rest in peace
inside my mind, in my heart
with love and the pieces

you never know what you're
about to learn, or burn

until it reaches the throne
on the stone, the third rock
beyond the shine, where you've
been seated.

here without you,
i too have - all i've ever needed
the secrets, and the pages

and nobody can read it.

and you can bleed it, feed it,
you're my only, the only i have
ever needed.

here without you
i'll try to fill myself with
everything you've left me behind

i'll set myself on fire
and lock myself in, in time,

maketh the man,

and keep it.

---

hello darkness my lone friend
tell the truth of what we've become

i can't see in the dark
and i know you're lost too
without a clue in the blues
breathing in the violet violence

listening to the silence
waiting for us to make a sound

but no one's ever gonna
come around

and the day will go on
just the same, here without you

we'll never be found in our pains
and that's all there is to it


six feet deep into the ground
heart first into the coal

and the charcoal skies still speak
of the rains that drowned out the noise
and they ******* scream about you

they scream in my brain
and they dream in my heart
they find a way to tear me apart
but they find a reason to make me
fear the shards, the sharp and sharks

swimming, and breathing a firestorm
and there are no angels only a
thunderstorm, bleeding what is gone

---
written in the stones
on the snow covered trees
and i swear, i'll miss your voice
for as far as i can see

and i'll make your void
a part of me, as far as i'm free

and i swear, i'll love you today
and i promise i'll love you
now and every day for the rest
of my life, here without you

so, sleep my child
and i'll be there for you
singing to you a new lullaby
every night for the rest of
my life, here without you

and i don't care
if nothing again is ever
about you

and i won't fear even
if ever it starts to pain again

i'll be here, i swear,
here without you.

here without you,
and always be about you.

and i'll be here till i hear,
i will, and i swear, until you
make me find a reason
to remind me,

nothing is, and will be
ever without you

here without you.

they come
for me in the
summer

sweetness of
the moon rains down
on the last bus
going home

all the flowers
crushed beneath
the sky

cry for the
mother tree

it's not that hard
to mute the violence

for she was standing
still when I met her

now she's part
of the crop

I don't know what
else to tell you

I've never known
what it feels to be
someone else

I wear my skin
more drunk then
others

my bones pierce
through my veins

the blood rushes
down the staircase

spiralling into
the circles

circling the end
of times

I wish I'd known
you better

but you don't
exist inside these
walls

if only I was trying
to build a better world

we could've known
each of us

there's nothing
else to succeed our
thoughts

there's only so much
you can feed the insides
before it eats you in your
moment of silence

it's better to burn the
rest of you than keep
living the lies

maybe the fire will
cleanse us of our stagnant
despair

nothing moves without
a herculean effort

is this how you feel
when you are sober?

it's better I don't
wake before the end
of another year

I've never felt more
alive when my mind is
blank

so let them come
and find me

I'm waiting for
something to happen
anyway

I'll trade all my
fantasies for one
moment of absolute
nothingness

I can't even tell when
the summer begins and
where it ends

I wasn't born to
count reality

I get some satisfaction
when I'm feeling down

ejaculations in imagination
education profound

Inclination to temptations
sipping tears of a clown

back to the same question
as to when I'll be found

so many laws of attraction
flaws wear the crown

I don't know if it's suffocation
but some minor distractions
have found their way around

my head is filled with explosions
heart torn in so many portions
and yet nothing makes a sound

numb with all these sensations
I'm feeling drowned

I get some satisfaction
when I'm falling down

Here, and now it's gone
Just another song
From a broken heart

Picked apart
In pieces
But thank you
I've done my thesis
On pain  

Same thoughts bite
And cut just the same
As they did
Moments ago

I don't know
If it's only me
But something is on fire

Sometimes desires
Expire
And all that is left
Is lost in theft
What was so carefully kept
Lost

And no matter the cost
It won't hurt anymore
After a while
Down a thousand miles


I'm just waiting here
Counting the tiles
Walking by the road
With a knife on my throat
Singing again

You say there's a gloom in my presence and grey in my eyes
That i look the same but something in me is not alright

You say there's something about me that misses the eyes
That there is so much more to me that i try to hide


