You've done it again
      And you don't know that I watch your back
as you fall
   again
                and
                   again
You've done it again
       you shake
   in fear
       that you lost yourself
in their mirror
But darling, you've long since lost your heart
in their hands
So why.. Why do you now look for it?
You've done it again
        And I can only watch
as the sun pushes
        me
         away
but I'm always at your side

I know that there was a line that I sewn upon my skin
Thread made of emotions that I couldn’t hold on to
They slipped and slid and came out of my grasp
And if I tried to lock them away, they’d easily undo the clasp
I sit at a wheel, my finger at a thorn,
Spinning roses, and flowers, and threads for toys
If I can create something, something to be kept,
Would I someday find these things again and learn to accept?
Or would the thread someday fade and unwind behind the scenes
Undoing in the corners, ripping the seams
Things like these, I know, weren’t meant to last forever
They were meant to be loved, cared for, watched, and maintained.
But if I cannot move myself from this bed,
And catch the hands of the monster speaking in my head
Would I be able to learn how to thread the eye of the needle
So I could learn to love again?

I know that there was a line that I sewn upon my skin
Thread made of emotions that I couldn’t hold on to
They slipped and slid and came out of my grasp
And if I tried to lock them away, they’d easily undo the clasp
I sit at a wheel, my finger at a thorn,
Spinning roses, and flowers, and threads for toys
If I can create something, something to be kept,
Would I someday find these things again and learn to accept?
Or would the thread someday fade and unwind behind the scenes
Undoing in the corners, ripping the seams
Things like these, I know, weren’t meant to last forever
They were meant to be loved, cared for, watched, and maintained.
But if I cannot move myself from this bed,
And catch the hands of the monster speaking in my head
Would I be able to learn how to thread the eye of the needle
So I could learn to love again?

It is the same rain that you loved that drowned you
The same ocean that you swore would never harm you, but did
The same fire you said only warmed you, but charred your face.
The same ice that you said cooled you, but blackened your finger tips
It is the same rain that you loved to dance in, because you knew you might fall
The same ocean that you loved to swim in, because you knew you might sink
The same fire that you loved to sit by, because you might burn
And the same ice that you held, because you might learn
It is the same rain that you loved, but yet it never loved you back
Just a way out of the world that you promised yourself you’d leave, but failed
Or so you thought, because I’m here to hold you close now
To guide you through this endless sea of time that you never thought you’d sail
But here you are
It is the same rain that you loved that pushed you
Grabbed a hold of the feet that you stood on as you listened to the only words
That spoke to you
Held you for a second, convinced you that you were loved before you fell
If only you would’ve screamed for help
If you did it was nothing but a whisper that barely made it past your lips
You knew you wouldn’t come back down to where i knew you would’ve lasted
But you are in another place now, a place I cannot reach
And although it is you standing by my side, it’s just a body

You aren't the girl you'd always wanted to be,
the letters on the page said, just barely into my grasp
You aren't who you wanted to be when you were three,
though it long since changed when you were nine.
In fact, you aren't even sure who you wanted to be,
because you were always thinking where you wanted to go
What you wanted to learn, what you wanted to do
What you wanted to be good at,
and you craved to be someone everyone liked
Liked, but at the same time free
You didn't think much of the future, maybe you didn't think there would be one
That it was just so far away you would simply never get there
You aren't the girl you want to be today, either
Less of a burden on everyone else
Even now, as you think of what you want to do, you can't imagine a life
where'd you be at peace
You do not want to go into the future,
and the past is too far away as well
The present is not a gift no more, as it seems like it's a cruel joke
You can't help but sit here and read this-- ready to choke
Your end should have came so long ago, but yet here you stand
at this edge of this cliff, in this darkened shift of the show
Your fingers already numb, as the blood darkens the snow
Your end should have came already, and you’re sorry you missed your chance
Your plans always changed, and you never made it in time
or when the time came you were stuck in your mind
Your time should have came, but delusions will pull you back
that rope tied around your shoulders is all you have
So where do you go? And why must you always have plan A and B?
Why must you always insist on going to the most wonderful places to see
That is where you'll go when you're so far far away
Up on that bridge or at a bottom of a lake
So you can see a beautiful sight before you can blow out the candle
and be free

