it's 3:23 in the morning
and I'm awake
because my great great grandchildren
won't let me sleep
my great great grandchildren
ask me in dreams
what did you do while the planet was plundered?
what did you do when the earth was unraveling?

surely you did something
when the seasons started failing?

as the mammals, reptiles, birds were all dying?

did you fill the streets with protest
when democracy was stolen?

what did you do
once
you
knew?

I'm riding home on the Colma train
I've got the voice of the milky way in my dreams

I have teams of scientists
feeding me data daily
and pleading I immediately
turn it into poetry

I want just this consciousness reached
by people in range of secret frequencies
contained in my speech

I am the desirous earth
equidistant to the underworld
and the flesh of the stars

I am everything already lost

the moment the universe turns transparent
and all the light shoots through the cosmos

I use words to instigate silence

I'm a hieroglyphic stairway
in a buried Mayan city
suddenly exposed by a hurricane

a satellite circling earth
finding dinosaur bones
in the Gobi desert
I am telescopes that see back in time

I am the precession of the equinoxes,
the magnetism of the spiraling sea

I'm riding home on the Colma train
with the voice of the milky way in my dreams

I am myths where violets blossom from blood
like dying and rising gods

I'm the boundary of time
soul encountering soul
and tongues of fire

it's 3:23 in the morning
and I can't sleep
because my great great grandchildren
ask me in dreams
what did you do while the earth was unraveling?

I want just this consciousness reached
by people in range of secret frequencies
contained in my speech


©2003

I am slowly becoming mute,
A wary fool moonlighting as a practiced mime...
Trembling hands make feeble passes,
Mixing the oils on the canvasses of life...
Talk is cheap, mostly hollow
We're all but ghosts trapped in a dream,
A tortured marathon of reruns
I reawaken, yet again, to these old scenes.

Life is a jest
As time will show it,
I thought so once
But now I know it.

Arm yourselves with shame... Humble heartedness; the gallows of Ego.

I stand on the beach,
toes dug deep into the sand.
The skyline turns fuschia...
Then neon bubblegum,
Then fades to blush pink...
The bones of our past
Gather on the shore
Like stones on a riverbed.
I cry.
The wind replies.
She says, "Dream."
"Sleep with moon,
Dance with the stars,
Rise with the Sun."
I hold my breath
and lose consciousness.
Your voice guides me
through my darkness.
I wait.
The Universe replies.
He says,"Be quiet."
"I will provide."
I sigh.
And all is well with the World.

I step out into the pale February air
Of mid afternoon,
Beneath this dull and weeping sky.
The first thing I notice
In the courtyard
Is the concrete slab
Networked by rainwater stains,
Dark and arterial;
Like a web of veins
Searching for their way back home
Toward a warm and caring heart.

I tiptoe through a spattering of puddles
Watching my grey reflection,
Like a well defined shadow,
Peering up at me
So lost and alone.
The glittering steel backdrop
Of the cage above
Flickers with surreality
Across the surface of the water
As it is breaking beneath my feet.

Running my hand along the stone wall
Sounds a bit like wind
Rushing off the back of a jet plane,
Hollow and whistling from my palm
Across the smooth terrain;
My fingertips pausing
Only to linger on the pocked and marred and patched-up parts,
As if only to admire their stoic imperfections
And to kiss their milultitude of wounds and scars.

The walls here reach higher than any  of us could ever hope to climb alone.
The architecture is cold and sterile
And unforgiving in it's practicality.
Large beads of water gather in the corners of the fixtures
From sixty feet above
Only to come crashing down upon my cheekbones
With the heaviest and mist sickening of "splats".

I shake them off like an iris shedding the first round of morning dew,
Then I plant myself under the eaves
In the only square foot of dry ground in view.
Sitting quietly, with closed eyes,
I listen to the variable thicknesses of each falling raindrop,
Contemplating the many different tones
As some collide with the puddles
And others burst among the bricks.