You say there's an aura of mystery in the words i bear
That i am what i am not in the shadows that i do wear


You say I'm different than any other person you've met
That I'm not easy to remember but very hard to forget



And all i can see are the lips moving and you keep getting away
I know it's hard for you to digest but i was just born this way


I had my share of the traumas but they weren't carved in stones
Sometimes they're already there before one is even born


Some scars don't reflect on the surface, you have to dig deep
Some eyes don't have tears even when the heart does weep


I wasn't made into what i am, it always flowed in my veins
Some hearts are filled with it, some are just born with pain


You say i always lie that i have walked on a different way
But look in my eyes can't you see that i was just born this away

avi died a painful death
last autumn.

he used to talk about
it often.

never saying a word
but his words-
well they were rotten.

nobody cares though
nobody cried
nobody died;
and he was forgotten.

he was here though
and he did grow
for a minute or two
that once-

into a forest
that was boughten
his only begotten.

he died in vain
his veins, he shot them.

took out his eyes and smile-
he had just got them.

i remember watching him
drink his sins and scars
from afar,

the world filling with howls
and his insides with cotton.

sun going down and the naked
trees, the leaves and him

all of them.

hitting the rock ******* bottom.

avi died a painful death
last autumn.

and. i am. still. alive.

not a reason more to die
I've always hated my good-byes

never really ever learned to cry
now i am but all so bled out


[and I don't know what to do...]



they told me if I had wings I'd fly
but that's not true.. that's not true

I sit in the dirt and watch the sky
I watch the sky as it passes me by



[and I don't know if it's still blue...]



my head is on my feet and it's weird
the way I'm searching for it everywhere

I have the key but the door is not there
I left it a wrong time ago right here



[and I don't know if I ever knew...]



I swear I knew more than this just moments ago,
something ate into my brain as I watched the pendulum go to and fro..


hypnotised by my own breath and what not, that came in between,
how i claim to own things but can't remember a word from my dreams..



[and I don't know if it's still true...]



they told me it takes only a moment to die
and if I can perish on my self I'd learn how to fly

if I can paint a black-hole there'll be no more reason to ask a why,
every colour is there for our amusement and window's don't lie



[and I don't know if there's a view..]



I've lingered like the shadows on a wall waiting to pry,
like that vile poison for the enemy that's too sly..

like that little boy back in the trunk that's too shy,
I remember now how it took only a moment to die..


[and I don't know if that's new...]




back to the same story, on the same page waiting to be inked,
things mightier than titanic have come and gone.. been sinked, skinned by sin..

and I'm still here, doing nothing and wasting my time all over again,
it takes only a moment to die and you're back at it again..


[and I don't know what to do...]
[and I don't know what to do...]
[and I don't know what to do...]


Do you ?

thoughts breeding in my head
stop bleeding or i'll be dead

stop repeating or i'll forget
what i never knew

before it's too late
let me sleep, let me rest
or i'll fade

let me dream lest
i'll be just like you
always awake  


forest seeding my regret
please don't scream yet

let the animals
first reach the boat
tears drain down
my throat

before the fear rains
and drowns us whole

let me dream lest
i'll be just like you
without a soul

without a whole
wandering in parts
torn apart

so hated,


sitting on an empty stomach
so isolated.

I often remind myself that I am still breathing,
that I'm not drowning in the air struggling to dream again.

I keep walking in a hope that someday I can leave those voices behind,
I have always wondered if there is more in my head than just my mind.

I pretend to be human, I pretend whatever they wish for me to be,
I keep staring in the mirror for hours, where am I.. where is he?

I question my sanity because I fear I do not belong to this place,
I am afraid what I'll find when I peel away this rotten face.

my teeth bite into my skin when I'm scared of them hearing my soul,
I choke myself in pieces till I cannot hear myself no more.

sometimes I find myself drowning in the cold winter air,
I struggle to dream again and find myself in a nightmare.

I wish there was more to this world than I was taught as a child,
I'm just one of the skeletons burning in the rotten pile.

I draw shapes to my scars in order to find the meaning of my pain,
I do not feel anything anymore until I hurt myself again.

