I wish to feel loved

people always say to have faith

how is one supposed to have faith
when they are inconspicuous to themselves?

people always say that time heals everything

how is one supposed to believe
that a plastic circular object is supposed to fill the holes in their heart?

people always say to stay calm

how is one supposed to stay calm
with thoughts scraping their internal skin surrounding their skull?

This world is all about believe what you want to believe.
Follow what you want to follow, even if it doesn't correspond with all beliefs, go for what might give you some satisfaction that you are an 'okay' human being.

You hurt me
Much like humans cause hurt to the planet Earth
Humans don't mean to pollute
Humans don't mean to destroy
We just do
It's our human nature

You hurt me
But I don't think you intentionally do so
You don't understand
How I feel.
I don't understand
How I feel
Which is why this hurts

I just wish
That I knew where we stood
But I already know deep down
That we stand nowhere
On an island
Surrounded by black seas
With no escape

My feelings are trapped
Deep down
Where my knowings are
My feelings are chained together
With my emotions
And my hopes
And my fantasies
They keep sinking down to the bottom of that black sea,
Wherever its bottom might be

boiling drops of water stream down my back
as I stand with my head held low
and my heart held high.

my fragile tears
put on mute
due to the lines of water
pouring out the shower head
onto my tattered, pink flesh.

our fears
Are made up,
Drawn in the sand.
Our fears
Will be erased
By the various tides
Of the oceans

So let our fears
And our hurt
Be washed away
It's okay to let go
Of our fears
That keep us in our shells

We need to be the little *****
That love to come out
And experience all that the world has to offer
And that let go of what is blocking our way out
To the sunshine
And the oceans

your mind is paradise...
it's where I love to go
when a day has been rough
and I thank you for the very few words we exchange.
I will forever be thankful for our short conversations because they bring out the biggest light in my heart.

that moment when you realize the petals of the flower by your window aren't shaped like petals
they are the pills you plucked
the pills you split to sleep
an eternal dream
where you were intangible to the world

arms clasped around your knees
while your eyes overflow with dysphoria
and spilling those things called tears.

you begin to wonder when the walls started to tower over you
while kept under those warm things called blankets,
the only things that kept you warm
while your heart was frozen in time that had elapsed

these towering walls
seem to be looking down upon me
and they tell me I am enervated
as I am limp under those blankets,
the only things that are competent to providing me warmth,
as my heart cannot.

psychologically, anything can be considered 'legal' under the laws of your own being,
even if your heart knows it's not.

my tears are evaporating into the cloudy surface that bubbles around my brain. With an overcast of grief and sadness, how do I see the sun's rays?
my brain is cemented into my head and can't escape because that is where it was made to be. But what if I want my brain to float freely through blue skies and the cotton clouds? It can not fly through gray clouds, for my brain will not be able to see anything.
the gray clouds create more fear and laughs as the thunder shakes my conscience and the lighting cracks the surface of my wilted brain.
these storms surrounding the currents of thoughts cause the lines that carry those currents to be broken
these storms will not leave until my brain can escape. But through all of the flurries that will never leave, how can it escape?

when you open your heart
and trust a person
with all of your secrets,
A door is opened
You allow those confidential thoughts
to walk through that door
and into the other person's mind
But once that door closes,
your secrets are held captive
while you're wondering
'are they safe?'
Once that door closes,
all trust has evaporated into the clouds,
fear is lapping your brain's conscience.

help my feelings are consuming me and I can't stop the process I can only allow myself to be taken down the throat of them

it's sad when you can't remember
if you're standing under a storm cloud
or the water streaming down your face
is tears

you're the kind of love
that makes me reach into the dark
and accidentally grasp
onto what I think is your heart...

what I thought was your heart
is really just a snake...
a snake (that is indeed alive, unlike our love) that wraps it's life around my heart
and suffocates me
until I can't reach
into the dark
and can't open my eyes to glance at your silhouette over me.
maybe I imagined you during my death... or maybe you actually did 'love me enough' (or so you said)
to watch me gasp for air
but you just watched...
but hey, I guess it's okay. leave me in my tombstone.
no visits are permitted to you.
thank you for your love (not really)

your love
implanted on the white flesh of my delicate hands
and your words
forever engraved into my heart
like scars from a blazing fire
that an angel saved me from
just in time
so I didn't fall
six feet under

not only does cancer cause the immune system to whither
but the soul to float about the clouds
in search for ambition
to discover a better life,
or a better place to be.

