Filling the paper with feelings

Feb 2018

Rebel Heart

I'm convinced blue is cursed
That same color reflected in your eyes
Blue lures me in and drowns me
It shatters what's left of my disguise

(The beginning to a long tribute to an old memory...Written 1/26-8/2010 by RH... Happy writing ~BM)

#blue #color #curse #heartbreak #death #love #family #friend #swim #masks

Jan 2018

girl diffused

Memento

Here's what I'll collect of us:
1. Your hand holding my nine year old one,
2. small and uncertain
3. small and growing
4. You waking up before the rest of the world
5. The sound of you raking fallen brittle palm fronds and leaves
6. Feeding the dogs
7. Turning the cornmeal for them in the massive ***
8. Your rare smiles
9. The smell of Old Spice
10. Filling the shopping cart with whatever I wanted
11. My too-tiny hands clasping about the cart and pushing it along with you
12. Us scouring the aisles for Eggo's waffles and my favorite brand of banana chips
13. My nine year old self sitting on your lap while you dozed off
14. Our conversations about politics and the current state of the world
15. Our long conversations
16. Our long conversations about your youth
17. Me hearing your story about how you cared for yourself from 15 years old for the 105th time
18. Me never getting tired of hearing about that story
19. Your rare smiles reaching your eyes
20. The softness of your hair as I stroke your head now
21. Sitting by your bedside and being comforted by your soft breath as you sleep
22. Sitting by your bedside remembering my childhood with you
23. The long summers in your house with grandma and my cousin
24. The long summers in your house on the island
25. The long summers back home--back in your home country
26. Your hand holding my nine year old one,
27. small and uncertain
28. small and growing
29. You waking up before the rest of the world
30. You going to sleep after everyone else
31. Your hand holding mine.
32. Your breath.
33. The softness and steadiness of your breath.

A list poem dedicated to my 90-year-old grandfather as he battles prostate cancer. I love him and respect him with all my heart. There are so many other memories that I will cherish and hold onto, like most recently, my trip with him to Niagara Falls. These are just a few that I can fondly recall from childhood. He's essentially the father I never had.

#poetry #list #grief #memories #reminiscing #reminisce

Dec 2017

Anya

Misplaced Trust

I've found that makeup can cover the bruises just as well as it can disguise an ugly face.
I've learned that people aren't always kind and the world is a pretty ****** up place.
I've been told that you love me but I can't see past the fists flying toward my face.
I've seen the way you look into my eyes when you're sober and I feel the way my heart aches when you do.

I don't understand how "I love you" turns into "Shut up" so quickly
The love was there but it left when I decided to walk out the door.
You pushed me away and I finally chose to leave.
I got tired of all the lies and the punches thrown in my direction.

The bruises have faded away and I'm able to feel more than just oppressed.
I've grown stronger and I've learned that I am more than your hurtful words.

someone make a title for this

Dec 2017

Anya

Invisible

She feels invisible
Full of insecurities, of doubts
No matter how much she reminds herself
That's she's not worth the struggle
She's still tired of people and their nonsense
People talk and gossip
Refusing to understand why
She's invisible
People laugh and enjoy life
Why can't she?
The capability of being noticed
It makes her envious
Living seems impossible
Being forced to live this "normality"
What's wrong with being different?
She's invisible
People scared of homosexuals, suicides, and "freaks"
Nothing's wrong with them
People feel unwanted-she feels unwanted
Undecided, under appreciated, never understood
Being afraid to even show her true self
She's invisible
Praying to be loved
She's hidden
Hiding who she is from fear
Making those beautiful artworks in her room
Her arms being her canvases
Sitting, thinking in the shower for ages
Always guilty for no reason
She's invisible

There isn't really a sad or depressing backstory to this, just a little something I wrote when I was like 12 or so. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Nov 2017