I'm burning within my cold skin, I am ready to ignite,
I see all these people walking who aren't even alive.

I wish I could take a life, I wish I could be better than this,
I know there is more but the dessert mean nothing to a fish.

I am fading away into the stark darkness that follows our lives,
I often remind myself that I'm breathing,
but I am not alive.

do you want to die?
he kept staring in the mirror
do you want to die?
and he kept staring at the picture
no words nor whispers
only silence
burning his skin
numbing his breath
subduing the voices
crawling inside his head
with a static smile
eyes red
he kept staring at the wall
in a hope to forget
Death
Dread
and all the little things

I think I am dying

Why do you say that  ?

I don't know , I'm lost

Can you come back ?



I lost myself today
Even more than I wanted to be
Maybe I'll go away
There're things I don't want to see

I escaped myself today
To be lost in the angry sea
Every drop is a new way
But I'm just too blind to see

I killed myself today
A dream that wanted to be free
But I wanted to stay
Maybe someone would've found me


What have I become
so many years and tears of guilt
Can I ever be one
With a heart that this pain built
You can see me fall
As I let go of your hand my friend
I will leave it all
And I'll be gone away  in the end


All I wanted was to live
life never gave me a chance to win
As I went deeper into the night
Every light started getting dim

I walked on without a pause
There was nothing that I could do
The road behind got so lost
I Couldn't return when I wanted to


Now every part of me is dying
I decay with every whisper I make
More lost with every answer I find
I fade away with every step I take


What have I become
Just a memory of my yesterday
Can I ever return
In those moments I want to stay
if I can't have it all
I've to let go of your hand my friend
I have to leave it all
And I'll be gone away in the end




I never wanted this to be real
But my dreams got the best of me
And now the wounds won't heal
Now please let me go , let me be

Every breath is like an arrow
Piercing right through my heart
Every moment is now sorrow
the darkness is falling apart

And I can see what I couldn't
Behind the clouds i can see me
I can reach but I wouldn't
Those moments , just let them be

And if I ever get born again
I want to be stronger than I am and i ever was
I know there'll always be pain
But can it find me , If I had always been this lost ?


What have I become
A ghost that may never leave
Will I ever return
In time to find the real me
You can have it all
Every last part that belongs to me
Make yourself a new doll
And Everything will be there but me

there's nothing but silence-
or maybe,
silence and nothing.

is there a way to feed on the silence,
if not-
would i be hungry forever ?
i seek solitude in disguise,
served in solace-
with a hint of serenity in embers.

but i am sure,
it must feel alone-
for we haven't seen each other
in a while.

it's so exhausting to walk so many miles.
only to find scars and a barren land,
i hope someday i would understand,
why i see a man-
when i stare at the night sky.

the time swept the tides,
and now i see no moon-light.
only street-lights grace this oasis -

made of star-dust,
but a heaven no more.

pillars of concrete emotions,
rise through the air.
who ate the sky, i wonder,
who could ever dare ?

it's not yet five in the morning,
but it feels so close.

i left my dreams to die, again-
and yet i feel no remorse.

there's nothing but silence-
or maybe,
silence and nothing,

but i still breathe,
and then some more.

walking on hues
breathing in your cold
story's old now
but the world is new

and it feels so empty without
you here now,
when there's nobody to hold-

the folly is sold now
and all there's left,
is you

and the winter in my arms
scream again,
and i know

pain isn't that far

wandering away
as i reach for the sun
i know the world will
have my heart

it'll have all of you
with nothing to spare

and i'll swallow the same songs
get drunk on the same air,

without you here
and it won't mean a thing
one sin for one more
ever more, and for everything

and yeah, i will cry
when it's gets cold

but i'll be glad because
you left me that could
mean something,

and i'm still here in,
living in these whispers
not ready to let go by

the only love
i've ever known
the only forest
that was grown


every time you smiled for me,
to me, there was a seed sown

and now it's growing high,
orphaned, and i wonder often

if i would still feel
what i did, when i lost
myself in your arms,

or have i forgotten,
and there's only an ocean
with nothing inside
to keep it warm

and i've drowned
in my own sorrow

and now all around me
i feel the still, the stir-
of the hollow,

i see the shadow
of your shelter

and i can't find-

but i remember,
what it felt to be so warm
in your arms, that time-

and somehow everything
is better, when you're playing
on my mind,

and the rains
don't feel as beautiful
as they used to

here on the outside,
without you

and don't you hear me scream,
how far away are you ?


