Night after night
in echo-less jars my screams trapping
one after the other counting
on a shelf of shame storing

By the threads of realisations
Suffocating

Wondering
How did it go that far?

My screams trapping in jars
Scared the truth will come out

The truth of you
of my ignorance
of my wasted IQ scores
of how self-love in chapter number 6 was retracted
on how my own voice MUTED
My identity ERASED
For yours to be written as the main character of an abusive ****** mystery

The ****** of my pride
I witnessed

18 months
In your dungeon of lies trapped
Willingly...
Or Not

Nailed down by my own traumas
to a ground of your dismissiveness
nailed down under your feet
for your validation begging
in drought living
waiting for the mercy of the sporadic showers of love bombs

I didn't know I can be broken that many times
till I met you
Like a shapeshifter, 206 bones I broke
In the name of your entertainment

Consistently strained by the:
you’re not good enough
consciously thinking you'll change
unconsciously thinking that's All I deserve

And that's what scientists call submission
Submission to your mental manipulative ways

In disgust I dwell
Ashamed for being a fool
Or Not

By my own wounded child
strapped to the bed sheets that consistently
warned me about you
how every time you gently kissed me goodbye
choosing to leave me doubting myself worth
wondering how can I ever be good enough for you to stay

Yet I called you back
Willingly
or Not

Remember how
in milk and honey each insult you dipped
How in 50 roses your derogatory pet names you carefully hid

Your chains you weld tighter
After each breakup

Unconsciously it's whatever you want
it's every yes where it was supposed to be no
in pain you left me for days
only to come back for more

In pain I lived willingly
Or Not

My only crime that I was Desperate to be Loved

You desire the Purity of lakes 
the Lightness of clouds 

She's the naked truth
the war soldiers give up on
she is the Heaviness of black clouds
the Rain inside

You recklessly dance on her hips
step after step
where ships once were wrecked

Mind your dancing steps
mind the landmines
some might Viciously explode
some into rainbows never Explained

He is the sinner, the lover, the truth I knew
He is the right and wrong combined
I want to write till the ink in my pen dries
Drown in his arms... left abandoned without saving
Drown in safety, peace, in forbidden dreams.

Say my name 
Wipe my tears 
kiss my thoughts 
Leave me hanging wishing for more 

Leave me to drown
Disapear between yours arms
Between the blurred lines
Get lost in vagueness never defined

Should I Break the silence into pieces?
shorten the Distance?
Three little words
would they Fill the void?
would my heart Beat again?

Numb 
Vacant 
Silent

Can you Hear the whispers?
the waves on Mars
the sun Kissing the sky 
can you Hear the clouds missing the rain?

Listen!
Three little words 
breaking my Silence into pieces 

I 
Miss 
You

You instigate the rattlesnake
the storm within, under the bones

You feed on my fears then
under the rain your mouth you open
your thirst you quench

You smile when I cry. think about that
the guilt you hug away
in the pieces of my broken spirit, you search for her

I am not her
I am not her

Keep your scars at bay
it's time to love & headway

Do you believe in signs 
in the colours I breathe
can you read my lips
see the rainbows around my hips

Take a step, hold my hand
hear the braided notes in the air
it's time to dance, to the melody of joy
above the clouds, dangling from the stars 
Sing out loud 
Hold my hand 
Can you see the sun 
Can you see the moon
The love, the passion coloured in maroon

Do you believe in signs 
in the colours I breath 
can you read my lips

It disappears, gone 
into particles it dissolves 
lighter, flowing

To suddenly return 
into the rotten cracks of her soul 
HEAVIER yet again 
into the cracks
it dissolves with the darkness it unites

Let it slide, let it slide 
till the next season, let it slide 
to the bottom 
It Hits and Hides
secretly whispers into her mind
counting the days till it's "cherry blossom" time

Dear lover, friend and foe

Sprinkle some of that denial
on my open wounds.
Prevent them from healing -
stir my past traumas;
mix them with my present sorrows...
Stir well till my -
inner peace boils eagerly
for a splash...
of your confusing behaviors.

Your exit plan -
smartly chops your goodbyes.

Take a sip and try the taste
of your drama
of your intentions
and future karma

- Bon appetit

“In sickness and health,
till death do us part.”
The sweetest curse of them all;
not what occurs to your minds,
a bond beyond the galaxies,
beyond the rings, papers & facilities.
Not the matters of the heart,
the matter of the spiritual worlds connecting;
singing to the melodies
of two souls entwining
their stories -
to a carpet of twinkling stars.
There, their bleeding scars -
they healed,
in sickness and health,
around the 13 moons
of friendship they smiled.

