I'm a manic depressant
Don't mind my mood swings 'cause by next week you're gonna be wondering where my good mood went
Sometimes I talk really fast
It's like the words are coming out of my ***
'Cause the thoughts are racing
And around the room I'm pacing
Heart feeling like it wants to come out of my chest
Haven't gotten any rest
For some days
Because of my bipolar ways
Don't mind me
It's just the bipolar side of me, the bipolar side of me
My mood just can't be
Don't runaway, don't runaway
It's just the bipolar side of me
I didn't mean to scream
But sometimes I just feel mean
If you knew what it was like inside me head
You wouldn't be judging me, but instead
You would be trying to help me
But sometimes I know you don't agree
With the way I act
But for a fact
It's the bipolar side of me
Don't mind me
It's just the bipolar side of me, the bipolar side of me
My mood just can't be
It's just the bipolar side of me

She meets her at work, she thinks to herself this could work
Even though they have nothing in common
Besides they both are queer
And work here
And they both are lonely inside their lusting hearts
So they go for it
Three months together nothing could tear them apart

This is love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She doesn't quite know what she's doing
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She doesn't know what she's getting herself into

Six months together
They can't stand to be together
She gets another job in order to save the relationship
But it still is ****
Two more months go by
At night talking on the phone to each other they scream, yell, and cry
Another two months go by and that's it
They split

But now at her new job she's lusting all over again
And from the looks of it, this time she will not be getting any loving
This is love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She thinks she'll never be in love again
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian

The only thing she wants most in life is to be loved and to love
But it just seems so hard for her to find
She thinks to herself within time
Within time

This is love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She doesn’t quite know what’s she’s doing
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She thinks she’ll never be in love again
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian

Senior year of high school
I was having some teenage issues
And started acting out
I wanted everyone to see my pain, feel my pain, I wanted everyone to hear me out
The school was concerned and attributed my acting out to my sexuality and demanded I seek help
They recommended I go to an LGBTQ youth center and talk to someone but I just brushed it off and thought this is crazy
So one day not expecting it I get a phone call from this lady
I guess she was from the gay and lesbian place ‘cause that’s what she said
She was a lesbian and said that she could help me get out of purgatory
That sounded nice and all but I was already there for three and a half years and gotten kind of used to the territory
I guess she was a butch
She sounded like a butch
She wanted me to come up there to talk
And I thought all man what the ****
I didn’t want to go up there, I wasn’t prepared
I didn’t know what to say, what to expect, I was scared
I was hoping I didn’t have to talk to her again
So I said if butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

Back on that day when she called
She asked a lot of questions
Questions I couldn’t answer
Being this young and confused wasn’t easy
Butch knows, she was there
I wasn’t ready to tell anyone what I was feeling inside, I didn’t think she would really care
Even though she sounded genuine I didn’t want to give her that chance to help me, I was full of abandonment issues and fear

So I said
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

I don’t care, just tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

Butch only called back once
But no one was home
She never called back
But if she does
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

She is beauty, she is broken, she is flawed
She is opened, she is wounded, she is vulnerable
She has felt all this too long, her heart is clogged
She is kind, she is shy, she is unique
She is loving, she is loyal, she is convivial
When she is hurt, she is weak
She is empty, she is sad, she is untrusting of other’s
When someone constantly yells and says belittling things because they are angry at her, “did she really love me” she wonders
She is the moon, she is the stars, she is pain
She doesn’t know how someone can be so harsh and hurtful with their words, be so inane
She is the truth, she is the hurt, she is the fall
She is the adversity in us all

I just need to realize the reality
Of my bisexuality
'Cause I like guys too
And I'm not gonna deny my feelings that I have for you
But friends are what we can only be
Because you don't see me
Like that
And it's a known fact
By the look on your face and the way you talk about her
That you're in love
You're in love with her
And I will never speak of the love I have for you that is so pure
And it feels kinda like a tragedy
You don't feel the same way about me
So I gotta learn how to set my feelings for you free

You beautiful Polish boy
Oh how you could bring me such joy
If you just would **** me already
But I know
You're in love
And I'll try not to forget you when you go back to your country
With your beautiful skin
And silly grin
Beautiful bright blue eyes
And every time I see you high fives
Your **** accent, athletic physique, and musky smell
And just the way we clicked instantly, and our *** conversations we had, and how for a boy you listen so well
And I really enjoyed learning about you and your country
And I even learned some new Polish words, Jestes piekne
It's just weird for me to feel this deeply about a guy
But I thank you 'cause you were the one to make me realize I really am bi
So I give you two high fives
And a kiss goodbye
And have a nice fly
Back to Poland
My friend

But you're in love
And my heart implodes inside with such agony
You don't feel the same way about me
So I gotta learn how to set my feelings for you free

Are you bi
I can't decide
The way you look at and flirt with guys
It seems to be so natural
Not naturalize

Straight
You know I was fine, doing great
When I thought that was what you were
But even though it seem to occur
That way
You were in fact so gay
Lesbian
Is what you came out as
And a lipstick one might I add
Bi
Could that possibly what you might be considering your femininity
And your way with guys

Are you bi
Can you decide
Just because you're in a lesbian relationship doesn't mean you still can't like guys
Are you bi
I can't decide
The way you look at and flirt with guys
It seems so natural
Not naturalize

I cannot sit still, I cannot stop thinking
My body is fidgety, just picture me anxious
Butch finally called me back
Despite my lack
Of effort to meet her the first time she called
On the day of meeting her and all the gay community, she or her confidence did not seem flawed
I wanted to turn around, I wanted flee, I was so nervous, but to my surprise
The gay community was so warm and welcoming and butch’s firm handshake, poise, and intense glare had me hypnotized

Butch called and now I am in this room getting counseling and all my emotions are coming out
And now I’m feeling confused about school, friends, my sexuality, I don’t know who I am, I am having doubts
Butch better have a good solution for all these emotions she is making me spew out
Because now I’m feeling awful and I am having doubts, yeah I’m having some doubts

So it’s really hard for me to open up and talk because I’m so shy
But butch was nice and all, around her I felt comfortable, I never felt compromised
Butch is like my knight in shining armor or angel in disguise
If she wasn’t so much older than me, I would advert these eyes
So by the end of the session I’m feeling a little better
I have to give it up to butch, she is rather caring and cleaver

Butch called and now I am in this room with her behind a closed door
And I don’t feel so anxious anymore
I’m opening up and all my emotions are coming out
I’m slowly finding out who I am, I’m not having any more doubts
Butch called, butch called
And now I don’t feel so flawed
Butch helped all these emotions come to surface, helped them all come out
And now I feel I can handle anything, school, friends, my sexuality, I know who I am, I am no longer having doubts

Pride, where’s your pride
I don’t know but mine I have never tried to hide
Pride, you don’t deserve any pride
Not of any kind
Not until you find
Find the one inside of you
Your own pride
Not the gay pride that you always try to hide behind
How can you have gay pride when you don’t have self-pride
Gay pride denied, self-pride need to find
Gay pride denied, self-pride need to find

***** you look like you drink black coffee, coffee, coffee
If you valued your face, your bones you would back up off me, off me, off me
***** you look like you drink black coffee
So cold and black on the inside
Trying to appear nice and warm on the outside