Mother, I spread my arms for you
as the nails beat into the flesh of my wrists
and the wood stings the skin of my back
I look up at the skies and pray that it rains
so that your garden will grow at last
and bear fruit that you'll want to share with me
but I'll be gone far too fast
Father, I raise my eyes for you
so that I'll see if there's tears when you cry
The phone will be answered for all but for me
and my sisters and my brothers will be free
No more time at the window, because we knew what to expect
no more times calling your name when locked out of the nest
So wear a cross or a ring maybe my name to mark
do not forget I was here
Sisters, I'll raise my chest for you
as I breathe in and out for as long as I can
until it becomes heavy with a weight I cannot bear
and my spirit shoots up into dusk
You held my hands as I first took steps
but clawed at my scars when we were on other ends of the battlefield
we were what we were raised to be,
and I love you forever til my rest
Brothers, I'll hold my face to yours
as my blood starts to run thin
Nose to nose you'll see we aren't that different
as you once thought
Fingers crossed that you'll reach the steps
you've prayed to reach a thousand times
and I hope that my blood will hit the earth
so that the sacrifice will be mine
Friends, wherever you were when the time had come
I will always hold my peace
for you were my stable when it thundered
and my flower for deaths the reaper will keep
In a circle we will rise, in a cycle we'll never leave
I hope that I'll meet you in my next life
otherwise I'll forever be near, hold your peace
My tears that I cry are for the gods that held me
and I not knowing their presence held fast
For regret that I will not stay too long
but relief as freedom will last
My heart will beat just one more time
for the people of this world
I hope that you will not cross the line
when the war goes on still
I'll give up all my lives if it means that you all will be safe
underneath the willow tree
we were all birthed under that place,
for our will to choose will be always free

For a girl to be sensitive, is a girl to be noticed
To be held back out of class to not disturb the others
A girl to be sensitive, under the tables in early grades
Crying and screaming for a sister who raised her
To be avoided from the teachers, to be avoided like the plague
To be avoided by the people, and friends that left when it took so long to make
A girl to be sensitive is one who is made to cry
To not know what it's like to be free, what it's like to fly
A girl to be sensitive has the fate of being broken
for she doesn't understand boundaries and times right to be spoken
A girl who was locked out of her mother's room
Face pressed to the crack only to ask for permission and for food
To see her mother's face only in the morning before dusk
when the babysitter came to take her place
And to see her mother's face in the drive to the gym
the place to be set again behind a wall, dividing them again
A girl who is sensitive, learns through many mistakes
but not known for learning, her stuff taken away
She'll never learn, it's not in her nature
but it's her social life that was shaped by crying and hurting
and for her to be called dramatic and immature
A girl to be sensitive is one of trial and error
To not tell a teacher when one is trying to be fairer
To not tell somebody when one is afraid of the big wide world
and to not tell somebody when her smile begins to fail
And when she awakens and realizes that what she does is a mistake
She wonders what it'll take to fly, fly far away
A girl to be sensitive is for her tears to be silenced
and told to stop being a baby, and to just be quiet
A girl who learns to forget because it hurts more to remember
and a girl to be known for someone who is never
not lying, not trying, and not being enough
always smiling not knowing that it was just strong to get through the tough
times that she believes isn't
She learns that a chance she doesn't take is to miss it
A girl to be sensitive is a girl to be unheard
because it becomes unimportant when it's her words her tears slur
To be noticed by only by her work, her assignments
always trying to be better, always trying not to not fail it
But even then this path is a blind one,
and told that she needs to work on it, she needs to get it done
A girl to be sensitive is one who is burned
one left behind in bathrooms until one's cries are quiet
or worse in a closet without light and a blanket by the wall
to shut up, to go to sleep to pass the time without a clock
A girl to be sensitive is one to be unwanted
And everyone wants to be wanted and desired
to be missed and to be held
but she learns that that's too desperate and she can't risk the love
so push them away, and lock those feelings in her own closet in her own mind,
herself shunned just like in real life
A girl to be sensitive is one doomed to be alone
to be in a grave in a forest, one marked by a stone
One dug by her fingers until her fingers become ****** and stiff
And for her to lie exhausted, to lie there
unmissed.