She is barefoot, running
Brushing the dewy grass, the golden sun strings threading.
The moon hugging
Out of the fog, at last. Under the rain Celebrating.
Drip, drop

Her sorrows she sees
On her skin Sliding
Let the gravity takes its course
Drip, drop to the river they go

The flood of thoughts against the stream, they dissolve
Under the water, her breath she holds
Ecstasy for milliseconds, she folds

There goes the fish. There the sorrows go

Drip, drop
Out of the fog, she goes

Let’s stop being strangers
speed the shutter speed
stop playing mind games

Love, don't play the fool
stop kidnapping my heart beats.
I see the art in disguise
the sensuality woven between your words

It's time to allow my halos to complete the long exposure of picture perfect
time to capture the endless micro-moments of happiness
time to live
breath
smile
1,2,3
Forever captured

Dear beautiful lone wolf your pain doesn't conceal, do not prey on mine.
From the same pack we are
Different in shape, perhaps.

Your howls at night I hear
The silent ones clearer than them all.
We are different, they say.
You wonder.
I say...
You have been looking at the blazing sun for too long
Juggling too many flammable issues

Dear wolf your pain doesn't conceal, do not prey on mine
To the same moon, we speak
To the transparency we transcend, exquisitely

Dear beautiful lone wolf
Do not prey, your pain I’ll contain
We are the same
Don’t you see?

Your skin they Unzip,
your body they Evacuate
themselves they Force
their thoughts they Shove.

They control your mouth 
to shoot words about a cause; 
they CLAIM they Know!

With your Blood,
they'll wipe two stripes
on their cheeks,
ready for marching the streets!

Shouting loud
about pain and grief.
Clueless they are -
how Foggy it can be.

Step by step,
in your tight skin,
they marched ignorantly -
Thinking freedom
they had to snap; 
"Snap out" of the inches
they invaded -
in the name of relating. 

Not knowing,
what it takes to talk that Talk.
A mile in your skin they thought they can Walk -
Your SUFFERING;
they couldn't hold
out of your skin -
COWARDLY they withdraw...

You dare to ask "to touch you".
Yet one more time-
Where I swear I can dust off
her fingerprints-
off every inch;
of your contaminated body.

We tend to extract the- 
complexity out of the mouth of simplicity,
counting till 10 is a necessity. 
But remains a struggle
in times of words nascency.
Trust me it's not a matter of literacy. 

You lack the visibility of our daily-
neurological battlefields
at the front line, we remain helpless and shieldless.

We're not pulling the triggers.
once shot at, can't be taken back
don't blame our mouths for shooting opinions -
blame an intuition that knows all the facts 

Wittiness comes at a price. 
Friend, I am sorry that you have to pay the bills, sometimes

Let’s dance
that dance on the edge of your guitar's strings.
the harmonies of life, play.
the way I remember it. 

A few years wiser
in the dark room, I sat 
to your late night confessions, I listened.
redeeming yourself.

Baby: empty those lungs 
one breath in, one breath out.

Let's Dance,
to the melodic sound of our tangled memories
l am listening, we are dancing.
the chords of my heart you're determined to keep playing;  
and you say: playing the Flatted Fifth, no more
the unbalanced energy you'll tune 
I look at the moon, and I think 
it's probably lunar lunacy.

Baby, empty those lungs
Let's Dance!

I am the flames Burning
Or so I thought
under the impression
I caused the fire

Little that I knew
I was the fuel to his
Fire

The year of HD colours
and endless mind-
rewiring sessions

I blink once, twice
hold my breath
zone out
slip to the nearest galaxy

I look
again
and still
you're

a Black & White complication
thousands miles away from
a grey and colour palette situation

Dad,
I am no longer your little girl
you can no longer protect me
not from the monsters within.

In a black hole you see me falling
In dark corners curling,
In the bottom of oceans sailing;
storms stonewalling.

Dad, you might think I am thralled -
But I tell you!

In my bed
I am appalling, trawling
reaching
for something to grasp
trying to calm myself down
Shoving the memories back.

Fighting the demons.
I see them
sprawling across
me
my dreams
my lungs
my THOUGHTS..
    my thoughts
          my thoughts...

DAD!!

I am betrayed
by my own mind...
          my body
          is REBELLING against me...

