Eight-
In a general store,
the middle of nowhere.
I stared at toys,
oblivious to the stranger too close.
A hand on my backside,
a rub and squeeze.
The cops huffed,
'are you sure it wasn't an accident?'
'Is it really that important?'
Suddenly I knew shame.

Twelve-
Last day of school,
cornered in an empty classroom
by my lifelong bully.
He tore my pink shirt,
grabbed me where Trump would have.
My father helped.
Did what he could.
Told me it wasn't my fault.
But the teacher,
a male who never liked my voice,
groaned in private,
'this will ruin that poor boys life.'
But what about me?

Sixteen-
A class full of people,
feeling pretty as a rare treat.
A boy with a knife
sitting too close,
hand inching up my thigh.
A malicious smile
with a dangerous whisper,
'spread your knees.'
I never told,
It had hardly mattered before.
But that's the last time
I wore a skirt to school.

Eighteen-
The officer taking my prints
made me cringe as he lingered.
His compliments made me shudder
but I told myself I was paranoid.
Leading me to a cell
he offered me a private room
leering as he mentioned
I wouldn't feel alone.
I almost laugh now
at his offer to pay me with juice.
But a year later at the hearing
his lude claims were loud enough
for everyone to hear.
A court room full of people
heard him brag about things
he never did.
Only one person shut him down
without even a word.
Simply a glare of digust
that I was too scared to give.

Murky water I won't try to fight
A pinpoint hole
through which dark meets light

The somber mother of truth
Choosing this oppression
Destruction of a perfect conception

Cringing away from the touch of love
Rattling my bones
for what I don't deserve

Impossible consequences
For saying 'no'
to a God.

Martyr complexes running wild
My own fueling this escape
Ties are charred and crumbling
In their minds I am to blame.

Slave to the lender
Though owed so much
Is this strength
Or is it greed?

Weeping at their feet
Begging for love and acceptance
Invalidated and dismissed
I should have kept my distance.

I am not the Phoenix
Rising from the ashes
I am the flame
An unassuming figure of destruction.

Desperate for survival of spirit
Licking my wounded soul
Never enough to those I trust
Manipulations crease in the fold

We danced and played like children,
splashing in puddles and jumping the stream.
Trapped in the curse of our youth,
tangled in kisses and forever spinning.

Neither corrupted for we were already fallen.
Anger and lust pumped through our veins.
You climbed to the top of the tower,
and triumphantly exclaimed-

'I AM GOD!'
Lightening fell from behind,
cupped into your palm,
maniacle and dizzy.

My heart flipped as I stared in awe.
I knew from the start we were toxic.
With that moment engrained in my mind,
I knew I loved you, however tragic.

Three sisters
Two born of full moons
One red and one blue

The third more special
An anomaly to our brood
Arrived with a new moon.

Three points of the triangle
Our dreams weave together
All sewn through

Premonitions are quieted
To anyone outside
But together our visions hold true

The sight of crows
Means something special
Warnings freezing our instincts.

Judged and called crazy
We don't need the world
As long as there remains us three.

I gave up.
I no longer search,
seeking your approval,
acceptance,
or affection.

I sat bleeding,
panicked,
right before you.
You simply asked
if the blade was okay.

An empty bottle of *****
A six shooter revolver
Don't fill all the chambers
Darling, we only need two

I'm sorry I need
I'm sorry you hate it
I feed Your soul
But I always give
You never reciprocate

I told you I need you
The blades are calling
The pain is building
You said you cared
But rolled over and fell asleep.

You came to me with powdered knuckles,
you knew it was my poison.
You were raised on horse
so we thought,
'This won't be a problem.'

It feels like the sound
Of a million angels singing.
Doubts explode in the brain,
but the high makes you ignore them.

I knew I had to be stronger
than the last time that I slipped.
I handled my ****,
finished the manuscript,
but you just kept exceeding.

I always knew compassion
would one day be my downfall.
You filled your nose,
hid new hoes
And I just kept abiding.

Losses began to trickle in.
You saw you weren't so hard.
To be honest
From what I've witnessed
None of the gangsters are.

I caught you in a tryst
while lies bled from you lips.
Panic attacks and shiny blades
returned to being my usual ways.

I warned you from the start,
but bulls rarely listen.
The lines crossed you
and you felt used.
Shameful, you grew twisted.

Torn and mangled,
Depleted and abused-
Here's to forsaken me
and my nameless muse.

Some are easy to love,
I'm just easy to leave,
Easy to forget,
As though I don't exist.

I keep holding on,
As hope pulls away,
Burning my hands like rope,
Failing against the pain.

I'm drained from this battle,
I was never worth the fight.
When they walk away
They ask why I don't cry.

My heart bleeding in my throat,
A fist clenched in my gut,
A cigarette to my lips,
I'm so tired of being burnt.

The story always changes
but never my ending.
Left alone with the fragments
of a shattered, glass heart.

Vile tongue ,
thorned fingers,
Destruction
Of all I cherish.

Poisoned heart,
Tar-like thoughts,
Dripping stains,
While burning bridges.

Losing myself,
This cracked spirit.
A blessing for them
I'm smoldering out.

I'll be the gasoline and the match,
You can be the bridge and the water below,
My laughter comes quick,
And death burns slow.