I want the love for who I am
And ought
To be
Free of yours for me

about how often someone thinks of you?
That song?
That picture?
That smell?
And instantly you are back in someone’s mind
And even if it is just for a split second
There you are
and you captivate her thoughts
consume her time
Yet you’ll never know this has ever happened
In a mind far away
Locked up
this has been real

Unlucky though
that you’ll never know

Your presence,
sending rays of warmth
like the sun from above
but yet so close

Your touch,
coating me in eagerness
leaving no inch of me unloved
but yet not close enough  

Your kisses,
greedily demanding
The rest of me to fall
out of this world

If it is all just an illusion
No objectivity exists
It’s all in our minds
Who says wrong or right is present?

You stroke my lower back
And I start to feel the familiar tingle
But there just seems to be this lack

I can’t reciprocate the touch
Frankly, cause in life
I have never experienced much

Even if this longing is tremendous
To do and to not do it
never stops to feel horrendous

I have the feeling
Of not knowing how to express
Any of what’s going on

But do I even know what I feel?

I have the feeling
Of letting go some big chunks
all of them belonging to the past

But can I even be sure they are gone for good?

I have the feeling
Of complete numbness at times
Completely overwhelmed by all and nothing

But isn’t numbness a feeling too?

I have the feeling
Of new things approaching me
In the sense of change in character

But does that mean this is who I want to be?

We all just long for peace at heart
And for life to allow us a restart
With gazing eyes we start dreaming
Reminiscing times when our cheeks were beaming

The weather outside is a distinct drizzle
Making the world appear like a single grizzle
And you just stand there waiting
Because nothing else seems to be more fascinating

Than the rain drops and their continuous sounds
That just makes you feel so inexplicably profound
And you breath deeply through this moment
Thinking about nothing less but gods dethronement

You know you can tell me,
all the troubles you encounter,
when the voices getting louder.

You know you can tell me,
when the wind is ripping on your sails,
and you just need to exhale.

You know you can tell me,
all you ever need,
so you can proceed.

Writing is my safety net,
That I abandon far too often,
In the fear of finding answers
Of the inevitable truth hidden,
Behind the well protected walls,
One would call anxiety

When I look in those eyes
I feel the depths of the the oceans
Overcoming me all at once
Casting a spell over me
Which not even in my dreams
I have the slightest chance to escape

I am still waiting for a day
Where I get a flower bouquet
We drive around top down
On our way downtown

The cars speakers screaming
Leading us to even more dreaming
And I turn my head around
Thinking you must have me confound

Yet here we are
Wishing I could put this in my memory jar
Yearning this moment lasts forever
Though it is not what we endeavour

In a life that just continues to pass
Like we are all trapped in a big hourglass
All those cheerished moments
Are just added up components

How do I know
what I want,
when I can do
all I want
and how do I know
what I can
if I want all

I can do.

I come from a broken home
And all I want is a home
A place, a person, a feeling
Something that is indestructible and timeless

Yet I quite bluntly realised
I need to be that place
I need to be that person
I need to be that feeling

For myself is the only thing that stays forever

So crystal clear, so razor sharp
Around them everything went dark
They pull me in so beguiling
I feel my inner pieces reconciling.