You are nothing but a stupid ***** bore
Come on ***** keep your ill-temper and hateful spew down
No one wants to fall victim to your turmoil and bitchiness when you’re around
When you come in, go straight to your office
Everything that is evil, chaotic, and wrong in this place, you’re the culprit
Give me all the blank angry stares and unsympathetic words you got because you’re such a ***** bore and you don’t like my edgy style
Come on, let’s keep bumping heads, and make this place worth my while
***** you look like you drink black coffee
I can’t stand to look at your face, when I do my anger begins
When I first met you, I knew you be a ***** like that
You ******* bore
You ******* ***** bore
I can feel round two coming on, you’re coming back for more
You’re as dull and evil as they come
Humor, fun, and excitement is obviously not where you come from
My fist, your head, the desk
Let’s put this ***** bore to rest
Let’s get excited
Come on
***** you look like you drink black coffee
We don’t want no *****, ***** bore ruining are workspace anymore
Let’s not stop revolting until the tyranny is over
We are taking over
You stupid ******* ***** bore

And she walks around like we’re so inferior to her, oblivious to the fakeness and tyranny she puts us through
And tells us we should be grateful for all that she do
But you’re not going to back me up against a wall with nothing in my hands
***** you better back it up, back it up, back it up right now
Your time is coming, the end is near
How disappointing, how disappointing
So much time wasted in despair
Now whose back is against the wall
You’re still cold, so cold
***** you look like you drink black coffee
You stupid ******* ***** bore
******* ***** bore

When I'm close to you
I could feel somewhat turned on
It's just odd because you're a guy
But it's just when I'm close to you
It just seems sometimes I can't
Seem to make up my mind

In my eyes this is not natural, no
I'm supposed to be lesbian
In other people's eyes this is not natural, no
But I'm not going to deny myself
**** what's in the eyes of others
What am I supposed to do
I can't let this pass

But when I'm close to you
I just want you
I never thought this would happen
But why pass this up
You're a guy and you turn me on

In my eyes this is not natural, no
I'm supposed to be lesbian
In other people's eyes this is not natural, no
But I'm not going to deny myself
**** what's in the eyes of others
What am I supposed to do
I just can't let this pass

Well if this is wrong
Well then let it be wrong
If this is wrong
I'd rather be bi

In everybody's eyes lesbians are not supposed to like guys, no
In everybody's eyes I can't like guys, no
In everybody's eyes this is not natural, no
Well **** what's in the eyes of others

Well if this is wrong
Then let it be wrong
If this is wrong
I'd rather be bi

I go to sleep at night to only dream about you
I go to work wanting to be close to you
You are eminently but improbably my type but I want you
I can't stop wanting you
It must be that thing you do
With you being you
And with those eyes that pierce and see right through to me
And with your comebacks on everything I say
You being so openly gay
And the cool way you walk
Cute voice when you talk
And you always have such good advice
And everyone loves you including I, you're so ******* nice
And it's just not fair that I can't get you out of my mind
And it's because you're so ******* kind that you have taken a hold of my soul
I just need to let go
Need to let go

My heart is sore
And it's you I can't have
You I adore and I want more
Than just these stupid dreams and fantasies of you
But I feel you do too
Or maybe I'm just a delusionalist
And I need to quit envisioning a us

And it's you I can't have
Yeah it's true
It's you I can't have
Is there something wrong with me
Why don't you want me
Is there something wrong with me
Oh wait
I get it
Not interested
Or maybe I know
You might just be strictly professional
But just like me wanting what I can't have
Yeah it's true
Wanting what I can't have
I think I just need to let this crush go
Yeah just need to let it go
Just need to let go

Depressed, stressed
Yeah, she's a ******* mess
The melancholy girl
Can't see anything outside her world
She has massive anxiety
Which probably
Is why she
So alone and ****** up
Scared to open up
To anyone who tries to befriend her
She doesn't feel safe or secure
Around many people, so it causes her problems to be able to trust
Even with inside herself
But she must
Push herself
To be able to go on
To be strong
Even when she feels everything is wrong

Melancholy girl
She can't get up
She doesn't want to face the world
Melancholy girl
She so sad, she so lonely
You can't see behind that smile that it's screaming somebody please understand, (get to know me)

This girl even though she's melancholy
She doesn't give up on trying to be
Strong
Taking things on
As they are, as they come
But some
Thinks she needs to stop being so **** helpless and pretentious
But this
Is not who she is
But yes she is introspective
And also, an introvert
And she's very alert
Of what is going on around her
And it hurts
When people insinuate and assume things about her
So for sure
She gives them a ******* attitude
Go ahead she says "imply that I'm sensitive,  dramatic,  and rude"

Melancholy girl
She steps outside her world
To see
Melancholy girl
On a mission to observe and achieve
To be better, to be stronger, to believe

She's bleeding, she's bleeding, she's hurt
She has been kicked out, spitted on, and thrown in the dirt
She's bleeding, she's bleeding, you don't know how she feels
She has slit her wrist and overdose on some pills
She bleeds from the inside out
She's been feeling like this for most of her life and wants to die, she has no doubts
She bleeds as she wipes the tears from her eyes
She lays on the bed waiting to die
She's bleeding, she's bleeding, only if it could stop
But it's too late, her eyes roll back and off the bed she drops

Tú y yo siempre
I whispered in her ear
The smell on her breath, mocha flavored latte
And I wish I could be there in the morning when she wakes those beautiful eyes
And she would beg me to stay just stay a little while longer by her side

And I love the sound of her voice
When she sings it makes me smile
Just stay and talk to me for a little while
It really would make my day
But she doesn't see me in that way
No hay tú y yo siempre

She looks at me funny when I speak my Spanglish
But it just sounds more romantic when I say you and I always rather than in English
Even though she knows I’m a gringa
She manages to comprender, kinda

Que acerca de tú y yo siempre
I guess that was just all in my head
Your flirting kept my spirits alive
But now they're dead
And you were never interested
I like to call you a liar
Tú eres mentirosa
But in fact you're not
You're just a tease
Tú eres provocar
Y tu personalidad es bonita
I desire tú y yo siempre but that is loca
And I would love to sample your mocha
Y soy no loca
Pero quizá para tú
It's just something about you
Now my heart can't let go
Todos porque usted demostró feelings primero

And I love the sound of her voice
When she sings it makes me smile
Just stay and talk to me for a little while
It really would make my day
But she doesn't see me in that way
No hay tú y yo siempre
No hay tú y yo siempre

Tú y yo siempre
Your flirting is what kept that thought alive

When she wakes up in the morning and she knows something's not right
The sun is so glistering bright
But she doesn't feel like getting up, her body feels achy and like its been hit by a truck
She doesn't feel like facing the world today
But she gets up anyway

It's time to take your medicine girl
Take your medicine girl
It's time to take your medicine girl
Because you're too sad to face the world

She really doesn't feel like eating but she eats a little something anyway
She thinks to herself this will do it for the day
She doesn't feel like going to work 'cause then she's gotta put her happy face on
So she shows that there's really nothing wrong
But inside her head on repeat it's that sad girl's song

It's time to take your medicine girl
Take your medicine girl
It's time to take your medicine girl
Because you're too sad to face the world

She knew she couldn't hide it any longer
Because it wasn't making her any stronger
That's why she has such a dark past
And in her dreams the memories will always last
Because she tried to hurt herself one day
She just wanted to make all the pain go away
Because inside her the sadness always stayed
It would never fade
So she tried to do something about it
But she just wound up in a hospital bed feeling really sick

Until that very day she never felt so sorry
But she knows if she wants to get better
And enjoy the world and feel more alive than ever
And feel happy again
Then she's gotta take that medicine

It's time to take your medicine girl
Take your medicine girl
It's time to take your medicine girl
Because you're too sad to face the world

I was fourteen when I finally found out the truth
About me
That my sexuality
Set me apart
From my peers
Because they didn't identify or mingle with queers
I knew you then but we didn't really talk much
It wasn't 'till we were seventeen when we began hanging out

We had fun chilling, passing time, and getting high
We had both always made sure we were alright
And that was the dramatic year I came out