Through the thin, spidery membrane of my eyelids
I sense a shift in the overhead lighting,
Just in time to spot a silver lining
As a rogue beam of light
Pushes through a soft spot in the clouds.
I inhale the earthy scent
Of dirt and freshly mopped sidewalks
While I marvel at just how precisely
His eyes, at times,
Can match the exact shade of this mid winter sky.

With a sigh and and an undetectable shudder,
A little smile crosses my lips,
And I long for nothing more than to be embraced by his arms of steel.
The love I feel with him seems much mightier than any prison fortress...
And I,
Held captive by it's institution,
Gracefully accept my position,
And find that it is one
I am all too willing too endure.

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

If this doesn't change you,
In some Earth-shattering    
                             way,
Well...
Then I don't think we're
  in the same story, friend.

In my mind, as infinite as the heavens,
I am but a starry eyed stranger

Wandering through her shimmering realms
Beneath an ebony sky, laced with crimson,
Beclouded with spiraling sprays of stardust

A child, a warrior, a saint full of sin,
I pass through the vapour of my shadowselves

Layers falling away like rotten tree bark
Exposing the rings within, like fingerprints,
Looping coils of time, bending but unbroken

Somewhere in the distance a dragonfly dances on the surface of the water,
Unknowingly admired by a sharp toothed Chinook

As another lost soul pulls back on a well worn syringe,
Seated on a broken toilet, slowly leaking across the scarred, yellow linoleum.

While a mother in Africa nurses a starving baby from her malnourished breast,
A stomach ravaged by dysentery,
Lips cracked and bleeding beneath the relentless heat of the sun,

And a pimple faced pop star sips champagne from a crystal goblet,
Wearing eight hundred dollar sunglasses and basking on a beach in Barbados,

Where they will spend more on hotels and liquor for a week than most families will earn in wages all year.

I close my eyes to imagine a world where only dragonflies sip champagne,

and people ACTUALLY care about one another.

But the former seems more likely than the latter...
So I return to my inner sanctuary of dreams...
And once again, I am infinite.

O.ne.             .is
N.othing.     AND
E.verything.   is.
                     .O.

Sleep with Moon,
   Dance with the Stars,
        Rise with the Sun...
                   :)

My glass was once half empty.
My glass was once half full.
My glass slipped off and shattered.
Now it's all one great big pool.

A writer without words
Is like sky without  sea...
No mirror below to reflect her,
She exists, but can never be seen.

Love a man whose strength of character precedes him on his journey in life.

Love a man who’s not afraid to stumble and fall, only to pick himself up and face the wind once more.

Love a man who’s made mistakes and whose heart is etched with scars of long lost loves, lingering embraces and kisses that tore at the soul.

Love a man who listens to his inner guides, and not knowing exactly where they lead, picks up his sword and leads his horse into the dark of a forest from where he may never return.

Because he has faith in his dreams, even those that leave him broken and in need of a fresh start.


Because he is the wizard of his own destiny, weaving the strands of the unknown into a tapestry that he can cover himself with when times are hard.

Because he is a warrior and he is hungry for a life that is lived without regrets.

Love a man whose smile is honest and whose eyes fell you to your knees.

Love a man who will turn away from safety, trusting that his passions are a danger he cannot live without.

Love a man whose hands know how to explore your secrets and his body awakens every sin you’ve ever craved—he won’t judge you, he’s a worshiper of the Feminine.

Love a man whose tears are hot, who bathes in the ashes of his mistakes. Love him when his eyes are shadowed, when he walks the beach in search of his muse, when he stands naked in a soul consuming fire; because he’ll come out stronger than before. He’s promised you that and he keeps his word.

A man who understands the journey, will not apologize for where his mind leads him. He will seek wisdom from any place that it hides. This man is a visionary, and he seeks a woman whose life is her own.

He will own you if you ask it, but only when you allow him into your darkest requests. He will advise you if you need it, but give you space to follow your own truth. He will understand that your journey is a battlefield only you can lay yourself down on.