The flowers died on Monday
like my heart on my birthday
Like my eyes on christmas
and my soul every night
The flowers died on Monday
it's due for another change
but I can't get out of bed
and I don't know what to say
I can't bring them back to life
like you when you hold me
Helping me breathe a breath
that wasn't meant to be
The flowers died on Monday
The red turning to a sickly brown
The once smiling face
quickly turned to a frown
The flowers died on Monday
They were never meant to live
this society goes on
and the dirt that falls on me gives
The flowers died on Monday
like I'll on a Sunday
a day after my passing,
they'll pass too
to be in my hand to be given
to a younger girl in me
So I could convince her
that we were never meant to be
She'll hold those flowers
as she'll stand at my grave
read those carved words a thousand times
and she'll learn to say goodbye
The flowers died on Monday
Will someone put more?

Dear Stranger, or whom I love
Next time you look in the mirror and look away in disgust
or disappointment, or terror, or simply because you must
When you hear your voice, or your skill in a hobby you love
or once did as favor grows thin and you prefer to just sit
Next time you look out the window and frown
because it's raining, and it's pouring, above the whole town
Or there's fire to the woods outside your door
It's burning, and the trees are screaming as you lay on a bed on a floor
You shape what you think you are worthy of
like if you do or do not deserve friendship and love
Some think you must earn it, and even then it should never be given
or others are accustomed to it so they don't know what to believe in
To take is still to take, whether they give in the future
The scars won't heal, and it'll continue to rupture
So don't blame yourself, and don't blame the others,
what you want to see is what you choose to bother
I know it's not that easy, or simple, and it's a two faced problem
or maybe more faces that I can't see.
Next time, remind yourself that you wouldn't tell a flower
that hasn't grown yet that it doesn't deserve water
and you wouldn't tell a child that hasn't learned yet
that it must always look back and regret
You have two windows, and they're called your eyes
They look into your soul and I promise it isn't empty
You too deserve water, and love in the rain
don't be afraid of thunderstorms because eventually they'll grown flowers,
and forests and homes to the beasts
So if you go through this, and if an earthquake shakes your home
Don't let it change you, that this is a place where you deserve to leave.
This is your home too
_ from a stranger, whether you think you know me or not

August is the month of storms and strong winds
Causing damage in the parts where the heart lives
It’s bad whether you forget or remember
Because in the end, it doesn’t matter
August is the time of sunshine and heat
Humidity chokes you, drowning you the moment you try to breathe.
August is also the time when the supplies are needed
The new steps into that new building that has become your life
A schedule to be dragged into, and now we’re just going through the motions
What did we do today? What did we do?
My memory is foggy, and my words are soft
Was I just sleepwalking? Was I just lost?
August is the month where one day decides your future in these rooms of faces
You could chase for a hand to hold, but you’re met by empty spaces
August is the month with crowded halls and ringing bells when the class stops
It’s the gossip that you hear but they don’t know, the whispers behind your back
And those nice compliments are the thunder, but you know under is the attack

If happiness was a thing that I could touch or hold in my hand,
It would be the stones by the ocean and every grain of sand
Under the water, and by its side,
It would be salt in your eyes when you cried, and you’d realize soon enough you tried
It’d be the stone in your shoe, so you’d stop
And breathe
Because this path can go on for thousands of miles, and years will pass by
Take a break, take a breath; you can’t walk all night
Your mind will grow heavy, and your footsteps will slow
It’s time to sleep, rest your eyes, in the morning you shall go.
If happiness were a thing, then maybe it would be a butterfly on a flower
You can try to catch it and try to keep it for hours
You’ll find that the longer you try to find it, the longer it will stay away
But when you sit at peace, and on your shoulder it’ll come and lay
If happiness was a thing, it would probably be you
Your smile, your life, the way that you grew
It would be your success, your failures, and your experiments
It would be the crease between your eyebrows and that wrinkle on your chin
If happiness was a thing, and if it was you,
You’d learn that even the smallest grain in the sand could make a difference, too
The rise in the waters, the rain in the skies, aren’t such a sad thing
Because through destructions and waters comes spring
Here come flowers, and trees, and children playing in the park
If happiness was a thing, it wouldn’t be measured or held
It would be the infinite beyond this life, and beyond your head,
It would be every spark of a fire, every flare of the sun
It would be ever petal on a flower,
But still we question, what is happiness?