but how far is enough,
for the world to fade  
before i stop breathing,
in every breath you take ?

is this world ever going
to be enough to keep
you away

from ever wandering in
my mind ?

is there a way,
from where i am-
straight to you

and to a world
where you still smile for me,
to me, a world that is kind-


and now when i look
in the mirror,
there's not a whisper of you
and i wish i was blind,


you made me see,
what it felt to be on the ground
and feel like flying,

to be corny, and somehow
everything was fine,
around you-


around you it never felt lonely,
but i forgot i was never
the only one.

:zone zero: :alone:


what am i doing back on the phone, back on the drone, i admit i am alone, like ozone
in the air and i don't care if you're aware i'm not in the zone,
sometimes i wish i could ****** my own clone,
i hate everybody and everything he owns,
when i'll be gone there'll be no one left behind to mourn,
i'll be just lost in death as i was alive, in my time i roamed,
all across my mind and galaxies as far as i could to atone,
for my insecurities and responsibilities, they don't gel well in a broken home,
suspectible to them sticks and stones,
don't be a **** if you've never had your mind-known,
there's a circus fit, the circuits lit, let the circle sit in the middle of the riddle that has your mind-blown,
you won't understand a single thing, if you don't linger in ink,
long enough for the seeds to be sown,
i have a shot attention span, so many thoughts hunt and spam,
everybody just running to please the known man on the throne
the screen is glittering with ****, enough to make me sick,
there are so many infected by it, soon i'll be one of this,
i can feel the delusions have grown, the more illusions are born
at every opportunity thrown out of the window to rot and be ******
and as i look out that window world still feels hot but too out grown,
i'm happy on my own in my zone. zero. hollow.


:one: :two many:

i hate you today i'll hate you tomorrow
i hated your love i'll hate your sorrow
there's not enough air left to swallow
i suppose i'll be dead alone and hollow

surely in my head where thoughts follow the reason to dread anything that's not impervious to change,
i mean, me and myself are pretty strange, petty and ugly out ranged,
not in frequency like the rest of them, not trained,
not tamed, there's something wrong in my brain,
so come along and become a song as you find a voice to sing and shame,
the person who died because you said it's alright if you see the light at the end of tunnel where i found myself staring at a mirror again,
i'm back where it all begin, in the reflection looking for a name,
but there's so much hate that i cannot wait to hate you more as i waste myself in haste to make myself the monster i became,
i won't blame your tastes but, you're just a lame luck, a shame bud,
and i gave you all you could take thus you took everything but the pain such,
left me alone and cold on my own with blame enough,
that all the love got flooded in flames and now i'm stuck,
with all this hate that's deep down and shut,
i feel like a clown and a ****, so tough, ready to combust,
i'll be awake from night till dusk, reminded that i must hate you till i bleed to dust.

:three: : i wasn't humble:

and i can find myself often in a situation where the words fumble,
and i tumble down under into another void, i have no voice,
so many times it would have been wise to surrender,
but i was open up wide and i chose to ride the thunder,
and now here i wonder, if all my principles were insane ?
if a good man is really that huge opportunity of nothing to gain,
is it okay to be strange ?, is it not okay to be changed ?
when everything is evolving around you how right is to remain the same ?
and i still wander, in the lane, where the fast one's run and rise
is it easier to become again who you became and other-wise,
there's nobody out there to welcome you to the other-side,
all side's are the same, if you can see the clues in blue light,
it never mattered if you cannot see the atoms in violence,
there's only silence where you fight-
sitting on your made up throne, wearing a crown of your broken bones,
sipping the wine aged by your tears, you made a kingdom yet nobody's here,
you don't even have the luxury of a broken home, and it's clear,
there's no time-travel and you have wasted so many of your years,
in need of a few eyes and ears, there's not much on me i fear,
i'm even worse than i am, when i'm near a mirror that's dear,
watching the reflections sing to me  before as i,