But ask him for protection and you’ll hear his sword rasp out of its shield.

Love a man who dreams of the future but never wastes today.

Love a man whose intensity keeps the wolves at bay.

Leave your door wide open, he will come to you when you need him – stranger, seeker, sinner; thinker.

Men on their journey push past the mists of the unknown and bare themselves to loss or gain, whichever will find him first, and trusting in the process, awaken stronger, more alive, gifting the world with their insights and inventions.

Men on their journey will enjoy your mind, will yearn to learn from you—will find their pleasure in discovering your truth.

Men on their journey are wild and sensual. Because their soul knows no boundaries, their thoughts are limitless, their voices can either soothe or excite.

Love a man who shakes loose the questions of the ages, who throws himself in to the sea, seeking salty respite from the ravages of his quests, who listens to the call of mermaids, and believes that the spirit world holds more wisdom than all the books in the world.

Love a man who’ll be on his journey until his dying day.

You’ll know him by his integrity. He’ll never tell you that he’s finished being the adventurer.

You'll know him by his vulnerable heart.

Quiet little One...
No longer must you cling
To those clamouring,
Corrosive thoughts of old.
Accept that We Were
All born yesterday.
And again today...
And in every passing hour.
So even Now,
Our spirit pulsing with the Moment.
Breathe as the sky breathes...
One continuous sigh of Completion.
A subtle forward motion;
Effortless, attentive,
Unpolluted in contentment.
Arm yourself with joy,
Infinitely beguiled by life,
This plethora of blessings;
Never ceasing to revel in a Common state of wonder.
Your awkward smile,
Your broken shine,
Your gentle sorrows;
They light the candle
Of your eye; becoming
Amplifiers of your beauty...
Sparkling rays of laughter,
Tossed like tinsel,
Across each heartfelt Conversation.
Waken to the embrace of
Human error;
For both Comedy and Tragedy
Are remedies we share.

The little white clouds are racing over the sky,
And the fields are strewn with the gold of the flower of March,
The daffodil breaks under foot, and the tasselled larch
Sways and swings as the thrush goes hurrying by.

A delicate odour is borne on the wings of the morning breeze,
The odour of deep wet grass, and of brown new-furrowed earth,
The birds are singing for joy of the Spring’s glad birth,
Hopping from branch to branch on the rocking trees.

And all the woods are alive with the murmur and sound of Spring,
And the rose-bud breaks into pink on the climbing briar,
And the crocus-bed is a quivering moon of fire
Girdled round with the belt of an amethyst ring.

And the plane to the pine-tree is whispering some tale of love
Till it rustles with laughter and tosses its mantle of green,
And the gloom of the wych-elm’s hollow is lit with the iris sheen
Of the burnished rainbow throat and the silver breast of a dove.

See! the lark starts up from his bed in the meadow there,
Breaking the gossamer threads and the nets of dew,
And flashing adown the river, a flame of blue!
The kingfisher flies like an arrow, and wounds the air.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Oh sweet, beloved Mercury
Where lucid liquid logic's rise
Who's silver molten vapoured sphere
Doth surge and crackle
fractaled lights.
Her breath ignites, excites, entice
The fevered frantic frightful men
With clustered cluttered clouded  thoughts
Where rabitts, worms and loop-holes blend.
An etheral itch commands her call
Crawling 'cross the rainbowed wires
Wordly winding  waves of mind
Embed upon her violet spiral.

An Oriental doll      
   In front of            
A  Wild West painting              
       in my    
Mother's house...  
East meets West.    
Polar Opposites.  
  Together.    
   Just        
    Trying to            
     Tell            
      Their        
       Story...