Anya

No Comment

When the judge asked what I was thinking, I replied “no comment.”
What really came to mind was the betrayal, the fury, the angst, that I feel on a daily basis.
I can’t get through a single day without thinking about what you’ve done.
You’ve hurt me.
Not physically, no, but my heart is bruised and broken and there are scars on all my thoughts.
Some days I try to think of the good times we had together.
Going fishing, walking through the woods, fixing stupid broken cars...
But then your stupid mistake pops back into my mind and “I HATE YOU” follows close behind.
What you did was disgusting and from here on I out I choose to say “no comment”.
People don’t deserve to know what you did, you don’t deserve that kind of publicity.
You weren’t with me for my 17th birthday, you don’t see how much I’ve grown in the past 10 months.
And when your birthday passed by, it was as if you didn’t even exist.
Father’s Day was the same way too, because your fatherhood should not be celebrated.
Seeing you now, and hearing the frustrating plea deal you got disgusts me.
Three years of parole and you’re off the hook.
I have to carry this with me for a lifetime but you only get 1,095 days with it.
Do you know how many days are in the average lifetime? 27,765 days.
Your sentence is no where near as damaging as mine.
You will never know how I feel.
You will never care to ask.
You will never see me graduate, or get married, or have a family of my own.
You will be far, far away from me.
Maybe you’ll rot in a pickup truck like your own father.
Or maybe you’ll waste your days away and sit in your own filth like your mother.
But do not ever drag me down to that hell with you.
Don’t ever talk to me.
I don’t need your apology and I don’t need your love.
So when the judge asks “Do you have anything to say?”
I suggest you tell him “no comment.”

To the ******* who ******* up the rest of my life.

Nov 2017

Rebel Heart

Poems About Depressing Poems

Seldom does one write an emotional poem
Not relating to death and depression
Nor the dark demons caged within...
A shard of the dark side of the soul
Can be found buried within
The depths of each poem carved onto the page
With the ink of the beating heart...
And maybe that reminds those of us
Who live and bleed between the words spilled
That only in the suffering
Can we truly begin to understand
And only in the understanding
Can we truly begin to live...
Because we live
Only to spill these words
So that others may have a chance
At the second life that blooms
From all the heartache...
All only so
The world can be seen
In the different lights
The aching words promise

Bits of a writing assignment buried back in time about the topic "Why is the 'best' or the most historically popular poetry depressing?"... Leave your thoughts

#depression #poetry #words #demons #death #depressed #live #word #breathe #different

Oct 2017

Shruti Atri

You're not alone

Can you remember who you were?
Before?
Who you could have been now?
Can you imagine the voices,
The ones in your head,
Going away?

Do you wish the colors dimmed
And faded out like the miserable happiness,
Bleached out of your yesterdays?

Do you cry and mourn
In bursts of silence,
When the voices are back?

I know they change you,
They capture your mind
And throw havoc everywhere!
Driving you through stars
While darkening your sight.

The days can't be closer apart,
Nights can't be brighter.
People can't leave faster,
Cz you're only waiting
To drive them away.

They're only waiting
To drive them away.

**Yes, they're the same voices
In my head too...

I wrote this a while ago, when I needed someone to tell me I don't need to be by myself.
Today the most precious person in my life told me, "Don't suffer alone". It helped me more than he will ever know.
If you relate to these words, I'd like you to know you don't need to either.

#depression #awareness #fightingourmind #wearenotalone #voicesinthehead #forabetterday

Oct 2017

Shruti Atri

Dead Weight

I saw the clouds
In the moonlit night,
Dark and flimsy
Moonlight shining through.

They looked so sad,
Engulfed in the dark sky.
Taking form
Of the whispering monsters:
My slumbering nightmares,
Quitely growling in my mind.

They were mourning
The death of daylight,
As the moon roared bright;
Soaring through the sky
To meet my eyes.

My vision raged through the sky,
All the way home, seeking rest;
Yet the clouds, forgotten,
Stayed unmoving
Still, high up in the sky;
Like their dead kin
In hushed smoking rooms,
Stuck and stranded;
Held prisoner
To the silent endless black.
In sad, starving human minds...