Where did you go
Did my coming out make you wanna leave
Something I did not know
You were just as queer as me
And nobody would believe

Fighting, drinking, smoking, passing out
But yeah, we were alright
Everybody knew our group like to party
Yeah we got wasted every other night

Everybody loved you, you were the cool one
You always knew how to make everything so dangerous and fun

Where did you go
Nobody doesn't know
Something I just didn't know
You were just as queer as me
Nobody believed
You had to leave
You had to leave

I think that I always kind of knew
But I never wanted to say it
But now that you're gone
I believe it

Did my coming out
Make you uncomfortable and give you doubts

Now I know and I could have never believed
But you were just as queer as me
Nobody couldn't believe

Well I'm still surviving
I'm still having some fun going out and getting ****** up
I'm just letting you know if you come back we could still do that
Yeah that'll be what's up

Where did you go
Did my coming out make you wanna leave
Something I just didn't know
You were just as queer as me
Just as queer as me
Just as queer as me
Nobody couldn't believe
You had to leave
You had to leave

Whatever poise you get out of college
I hope you come back stoic, joyful, and non-stiff
Well there's a genius in you, I know it
Tell that genius before she leaves she owes me one last freakin' kiss
Don't update your Facebook status to you miss me to let you know I still exist
I hope all the girls you plan on making out with gives you ****** on your lips
It' s about that time for you to leave and depart with your ride
I hope it rains there on your long drive
Just know that I'll be thinking about you every second of the day and every minute on the hour
Oh, what you would do to me if you knew you had this much power

Tell all the femme girls you meet
About the tomboy/girl back in your state
The tomboy/girl you used to date
The tomboy/girl who can't stand you 'til this day

There she goes off to college, she's leaving me
She's gonna forget about me
No vice versa, I think it's the other way around
You're gone, goodbye, go away
I knew you weren't here to stay
Well not with me anyway
But just remember me when you see
Those femme girls you oh so get along well with
Because I knew from the start
That this would all fall apart
Look at me, look at you
Look at them look at you
You would get along so well
Do me this, when you go away to Delaware
Away from here
This non-gay New Jersey state
Tell them all about the tomboy/girl you used to date

Tell all the femme girls you meet
About the tomboy/girl back in your state
The tomboy/girl you use to date
The tomboy/girl who can't stand you 'til this day

I know it wasn't my I don't know, I don't care, I guess, maybe, probably, eventually, ya think, you should know, whatever, shut up, *******, geek, loser, oh you're so smart
That broke us apart
So, when you go away from here
To Delaware
Away from this non-gay New Jersey state
Just tell all those straight femme like girls about the tomboy/girl you used to date

Tell all the femme girls you meet
About the tomboy/girl back in your state
The tomboy/girl you used to date
The tomboy/girl who can't stand you 'til this day

Are you sad like Chris
Do you have so much anger and anxiety inside of you that you would do something stupid like slit your own wrist
Are you sad like Chris
Does no one understand you or understand where you’re coming from or where you want to be going
And how people’s insensitivity and lack of concern builds up frustration that just seems to keep growing
And find yourself stuck with memories of the good times you miss
Thinking about all the backstabbing friends that dissed
And every time they made you sad or ******
And most of them you kissed
Taking life as if it is one big risk
Sad like Chris
Unhappy with the way things are going for her
Just want someone to nurture her
Understand her
Love her
Show her
Things she could only think of, dream of
Everybody deserves a chance to be happy
No one should put their life at risk
Just because they are unhappy
But tell that to Chris

I heard that you were kind of loose
I guess that’s what you do to fit in, I see
You’re always getting wasted, I guess it makes it easier, I always tell you to slow down but you never want to listen to me
I guess I’m too pragmatic, I’m too rational for you, I see
But that can’t be
I’m too conventional, the least you expect is excitement from me
I want to be around you, I don’t want to feel like I’m being shunned too
You won’t let me get closer, you’re scared to get emotional
I’m too romantic, caressing words always spewing from me
You’re too indifferent when it comes to emotions and romance, you want to stay clear of me

So why do I feel like a fool and the one to lose when you’re nothing more than a *****
I shouldn’t feel down when you’re out ******* the entire town
You’re not worth my time anymore

Though I just have to be around you, it’s unexplainable you give me such a high
There is just something about you
I just can’t leave behind
With you I’m just trying to get in
But then I heard you ****** him

So why do I feel like a fool and the one to lose when you’re nothing more than a *****
I shouldn’t feel down when you’re out ******* the entire town
You’re not worth my time anymore

But I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still waiting
I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still following you around like a little puppy and I hate it
I wish you were ******* me
******* me
I wish you were ******* me
I’m still hoping for you to **** me and pour your emotions out on to me
I wish you were ******* me but I need to let this go
I wish you were ******* me but I just need to move on

So why do I feel like a fool and the one to lose when you’re nothing more than a *****
I shouldn’t feel down when you’re out ******* the entire town
You’re not worth my time anymore
But I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still waiting
I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still following you around like a little puppy and I hate it

Every day that I'm here I feel like going home and killing myself
But when I'm home I'm fine again
Every day that I'm here I feel like going home and killing myself
But when I'm home I'm fine again

Every day I awake to the endless feeling of emptiness
And then I go to a place where there are walls without windows
People without souls
And money is everything
It's kind of hard to breathe here between the endless clouds of smoke and the kindness and integrity in which the people lack
In an environment where everyone blends as one
I stand out
It's not because I'm neither a smoker nor an unempathetic ****
But it's a little something called individuality
Individuality so transparent that people try to verbally, emotionally attack me, break me down
It seems to be working
Because when I'm in this place I'm like a zombie, I try to drain my emotions to blend in
But I still stand out even with my undeniable anger, presumable sarcasm, and ****** up hair
And I walk in a straight line when I walk, waiting to bump anyone, so tired of people invading my space walking by
Sick of people after greeting them not saying hi
Is it so ******* hard to have manners
What's a matter
Speak, nod, say something
I'm under the assumption
That I'm the only one in here
That is aware
Of what's going on around here
In this place
These people are of ******* waste
No manners, morals, or integrity
I better depart while I still possess mine
Though it's the manners I lack
But who needs that when you're always under attack

Every day that I'm here I feel like going home and killing myself
But when I'm home I'm fine again

It's true I want her
She would be my cure
And she's coming my way
But she smiles and keeps walking by
And I
Can't live with the pain I endure
Just from being around her
My chest is tight
I can't breathe when I think about her
My stomach is full of butterflies
And I
Hold my breath when she walks by
My head hurts
These feelings are so strong, I want to cry

I know I gotta get her outta my mind, it's for the best
It's because of her I haven't eaten or gotten any rest
But what would anyone suggest
That I stay away from her unless
She comes my way and talks to me, I guess
But that's not gonna help the pains go away in my chest
But it would if we did kiss

It's true
I am blue
And I can't have her
My head hurts
And my stomach is full of butterflies
And I
Can't go on living this way
But when I see her I don't want these feelings to go away

I’m crying
But more likely I wish I was dying
Lately I’ve been feeling like ****
And yes I’m willing to let you hit
As we’re having *** I cry
And you **** me hard and grab my thigh
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Depressed ***
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Then I cry when you **** me up the *** next
Then you start to lick the tears off my skin
As I start to go crazy and wild ******* on your chin
You start slapping me around
Then throw me to the ground
Pushed me ups against the bed
Pulled my hair and forced me to give you head
Then I get up and go into a corner and start to cry
And think sometimes I just want to die
Then you come over and start grabbing and rubbing me
Oh yes keep doing that I plea
I love having *** when I’m depressed
Because you know how to give it me best
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Depressed ***
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Then I cry when you **** me up the *** next

