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B Chapman Feb 18
I had it all-
a touch of faith,
your hands on mine,
Our love the sweetest taste.

Your warmth began to freeze, 
your hands strangled,
milking the last of my hope,
every drop of life,

and I was lost.
Reflections shattered and scattered.
In a single instant I grew,
my innocence mangled.

Your secrets trapped my tongue,
making them my own,
unable to utter a sentence,
unable to mourn.

You never changed,
I never tried to make you.
You simply didn't grow.
My rhythm slowly withered,

your grip suffocated,
my affection a complex addiction.
My black and white,
stained in red,

indistinguishable and spreading-
consuming.
Interest fading
Into superficial persecution.

Taking the place of something
Infinite yet indefinite,
Beyond our understanding.
Worship tastes like servitude.

Lust becomes a synonomn
For mercy,
Love is simply a syllable,
And all we do is doubt.

Doubt if we're enough,
Together or separate,
Fulfillment a fairytale
Tarnished by simple maturity.

Tenderness is an inconvenience,
*** a chore ,
With a seizing heart
And grief tinted lips.

I can't keep exhaling,
And praying you'll be
My holy resource,
When your love was never pure.
B Chapman Dec 2018
Some are easy to love,
I'm just easy to leave,
Easy to forget,
As though I don't exist.

I keep holding on,
As hope pulls away,
Burning my hands like rope,
Failing against the pain.

I'm drained from this battle,
I was never worth the fight.
When they walk away
They ask why I don't cry.

My heart bleeding in my throat,
A fist clenched in my gut,
A cigarette to my lips,
I'm so tired of being burnt.

The story always changes
but never my ending.
Left alone with the fragments
of a shattered, glass heart.
B Chapman Sep 2018
Cradling and pacifying,
A gift for enabling narcissism,
Wiping tears and standing strong
Even as the bellows break my spirit.

Never rising
Without repercussions,
Manipulations and invalidations,
Demands for constant zombification.

Fingers inching for cherished blades
Obedience taste bitter.
I should have learned to be docile,
To know when to wither.

Instead I was born with poison
Pumping through my veins,
Chaos in my brain,
And wear wrath as a crown.
B Chapman Mar 2018
A million memories
Folded into the time
From youth and rage
To parents with wrinkled eyes.

Mistakes and celebrations
Joy and separations
Loss and superstition
Grief and new beginnings.

From Jack and coke
To green and candy
Diamonds and rings
New life in a tiny being

The white rabbit man
The strays and their pets
With questionable morals
Our karma resets.

So many regrets
A few were you
Too many obstacles
But together we jumped through.
B Chapman Mar 2018
Fingertips racing with my pulse
Soft skin and feral cries
Distancing thoughts
As my mind unwinds

Dampened skin
The taste of lust
The prayer of my name
On your tongue

The long sip of water
After the crash into bliss
You stroking my hair
With a goodnight kiss

My knuckles in your ribs
Because **** you snore
Your head on my chest
My heart tender and sore

The bull against the water
One of us bound to drown
Pride battling stubbornness
Until our light blew out.
B Chapman Nov 2017
Abondonment is expected
Maybe even created
Self fullfiled prophecy or Destiny?

Exhausted from the rage
Incapable of withstanding this,
Your eternal storm.

Trapped as always
Bound to yet another villain
Growing crueler as I strengthen

I think I forgot how to cry
This well of sadness won't release
Maybe I'll simply disappear tonight
B Chapman Nov 2017
You've lost me so many times,
always pleading and tearful,
pulling me back in
with promises of change and love,
promise you never kept.

Rage and deceit bleed in your veins.
Break me and ridicule when I crack.
Laugh and lay on me all blame,
ego tearing through,
ripping our fragile world apart.

Pride and greed stained with jealousy
drilling me deeper into the ground.
Weep as you play our Ressurection.
'I'm worthy of more,'
someone whispers in my head.

Yet if that was true,
wouldn't I have recieved it?
If I was worthy
wouldn't someone have shown it?
I'll always be the perfect victim.
B Chapman Oct 2017
I'm sorry I need
I'm sorry you hate it
I feed Your soul
But I always give
You never reciprocate

I told you I need you
The blades are calling
The pain is building
You said you cared
But rolled over and fell asleep.
B Chapman Oct 2017
My fingertips dance along your scars,
the ones I made and the ones you
     caused.
'Truth' still shines faintly on your
     wrist,
from the night you lied and threw a
     fit.

This one right here, I stabbed you with
     keys.
You threw me from the porch and
     realized I do bleed.
Years of venom and violence abruptly
     halted,
little eyes and ears blissfully
     disrupted.

Though your tone gets sharp and
     patience short,
and I pray every day to not become
     what we were,
in the quiet when there's only beating
     hearts,
slow breathing and staring into the
     dark,

tracing your scars as my own begin to
     sting,
that passion and pain from the past
     begins to sing,
serenading and calling me home.
Then tiny hands reach and I only hear
     the sweet call of 'mom.'
B Chapman Oct 2017
Day dreamer
  Fantastical lover
    Lack of logic
      Eyes too vivid
        Shallow morals
      Liquid voice
    Calloused fingers
  Satin skin
    Maim my being
      In just the right way
        Unravel my mind
          Kiss my trauma away
            Bruise my soul
              Watch it bleed in your palm
                Lap at my tears
              But please never console
            Broken promises
          Inky laughs
        Tighten your grip
      I cherish this dance
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