Shut up Meg

A diamond in the rough
hasn't been a diamond for long

From the core
it has been forged in the hottest fires

molded and melted
and hardened

forcing itself through the densest
praying for the chance to make it out alive

to be able to shine brightly in the sun

and through it all
it was plucked from its cave

stripped of its shell
polished and made new

Exposed and vulnerable

Don't break it

Light me on fire
so then i could feel passionate

you do not ignite me
like i wish you would

you are awkward and problematic
an endless stream of issues and broken promises

you aren't romantic
or ****

you don't sweep me off my feet
or take my breath away

you once made me believe that my breath couldn't be taken away
but now I know I can be

men have stolen my breath
paused my heartbeats
and silenced my words

and yet you leave me trying to strike up conversation

You wrote a song for me
Well not for me
But it might as well be
It's my song
It's been my song for years
Ever since it came on the radio
I owned it
My father would look at me when it came on and smile
"It's like he wrote it for you"

This song makes me
Cry
Smile
Laugh

It means everything to me

Some girls keep their virginity
I keep this song
Until I meet the man of my dreams
I won't share this song

Thank you Jason

i hate you
not because you did anything wrong
but because
it hurts too much to love you

and that line between
love and hate
is so fine

Low guitar strings
strum and stir the night sky
stars illuminate
your eyes
strained to see mine
while i stare
stardust trailing the midnight sky

it's hard to love you again

but i'm starting to
standing next to you
holding your hand
stargazing
starstruck
in awe of the view in front of us
and while i stare
i can feel your eyes gaze at me
and your mouth
whispers
"wow"

Burnt bridges and smeared edges
have gathered around
a pile of ashes
what was once a burning pyre
has left me tired
and I no longer feel the effects
of your once longing defects
Please escort yourself out
I'll hold open the door

One part sadness
Two parts mother
One part wisdom
Two parts experience
One part forgiveness
Two parts love

The recipe for the working woman.
The woman who gets kicked down,
but lives to stand up

A woman
who loves the battle
who laughs in the face failure
because she knows
that the only failure she could know
is the one brings on by herself

So she stands
and pulls those up around her,
and together,
we charge to the finish line,
just hoping
that the prize is worth it

The woman who keeps her head up;
she knows,
she knows what is waiting for her at the end.

That is why Diane fights.

strewn webs of light
   coalesce under a commonality
they tell stories of the ones
that their light has fallen unto
   couples in estranged relationships
   children envious of one another
   communities screaming in outrage
and light wonders
why do humans fall
under their revealing gaze

but darkness grins
blanketing the layers of
secrecy
deceit
lies
giving temporary shelter to the
hatred
sadness
jealousy

it is in the twilight
where darkness conceals
but light gives hope
where
lovers meet
children cheer
communities reform

and it is in the inbetween
where I met him

my eyes burned from the light
and my heart haunted by the darkness

inbetween
love and hate
secrets and truth
I found him

and it is in this twilight
that I hope our love can stay

I fear that it will not survive the
judgmental eyes of light
or the suffocating embrace of darkness

*and while I am scared
and I can feel his palm shaking under mine
I know that even if I am
burned again
or
smothered to death
it will have been worth it all
to at least have tasted such a love
that I thought was
only written
in fairy tales

I'm going to break your heart
shred it to pieces
and leave only ribbons

and I hate myself because of it
but I can't change how I feel
I can't even pretend anymore

sitting behind you on the bed
naked and trying not to cry
tracing the muscles on your back
in hopes that you'll turn around
and look at me like I did when I was 20
but instead you get up and leave the room
your ratted boxers sitting tightly on your bulging skin
the tears flow freely then as i stare at my loose skin
and my calloused wrinkled hands
i'm not as beautiful as i once was
i'm not as patient or as kind
and i can't remember where i went wrong
where we went wrong
you can't stand looking at me
or being in the same room as me
my naked body doesn't send waves of excitement
it doesn't even make *** worth it
our kids don't know whether to
hope we'll make it work
or
wish we would leave each other and start fresh
you're the only one i ever let myself love
and if you left i'm not sure where i would go
but neither of us are happy
you're phone is full of other women
while mine
well
it's full of pictures of our kids being happy
and work needing me to hurry over
i was, and still am, always busy
and i never gave you the attention you wanted
i hated you for not loving me on my schedule
while i never thought of yours
and tonight was the night where i would try
to win you back
but it's too late
and you're out the door
watching sports on the computer
and i'm still naked in bed
crying while looking at the spot you once were
but i'm a grown woman now
so i pick myself up
and head over to the shower
hopefully
i will get some sleep for tomorrow
and tomorrow maybe
something will change

but nothing does

I don't think you could handle me
I seriously don't think you could
You date shy girls

Girls that write poetry about vases filled with flowers
Or write stories about misunderstood teenagers
Trying to make it through the day