:four: :paradise:

paradise in a pair of dice, repair ice, build me frozen lies-
cold and soothing, a puff of smoke and the time flies,
nothing to check or choke, how the mind-flies, into unknown, where the blind man tries,
to see the world, to find and understand the words in his sight,
don't let go, we're plunging back to earth and i'll lose you if you don't hold my hand tight,
we'll never reach the sky, falling back to where the dreams die,
i don't want the light, i want the dark and the cold to hold me all night,
i wasn't told you'd have to earn the fun by setting fire to the paradise,
i'll set fire to the paradise, and we'll both burn in hell for an eternity,
there's no love for me in this city, i'd have to leave you by your side,
take away my vice, travel all the way away never sin and be nice,
so i can learn how to keep you in, read in ink, breathe and win,
every battle that i wasn't prepared when you looked at me and clicked your heels thrice,
it's not paradise, if you need to survive, i've only died like twice,
and a million times more only to come back alive,
it's not para-dise, if it can-not die.

:count to five: :be dead:

there's no brain in my head, every time i take a breath, i go back to bed,
it's hard to fight the loneliness when you're not well,
i go back to myself, strangle myself, angle myself from a high and jump,
my brain made me do so many stupid things that i became a joke,
now i don't suffocate when i choke, get high when i smoke,
turn the wheels when i walk, i talk stupid when i talk,
on purpose i sting and shock, close the doors, burn and lock,
all that i have learned is that i have turned into a clown,
with tears in my eyes and words on my lips,
enough stings to sing them something that brings them the bliss,

but they've to all go back before it's nine,

these *******' lovers are so hard to find, i don't trust them with all my mind,
end these times, with fake *** people and their feeble kind,
the **** gets deeper the more you grind, and it's ain't a hole if it's a *****,
take me for my rudnes but i can't be that blind,
i've seen the signs, i've served my crimes, don't look at me like you can't bear me,
like i'm so ugly that you don't even feel me,
i've been left behind, and now it's just me and sadness,
talking about how i'll never be fine, my heart's telling me it's my time,
that's it for me, world wants to get rid of me, i don't belong,
and every thought in my head feels so negative and wrong,
it's just the narrative, trust me it's many more times more strong,
it's so cold where i sit that i'm sure of it, i'm sure i'll freeze everything that warms,
so i never find myself not numb, i'm not that dumb, but i hope i never find myself  in your arms,
i hope you forget me, delete me, count to five and i'll be gone,
some people never get to build a home, for they're the storm,
everything comes and goes, they've come and gone, earned and known,
made whole and be torn, into a million pieces to be born again,
over and over again, until the wheels stop rollin',
the voices stop callin',
there's nobody waiting,
so start walking back to where you are,
the night is full of stars,
and the wheels are still rollin'
stop controllin' and you'll reach where you are,
the light is full of scars,
so switch off the lights, and the tears will stop falling,
there's nobody else strolling in the lanes where you find yourself today,
i won't be loved by nobody, until i dive into a grave some-day,
wearing black, everybody would come around to give respect that would have nothing to say,
nobody cares for you like you do for the man in the mirror night and day,
but the man in the mirror has someone else in his eyes all day,
so blind, enchanted by the shine, of an artificial sun,
that'll burn everyone if the reflection stays.


i've come and gone in so many ways, that now i'm just tired-
that it's the time i count to five, and burn my-self in the fire.

Love is strange. It is even more stranger when you're a man. It's stranger than a woman's love. It's different than love of a parent for his child. It's different than almost any love out there. And it's because nobody really talks about it. Nobody is really sure because men are like that. We'll always be like that.


