we find
in time that
nothing really changed
it's just rearranged
the same picture
painted a thousand
different ways.
in our core,
we stay the same.
falling back on
old habits,
nursing old insecurities
to reiterate the
sad truth
of each of our realities.

oh to be free of
such a human condition
to be free of such
thoughtless repetition
and maybe,
I'd be more mindful
less heartless
in my decisions.

I apologize,
for I am broken
and for all the things
I've left unspoken.
I criticize
myself, every time
you're around
for within myself I looked and reasoned
and there is not a cause to be found.
I am tainted
by my past renditions
left me in this strange condition
for more- is never enough,
but away these marred feelings I tuck.
But, it's okay
I swear I'm fine
I'm just losing myself in my mind
she calls me through sleep and time
to whisper horror stories late at night.
Lady Dressed in black,
disintegrating yet still whole
crying, as I sputter
shovelling dark, demonic coal.
Into the fire, she burns,
down beneath, revealing
something I never wanted to see
but she showed it to me anyway.
Held my hair and made me stay,
made me touch, made me play
made me say I like it
I swear I like it
I do.
it's really hard to describe
exactly what I've been through.
I've recited it enough in my mind,
I'd like to explain it to you.

I'd like to believe I could
if you were to ever bring it up.

but whenever I try to talk about it
the words always get stuck.

falling, down a deep dark hole
the light at the end slowly descends
as you too,
drift into madness.

Welcome to Wonderland.

if you can dream it, you may have it, my dear.
and if you see it? it's not real my dear.
if you can touch it, it is only touching you
you are do not exist
you are but a figment of one's imagination
trapped inside a physical realm.

the wise old caterpillar, grey from never metamorphosizing,
curls down the dewy leaf
he murmurs
"scream, no one will hear you
hide, no one will find you
run, and you'll tire, just to end up right where you're standing now
you can escape all fury and pain in the world
but you can never run away from yourself."