Girls that listen to music about depression
Or about their feelings
That drown them in their own sadness

Girls that can't imagine the idea of getting a job
Because they have too much to handle
So instead they do drugs to hide the pain

I'm not saying it's a bad thing
I'm trying to tell you
I'm not that girl

I'm the girl that will drive you crazy
I can give you a ******* that can make you come in 2 minutes
I can make your fantasies come true

I can make you feel like you're drowning
I can make you feel like the world is ending
I can make you feel like there's no more hope

I can ruin you
I can help you
But you don't want me

I'm too much
And that's okay
Because I will find someone who can handle me

But I refuse to fall for someone like you again
Because you're the type of person that can't handle me
The type I fall for

So I'm sorry
I have to find someone else
It's better for you anyways

You have forgotten this song
the power it holds on your heart
how it can crush you like a rock
maybe you shared it with an old lover
or its the song they played for your friends funeral

Suddenly you hear the start of the first verse
and it breaks your heart
the eternal sadness comes rushing back
and its almost too much to bear

Every verse, chorus, and lift leaves you breathless
Crescendos crash into you
Bridges breaks you
but nothing hurts as much as the ending
and the way it leaves you feeling lost

Can you love someone who can't see past you?

Past your defenses
your troubles
your stress
your tears
your smiles

Can you love someone who can't see inside of you?

The churning your stomach
the missed beats of your hearts
the heat between your legs
the cancerous tumors that life has put in you

Can you love someone who can't heal you?

I called you and said
"Mom my chest hurts I can't walk, I can barely breathe."
I had never known so much pain
You didn't sound scared or worried
You simply asked questions
I responded as best as I could
You were silent and then told me to grab the antacids
You told me that you would call once you got to work
I waited for you to call, even though I felt better
You called back and I listened to your voice as the antacids melted my pain

Your voice always soothes me
Even when you are mad or screaming

Whenever I'm in pain
Whether it be a broken arm or heart
A dull ache in my back or head
The simplest touch makes me feel better

Even when you annoy me
And I just want to yell at you and say "Shut up."
You still make me feel better when you call me a good daughter

You gossip too much
And you talk too much trash
You overreact
You overprotect
You over do it
But you're my mom
And no matter what happens I know you will be there
Just one phone call and you'll pick up expecting the worst
But will be relieved by what I have to say
You won't be mad
You will just say "It will be okay"

Thank you

The river
hot and still
sits lazily at the banks

One foot in
and sinks into the mud

Ripples echo off of my ankle
and minerals solidify on my calf

Another step
and the water crawls up my thigh

The muddy waters reach my waist
and I sink
and I pray

The contents of the river are unknown
and I give all of myself to it

The sun burns my *******
my voice is raw
and my eyes are red

This is my worst form
and the river swallows me hole

A warmth
that spreads over each limb

so lovingly
relaxing each muscle tenderly

a smile that spreads from ear to ear

rosy cheeks
and loose lips

its the perfect concoction for
a disaster

and yet I have never felt like this
without alcohol

I'm afraid of many things
the dark
ghosts
tight spaces
and even inch worms

But I never feared falling
in love
down the stairs
into the basin of a crater
or down a huge mountain

I believe in reincarnation
that we have many lives after this one
and many lives before this

And if I were to have a life before this one
I believe that I used to be a bird

One that jumped off cliffs
spreading her wings
and taking flight

I feel the urge to do this quite often
To jump
and spread my wings
flying off into space
or to a new home

constantly flying

but never consistent

A single moment in time is significant enough to change a person
their entire universe
until it revolves around a single entity

With a gravitational pull so strong
and vibrant
it is impossible to not get ****** in

And it always starts
with a
*Hello

I'm only happy with you
I'm only happy with you
I'm only happy with you
Even though you drive me insane
Even though you're such a pain
I'm only happy with you
I just want to be with you

Today
I took a break
from
hating myself

He's different
No he's not
I'm special to him
No you aren't
He isn't damaged like the others
Yes he is
He thinks I'm beautiful
No he doesn't
He says I'm sweet
You aren't
He says my eyes are beautiful
He's lying
He says my hair is pretty
He's just joking
I like him
Why?
He listens to me
He just wants to see you naked
He just wants you to break again
Then he'll run like the others
You'll fall harder this time
Let me guard you, protect you
Just let me help you
Let me help you, and don't let anyone love you

You're gorgeous.
He's different
**No he's not

I'll run away
And live in a fantasy
Where I sleep in the waves of the ocean
I'll rock myself to sleep and hold myself while I cry
I'll wipe my own tears away and tell myself it's okay
I don't need you to do it

In my fantasy
My hair will be dry from the salt
My face will be burnt and marked from the harsh sun
The sand will cake my feet
My skin will be cracked from the heat
And the sky will look at me and think
My what a beauty
I don't need you to tell me that I am