Because when a man loves he is ready to die, die for people who he has never met. Die for people he cares about. Die for nothing. Because a man won't love you with all his heart, no, that's not enough for any man i know out there. You see, unlike women, men love with all their soul. I know you'll stop me here for a moment and tell me that i am wrong and that a women loves as much as a man does, that there's no difference in the amount of love, because love is after all just love. I agree. All I'm saying is, it's different in its quality than quantity. It's a different way of loving and that cannot be untrue. For all there is, and all that has been said. There'll always be a difference between a man and a woman. It's the way it should be. Because they complete each other in ways they can't be on their own. A woman might love diamonds because it makes her feel beautiful. A man buys a Ferrari because he finds it beautiful. A subtle difference and a bad example. But a difference nevertheless. I'm not sure what I have in me that wants to express this part of me as I write this. Maybe it's because I am a man and i'm not made to understand the mechanism of love. I'll just love her if I find her beautiful and she'll be beautiful not because she is, but because I find her beautiful. That's the most simplest way I can explain how any man loves. Note there's still a hint of ego somewhere because a man will always love with all his soul and by extension, his ego will be there somewhere. That's not necessarily bad, it cannot be, anything which makes us human, makes us human. A woman will always entertain a mans flaw. A man will fall in love with hers. A woman has enough strength to leave somebody she may love. I don't think men can do that, a man, i think cannot ever leave somebody he loves truly. Even if he knows his presence is negative, that it would be better if he walks away, he won't. Because men are designed to fight till the end. Because he will fight for you, if he loves you, even when he knows he'll lose. That's how a man loves, and you know why ?, because he was to make a woman fall in love with him. If only that was easy.

ten heads and two eyes,
with a thousand in my mind;
reminding me
of the world i smoke

the tears i choke on
and the fears i hold onto
as the cold sets in

i beg my sin,
to set me free

free from this pain,

i close my eyes,
somebody counts to three

and just like that,
i've lost my heart again
to the storms and the sea

sharks and sparks
and a fire that remains

burning for an eternity
but not for us,

us, they don't love
us, they despise

for we don't belong
in their homes,
hung on their walls

because they cannot
tell, what is hell,
what's worth of heaven;
when they see us-
us, so tiny and small

so fragile and brittle
with our vile words, this world
and what's our, and little-

pretending to be sane,
as we look in the mirror

so, i say
why suffer ?

and i say,
why keep the monster's
and the demon's in ?

they don't care about us,
or what we keep from them
inside us, burning us,
poisoning us deep within,

so, i say
why suffer ?

let them pay,
let them wither

let the devil sing


storms and monsters in the air,
rivers running dry for our creed,

greed and men and women shine,
with bright lights they bought for free

smoke finds its way around
back to the lungs those spark the fire
and melt into the sea

drowning in your arms
before there's nothing left to see

before the world is left to die
in your beautiful eyes

and we all perish
on the count of three

so, let the devil sing
let the evil in your heart sin

so, let the mirror grin
back to reflections in the void,
back to black where it came from
a blacker noise,

through the storms and the nights
hollow calm and your arms

holding onto my deceased life,
my december ruins and spring

so, why don't you let the devil sing
and make him take away all our pain ?

why don't you burn this world down
and make something better once again ?

let the devil sing,
with all the evil in your heart
and don't be scared;

for when you open your eyes
there's nothing there.

no love, no air,
only the ruins.

broken moon and stars,
dead things and your broken heart,

beating, repeating,
with colours and sin;

so, let the devil sin,
let him win, once-

and see the sea burn.

falling like rain all my scars are drowned
I've been eating pain and I'm wearing a crown
a king without a kingdom
what was that sound ?
am I the only one
i can't hear what's around
made in ground
buried in the sky
so far away from this place
that I've lost my count
I own nothing inside of me
everything feels
feels something stranger than normal
and how i lost everything
when I was found
how quickly they forget
world's not round
it's stretches as far as your mind
but what do I know
I'm just a clown
breathing my own tears
in fear of my living planet
do you see me smile
why do you have to lie ?
don't you know
I'm never coming down
I don't care
if that's all I'll ever get
everything there's to me
I'm not bound
to your laws and creed
I'm free
far from your world
and all your lies
anything that shines
is not necessarily  light
at the end of the tunnel
sometimes it's just the sun
staring down on you
inches away from your face
as you finally perish in the sky
just when the rain comes down

tell me, how do you sleep ?
in your nightmares,
trying to chase you
to the further corner of your mind-
do you mind the intrusion ?
of those things alien
forming the rain and laughter
faces burnt and stranger
than anything you've ever seen.

