Oh I am tired of soft words
I want to yell and scream and curse
I want my heart on the wind
Not inside my foul chest

All my thoughts and pains
Pressed in, pushed down and falling over
Struggling to find space to rest
like a subway with no exits

the panicked mothers’ child cries for all to hear
with no one kind enough to let her sit
and comfort the innocent cries of her babe

the constant chatter and commotion
of all the people, and all the languages
so many words said
and so few understood

the pushing, shoving and pulling
all for the golden prize that has become the seat
if only to sit and rest

all my thoughts and pains
warring for a place to sit
but there is no place
there are only the doors
the doors which never open

Don't make my love in a factory on a cold assembly line
cutting all the corners of my heart just to rush it out on time

Don't sell my love in a fancy store dressed up in the front display
bought and sold and taken home, and in boredom packed away

Don't cast my love on a tv show as violence, fame, or food,
worth nothing more than the ratings brought that decide if it'll be renewed

Instead

Make it under the sun, let the wildlife play and see
let it touch the thoughts of calm the earth has ever dreamed
work through the night, so it can meet the dark
and learn that life is more than a single work of art

I love you like a single drop of rain
The ones on cloudless days
The ones you never expect
Of all the places I could fall
I fell into your hands

And you looked up and wondered
where could that have come from
but I looked down and sighed
where could I ever go
but into your hands

Sometimes I try to write
But the only word on my lips is love
And I just want to write it a million times over
And then read it twice as many

Not because I’m in love
Or because I long for it
But because for some strange reason
My soul wont stop saying it
And no matter how long and how hard I try
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love

Your words won’t set you free
Nothing that springs forth from this earth can save you
Only grace can save us
The grace we’re all searching for

The reason we watch movies
The reason we play games
The reason we lose ourselves in music

To find ourselves, to find the part of us that calls out
for more, for some adventure, some joy, some fight
Living someone else’s life
Their journey, their dream, their love
Filling ourselves with their story

But the screen always goes dark
The pages run out of words
And the music fades
And for one brief moment in-between all the sound
were left with ourselves
completely alone
completely empty
wishing that we could be
the stories we know

and so, we pretend, invest, and consume
trying to live the life we love and desire
trying to become what we are not
by denying who we are

All this world does is try to distract us
Try to give us another life to live
Away from the ones we hate
And as time passes it all becomes more and more real
the falseness of the lives we live only become more convincing

I’m so tired of living out the lives of other people
so tired of not facing the emptiness
I don’t want to fight it anymore with movies, music and games
I want to become something real
I don’t want to hate work or school or pain
I want to embrace it, fight it, and overcome

Because that’s what they do in the stories we see
They fight the darkness inside themselves and in the world
And that’s what we want to do, why else would we watch them
But were to weak
Too weak and too feeble to stand up for ourselves
And I don’t mean against the bullies at school
I mean the bullies in our minds, the ones that keep us from our dreams

You know that moment after the story ends
Where they live happily ever after
We never get to see that part do we
Because I’m sure everyone that’s made it there
Who’s won the fight and finished the race
they’re all too busy being caught up in the love and the joy
to come back and tell us about it, to come back and teach us

why do we feel so broken and empty after stories of such strong emotion?
Whether it ends in love or pain
not because they create that feeling in us
but because they draw out what’s already there
the anger, sadness and the emptiness that we’ve denied
all the junk we’ve thrown in the closet
they only ever open the door to send it bursting forth
littering these hearts of ours that seemed so clean
making us ashamed of all we’ve hidden
only to pick up the pieces and hide them all over again

well I’m tired of hiding everything behind closed doors
this time I’m going to set it loose myself
get rid of what doesn’t belong
go work for what I need
and find what I’ve been looking for
but was too scared to face
become something real
love, fight, struggle
be saved
oh God
please
give me the grace

I saw you on the shore, waving back at me from a far
Goodbye my love, goodbye forever
Forever, I thought, what a terrible thing
With tears in my eyes, please don’t let it be

May your love be the lighthouse that guides me home
When I am old and grey, and time has gone
When the chains have fallen from my hands
And freedom has given me hope that I may hold you again

Because our love was never in our faces or in our bodies
It was in our eyes
When I looked into yours, and you looked into mine
We saw beyond ourselves, and became one