My head it aches

For you my heart breaks

My body it’s really numb winded

I can’t think right

But I think I may be dumbfounded

Why can’t you see

What you’re doing to me

I really want you bad

It just makes me sad

My head it aches          

For you my heart breaks

My body it’s numb winded

My friends say I’m obsessed

I’m just dumbfounded

I do anything to be with you

Only if you knew

But I think you do

You’re playing with my mind

I don’t think that’s really kind

But I don’t mind

Because I see nothing but you, I’m blinded

For you I’m dumbfounded

This is about a girl who didn’t listen to her heart
Well not until it was too late
She had a one-way mind
She could have never seen herself with a boy
And every time boys would ask her out
She would say
She would say

I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike girllllllllllllllls
I like girls, I like girls

Until one day this boy came along and changed her mind
But it took some time
For that to happen
They were just friends
They had a lot in common; they both liked sports, girls, and fast cars
They would go out act silly, dance, and get drunk at bars
One day he asked her out
She turned him down without a doubt

She says
I’m just going along with my mind
Going along with my mind
And it’s tells me
I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike girllllllllllllllls
I like girls, I like girls

So the boy gave up chasing her but they remained friends
So one day the boy says to the girl
I’m so happy I’m dating the most beautiful girl
I think in this world
The girl then feels a pain in her chest and her stomach turns and heart drops
She can’t believe this
But she’s feeling jealous
It seems all along her heart was beating for him but she pushed it all off with her “I like girls”

So she confronts him and asks him to listen to his heart
She asks him do you think we belong together
He says no we are just good friends and that’s it, I really like this girl
And I thought
You like girls, you like girls
Do you like girls

She says yes but I didn’t listen to my heart because it was pulling me towards you
She says
I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike yooooooooooooooou
I like you, I like you

He says I like you too but only as a friend and a good one you’ve been and I probably won’t see you again, this is our last day
I really like this girl and we are moving away

And she says do what makes you happy, as long as you’re following your heart
Because I should have done that from the start
My mind was corrupt, I should have, I should have opened my mind up
Followed my heart, followed my heart
It was always you I wanted from the start

She says
I like girls, I like girls
I like girls, I like girls
With the exception of a sweet boy to delight my heart

I am hurt, broken hearted, and in pain
I am tired, fed up, and feel I have nothing left to gain
Yeah every day is so boring and it just ****
Yeah maybe I should go out and find some miserable wretch like me to ****
Yeah I want to be the miserable ***** of the earth
I’ll take it and drain it for so much of what it is worth
Someday you will feel like I ache
You wouldn’t be able to handle the **** I take
I am ******, over it, and out of it
I am bummed, crashed, and sick of this worthless ****
Yeah everybody wants me, they really do
Yeah they just want to **** me and maybe you
Yeah I want to be the miserable ***** of the earth
I’ll take it and drain it for so much of what it is worth
Someday you will all feel my pain
Someday you will all feel my pain
Like I ache
But you wouldn’t be able to handle the **** I take

I’ll share my love with you
I’ll share my love with you
And if any part of you doubts it
All my love will turn those doubts to lies
Of course, I want you
But the question is do you feel the same way too

And I wonder what you do so great that I can’t stop thinking about you, want you so bad
To the point that it’s driving me crazy, driving me mad
Oh, you see me
You look at me with hope and adoration
You really do see me
You do

Sometimes I just feel so see thru paper thin
Like I’m invisible and I don’t fit in
But when you’re around I’m visible again
Well at least when it’s just us two
I’m not see thru paper thin to you
And for that I’ll share my love with you
And if any part of you doubts it
All my love will turn those doubts to lies
But sometimes I wish you could see straight thru this paper’s thinness
And see that I want you
Just look at the way I look at you
It’s so see thru
See thru

You're not my lover
You've could of never
Not even ever
Been her
You were
Just some repulsive girl to take her place
And I wish I could erase
These memories of what you and I had
No, that would be bad
'Cause then I wouldn't be able to grow from this horrible experience
And I must condense
All these bad experiences with these ****** up chicks
Into one
So I know that I am done
And I don't want none
Of these ****** up chicks
To ever come in contact or hit on me again
And I was wrong to begin
A relationship
With them
'Cause now I'm feeling like you suicidal ***** you don't have to **** yourself 'cause I'll do it for you

And just think I used to be the mellow type with a short temper but who couldn't hurt nobody
Who couldn't hurt nobody
But now I want to strangle every dumb ***** who ***** with my emotions
And now I'm learning not to feel
And not to open up

I used to be the mellow type
I used to be the mellow type
With a short temper
Who couldn't hurt nobody
Who couldn’t hurt nobody

Yeah, I used to be the mellow type
I used to be the mellow type
These chicks came along and disrupted my sight
And now I don't wanna be with anyone 'cause I feel it wouldn't go right

I used to be the smiley girl
I used to be the smiely girl
But they came along and altered my world
'Cause now I'm feeling like you suicidal ***** you don't have to **** yourself 'cause I'll do it for you
I used to be the mellow type with a short temper
But who couldn't hurt nobody

If anything were to happen, I know I would be alright
Because I got my best friend, best friend

Best friend don't you go away
Best friend please don't you run away from me

That's why you're "The" best friend
You're not supposed to get mad at me
Best friend is supposed to know how to put up with these inconsistent mood swings

I got my best friend, my only friend, my best friend
I wish I could love you to the end
But I just wanna strangle you
But that's why you're the best friend, my only friend
Because you're supposed to make these feelings go away

Oh, it's funny how sometimes I have these feelings for you
And other times I just don't wanna be around you
But I just don't know what to do
My feelings are always changing

Oh, best friend please don't you go away from me
The days are gonna be longer without you
Without you

But if anything were to happen, I know I would be alright
Because I got my best friend, my best friend

So best friend don't you hide from me
You gotta talk to me
You know I'm impatient and don't like to be kept waiting

Pretty soon you're gonna be the one waiting
Waiting for me to feel
Because I'm sorry, I get angry, I get down, and I get moody
But it's just me
Best friend it's just me
Now what is you

Hey I’m the girl who always has a problem
Problem child you could call me
My problems
I don’t know how to solve them
But I must clear my conscience and refrain from repressing my thoughts along with feelings
And maybe this killing
Pain in my chest
Will come to rest

I’m the girl you know with the upside-down smile
Whose big sad brown eyes begs you to stay by her for a little while
The cup half empty chick
Who’s always so quick to flip
The girl with all the problems
The kind that are all in her head
And at times wishes she was dead
The girl who at times seem to glow
The girl who could pull people in with her expressive ways and words that flow
The girl who subconsciously do things
To bring
People to see
Things from her perspective
I’m the girl with the problems
And is looking to you to help me resolve them
The girl who smiles in your presence
And frowns in the of others
The girl who doesn’t handle adversity very well
The girl who is sad and anxious when you’re not around
Hey I’m the girl you know with the upside-down smile

Cancel my membership to the gym
I'm not going back until I find my motivation
I enjoy Friday’s with mom, sitting home watching T.V.
Although I have to admit it's kind of boring
And I really don't want to go out
'Cause coming home drunk and waking up with no one in my arms is just too depressing
When I'm at work I can't breathe, I really don't enjoy being there
Just feel so all alone
Can't wait to go back home to that empty room
On my days off I sleep all day
It helps this pain inside of me go away
Up all night I think about what am I going to do with this life
But when I'm out at the club and I'm drunk and dancing the night away
I feel like I belong there
And here
In this moment
Life is good