tell me, how do you dream ?
when the clowns with evil smile
and God's in different names-
count your pain,
and you finally realise
the lies you've made in-to yourself.

tell me, how can you tell ?
it's only in the mirror,
your eyes and whispers
thoughts those wither
now that you're a drunk again.

tell me, if it's not insane,
to languish in the same memory
day after day,
knowing that time stops for no one.

there's a new sun,
everyday for one to harvest.

the moon sets everyday too,
but everybody's asleep
waiting for the star dust-
to make them their idols
so that when they sit idle,
it's not that lonely, and they're not
the only one there.

tell me, do you still care ?

it's been a tough day
all i want is to go to sleep
but i can't 'cause i'm worried
and it is so hard to breathe

wish I had a wish
to make all of this better
ignorance isn't bliss
when you have a shelter

nothing false in admitting
that yeah, you were wrong
now i'm here just sitting
in a home i don't belong

looking through the window
as those dark clouds eat the sky
soon there'll be grey and gloom
it will last till the blues die

i'm in pain that i never feel
today even beauty tastes dust
feels like scars will never heal
as clock rusts and combust

it's so easy to remember
how hard it is to say a good-bye
i'd leave it all for a december
up in the mountains with my lies

the time isn't kind
even for those who don't believe
nor is any friend of mine
we have... nothing to speak

just here in one place
for all days and all lies
there's nothing on my face
no smile, no life

my heart has wept empty
afraid of every approaching dawn
my bones shiver in horror
of the countless restless storms

but there's this thing in my head
which says it will all be alright
and i spend the nights dreaming
my eyes open up wide..

forgetting what is gone.

how do you say sorry
when you're so out of breath ?

I'm talking insane again
am I not ?

can you make it stop
before it leaves me dead ?

these words those
don't mean anything

and I've kept them so close
as if they mean everything

there's nothing here for me
I keep scribbling in my dreams

I see the mirror shivering
but I don't hear no screams

they say I need magic
or there'll be nothing left

isn't it tragic
how slowly the world forgets

how we become
someone else

pretending we're the same
and we'll never be strange

fearful of change
and mindful of things plain

we need the beautiful
or we'll be stuck sane

with nothing to blame
and nothing to gain

there'll be nothing to lose
a sight always on mute

who would crave a world
so placid ?

where there'll be no science
to explain the silence of acid

that vile thought that keeps
repeating itself

there'll be nothing to sell
for there'll be no one interested
to buy

the lies
or the blue sky

roses painted red
a thought stuck inside a head

I'm speaking ill again
am I not ?

can you make it stop
before it leaves me dead ?

but I have my reason
nobody reads me

and I'm stuck in this season
wasting my autumn

for something more pleasant
that i have now forgotten

What can I convey ?

I'm just a peasant
but this hearts serves a king

a madness that is decent
as I descent deep within

tearing my own skin
making smoke rings
out of thin air

I'm aware
as much i think one can be

when they're about
to disappear

so disappointed that
man in the sky wasn't here

I think I'll rather
cry myself to sleep again

than say a prayer

it's not fair
how one thought leads
to so many

in a head that is empty
they echo like anything

I'd rather have the silence
if I could have any

than being just star dust
dancing in violence

I'll sell you the bank
for a penny

just take away these keys
please, I beg

I'm not making sense
am I not ?

can you make it stop
before it leaves me dead ?

puddle of memories
childhood rain
come again
i can't remember the names
of those
i should've forgotten
a long time ago

them ghosts
and tales of dread
keep whispering the dead
and I'm afraid
i've been made  
a wrong time ago

this place at this time
reminds me of things
i still don't know about
and i see nothing
though i was never blind
i could never see
what they had to show

it builds up slow
to break me down
my condition to wither
guess i was never meant
to linger
around the dancing clown
and laugh
when he tells a joke

breathing the last of air
my share is complete
and I am
completely incomplete
without a story
i can barely
swing without a tale


i'm so sorry
for words that fail
whenever I try to speak
i guess I'm only relieved
that you never have to
see me ever again

remember my name
that was all I ever was.