not only does illness cause bones to shatter
but hearts to reach their last beats
surrendering blood
for a manageable death
or better type of sleep.

not only does a person cause hearts to break
but lives to cease  
and minds to be manipulated
for stabbing memories
or uncovered scars

it's too bad that we were purposefully made to be incompatible with this planet

they tell you that time heals wounds
but what they didn't tell you is that during recovery time,
more stones are thrown at you
more tears are shed.
recovery lasts a lifetime.

look beyond yesterday,
today
and tomorrow.
darling, things get better
God wouldn't let you live
a life like today
for the remaining beats
of your heart

Holes in a wall give you a glance into a skeptical dimension
You see through, but have to ponder on what it is that you're seeing
The dimensions of life are an infinite amount
It just depends on how many eyes you have
And how your line of vision is aligned with the world

sleeping in the basement tonight so the monsters can eat me in my sleep

everytime I talk to you
I fall in love
over
and over again

I'm always being told to let go of all bad things in life
but if I did, I would have to release myself
and I managed to do so a couple of months ago

We have to grasp our hearts and glue our fragile bones together for the people who are shattered and yearn to be mended.

why does God ******* the lives of people who never got one single breath of normalcy?
the people who never got a chance to learn how to walk with their own two vestigial feet that dangle beneath them
that never got to speak with their own tongue that sleeps through the days and nights between their two jaws
their two jaws that try so hard to rotate and clench
rotate and clench
rotate and clench

This is for the people
who are physically incapable
of doing anything for themselves
because their bones aren't strong
or their brain is not grasping the world.
it tears my heart into shreds
shreds that are now buried beneath my heart and have became afloat.
knowing that you never got a chance
to be like me
I'm living for you.
I am writing this for you
whether your brain can perceive this or not
I am feeling for you
everything there is to feel.
I am seeing
everything there is to see.
this is for you, darling.

to feel guilty goes hand in hand with feeling foolish...

I am found guilty of being so foolish to believe that you really loved me.

I just wish
That I knew where we stand
But I already know
Deep down
That we stand nowhere
On a shallow island
Surrounded by the depths of a Black Sea
With no escape

My feelings are trapped
Deep down
Where my knowings are
My feelings are chained together
With my emotions
And my hopes
And my fantasies
They keep sinking down to the bottom of that black sea,
Wherever it's bottom might be

"goodnight sleep tight"
is a euphemism
for "goodnight, go to sleep without worries and without pain. forget your tears as you drift from cloud to cloud within your elegant state of mind. forget your troubled times and hug your cloud for soft comfort"

I wish
That people knew of their poison,
knew of their toxins.
But I guess we have to be careful of what we wish for
because without toxins,
without poisons,
Other deceitful things
will fill their holes.

we would cry ourselves to sleep in each other's arms
and wake up to a dark sunrise,
counting tear drop stains on our pillows

every part of me
is tied to your being,
tied to your heart
but there is this one part
of myself that says
free your life,
their soul
do not be tied down
because someone will always try to tangle the strings,
someone will always try to untie them,
try to cut them
and leave you
disconnected

the drugs I consume
are far more complex
than **** or ecstasy
I consume the drugs
that cause my heart to throb
and my brain to never sleep
the drug of loving someone
is the most spontaneous
and addicting drug
of all

I spend most of my nights alone on the couch
paralyzed from head to toe
unable to function.
My eyes water
and tears spill over,
tumble down my plump cheeks and dripping nose.
Mom never warned me about these side effects of love.

silently in love
while my heart claws at the lungs, trying to escape the cage of my ribs.
silent love makes it hard to breathe
Breathing seems as though you are trying to sip air through the eye of a needle
silently in love

YOU'RE ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH
YOU'RE ALWAYS ******* GOOD ENOUGH
DO YOU HEAR ME ?
you're good enough.
you're always good enough.
you are lovely. you are loved.
you are lovely
you are loved.
Don't let one person
out of all the billions of other people
in this world
tell you that you are less
than anyone else.
you are good enough.
you are
good
enough

if broken hearted
were a species
I would qualify greatly

inevitably, I am numb.
unaware of
contentment
or is it depression?