There are many graves that I have dug, but refused to lie in them
There would be too many, as I’d keep digging
Until my breath would come in quick rasps, and my arms heavy trunks
Until my eyes would fade in and out of focus, and day would fade to dusk
Rows and rows and rows of holes, each one by the other’s side
For even ghosts and ghouls and wandering souls
Would soon become lonely
Even when the night came, in a falling heap would they continue to walk
And think of their actions, or their life in the past and why they couldn’t talk
Each of their words strangled and scrambled to the winds howling in stormy skies
Each of their tears turned to stone before it even reaches their eyes
From their heart that was once full of blood, is the empty which comes the ice cold
From there would be their story, locked in pages of black ink
Memories have long since faded, and the words shall all get jumbled on the paper
Twisting and turning, and melting off the book
To be carried in their hearts, and in their minds they carried the key
That remains to be forgotten, and so they shall walk lost
And for leaving your graves, row by row, unburied, is simply the cost.

My life on that day wasn’t black and blue, or the pink on my face;
It was a canvas of white so I could paint the black away.
My life on that day was a million bridges and a million futures I could’ve picked
And I chose words to stumble, and words to fall
Out my mouth, to be stained onto those white clean walls
For those bridges I left at that river I drained, For they were all too clean and safe
So I packed up my bag, which carried my pen
And wrote down the words I knew I never said,
From those words, I built bricks and silver and screws and cement
But the words that I wrote, that I tried to use to play pretend
They were just imaginary
Some people had imaginary friends or monsters to haunt them at night
I had words that crawled and flew and bled out of my eyes
With sickly red, or clear of day
The glass I looked out of was rained on with black or red or white paint
My life on that day was when the words left me alone
The words I thought I was and who I knew I’d become
The house that I’d built as a safe place crumbled around me
My life on that day, I had realized, that it didn’t fall down all at once,
Not quick and erratic
Not all and one
It was the base that had eroded away

I know I should be happy, with things given to me of love
But I can’t help it when everything is lost and gone
They’d tell me, At least you held it while it was there,
And if it’s ripped and broken, that it’s not their fault
That they’d warned me that some things cannot be held so tightly
Or it’ll crack, then shatter, and what I carried on a pedestal wasn’t so mighty
These words on the book would smear if I weren’t so careful,
But even accidents happen as the days unfold
A drop of a tear, or a thumb print on the side
Showing the history of where and who I was
What I was doing at the time when our family lost our luck
Or luck would be what we’d call it, as we never cracked the eggshells we walked upon
They’d question me at the alter and tell me to confess
As I’d hold the broken thing that I loved too hard to my chest
To my heart, for it’s empty, and maybe I could fill it
But this glass cuts too deep if I were to try to fit it in there
It’s ice in my hands, it’s burning coals in my mind
It’s a feather to the sky; if I’d set it on a scale, it’d weigh almost nothing
But if I were to swim with it, it’d be an anchor
And when the judge asks me what I have broken,
I’d say I broke the unspoken promise and had stepped out of line
I had cracked the shell that was holding together this family of mine
I hadn’t known that the threads would tangle with my limbs,
As it dangled from the sky
So when I stole a part of the night, and a part of the rest
They’d see in my hands
A broken, glass egg that I couldn’t put back together again.

