I will tear holes like stars in the clouds,
swallow the moon until I burn inside-out,
and become a midnight lamp guiding all
the eyes that cannot see the way home.

I remember the velvet Dark like a funeral
dress baggy around my waning waist,
the veil of which blinded me completely,
my windows turning one-by-one into walls--

trapped--yet I’d rather have been locked
because then I would have a door to kick
instead of walls simultaneously too small
and ever-expanding with fine print reading:

Do not mistake pity for love.

Paranoid assumptions connected dots,
nonexistent constellations like vines
around my ribs. The Dark permeated fear,
filled my Self to bursting before I pulled

the veil from my face, stared into violent
light that burned the lids from my eyes,
left me blindless to all the terrible truths
bearing down until my shoulders bruised.

I’ve since begun sleeping with all the lights
turned off and my curtains fully drawn.

The one thing I want the most
is to un-love you
yet the one thing I'm terrified of
is that gingerly, in degrees
then all of a sudden

all of a sudden

everything will evanesce
like the slanting rain
the hearts i draw
on fogged-up glass
faint pencil lines
on whitewashed stairs
crushed paper stars
i used to fold, alone,
with you

and i will be left
with the frightful emptiness
and i will be left
to fight my dependency on you
and i will be left

(we're locking eyes today and I have something to tell you)

*Don't Leave Me

The Shot
The Gun
The Bullet
The Fear

Everything is trembling
The Death is near

The awakening
The shock
The confusion
The dread

The sun shines bright
Are you really dead?

Then the conclusion
Then understanding
Then fear is gone
Then this mad grin

The world wakes up
It was just a Dream

Run away,
They just cant see
All the tears that slipped from your eyes.
Hide your face,
Don't let them see
You're losing grip on reality.

I'm lost inside
And have no way out.
I'm trapped inside
My own dark mind.
I'm no longer afraid to let go
And just end it all now.

Run away,
No one notices your hurting,
Cant see past the "I'm fine" your saying.
Never seem to look
Past the smiles as tears roll down.
What is the point in hanging on?

Up a lot in my life
This week
Because my mind
cannot handle
being alone
even when it's not
and now ive pushed
everything away
and maybe
if I keep pressing
enter
on this ******* keyboard
maybe this will look like a poem
Maybe I will feel like a human
Maybe I wont cry every night
just because
That's all that feels
okay.
But I'm not okay
I am alone
and I am alone
and I am alone.

My heart breaks as my Venus pulls away
Was the love you professed to me a lie?
Did it hold any meaning?
I feel abandoned
Betrayed and deceived
My heart still beats your name

And soon you will leave
A season separated
How am I to prove to you my love
When I cannot reach you?

I beg you
Think quickly
Know that I suffer in your absence
I pray with my hands to the Lord
That you remember our love
That the fire be rekindled

You are my love.
My single desire.
I cannot live without you.
I dare not even try.