addicted to wanting
to be needed
is possibly the worst variation of addiction
because being needed,
you are important to somebody
we just want to be important
so we can feel like we are needed

you never know when you're going to die
So embrace the light of each day
'Soak up the sun' as they say.
Count your blessings, sweetheart
Because you never know when they'll leave and tear you apart
you never know what you have until it's gone.
Always look up at the stars at night
Because someday, they could lose their light
And leave you staring at a dark sky full of nothing
Take each breath like it's your last
And don't live with a cast around your heart
Love like it's your only characteristic that defines your being
Because if you miss just one thing in life
As small as a flutter of a wing
Your death would be doomed
Your life
deprived.
You never know when you're going to die.
Keep your blessings tied to your heart.
Take the greats for granted.
Wish upon every star.
Love as if it's all you understand how to do.

we say "freedom" but is that what's really going on here? Nobody is free from other people. Humans destroy each other like it's their second nature and the worst part is, they're relentless. Those people who love causing agonizing pain to others just don't get it. They have been broken into so many pieces that can't be found anywhere. The only way they gain their pieces back is by taking other peoples'. If you don't have happiness, why not take others away to make you temporarily content?
We aren't free from humans. The word "freedom" is just a euphemism for captivity within the human race.

grace (could indeed be the outcome of all that **** pain you layed upon my heart)
overcome by something greater,
which causes my thoughts to silence of all prosperous things
because now I recollect
moments that I wish could leave my memory
just like the way you left me
for her
(not that I miss you... but I miss you out of fear... some nights,  I tremble in my own bed. with my door locked. upheld in the dark. clenching my knees to my chest with fear. you know every ******* thing about me; you now hold an advantage... you know my secrets; I pray you keep them safe)

as we ponder on the world
We don't realize how much hate is within
We can't physically see the evil seeping through the cracks of the broken roads
But what we can see
Are the people
Our people
Jarring that evil as it leaks from somewhere beneath our feet
Using it to inject themselves
Creating the evil population
But that's why we, the virtuous population, exist
As there is evil, there is virtue
If only evil walked the earth, there would be no ground for us to stand
If only virtues walked the earth, there would be endless skies of clarity
It is balanced
Equal
So the species of beings on our planet is not black or white
Large or small
Ugly or pretty
but good and evil
Have that burnt into the pink flesh folds of your brain
You cannot discriminate against one
Unless there is evil.

wait for the thunder to hold its rumble, but watch for the lighting to illuminate the dark skies and the long tears in your auspicious eyes, yet forever holding a mutilated heart upon a tattered, white sleeve

the third degree burns on my skin look much like the wounds you've engraved on to the surface of my heart

you hear the waves of the ocean, right?
That sound is water smashing water.

You hear the clapping of hands, right?
That sound is hands slapping together.

You hear the cries of a girl, right?
That is the sound of her heart being shattered by her virtues.

You can hear various sounds
If you just ponder
About your universe.

sipping on boiling water & having it accidentally(intentionally) burn my feelings(heart& all senses)
would hurt less than facing the despicable truth that the world's spout has to offer

how is one supposed
to aver their thoughts and emotions
with nowhere to pour their words
and nowhere to place their heart for safe keeping?

one has tried locking their heart inside of a chest
where forests of anxiety filled skies and thorny vines await predators eyeing the treasure: a pulsing heart, torn in two, clinching onto the safety of benevolence.

but somehow, the heart is always gaining scars...
scars that have stories,
stories intangible of the human mind to even comprehend.

when flooding season arrives,
those feelings
those emotions
float up stream and settle onto the banks
where a human sits,
eyes overflowing with the truth of life: nothing can be hidden from our world,
from ourselves.

please wake me up and tell me you still love me
because I know you do.

a blazing fire can't be put out with just a single bucket of water
but I guess you can stop loving me because of just one other girl

Maybe the sun and the moon and stars are just supposed to be looked at, not studied to the very core of their structures.

it was a serendipity that we fell in love so **** young
timing is all love is