You are part of my history
No matter what I do
You've claimed a piece of me
And I still never want to see you again
But I've accepted that the person I knew
For five hours on a Saturday afternoon
Will never leave me

Your face is still going to haunt me
I'll still cringe when I imagine
Your hands on me
But I'm getting up
And moving on
And not caring if you move on too

Hideously underwhelming
I think I can see cave lights
Off in the distance
You radiate everything
Bad memories and
A cold, calculated concept
I shiver as you shake me
Slowly out of my corporeal body
Sending me to a new dimension
Surrounded by the light
Of a thousand almost fireflies
But it's a cold light
Nothing friendly or familiar
And ants are crawling
Up and down the bones of my spine
Reminding me
Of crisp October evenings
That find me slowly rotting
Dead with or without your love

I don't love you
But you still mean something
You mean pain
You mean lying awake
Trying to erase all those moments
The longest five hours of my life
And you caused them

You don't own me
But I'm your midnight memory
I bet I'm sacred to you
A pale body in the moonlight
Naked for you
I am nothing to you

And I don't want you
You are my snow spill bloodshed
You're the pill under my tongue
Dissolving, making me numb
I don't love you
It will always be that way

I never knew he would break me
I never knew he would make me want to change me
To shift every aspect
Just to be someone else
So he could never love me
And it sickens me
To know that this is the place where he kissed me
That I'm in the body that he touched
He claimed to love
Wanted to become one with me
He can have me
Because I don't want me

Will you be my shelter
Will you hold me
During the scariest parts
Of these bad horror movies
Will you let me cry into your chest
Soaking your tee shirt
Staining it with sorrow
Leaving you with a permanent reminder of me
Will you laugh at me
When I do stupid things
Will you let me hug you
Until I feel less numb
Until my mind can feel again
And I start crying again
As the cycle begins

I don't have much to give
But I won't leave you
As long as you hold me
Love you I will

I want to be in your arms
You are warmth and safety
To bury my face in your neck
Breathe in your scent
Is heaven for me
It's a blissful kind of misery
But I'm safe with you
I know what to expect

I need to be with you
Press my lips against your cheek
Your nose, your eyelids
Curl up inside you
Let your arms engulf me
I want to fall asleep on your chest
Drift through dreams of you and me
Live alone in your oasis

I'm laying down
Head on my pillow
Wondering you're doing the same
Knowing you, probably not
I can close my eyes and picture you
Easier than I would like
Sitting in bed
Watching tv and
Eating lukewarm ramen
I shouldn't miss you like this
We never had anything
Yet I still hold out hope
That we can change that

It's icy cold
Out here in the snow
But I don't mind
I'll bury myself
Before I go back to you

It's not that I don't want to
I do
I want to smother myself
In the warmth of this idea
That I carefully made
And assigned to your face
But I won't

Maybe I'm derelict
And you're lost too
But I don't want you
I know my edging
Is pretty
And the frosted glass
Glimmers when it's dark
But I'm empty
You won't find anything in here
Nothing for you
At least

I hope you're happy
I don't mean that
In a bitter way
I want you to be happy
I hope she gives you
Everything that I couldn't
I hope she looks past your flaws
Moves past the place where I stopped
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy

How long did it take
To scrub the taste of you
Off of my mouth?
My gums were bleeding by the end
My bed was a mess
Sheets torn, this way and that
A futile attempt
To make them reek
Of anything other than you

Sometimes
I wish one of us would die
Just to end this mess
To let my hair grow out
To become someone else
Again

It's raining outside
Somewhere in the depths
I feel the vibrations
Of raindrops
The plip plop
Of nature's tears

And with them
Come ghost hands
Fingers trailing
Up my sides
Scaling my skin
And then they're gone

Oh, to be alone

I'm so glad to know
That I'm not the only one
With stupid dreams
And social anxiety
It could be you and me
With your umber eyes
And that'd be alright