In this world
I am the queen of the wind and sand
I control the ocean and sun
I rule over the moon and stars
You have no power here

But yet here you are
Taking my hand and dragging me down a road I know so well
I'm telling you no
But for some reason
I'm not running away
But walking towards it
Nodding my head and smiling

You slow down for me to keep pace
You're holding open the door asking You ready?
No, I think, I'm not
You're not what I want, I think
My body is in the car
My heart is in the ocean
You're waiting, and you're staring
You call me beautiful as I stare at my paradise
My fantasy

I take a moment to enjoy it
I look at the others who took me away from it
Their skulls smile as if they know what's about to happen
I take a look at you and I can't do it
And I expect you, like the others, to start the car
But instead



You hand me the keys

I pushed you away, because you were starting to love me
I heard it in your voice one night
When you called me gorgeous
and you said my name
Sarah
And it ran off your tongue like you were meant to say it
So I pushed you away
I ignored your messages
And I dismissed your IMs
But you kept at it
You kept calling me gorgeous
You kept saying my name
Just like that
And I hate you for loving me
But I can't stay away
So
STOP

Let's be friends
please?
I won't send you pictures
Or say your name
I'll play your games
and I'll talk to you
As long as you don't love me

I need you to message me
Just like he did
I need you to say my name
Just like he did

Even though you're better
and sweeter
and more thoughtful
and you remember what I say
and talk about what I like
and say Beyonce is you favorite

I don't want to love you
Please
I don't want to

I should have left Him where I found Him

I should have let Him be

I know me
better than anyone else
I know what I'm capable of

My heart is not as fragile as I once thought
but His

His heart is bandaged
and broken
full of scars
hoping for the right person to care for it

and it was not I
but I took it anyways
and used it for my own pleasures

He was going to give me the world
and I?

I only gave him two syllables

Sorry

"What happened" and "When did you decide"
The honest truth is that
I knew from the beginning

I knew from the start
That it would end with my foot in the door
I knew from the start
That it was all wrong and I wanted more

What I wanted was to be with a man for the rest of my life
I wanted him to love me
Like
How
I
Loved

Because I love with everything I have
I love in the ways I scream
In the ways I cheer
In the ways I dream
In the ways I smile while I cry

And so the only reason why it ended
Is because you proved me right
When all I wanted was for you to prove me wrong

And so when you say
"We never had a chance"
You are so wrong

Because I gave so many chances
A year to be exact
And now you have left me sitting here
reminding myself that

**I
Knew
All
Along

Would you rather be with someone who loved you
Or someone you loved.

There's a moment
where you wish
you could just press rewind

It was just five seconds ago that you said that
It was just a minute ago when you dropped that

and you can remember it in your hands
or the words trapped behind your teeth
and you would give anything to just try and fix it

just a moment ago you could have turned the wheel

just a second ago you could have just fallen the **** asleep and let it alone

but no

you took the plunge and there's no rewind
there's no going back
and the past is the past

Stop creating leaders
Stop creating believers
Stop telling people who they should follow

Lead yourself
Believe in yourself
Follow yourself

This is my collection
The paintings stand for those who won
The statues are those who lost
My trophies are locked in cases
My medals are hung on the wall
Those rings aren't for touching
Those awards are supposed to be hung
Dust the floor
And wipe the ceiling
Don't forget to clean the glass
And please don't breathe on the ones with diamonds
Stop starring at that
Put that down
No you can't touch anything
What was that?
No go through that door
If you have any questions, please ask


Wait
One more thing
I forgot to tell you something important
Do you see that door?
The one with the locks and deadbolts
Never go inside
Don't let anyone else inside
In fact
Find a curtain
Let's cover that door
So no one will be tempted to enter


What was that?
The door is unlocked?
But who could have gotten in...
Well go in there!
Find out who it is


What did you say?
He has a key?
But
*how

The wall
mighty and strong
made of
steel
concrete
wood
sticks
mud
dirt
sand
it stands
ready to fall
to break apart
and tear
behind it is the ocean
that will sweep away the worries
and fears
but the wall stands
trying to contain
the threatening tsunami
and I am but a humble
observer
parched in the desert
dying for a drop of water

I just need
*to let go

No it's fine.
I'll just grin and bear,
I'll act like everything is fine.
Why would i waste my time
telling you anyways?
Would you care?
Would anyone?

God
Why you?
Why does it have to be
The boy who doesn't know
The boy who can't figure it out
The boy who can't seem to realize

But the thing is
You do know
You have to know
It's our whole relationship
We can't be friends
We could never be friends
There's too much unspoken

Maybe I'm crazy
But I just know
There's something

Why is it I like you so much?
                                                            Uhm... I don't know! I think I'm charming
I don't think so
                                                          Well I don't know! They are your feelings
Are they?
                                                         They aren't mine!
Well you gave them to me!