To a heart born blue with the moon on one’s face
A butterfly flew and flew, trying to get out of that locked cage
A deathly curse to sleep was a fairytale come true
A life of mere seconds, a life of a heart born blue
Nameless masks stolen, words forged in the blacksmith’s hand
A merciful lie becomes armor, a purpose of a life that doesn’t beat
Though the prince searched long and wide for someone to slay the dragon in the land;
A wave would come, building up and up till all is still but the sea
A fated doom that could not be avoided, a said hero that played along
Crouching at god’s feet, his feathers falling even as he sings his lord’s songs
What mercy, must it be, to have a heart born blue
What mercy, must it be, to see the world and to fall again, for it too
Wasn’t the angel that claimed the breath, but the reaper whose sorrow was far too great
To watch sons and daughters fall from his hands, to be held was a wish granted far too late
Alone, must he be, sad, must he be
To see a thousand lives, wishing for one, to live and to breathe and not just see
For death to come at his hands, even if he sits at the top
The clouds fall away and the land becomes grey, and he knows not how to make it stop
Too late, would he grasp the child’s hands, too late would he rise
Too late would come the sun into dawn’s crying eyes
At but last, how to cry out and to be free, of a curse of eternal life
To not bring the love, the dear, into god’s arms and chosen, promised lifght
Far apart, the rain shall fall. And still the torn souls scream to be free, to fly
But alas, a mercy. To have a heart born blue.
Through this cycle, of endless tries and fails, to hold and to lose the memory
With tears as stars even as it is silent, the birds do not sing
To sleep for a thousand years, and to awake a mother of time
And to become a reaper’s child, one never kept out of sight
Oh, to a heart born blue, no blood to take away
To drown on it’ own breath, but alas, a mercy. Such a mercy, for in life they do not stay
With a heart born blue

Some say that the world will end in fire, and some say it’ll end in ice
Some say that the world will end in explosion, the cause of the despise
Some say that we’ll move to a world we’ll learn to love, to miss our home
That we destroyed, So we’ll fly away again into the stars but still we are alone
Some say that the world will end in darkness, when our beloved light goes out
Or the god that is said to rule us, will tire and we’ll never know what the story was about
Some say that the world will end in nothing, for we’ll not comprehend it when it comes
We’ll be angry or upset, in our last moments, or perhaps holding the ones we love
I don’t know how the world would end, but maybe it’ll end when we do
The earth will grow back into the place that it deserved to
Or maybe it will end when the world breaks apart, unable to hold itself any more
Or maybe it will be when we are the ones to tear apart, ****** and full of gore
Or maybe it will never end, and though we will stop life will continue on
In a universe without us, in a universe where we are all gone
Silence of the world, slowly rocking itself asleep
Our cries were no more, nothing else to believe
Perhaps we were not meant to be in the start, for this world is out to ****
And battling nature, we’ve begun to feast at each other, our own blood what spills
There are a million ways that the world will end, and for us it seems important
But we continue to ignore that we are the cause of almost all of them
Maybe the end doesn’t matter, because at the last page of a book we cannot write more
We do not write the story, the path of fate, we know not what’s in store
So maybe if we work to make it better than it was, and maybe make it last
And not be stuck in our heads about who to love, when the world’s ending so fast
Perhaps we don’t need a war, and maybe we need unity
But there must be some sort of end, even in eternity
We can just live today as if it doesn’t exist, smile some more instead of smiling so less
The people that will come will go, and it’s okay to make a mess
Remember to clean up, for someday this will all end, best to make a home out of nothing left
Let’s leave something so the ink doesn’t dry up too soon, write our own story
While fate writes ours too

It can be hard to love the world, and the endless tasks that seem to come
It can be hard to love the people, and to love those that are not enough
It can be hard to love the needy, and the protected and the past
It can be hard to love happiness when even that cannot last
These centuries that come and go and the world seems to fall apart
Over and over the wars continue, with one kingdom’s end comes another's start
This can make it hard to love the world, with all it’s stitches and it’s tears
It can be hard to love a broken glass when what they see is just the mirror
And the monster that’s beneath it, that is too hard to love too
It can be hard to see the pain when the population grows,
The success is seen when there are people on the street and babies born blue
And for that, the world is hard to love, because it is made up of lies, we know
That one day it’ll fall apart completely and we’ll have to make do with the scraps
It can be hard to love the world, but yet we do, what ever good comes we seem to catch
It can be hard to love the world, yet for every moment we hold the world
Rock mother earth in our arms until sleep comes to take the rest
It can be hard to love the world, but we must wait until the best
Learn to love ourselves, for that mirror cannot be fixed if we cannot dare look into it
It can be hard to love the world, and yet, this dark trail begins to be lit