What am I just some stupid peasant worker to you
Someone you can **** with and then forget about
But now your unnoticing has a left a distasteful flavor in my mouth
And now I'm angry and bitter
And I'm done with trusting my heart
I know I can be a delusionalist
But I'm also a envisionalist
But it doesn't seem to be working these days
'Cause I envisioned us ******* but that must be the delusional part taking over again
But I did envision you getting over me and not look and talk to me in that way that made me feel oh so special
But now I feel oh so invisible
So don't ******* ignore me when I'm in your peripheral vision

**** it! *******
Maldigalo! Vete a la mierda


She started this with her seductive stares and friendly touches but now the ******* chick won't even notice me anymore

What the ****, notice me
You started this and now you're gonna leave to your higher position of promotion
******* leaving  me with emptiness in this workplace
**** it! ******* for that
Maldigalo! Vete a la mierda para aquel

Us and no one else, I'll show her my love
Nosotros y ningunos otros, le demostraé mi amor

But she's got to notice me first
Pero ella tiene notarme primero

Together I thought we should be, but it's just a stupid fantasy
Junto pensé que debemos, pero su justo un a fantasia estúpida

I thought it was the bipolar side of me
But it's the borderline personality in me
That makes me so ****** up
And that's why all my relationships have ******
Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them

You might as well through my number away
You promised you always be there for me
But I just can't stay
Here in this place anymore
Everything just seems like such a bore
And you, you like to call me a drama *****
But I guess I do everything on my time
And that's fine
If you wanna yell at me and tell me that I'm ****** up
But what's ****** up
Is you
You never know what to do
When I'm down and blue
So I curse and yell at you
But I really don't mean to
It's just a test to see if you'll always be there

Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them
I guess it's the beginning overidealizing's with the bitter ends
I'm no good at making friends or keeping them
It must be the I love you's followed with ******* I never wanna see you again

And I'm this distinct person living with borderline personality
Along with social anxiety
Who's not on meds or in any kind of therapy
All though some people think that I should be
And how could this be
That me
A person with such anxieties has a job dealing with people, having to talk, associate, mingle, and pretend to be happy
You know, not let any of that depression show
So no one would dare know
Because depression is a sign of weakness
And quietness is a sign of weirdness
And shyness is cute, well if you're a guy
And makes a person nonexistent if you're a tomboy, girl like I
So I guess I gotta talk to make friends
But where would I begin
Because I have nothing in common with a lot of people I come across
So I'll just be stuck here looking so sad, lonely, and loss
Because I'm no good at making friends or keeping them

A crush is like a cold
You could always feel it coming on
There with you when you’re at your weakest, spreading like a virus, piercing your insides as it gets strong
I don’t know where I went wrong
But I keep singing this same **** song
Because this summer crush is like a cold, I can feel it coming on, nothing I can do to prevent it from getting strong


Just let go, every day of this summer
Let it go, let it go, don’t let anything beat you up inside

I’ll be there with you until the end of summer, ‘til the leaves start falling, ‘til they turn brown, ‘til they all start falling down
I’ll be your puppy, your savior, I’m open, you could see right through me

(How could this be)

We’re at a house party but yet it’s like dead silence when it’s just us two dancing so close
I like to think we got this party shut out
Because this summer is all about us and nothing is coming between you, me, and this beat
Our moves, closeness, and rhythm radiate through the crowd

The people start to move and we become a part of the move and I’m so close to you that I can feel your heartbeat to the sound of the room and in this moment we’re all in this together in here

This is the time to let our worries go and enjoy being alive
This night I want to spend forever with you
And I’ll dance until this sweat start pouring down my chest, until I don’t feel depressed, until I can’t take any more of this
And let the music transform us
And in this moment this life is just so perfect
For a wreck like me
(So many reasons to want to live, I need to let my sadness go)
For a wreck like me
(I’ve made so many humiliating mistakes)
For a wreck like me
(I need to let it all go)

I feel the crowd tighten up around us and the music becomes louder
I close my eyes and feel my heart beat faster and to my surprise you’re still by my side
(I need to let it all go)
The beat goes over and over again
(Letting it all go and dancing around in this room)

Now I’m letting this music take control of us
These lights go out got me grabbing you so close to me
Dancing around in the dark
Dancing around in the dark got me so close, depending on you
Never thought it would go down like this

For the first time in my life I finally see the light
I’ll be the one to make these people all see the right way to the light
I’ll be the person of greatness
To the light
I’ll be the one to make these people all see the right way to the light

I hate awkward silence
So I laugh *******
Conversation has run dry
Anxiety gone awry
And I'm left wondering why
I'm so shy
Painfully shy
'Cause it's getting painful for me to hide
How I feel inside
I just wanna scream and cry
But I
Just laugh
I hate awkward silence
I hate awkward silence

Deep down inside there is this emptiness that's waiting to be filled with people who are interested in knowing I
Because I really am not so shy
If I feel you are open, compassionate, kind, and comfortable with to confide
We all got demons that we try and hide
But I dislike and sometimes cannot control being quiet and shy
But if I try to fight being quiet and shy I would say something stupid, turn red, and talk funny, like I got something caught in my throat because it's uncomfortable for me
'Cause I'm just not ready
I guess it takes a while for a clam to come out of its shell
Well, I hate awkward silence
I hate awkward silence
So I laugh *******
Then people look at me *******
But it's just my way of saying I'm friendly, you can talk to me
Aw ****, I hate awkward silence
I hate awkward silence

She says
Sometimes your loving is too much
Just too much
Sometimes your touching is too much
Just too much

She says at night love me and touch me in that special way but when it comes to the morning
She wants me gone by then
When her man is not by her side
She’s feeling me and taking me on a wild ride
She doesn’t ever want to see the best of me, the nice in me, I have to pull back my passion and affection, all these emotions I have to let it be
All these feelings I must hide
She’s never wanting to know the real me, the emotional me, she’s never wanting to see me on the inside

She says
Sometimes your passion is too much
Just too much
Sometimes your affection is too much
Just too much

She feels that my emotions are too much
Sometimes I feel chicks don’t like when I’m sweet, they prefer me mean and rough
I can be nice, I can be sweet, I can be tough
But I think enough is enough
Over time I’ve learned not to become too attached
When she’s pulling away, it’s better to not overreact
If she really wanted to stay, if it was meant to be
She would accept the cuddly, passionate, affectionate me
She tells me she’s not gay or bi but that she’s straight even though she ***** me and been with other chicks
I guess I’m just a little confused, lost,  I’m not really understanding this
But I understand no woman can replace her man or his ****
But just admit you’re queer for chicks but whatever I’m over it
It’s just better to stay detached
If she’s the one for me, we’ll be intact

She says
Sometimes you’re just too much
Just too much
Your loving is too much
Just too much

Three words uttered
Soft yet bellow
I relinquish into your radiant smile and eye shine
You shout out so I follow you now
My love can’t suffice when I’m so cold and down

For the torture you put me through
What my heart had to go through just being around you
You get an eternity of my everlasting tortured soul

I remember back when I first met you and around the time I was really getting to know you
I thought then, these feelings are just gonna get stronger
Well and they did
And I warned you that you shouldn’t tease a leech like me unless you want me always hanging on
I’ve been waiting here what seems like forever, holding on for a “bi” potential breakthrough
But you held your ground, until this very day straight is what you still proclaim is true
But when I’m gone will you hold on and remember me through all the gifts, poems, and dedicated love songs
The anxiety you intensified,  I claim temporary insanity
Now I’m capable of doing anything
So now I’m coming back undead
Avenging my wounded soul
Taking back the disenchanted life I lead
Taking back the heart you stole

Are connection got a little deeper and I became opened but still we never got that far
Leaving me with apprehensive yet lecherous thoughts all through the nights
But this time around I won’t let the temporary insanity thing **** me now
I gotta find a way to desensitize somehow
Because I’m still feeling like how I felt when I was alive
And I know you and I would never be
So just my lonely, wounded, undead soul remains

