i knew it
i knew it
i was never, enough
not now
not then
not ever
you'll always, cheat on me
your fingers don't
trace her collarbone
they don't follow her curves
to dip at her waist
they won't grip her hips
or hold her close
but your words cut me deep
shes ****
she appreciates you
she isn't me,
your wife
who does your laundry
cleans your dishes
turns your shirts inside out
when i fold them because
you believe its good luck
I won't ever be her
doesn't mean
I'm not ****
doesn't mean
i don't appreciate you
but you don't appreciate me

From pain comes growth
and brings beauty in the end
.

i am nothing
personality functionality deficit
and i attract
people with certain similarities
people who have embraced solidarity
will you hide with me?
brought forward an onslaught of emotions
my love
you’re running bargaining
i end up alone
with false hopes
to an end of my own personal
apocalypse
as i write in this
mindset
brought on by
a year of internal struggling
and endless working
my mind wanders
as insomnia sets in
will I be alone?
will I die today?
a dose of the unrequited effort
my mind wanders
what if my world would go black
would that be my win?
ramble ramble ramble
this existential poem
would it be ironic to like it?
ramblings of death
the end and personal pain
if one truly hates the pain
and yet loves the idea
of the darkness
are you afraid to die?
alcohol i bid thee a fair burning welcome
how long will you stay
enough to to see my lack of coherent sentence structure
or enough to see i am a flawed creation
going on and on about existential problems
for i shall exist regardless of my best intentions
as the wheel continues to roll on despite the moss covering this rain slicked track
i am done
all alone
But I don't want to be