this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be

and this is my december
this is my deep slumber
and this is
the only way i know how to be free

this is my memory
and there is
nothing you can take
from i

this is my city
and this is
where they all come to die

these are my blessings
mixing with my sins

i made this leash
and now it makes me want to
sleep forever


and i'll give it all away
i'll give it all to you
just to see how you'll look

and i'll sell it all away
all of me - in red and blues
just to free me from what you took

this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be

and i'll give it all away
just to have a place to be


and if you find me someday
don't disappear as soon
as i count to three

and this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be


and i'll give it all away
to find a way far from here

and i'll live it all the way
until you find me there
cutting myself open so i can see


and this is our december,
but i know you don't know how
to feel no more,

this is my thunder
and i'm drowning far too under
the blankets to feed

this is what i remember
and this is
how it will be

until i leave

and this is what i remember
this is what i breathe,
how it all will be.

this is what i remember

I remember watching you slowly walk away,
with a million voices I begged you to stay;
with a thousand tears I wished for your return,
yet you kept walking on
everything left behind was consumed and burned.

my heart was ripped apart while I was still breathing,
you never felt the pain I was keeping,
I remember you smile while you whispered me my scars,
you never looked back;
I saw you walk away and far.

I remember knowing you were lying in arms of his,
I stayed awake all night fighting the demon's poisoned kiss,
I was withering without any colour or flavor to suffice;
you turned blue then,
as cold as ice.


you left me questioning my sanity and what comes after,
all night long the silence kept lingering with your laughter,
oh I loved you still then and I know it wasn't meant to be,
while my eyes were raining,
in his eyes what did you see.


you were gone and there was nothing I could do about it,
I kept fighting the air but that's about it;
you left me with monsters and beasts I could never tame;
you Promised me your all and yet,
you left me once again.

I remember screaming because you were stuck inside my head,
I remember how my bones hurt with every morbid breath,
I was locked inside a cage you made with your flaws;
where were you then,
when I was destroying my all.

I remember feeding myself lies to numb my soul,
I remember waking in cold nights as black as coal,
and without a noise you found your way back;
but I was gone, oh I was gone;
for while my eyes where raining,
I saw the sun like you never have.

this day too will end
with nothing for us to keep
and I'll miss you my friend
wherever this road may lead

and I'll remember all of you
long after when we'll have to leave
for there's a part of you here too
here inside with my heart-beat

and I'll keep you from leavin'
when the clock tells me I'm too old
for you made me smile when I was weepin'
in your arms I found the warmth from cold

and I remember all those times
when I was dreamin' of your face
you'll always have a part in me
and nobody can take your place

I'll speak to you in our memories
and all the beauty that you bear
I know it's going to hurt eventually
but I won't change a thing we shared

and I'll always be just a dream away
from being with you as we were before
I hope it wasn't like this and we could stay
I'll miss us when we won't be here no more



what a beautiful day to live for.

i have no friends,
and that's not the sad part

i'm going to be alone
in the end,

walking home with no heart
filled with aliens and scars-
but that'll suffice;

there are stars in the sky
and that'll be enough
to keep me going,

as i look at the world
differently, now that i am;
apparently insane
temporarily in pain

momentarily in silence,
as the violence takes over
my infinite soul;

i count to three
and then it's four,

and then i rain,

the moment breaks
for somebody to open the door

and,
i have to go back in again
to let it all out,

and all i do is scream
and shout,

painting the walls with
my voice,
and inking the hollow
in my veins,

breeding calculations,
and bleeding my sane;

feeding hungry air
with what remains of me


reaching for the paint
so i can be a colorful ghost
when they see me howling,
at my gates,
through that one window
i could never break,

and i see,

between smiles and saints,
the miles, and the slain,
sitting by the fences
wearing a morning scent-

a night i couldn't wake
from.

I'm not perfect
but I'm true
we're not the same
I'm not you
when i look in the mirror
its not you who i see
there's no choice
we cant be who we wish to be
everyone's got something
others can never have
everyone's got a different story
when you look back

we 're different
and so is everyone else
each of us a different icicle
and it never melts.