Time is like a river
Endlessly flowing
a relentless current
draws us ever closer
to the unknown sea
As effortless as diamonds
scoring glass,
the flow of it etches
an age old story,
Through layers of Earth,
Through the bedrock of human existence
The landscape laid before us
The ley lines of fate
Long drawn...
THe ancient song
Calls them into being,
Shifting and changing them beneath its will
New pathways formed
Emerging from an unsuspecting  force
We are captured in its fluid surface,
... Where life's thin reflections dance like ghosts.
The hypnotic, tireless pulsing
of its Rhythmic beat
Polishes even the most rugged stones
A crystal garden sparkles in the moonlight
Beneath those deep and troubled waters,
her lucid channels glisten in
the reflection of mother Moon...
The Sun's beloved mirror,
Softly whispering to the waiting tides
She smiles down gently on the rippling waters below
So full,
Wide-eyed and gracious,
She keeps watch over the river of time...
And we, too, are in her favor,
For it is her soft light
Reaching out to us
Illuminating the spark in our hearts
While we trudge the wary, winding road
On this dark night of our soul

She no longer fears death,
For she would rather be with ghosts
Than live with zombies.
When Rainbows turn from Divine promises
To sky clad signatures of death from babies,
She's almost sure that Hell itself must be
A better place than this...

I've had my entire being challenged by the fires of life.
And though I have emerged, I have been forever changed.
There were things I didnt understand about you,
or appreciate enough about you.
But I can now.
And I love you more than anyone else in the world.
Not just the love of lust or adoration,
but truly, deeply and complexly.
The kind that has been obtained through pleasure, and pain.
On pins and needles
My heart yearns for your return.

Tetragrams and anagrams
Pseudonyms and sleight-of-hands
Betwixt the lines lie crooked spines
Textured, gestured, shamed and shrined
Functions, Factions, fabled fiction
Starred and Crossed, they're scored and stitched in
Faeries, furies, funded theories
Quantum physics, quarks and queries
Embers bright, a red clad knight
Winged cats with cubic heights
Flux your lux, set down your labels
Time entwines both swine and angels
Mumbled murmurs, lazy learners
Beacons, bosons, carbon burners
Codecs keyed for hertz and bytes
Ancient tones 'n pheremonones
Reflect,
     Refract,
         Retract...
             Ignite.
Our shadow selves toll ghostly bells
Building walls, erecting shelves
Saviours, slaves, enchanted knaves,
'Tis man, himself, 'creates these Hells...

Walk a mile in this soul
And you'll see what I see
All that loves turns to gold
All that's lost sets you free

No matter the cost
I'ma keep being me
Ain't no price for what I've bought
Except my own pair of wings

I feel so hollow sometimes
As weightless as your charms
Resting quiet at my breast
Bound to you in depth, by death,
I carry silent remnants
Like a noose around my neck
A porcelain heart
An Angel's wing
A silver crying moon
A heart of steel
A balanced cross
A grief too deep to feel.
I too am now a cloud.

There's nothing quite like cuddling you
Early in the morning
While the house lies still and quiet
And it feels like all the world is fast asleep
Your bristly chin rubbing across my forhead
Your eyes smiling seductively with your **** lips
Hungry, yet gentle, your fingertips move across my hips
I burrow down against your chest
There's nowhere safer than here in your arms
The scent of your skin like Linus' blanket to my soul

He makes me smile from a part of my cheeks
that I never knew existed

Tomorrow unfolds like a spring-born flower into a bright spectacle…

Today’s showers, no matter how uncomfortable, are necessary…

Yesterday is buried along with last season’s splendor, enriching the soil.

Here I spin
Upon a wire
Strip my flesh
And stoke the fire
Bent so low
My soul breaks higher
Of empty hearts
and words
I tire :'(

We are blessed
And we are beautiful,
It's the scars and lines
Between our eyes
That make us so unusual.

We give our best,
Accept what's left,
With star crossed minds
And Angels' shine,
We fall awake
Like dreaming ghosts.

Otherwise things continue
in bright yellow rounds.
The road tears at my throat,
I cannot see it's path,
tar-eyed I stumble,
fall, cry out,
mute and stillborn.