Despite the mountains
I trained
to carry
above my shoulders...

Some days -
Some days it feels
I am skinned alive...

One breeze of air
is enough to run sirens
alerting a world of
A BILLION neurons

Leaving me
stranded
agonised
looking for shelter,
wishing I can
crawl back
to my mother's womb
    sit, curl, and hold my legs -
    grasp the umbilical cord
    hear her heartbeat
1... 2...
Breath... In... Out...

Dear Dad,
don't you worry.
You raised a strong girl.
patiently she learnt -
how to beautifully braid
her fears and tears.

Your little girl
learnt how to play-
with the monsters nested in the head....
and the monsters under the bed.... into poetic ink
and art on the wall
she transformed them all.

She is a survivor, who copes

That said...

Every now and then
in my own bubble
you'll see me
slipping
in my favourite corner
sitting
unconsciously
graves for my unborn children
digging
not seeing a point for
living.

Deep inside
I will be silently screaming
I am brave
I am brave
But I am
slightly cursed
scarred
wishing I was still
your little girl

It's scary that I crave
The Blue & Black
On a **** canvas

A charmer with a soul as dark as ghoul
alluring the strongest smartest, of you.

In a moment of lust.
in a moonless night.
under layers of charcoal thoughts;
whilst the shadows glare and dance-
he'll SWEEP you off your feet!
your own existence, he’ll make you regret.

Ohhh Diablo, Diablo. Who did you sin with?!
WHAT abomination have thee brought on us?
thy hell, thy scalding hell is, heaven compared to his.

Backwards I speak.
in dead languages I breathe.
my bones I break, heal and break
music to his ears
all day, all day
my bones for his entertainment I break
the long nights we await.

Don’t be fooled!
he is a gracious, charmer.
your woes he’ll be inflating
your pride will rip and chew.

The blood drops dripping still.
you see it
he'll say what blood?
I haven't eaten in days, doll.

Drip drop, drip drop.

No exorcism is strong enough.
to free your
he'll know how to ****** the evil-
hidden in the cracks of your soul.

Not looking for subordination
he ain't Lucifer
he is the son
with the 7 sins done
for the 8th looking under the sun.

Together with his doll
the obsidian damp nights floating
in her raven coloured, double laced dress
his mouth with her blood smeared.
mind you the feeding, denying still.

drip drop, drip drop
in pain there was rapture
delusional prey she might be
yet delusionally gleeful
Oh what a doll!

"Oh Father Diabol who have you sinned with?
I am the abomination
dolls I'll be gathering
on the shelf abandoning
our ending in blood I shall be writing"

On the shelf panting woes
listening to the lying tongue
cursed in love
with Lucifer's son

Don't dare to argue with a woman's intuition!
I mean her telepathic, liar-detecting capabilities. I mean sometimes you make her feel like she is on a mission.

You come holding flowers of peace, logic and love. Ignoring that sense that doesn't have a number. From the Guts of the ocean flooding. Your crashing waves and patterns, she can smell. Even if you're thousands of miles away. Or beside her laying the hay.

Man don't you understand? Dissing a woman's intuition is forbidden! Strictly when it has to do with other. Women.

Relived
it's a wrap
between the lines I drowned
sometimes I laughed
many others I cried
you were heavy to carry around
you weren't even mine

Today I read the last few lines
to relaize there is
an ending to every beginning

So the last page I turned
and the borrowed Book
I returned

Barefoot silhouettes
in the sand dancing;
to the burning flames
they're not attaching.

To the lulling waves escaping;
its vibes, inhaling.
Salty splashes
our wounds purifying
into beautiful scars modifying.

1 step, closer
breathe that fire, down my neck
be you, be the western Dragon
sprout your claws.
DIG them harder;
blood, sweat, coconut oil, magical spells
this skin is FORTIFIED, don't hold back.

2 steps higher, breathe that fire
the damp nights ignite
your wings spread & stretch.
Under the showering crystal stars
My eyes and your Labradorite -
blue eyes we'll close.

On serenity's fumes
together we'll get high
transcending into orange, ruby hues.
your forbidden Obsidian thoughts LIBERATE!
the knight's sword we'll evade

2 steps down, to the warm sand-
dancing we go back.
Breathe that fire, one more time
for your princess's levity, not indemnity

Flames out, they go
the night hand in hand they took
kissed goodbye
to the pink skies, said hello.

With the sun's golden strings and his big green wings
His gypsy princess swaddled and cuddled.