And you said the most beautiful thing to me and it eased my pain, semi-healed my wounds
Sometimes it’s just the things you say to me, it was like you saw me, saw through to me
And I’m a sucker for you
And it’s okay that you’re mean to me
And it’s okay that you take advantage of my generosity
And it’s okay that you ignore me some days just as long as you see me when you’re finished going through whatever it was you were going through
And how this passion and love is my everlasting suicide
Because I needed to coincide with my desire to end my emotional pain that seemed to never end
And it wasn’t like some stunt for attention
Just an expression of extreme distress that needed to be addressed
But now coinciding and annihilating an undead soul might be so hard to do
Or maybe not because it’s no fun having these feelings for you
The anger and jealousy
It’s running through all over inside of me
Because I’m just so ******* empty
Sometimes in things I could just lose myself
Even lose myself deep within you
Especially when were connected, you're focused, aware, and for me so there
But just like that, you’re gone
And I have to move on
But not without the intensified anxiety and temporary insanity

I will avenge my soul with every ******* breath and word, a painful story will be told
I’m coming back undead
Avenging my wounded soul
Taking back the disenchanted life I lead
Taking back the heart you stole
This ditch you put me in
I don’t think was deep enough
Well I’m coming out right now
You’re running out of love for me
When I go I just hope you will remember me
Because living was the hardest part
But in the end our deep connection and everything else just falls apart
Oh, I just wanted to be with you
The ******* torture I put myself through
But when I go I just hope you will remember me
Because living was so hard to do
But even when I’m not here my soul would be there to be your savior
Because within our shortcoming my pilfered heart was indebted to you and so pure
When I go will you forget to remember me
I lost my fear of negligence which had caused me great sadness, loneliness, and tenseness
Because it’s so rare unconditional acceptance
And when more distressed I’m empty and depersonalized
Now suddenly realized, I just need to desensitize
Because no one ever sees the soul inside, always worried about the ******* outside
People could be so ******* materialized
But for our shortcoming, you saw through
So for that just know that no matter what, my soul will be with you
Will be with you

They think she's cool looking and everything
They like the way she dresses, the color of her hair, her tattoos, and tongue ring
They think she's cute
Well that's just until they get to know her
They might think oh just give her time, she'll let loose
She's just a little shy
No, **** no
They're wrong
She's extremely shy

She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She'll probably **** it up again
And have to start back from the beginning
She'll **** it up again
Start back from the beginning girl

After a while people start to get tired of her ****
Her shy ways and sarcastic attitude
It's just who she is, she can't change that, even if she could she wouldn't
She just wants someone to accept her for who she is
Not the way she looks
Then she realizes she's just a phase to people
When they first meet her, they think she's cool and ****
But after a while I guess they get tired of her
She'll just see them around
But they are not down
Like how they used to be
And **** it hurts

She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She'll probably **** it up again
And have to start back from the beginning
She'll **** it up again
Start back from the beginning girl

Last session any future therapy seemed so doomed
So quiet inside the room
Oh....I just wanted to go

Therapy doesn't make sense no more, especially when the doc keeps pushing the meds thing at me
Therapy doesn't make sense no more
Therapy is just a place for me to explore
The many sides of my narcistic, obsessive, borderline, and soft bipolar personality
That becomes entertainingly horrific, amusing, and intriguing all wrapped up into becoming my reality
When I leave outside this office door
Therapy doesn't make sense no more
I'm just so weary of these feelings inside of me
Just wanna be free of all this anxiety

Hi, I am incompetent
I get so easily ******
And I am so awkwardly creative and I like to reminisce
But the doc knows all of this
And she seems to think that talking isn't enough
But she should know that I am not a weak girl, I am tough
And it's no doubt in the past I was very suicidal, it's undeniable
But these words are reliable
I was ****** up so please exempt that behavior
I would never in my right mind demolish my existence, for I am my own savior

But therapy doesn't make sense no more, especially when the doc doesn't see me for me
Therapy doesn't make sense no more
But therapy doesn't make sense no more, especially when my past keeps coming back to haunt me
Therapy doesn't make sense no more

Gosh doc at times I just can't stand you
Because you make me feel all sad and blue
And I just don't know what to do
Maybe I wanna scream, yell, cry
But I
Do none of these
Oh gees
And all I get from you is that ambiguous blank, empty, impatient stare
What doc, is that your way of showing you're listening and that you care

So, sip on this Dr. Cipolla
Because I thought I told ya
I don't need no meds
But it's just this anger and anxiety
That's running through all over inside of me
But please doc don't lie to me
You think that I should be
On meds to bring me down to a normal level of behavior
It seems you think that is my only cure

Therapy doesn't make sense no more, especially when the doc throws those ambiguous blank, empty, impatient stares at me
Therapy doesn't make sense no more
Therapy doesn't make sense no more, especially when I can't keep a job or a relationship because my moods won't stay steady
Therapy doesn't make sense no more
I'm just so weary of these feelings inside of me
Just wanna be free of all this anxiety

Haha haha
Sometimes that's all the words or sounds that comes out of my mouth
So shy or scared to say anything else
It's just that I get anxious around people that I'm not familiar with
So my mind goes blank
Oops, oh well can't think
Haha haha
So I laugh
Most people think I'm weird for that
Others think I'm laughing at them
But the laugh makes up for what I would say if I knew what to say
****, I would like to have a nice conversation
But there's just so much frustration
What to say, how to say, when to say
Haha haha
But that's all that ever comes out
Well at least until when I get to know you
But nooo, you don't know what it's like
Haha haha
To have these instead of words come out of your mouth

Shadowy, distant, and discontent
These are the three adjectives
That describes my present
Emotions that I am feeling
But I am willing
To give these feelings
Up any day
Some people say just don't think about it and they'll go away
But this is like a disease, a sickness, an illness
You have to treat it like that, like diabetes that has to do with blood and sugar, or like different kinds of cancer
Well this if left untreated, your mind, your emotions, your ability to function right, you'll be killing
Shadowy, distant, and discontent
These three adjectives for years have left a dent in my soul
Now I have lost all my ability to control
How I feel
Now I must reveal
This **** ain't no joke
Night after night I choke
From the mucus that seeps down to my throat
From crying
Some nights I think about dying
Then I start to think why when
This all will be over someday
Then I pray
And ask God to give me strength to get through another day
Shadowy for being obscure
And rest assure
It's something I'm not proud of
But it's something I gotta rise above
And I gotta learn to love
Myself
'Cause nobody else
Is gonna accept you
So I gotta learn how to
Maybe that's why I'm so distant
So I sprint
Away from it all
Just waiting for a downfall
So I feel discontent 'cause this is how it always goes
And anyone who knows
Me, knows that my mood swings go up and down like a rollercoaster
Maybe something to do with bipolar
But I just need a shoulder
Someone to lean on to help me get over
Whatever you wanna call this
But I don't, so I ball a fist
I feel ******
Reminiscing to the time I slit my wrist
But then I start to think this is ridiculous
Shadowy, distant, and discontent
Is remnant
To all the other adjectives I could, should use to describe me, ah
But I think you get the idea

*******
So once again you’re in my thoughts, you managed to somehow weasel your way back into my head
I don’t know why, you’re not very good at comforting me when I’m down, your choice of words made me wish I were dead
But that’s okay, it’s not your fault, I should have never put you on that so undeserving pedestal
So what consoling is not your very best
I just wanted you to be there, put forth effort that you cared, you failed the ******* test
I was vulnerable, I opened up, I’m an opened wound, now there’s nothing left
You say I’m playing victim and have to be more positive but I’m the one dealing with all this pain
No thanks to you all by myself
With no help of drugs or alcohol to ease the anger and anxiety
That you seem to intensify inside of me
Maybe I should walk around oblivious and aloof like you but my ability to be sympathetic and empathetic towards others keeps me conscious and sane
Regardless of the pain