This is how it should be,
circles, rounds, crocus, wild,
geese south, frozen ******
ponds. Yet I am the infitnite

whirlwind at the center.
and the giant at the edge
of the universe. Still
I call, cry out: blind.

Otherwise I would leap high
hurling myself past moons
to become star: brilliant,
pulsating. The road tears at throat
yet things continue, as I revolve the orb.

Nicotine soaked bedsheets
Damply caressed by sweat, by tears
Sooty black fingerprints,
Like carbon coated breadcrumbs
They leave a trail of sorrow...
Resin coated bobby pins
Cut straws and crystal dusted mirrors
Nails gnawed down to the quick
Bloodshot eyes, cracked lips
Tired thoughts,
    Hopes tossed,
        Dreams shattered,
              The
                    pieces
                           Lost.

Emotions tangle inside me
Like a twisting patch of briars,
I draw blood on the thorns
And search for you in the thicket,
But I cannot hear your voice.
I feel your body calling
Yet I cannot find the source.
From somewhere at my back
I can feel the eyes undress me,
I stand naked in the shadows
While their hungry minds assess me.
They have always come for me,
Though few are brave enough to stay.
I stand alone among the rains,
And the demi-gods, they prey,
Yet I am somehow unafraid
As every darkness leads to dawn,
Yes, every night must turn to day.
And so I only dream of you,
I trust you'll find me here again.

I know you said to try and not make any more points... But I can't just sit idly by while excellent points are ignored and disregarded in favor of illusions.

You can either choose to embrace and admire my intellect... Or you can attempt to belittle and censor it. The way my mind works is a little different than most, and that shouldn't be a threat to you. It should be an asset.

I'm sure I can be frustrating to deal with because I have yet to tame my ego and temper entirely, but those flaws have been brought to my attention.

I'm only 28, so I am fairly confident that there's still hope for a full recovery. It took you until you were 40 to make any real corrections in your behavior.

I was there with you from 29 until the present time... So I would find it a bit ironic if you expected perfection from me at 28.

Especially when I feel like I'm leaps and bounds ahead of most people my age, or even your age, when it comes to being self aware, open hearted and willing to change.

All I need is love and affection. I've been bullied and rejected and ignored by both of my parents. The only way I know how to react is by assuming that their mistreatment is justified... And to accept it with a sorrowful, silent dignity.

Its not a far cry from my own fears about myself anyhow. I've always been the awkward misfit daughter of a slovenly, ignorant nutcase. If that's enough to make me question my own value and self worth.

It doesn't take much for someone that I trust to convince me that I don't have any anyhow.

What I need from a relationship is someone who understands those things, and is willing to extend their affections to me unconditionally.

If that's too much for you, then I understand. Its hard to show love when you've never been taught it. Believe me, I know.

But I also know that honesty, sincerity and a compassionate heart can solve all of life's issues. 

As long as I resonate with that truth, I know that the Universe must respond to it.

A love as intense as mine; A spirit as genuinely captivated by wonder; Inspired by nature and comforted by our inherent divinity...

Cannot... Nay, WILL NOT be left wanting. Of that I'm sure.

I hope you can put down your defenses long enough to see that we are on the same team.

Pride is a silly thing to cling to when there are broken hearts and unmentionable sufferings to address in our own lives and families.

What does a man gain from the glorified conquests of his ego if, in the end, he is to suffer the loss of his own soul?

I love you. That's all I can say. Although I will probably never send you a copy of this letter... I somehow feel better nonetheless. I wish you could hold me one last time.

Life is like a thousand
piece jigsaw puzzle
opened up on Christmas morning,
Laid out on
the formica top kitchen table.
All you see
is a sea of colors,
endless and random...
An unsurmontable feat before you.
Suddenly it happens...
You find two matching shapes,
then a third,
And before you know it
A corner piece...
The edges becoming more obvious.
A picture begins
forming in your mind's eye...
Confusion becomes creation
Labor's sweet reward finally realized.