This picture of you I carried with me all those years
Was only enough to remind me of your spirit
for every time I looked in the eyes of your painted image
I saw only hazel
and I felt so alone

but now as I live these seconds slow
not knowing when I will go
the picture that became a fleeting mystery
has taken on flesh, and become real once more

and after so long, and such pain
you stand before me on the shore
drawing me in to a face and body I no longer know
with hope and fear I look into your eyes
And again at last I see
The home
and the love
that forever, I’ve known

there’s more out there
more to everything
I know it, I feel it, I long for it
To have it and hold it in fullness
Not for just a short second to have it fly away
Like a feather in the wind

The trees are hiding it in their roots
The ocean is hiding it in the waves
The sky is hiding it in the clouds
The earth is hiding it in the mountains
And God is keeping it hidden inside of me

I cant see It but I know its there
For I have felt its fleeting presence
In dreams
Music
Art

What is the emptiness that takes us after we see hear and feel something wonderful
After it ends
I don’t believe in temporary
I don’t believe in a rush that ends
A plant that dies
A beauty that is destroyed
An innocence that is lost

There is something out there
A deep indescribable something
Waiting for me to take hold of it
A constant force that breathes likes my lungs
Beats like my heart
And lives like my soul

An all encompassing
Never ending
Unbreakable
Incomprehensible
Peace

That is what is waiting for me
Oh my soul how it groans
How it pains and aches
How it cries out from within me
Asking for sweet release
Each day growing louder
Stronger
And more painful
all for this

I want more
No, I need more
I need more or I die
I need more or there is no point
I need more or there is no purpose
I need more or there is no sense
No sense to anything I do

I must live a life that is more
And if I do not
Then I am ruin
My passion is lost
And I have failed the call of my heart

Lord, let me be more
Or let me die

This grove,
I’ve been here before many times
So green, pure and warmly serene
It feels so right to be here, so good
Yet, somethings missing from this place
I’m sure its been here many times before
But every time I arrive
It seems I’ve just missed it
And all that’s left are the remnants

Footprints in the soft grass
Elegant, effortless, peaceful
The sweet smell in the air
Vibrant, free, joyful
And echoes of a song
pure, clear, and serene

I run hopefully into this grove each day
And when the spirit of this place flows through me
the flowers rise and reach for the sky
so beautiful, so full of life
but when I see she’s gone away
and again, I’m too late
the flowers fall back into the earth
and wait
wait
for that moment

the moment when we both arrive
and all the hope I’ve ever had is met
eye to eye
heart to heart
and soul to soul
the moment when all the mystery, all the waiting
and all the hopeful, missed chances come to truth
the day that I run into this grove and find her there
not leaving, not fading, but staying, remaining
I don’t know what ill say, what ill do or how ill be
But I do know
that all those flowers that only ever rose to fall
they’ll stand up
straight, strong, bright and tall
and they’ll stay.

But it would seem today is not that day
Again her presence slipped past me as I entered this grove
So for now ill just sit here in stillness
gaze at the peaceful way she walked,
breath in the fragrance of the joy she left in the air,
watch the flowers as they rise and fall
and sleep as I listen to the echoes of this song

Ill sit here and bask in these wonderful remnants as they fade
Always returning to wait in hope for that fateful day
And maybe the next time she arrives as I have gone
She’ll sit down
look at the footprints
Smell the air
Watch the flowers
And listen to my song

There you are
Finally, I see you
I’ve been waiting for this moment
How foolish was I
Thinking you were so far away
When you were always there
I was just too blind

Blind to the restless earth
As it cried out for me
Asking for my hand
To only reach out
And touch it, feel it
Breathe it
Yes I think to myself
This is who I am

The first break of thunder that strikes our minds
the once drifting eyes now fixed on the sky
as static attracts the rest from our reach
we lay in flashes of dark, just waiting for peace

but as for myself

I rather prefer that violent crashing sound
than the silence which creeps and nightly abounds

I just want to feel the wind on my face
Feel the soft touch of your breath on my neck
To move my eyes
As they glide from the untouched landscape
From the silent trees and still waters
Into the deepest peace I know
found in your eyes
The love of my heart for you

See me true for who I am
For all the strange and lovely things
the things that scare us all
and that bring us to our knees
all that I feel
All the things I feel for you
My love  
How id love you to know

So just let go
And dive into my presence
There are no walls to break
No boundaries to cross
All you need to do is jump
And I will receive you completely
I will love you infinitely
I will show you what it means
To love