You say I shouldn’t feel the way I do, I should **** it up, keep quiet
But if you were in my position and got ****** over the way I did, right now you would be crying
Because I remember back when something similar like this happened you were crying and I know if I were to confront you about it you would deny it
Well I’m not one to bring up the past to make someone feel embarrassed or worthless
Because you’re so good at lying and hiding things and flirting with the guys to get your way, you know how to work it
You’re so good at sorry
But the difference between us is I follow my heart, I don’t give my love out or flirt just to make me feel relevant

I told you time and time again how I was feeling
You only bothered when you wanted, most of the time you just said nothing

Time and time again I showed you what love is
You made me feel so irrelevant, I’d rather you say something even if you said you don’t want it, but you just said nothing

Thanks for opening and pouring salt in these wounds
Now I have no ***** left to give
You try to say I’m overreacting
But you must not know me, I’m resilient
You try to act like you’re so innocent
Now that you’re not crying and everything is so perfect for you but one question how can you trust those guys' whose ***** been in your throat
You can **** on these words and choke

Why don’t we go back to the beginning, I was the one who was here
Supporting you through no matter what, showering you with the sweetest words, I was there
But you don’t even care
You forget everything, sometimes I wonder where does your mind disappear
I’m DOOOOOOOONNNNEEEEE

I guess I’m too much for you, oooohhhhh
I’ve tried to turn your world upside down to hide that I’m irrelevant
Who the **** are you to turn my emotions like this up
Your silence, I get it, it means it’s enough
I’m done, I’m not a weak girl, I’m tough, but I’m no fool to just keep giving away my love
You may have had me duped, you even told me that I was the sweetest to you
But enough is enough, I hope those *****/guys will be there for you

I feel like these feelings will never go away and I’ll never get over you
It seems I tried everything to avoid this situation but somehow knew I would end up hurt and alone here
I guess I’m not in your thoughts anymore, you stop flirting with me
I guess it’s better this way
Because maybe now I can get some sleep at night
You’re always on my mind but I’ll never speak of it again
I can’t get your touch, your scent, your voice off my mind
It’s in my head
So here you come standing so close to me, smiling up in my face and staring intensely into my eyes
You haven’t seen me in a while, maybe my inexistence has gotten to you
Your words, joyfulness, and excitement to see me I can’t take
This can’t be how we are
Unspoken desire and tensions filled with meaningless words
It’s like every time I see you, I fall for you all over again after I spent weeks getting over you
And I’m queasy and sick to my stomach all over again
I keep replaying the day in my head when we really connected and you said “you’re awesome and amazing”
But those days are gone and everything seems so dark now
We stop telling each other how awesome we are, it’s like we got lost in space somewhere and drifted apart
But I like how when you’re having a bad day and your face turns red and hair is messed up and makeup not on
Or how you’re not a morning person and always the last one to wake up in the morning
Your morning face is adorable
I used to consider you my favorite person
I like to get back to that place
I can’t believe you like my favorite singer
I don’t like that you get so easily upset and cry in front of everyone
But when you do, I just want to hold you
But I will never let my feelings out again
So do what you like, though I will try to be by your side
Though I must move on and be on my way unless I’ll be stuck here forever going nowhere
You have a beautiful soul
I love your smile and morning face
For me, letting go of these feelings isn't easy
But I need to get back to a calmer state of mind and sleeping peacefully
I’m still having problems with sleep

That **** summer, I spent two weeks getting lost in her
But I feel stronger now, I can move on without her
So I will have no fear we are both better than ever and still stand so close careful not to touch or let out any of those emotions

She so perfect
And I’m not even perfect at all
She so perfect
And she doesn’t even mind my many flaws

I feel my shyness and quietness makes me an outcast everywhere I go
But when she’s around none of that seems to matter though

Your perfection is flawed
Just a misrepresentation of you, that’s all
You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out

I’m still sad from the days that you went away

I’m over you but I still have some feelings lingering on for you, it’s mostly amorous which every time I see you it seems to be getting stronger
And I know whatever you felt for me is no longer
Your hugs are short and you don’t even have that look in your eyes for me anymore which causes me to act petulant whenever you say something to me
You don’t even talk to me about HIM anymore
But I think you know it’s best not to
You found love
And I found heartache
You found happiness
And I found sadness
I knew in my heart we were never meant to be
I even knew more so that day I kissed your lips and felt nothing
I always thought we would have a deep something
I mean we had partially, but all is left now is a deep nothing
But I’m still sad from the day he stole you away

It’s been a while since you were you
Now you’re like this happy in love chick that always talks of him and buys him ****
It’s not like I ever wanted or expected ****
But it would have been nice, thoughtful of you for all the **** I ******* bought, wrote, and said to you for you to get me or write me something as a little, maybe just a little appreciation, gratitude
But nothing, nothing, all I get is nothing
So *******, all I give you now is an attitude
I guess I wasn’t nothing, nothing, not even a real friend to you
I was just some quirky queer chick who admired you and you loved that because you loved that I loved you and gave you excessive attention
****, now I see what you are, pretentious
But now I regret every stupid poem or gift I ever gave to you
So throw it, throw it all away
And leave no trace that I was a monomaniac for you
You
What makes you so special, the one I was so obsequious for
Do you remember that poem I wrote you and I said somewhere in it that my heart was indebted to you
Well it was just flummery *******
Throw it away, throw it all away
And leave no trace of my vulnerability
**** me for making myself so vulnerable to you
So no longer will I
But I really am happy for you
And sorry about the attitude
And I will no longer act like a bitter heartbroken *****
I am over it, so through
Because I still love you

When all else is lost
What is the meaning
What is the cause
Keep writing to relieve
Needing something to retrieve
Never giving up, still holding up, to believe
And achieve the ultimate in me

Oh beautiful eyes
You’re the reason to which sometimes I cry at night
Because sometimes I wake up with such vivid dreams of you and all I want to do is hold you tight

These thoughts don’t come easy
These moods don’t come steady
Feelings at unease
Even this cool humid breeze
Won’t bring my soul back to peace

Lacking the skills of conversation
Causing me so much frustration
There is no sensation

You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out
*******
I’m through
I miss you
You know the old you
The non-fat, skinny fitting into your jeans you
The angry sad but sweet you
The you that texted or called me every once in a blue moon you
The you that every once in a while confided in me and let me hold you when you were upset you
The you that used to talk to me, now all I get is the unspoken awkwardness you
I miss you
The before him you

Staring into your glamorous amorous light eyes
You got me all goggle-eyed and tongue tied
Is it a no surprise    
That you give me butterflies
Making me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside
I am an irascible monomaniac thanks to beautiful eyes

It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
A long disdain day
But a brand new day

I can't help stop thinking about today's events
And that somehow this all could have been prevented
But you would never admit to it
That we are better off without each other

But you would never, never change
No that would be too easy for you
And you never, never once asked me how I was feeling
But that's okay, I'm getting used to dealing with you
And I gotta get through
Getting over you
See, 'cause I still have feelings too
But not strong enough to make me stay

It’s a brand new day
It’s a brand new day
A brand new day

You say “you make me sick I can’t stand to be around you
I slap, I punch, I hit you in your gay tattoo
You think you could make a fool of me
But I’m still standing, it’s so hard for you to see
Together forever, but now I see this was never meant to be”