#whispersinthenight #deadweight #distractions #temporaryfixes

Oct 2017

Rebel Heart

Laments

How I wish
I could tell you all my secrets
Lift the burden off my shoulders
But too many people
Have broken down the walls I've put up
Just to shatter my heart
Like they said they never would

If I wasn't so broken
Would we have worked?
Would you have been the one
To finally relieve me
Of all my scars?
Or would you have done the same?
Proving my judgement wrong,
Instilled illusions of love in my brain
Just to steal the pieces
Of whatever's left of my heart?

You tell me I have issues
I already know I do
But yelling at me to fix them
Is not how you mend broken things
But maybe I'm too far gone
To ever be put back together
Our possible forever
Vanishing into a **never

A Throwback.. enjoy ~BM

#loner #heart #life #you #broken #heartbreak #love #issues #distrust #doubt

Sep 2017

tian

Sing my song

I was quite addicted to your voice,
your covers are always on repeat,
while listening
I found myself dreaming,
wishing,
that you could sing my song,
that you sing me as your song.

A lyric full of unheard verses,
sing my song,
Sing it all along,
let its flow bring you to my world.

Your covers are always on repeat,
for it is the reason why my heart beats.

I was inspired lately

Sep 2017

Arcassin B

Beauty Described Pt.3

By Arcassin Burnham

Eyes of beauty could be used for love,
but the devil knows it well (The Devil Knows It well),
some will leave their feelings covered up,
Guard your heart, don't be compelled (don't be compelled),
A lot of boys are not for commitment,
some of the girls have the same idea (girls have the same idea),
All deciding on your temperament,
or left with salty seasoning like badia,

okay look,
I'm just trying to be a soul conjured in your life.
Not just some guy with looks and charms on a level of polite.
don't let your insecurity, get the best of you,
we only got one life , but its the life we choose,
off topic,
I'm just trying to be your lover , could you be my wife.....

Demons lusting for a ****** body , this just took a turn for the worst,
Teenagers now-a-days be enlightened by varieties of some ****** thirst,
Pregnancies , fathers leave , s.t.d's, some will give up and some will do the most,
parents will wake up and find their daughter hanging from her ceiling for a lie and hoax,

I'm just trying to be a soul conjured in your life.
Not just some guy with looks and charms on a level of polite.
don't let your insecurity, get the best of you,
we only got one life , but its the life we choose,
off topic,
I'm just trying to be your lover , could you be my wife.....

#words #wife #beauty #love #romance #religious #angels #demons #lover #desire

Sep 2017

Arcassin B

Flame #10

By Arcassin Burnham

Want to live a life,
Make a sacrifice,
Don't be a Gemini,
I hope that you decide,
Don't be young and die,
People are too nice,
man i wonder why?
I'll always be on your side.

Tired of being stepped on in every place i am,
like peanut butter covered ******* without the jam,
Tired of being broke and having nothing on my own,
I swear on my own grave that i will at least atone,
gonna miss me when I'm gone,
memories just leaves me stunned,
waking up late every morning just to see the noon sun,
but it rains.
but it will ease some of the pain.

I know all the memories,
nowadays don't occur to me,
theres some hope out in the sea, feel the breeze,
i ain't ever going home. I like being on my own,

Want to live a life,
Make a sacrifice,
Don't be a Gemini,
I hope that you decide,
Don't be young and die,
People are too nice,
man i wonder why?
I'll always be on your side.

Tired of being stepped on in every place i am,
like peanut butter covered ******* without the jam,
Tired of being broke and having nothing on my own,
I swear on my own grave that i will at least atone.

#words #flame #life #grave #death #tragedy #problems #lifepoems #situations

Aug 2017

Arcassin B

On The Moon

By Arcassin Burnham

Teenage love never last when you want it to,
Forsaken by its passion,whats in front of you,
be careful who you love,they'll treat you like a fool,
You'd love to here the sounds of a lake with
the moon over you.
***** love,this is all about you.
I don't know what I would do,
If I,Ever lost you,

Heart as hot as the fire dragon in your stories,
A captivating smile will only bathe in glory,
Purpose for your beauty is only exploiting,
Please don't let me go , I won't be annoying,
You Had me at hello , and man i was blushing.

#words #love #romance #beautiful #lovepoems #pretty #moon #themoon #happy #careful