screens

I’ll find you hiding
in the majestic wonders of Planet Earth
one corner or the other
Shuffling a camera
Slouched sloppily on broad shoulders
Capturing moments of clarity

I’ll find you deep
within the depths of the ocean
wading amongst the corals
submersed in the adrenaline of life
meditating its mystic origins

I’ll find you perched
on a rock in the midst of barren land
watching the sunset
scrawling in some bound blank pages
holding back tears
just as I am now

I’ll find you my love
just you wait

I ruminate on
my failed affairs
I really am a mess of state
but a well maintained disaster
With clothes crisp
and shoes of leather
a Prada bag slouched
shedding Glitter as a scavenger’s trail

seven billion people
yet I manage
to ram together puzzle pieces
with mismatched contours
and hope for it to work

seven billion people
yet I manage
to fear a faithless future, aghast abandonment
carving my present,
a relentless sculptor

seven billion people
yet I manage
to severe portions of my entity
my soul, my being
and gift them
waiting on exalted reception
only for smirks and Smirnoff

So here I am
the mess of state
On the 14th day of the 2nd month
Trying to figure this out yet again
Yet again

lacklustre eyes
brim tears
rosas arrive aplenty
squeals surface
embraces ensue
She shuts the door
with hands Empty.

I'm just looking for a constant
In a world full of variables

it will take me a while
piecing together the nitty gritty
but let me tell you *right from the get go
I intend on figuring myself out
far before anyone else has the pleasure to do so

what victory lies
in declaring defeat
of a colony desiring *******

what amusement lies
in wooing a woman
who desired your dedication

what triumph lies
in tantalizing hearts
for a *******, trifle feeling

for these questions I cannot answer
yet if you asked

what pain lies
in misplaced faith
for fruitless fallacies

It cannot be penned.

the presence of your breath
down the nape of my neck
goosebumps
encaptivate fields of epithelium
ravaging my integumentary system
follicle by follicle

the touch of your lips
color my cheeks
like the red of holi
marking every cell
every junction
as conquered territory

the gaze of your eyes
occipital lobes, is it?
strip me naked
without a touch
simple introspection

*I really can't get enough of this anatomy

clouds
pink orange
float past
like the venetian gondolas
sing to me Ambroso

she peers through the fogged windows
cold as winter frost
mountains seem mere specks
particles of unappreciable magnitude

oceans engulf masses of land
strange orchestrations
slowly encroaching

views the sandy depths
of the clear Caribbean sea
marking majestic patterns
of explainable riddles

heavens in the skies
she peers
hoping the sense of the world
will embrace her beautiful mind

for if not,
they’re of lackluster solidarity
these passing days

she watches curiously
the shadows of the world
as Innocence slowly slips away

the goal is not to be admired
rather to admire

- you are the light
a majestic accumulation of photons aplenty
- you are the rain
replenishing the thirst of the jungle
- you are the heat
exothermic emanations of energy
- you are the clouds
captivating charisma of many forms
- you are the tigress
devouring the bliss you **** well deserve
- you are the poetess
and don’t you dare forget it

believe me
i’m not dark
actually, I’m quite frothy

like foam that teases your lips
when you take the first sip of coffee

or the bubbles that catch your eye
when a nymph child plays

ivory keys that your fingers caress
as you make music out of me

or the decadent glimmering of a crystal
that creates kaleidoscopes in the sunshine

i’d melt the icing on a cinnamon roll
and lick it off your nose

or say your brows are caterpillars
and giggle myself silly

i’ll tickle your kneecaps
and poke your sides until you collapse

the child coalesced with the woman
the medical student coalesced with the artist.

Beautiful hybrids.

They had once been in their prime
Now littered across the newborn grass
Remnants of flowers, which had once been
Vivacious. Pink candour.
Of those that bloom, they're on top
No worries, swaying to the gentle jazz

With a gust of wind flies off a blossom
Sails through the wind like a blazing ship
The candour vivid, its last time ever
Lost in the moment of the infinite music
Until it hits the ground.

Rumpled, crumpled. Oh narcissistic irony
Those on top still lost,
The hypnosis of that fast life.
It slowly sinks through the blades.
They run deeper and deeper until it's
Limp.

Serendipitously someone comes along
Little Lucy perhaps
Pulls the ancient thing out of its pain and says
"Ah. It's beautiful."

He worked quite precariously
Plucking, unthreading, tearing
Until the sheer glimmer dimmed

The needle bobbed with rhythm
As he'd untwine multitudinous threads
And mercilessly string them along

Patterns so intricate yet so flawed
The carnal ambivalence stitched
In the lush red silk

Yet tailor beware
As your patterns removed the seams
Of a work so beautiful
That you left remorselessly
In tatters.

so I have cooked us a tempest
of remorse and regret
and baked it with vengeance
and iced it with venom
now that we’ve both eaten
let us meet in that field Rumi speaks of
and twirl until it all sheds off
alas that will be
the true moment of Epiphany.

Monday night
Because weekdays make a woman ache
after a heart break

Strawberry sugar sugar
Caress me in all the warm and wet ways
(papillae)
viscously ****** strands

Broad shoulders Breathtaking Collar
Bones
Is what I’ll pick with you tomorrow
Because atleast a margarita hits the spot every time

Toss

mmmh
Darling don’t stop

Toss

Sticky pulp invigorates
Rejuvenates my taste buds
Fills my hunger
moan louder, ******* stranger

Toss

Deeper and Deeper into the papaya womb
Don’t stop! Don’t stop!
The mango the endocarp
Slurp it till it runs dry

Toss

Lap it up boy. We’re both famished
But only you know I’m the fruit piece
You’ll toss

embers like the roasting of firewood
rocks you would find deep in the mantle of the planet
turn to royal purple
to a deep midnight blue
Mystic origins

fades and fades
into immeasurable darkness

I often sit and wonder:
why must I always say bye
why can’t it stay a while longer
why is it so unaffected
so glorious
as I molt and molt in misery
I’m ranting now

Its like the tighter I hold on to it
Squeeze him to myself
The more it flows; he flows
metaphysical.

just like hands full of sand grains
draining from both wrists
loosely like the dark unfathomable waves
I miss you darling, but is it really
you I miss

Oh sunshine?
Dimming over a limitless horizon
Reaching infinity
as I approach zero
I’ve always hated calculus.

can’t see the clouds now, they’re turning darker
strange shapes they take on
tears roll near the rims
of kohl stripped eyes
Traditional, perhaps .

they flow now
rolling loosely like ocean waves
As I watch the night take over