Maybe someday I’ll change my ways
You will come along sweep me off my feet and change me within days
You will open my mind and eyes
Change me in so many different ways, take me by surprise
But that will most likely not happen to me
And you will wound up preoccupied with everything I am
Tonight, you’re checking out my Facebook pictures and you’ll categorize, scrutinize, and conceptualize my poems
You will never have fallen in love this hard
It’s too late, you’re too involved, you can’t forget anything about me, the thought of me not being with you is already leaving you scarred

You had this fictitious picture that I would be the one
But you see your preoccupied mind has made you believe something is happening between us that has never even begun
You thought that lesbian eye I was giving you was for real
You thought you could tie me down, control me with your *** appeal
But that will most likely not happen to me
And you will wound up preoccupied with everything I am
Tonight, you’re checking out my Facebook pictures and you’ll categorize, scrutinize, and conceptualize my poems
You will never have fallen in love this hard
It’s too late, you’re too involved, you can’t forget anything about me, the thought of me not being with you is already leaving you scarred

You will have never felt about someone this way
My sincere eyes, the way I bite your lips, the calming smooth words I say
This is how I get deep within
Inside your mind and body, this is where falling in love with me starts to begin
You will have never felt about someone this way
My sincere eyes, the way I bite your lips, the calming smooth words I say
This is how I get within
Inside your mind and body, this is where falling in love with me starts to begin
You won’t be able to sleep without dreaming about me
It’s not like this stuff happens on purpose, your mind will be affected with all the words I say
Every moment you get free will be dedicated to recollecting the day
Your stalker-ish intentions will be difficult to control but subsided
You wouldn’t wanna go ******* this up

You shouldn’t worry about losing me
It’s not like we were together or anything
Although you thought we were, but you shouldn’t let that affect how you’re feeling
You knew that day I had you pinned against the wall, stirring into your eyes
I’ll take advantage of you when you’re weak if you let me
Because I like to be in control you see
So, you shouldn’t worry about losing me
It’s not like we were together or anything
Although it may have seen like we were, but you shouldn’t let that affect how you’re feeling
You knew that day I had you pinned against the wall, stirring into your eyes
I’ll take advantage of you when you’re weak if you let me
Because I like to be in control you see
You’ll be the submissive and I’ll be the dominator
This is just how this relationship goes
You’ll be the submissive and I’ll be the dominator
You're down on your knees, you're pleading please don’t leave, you're submissive to me
This is just how this goes, they call out my name and say
Aww Hale, the heartbreaker

She broke my heart
The only woman I ever really wanted broke my heart
How could she do this to me
Together I always wanted us to be
Now there is nothing left in me
She broke me
I’m in pieces
There is nothing left except for the pieces of me
I was just being honest and I told her how I felt and the outcome of it wasn’t so great
I feel like I would never get over her
My feelings for this other chick completely erased
Replaced with thoughts and feelings of the heartbreaker
I don’t think she intended to though
I think she was somewhat oblivious to what she was doing with all those wonderful things she said about me and then that look or stare she would give me dead in my eyes
And it would give me butterflies and turn me so on
I can’t distinguish the difference between love and lust
My heart I need to trust
I just need to know what differences in my feelings so I won’t become the heartbreaker

Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
But I have something to say if they wanna be that way

So what do you say to somebody who's trying to be gay
And they're comin' your way
Nothing, just a hey
One day I was walking by
This chick and I gave her an awkward eye
'Cause she was trying to deny who she really was by looking like a guy
She thought she was fly
And told me hi
But I just laughed and kept wallking by

Nowadays everybody is tryin' to be bi
And I don't know why
******* think they know what it is to be bi
So what do you do to a chick who's trying so hard to be bi
And you know **** well she's living a lie
Nothing, **** her and say goodbye
One day I was at this party
And I saw this hottie
Who wanted to be bi
I told her hi
She was acting all shy
And I don't know why
But I invited her upstairs, I guess I just wanted to make her a real bi
I was going down on her, eating her like an apple pie
But it was clear that she wasn't bi
And she had no intentions on being with a chick, she just thought it was the cool thing to do, but she rather be with a guy
The chick made me sick
I threw a fit
I cursed her out, told her to get the hell out

Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
******* act like it's a cool thing to be that way
All I have to say is yall make me sick, this ain't no cool phase or trend
Go find something else to be or some other group to offend
Because when you're open and out, you're constantly getting ridiculed by friends, family, foes, and the religious and ourselves we gotta defend
Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
******* think they know what it is to be that way
Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
******* think they know what it is to be gay

I'm psychologically damaged in the head
I don't know how I'm feeling
Or how I should feel
Or what to think
Or what to do
How did this all come about
I really don't know
But I think it started when I was fourteen
**** being a teenager
I just started getting weird
Acting different, dressing different
From there on you could say psychologically I was ****** up

Can you tell me how I'm feeling
Or how to find happiness
Or how I can get there
'Cause life just seems so unfair

From there on breathing was like a chore for me
I couldn't stand the thought of being alive
Or being anywhere
It wasn't my fault
I didn't know what the **** was going on with me
I didn't like to do anything but sleep
And when I was around people I tried to smile so the pain wouldn't show
So nobody would know
And nobody did
Well at least not 'til I started acting out
Then everybody wanted to know what the **** was going on

Can you tell me how I'm feeling
Or how to find happiness
Or how I can get there
'Cause life just seems so unfair

I didn't want nobody to know I was depressed
I didn't want nobody to know I was lonely
I didn't want nobody to know that I felt anxious around people
And I didn't want nobody to know that I like chicks
**** but it all had to come out, yes all of it and when it did
**** it felt good
I had nothing to hide anymore
But by everything coming out it didn't solve my problems
But at least everyone was aware
Yeah

Can you tell me how I'm feeling
Or how to find happiness
Or how I can get there
'Cause life just seems so unfair

Why don't you just take a sword and stab it right through my heart
Because although you might think so, I can't deal with us being apart
I wanted this
I really wanted this
I wanted this to work
And although you're the one to blame, I'll let you blame this falling all apart on me
I wish you could see
I wish you could see
How I really feel
But you're so self-centered
And always need to get your way
And I thought you would have known that I'm not okay
And that you would come comfort me
And now I only see you on a Friday

But you should have known I'm not okay
And you should come comfort me

You like to call me a crybaby
But sometimes I wonder where did your heart go and do you feel anything anymore
But you took a sword and stab it right through my heart
It was the day you said we should just be friends
And you said you knew I would fall in love with you from the start
Then why the **** did you let it go this far
And I don't know if I can just be your friend
And I can't even count how many times we said good-bye, that this is the end
But you know I can't say good-bye to you

I wanted you to
I wanted you to
I wanted you to know that I'm not okay
And you always seem like you don't have much to say
And now that I only see you on a Friday

But you should have known that I'm not okay
And you should come comfort me

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

And just when I thought I was safe
From all these feelings of thoughts
I guess they found a place in my soul
The anger has taken control
Of me
I want to be set free
From the hostility
That makes me lose my ability
To have a relationship with someone
It's also holding me back from being happy and going out and have fun
All because these thoughts gone too far

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

And just when you think you're okay
I thought all that fear and anger has gone away
But no, maybe just for the day
It will be back when I'm least expecting it
Causing me to through a fit
Wherever I'm at
And I have to react
By leaving
'Cause now I'm believing
People are starting to think there's something wrong with me
How can I switch from a nice sweet girl
To a total ******* *****
Which
Is something I'm not getting used to
But what the **** am I supposed to do
This anger inside of me
Helps get rid of the anxiety
That's why I rather be
******* mad
Than shaking
******* making
Me look like some kind of wuss
But it's not like I'm angry all the time
Only when I'm trying to get the worrying off my mind

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far