I sprint through fire
But it's never enough,
To keep the blood pumping
To keep up the rush,

To work up a sweat
And purge all the waste,
The insatiable thirst
For a relentless chase,

The thrill of a hunt
For beauty and art,
To inject through the skin
And into the heart,

Exorcise all evil
And shatter the chains,
Of a beautiful mind
That was branded insane.

Faith is but an interval,
A momentary interlude
During the tragic theatricals
Of life
While we don the mask
That conceals our sadness,
Wear the make-up
That hides our fatigue,
Dress up in our costumes
To cover what lies beneath,
We forget the inevitable
ending scene to this tragic tale.

So we bask in that small sliver of faith
Like the limelight,
and we shine until **the final curtain falls.

I have tried so hard to stay afloat,
But right now I could easily cave in
And let the waves push me down,
Let the current pull me to the bottom
Of the ocean and leave me there to die.

I am trying to keep myself alive to help
The ones I love the most from dying,
I can't bear the thought of losing them,
But in the process I am losing myself
Because I feel helpless and useless.
I fear that I can't do enough because I'm not strong
Enough to fight for them.
I feel like I have let everybody down.
But I'm not giving up yet.

Just
Let
Me
Go
So
You're
Not
Wasting
Your
Time

Listen to the tear drops falling down your face,
What do they tell you?
Are they bitter because you've cried over nothing?
Or are they singing you another love song my dear?

Listen to the heartbeats that fill your ribcage
What are they saying to you?
Do they tell you to move on from your past?
Or do they tell you to face your demons with a smile?

Listen to me, please,
Are you listening?
I can't change what's happened,
But I promise you I can change your future.

Swimming against a current so much stronger than I am,
Battling my way through the waves,
But it's becoming harder to breathe,
Harder to think,
And I find myself drowning,
Sinking further and further
Into the unknown,
Floating endlessly into the abyss,
My body slamming into
Shipwreck insecurities,
Fossilised memories,
Trapped pain in rotting chests.

All because of one tiny detail about myself that I loathe,
Loathing so much deeper than the seven seas stacked on top of one another.

Lonely London boy,
A stranger to the City,
A fluffy-haired gull
Lost in a sea of suitcases
And Kodak-clad people.
Big dreams tucked
Into the waistcoat
That hugged his frame
A little too much,
Occasionally glancing
Into café windows to
See how disheveled
He had become
During rush hour
On the Bakerloo Line.

The stars look bright tonight. The crisp summer breeze rolled across my bare skin as I lay shirtless beneath the dead oak tree near the lake.  The sky was clear, barely any obstruction from an innocent cloud that travelled down the vast black road that stretched on for eternity. I always loved coming here. So did my father.

It had been four years since he had died. The cause is still unknown. All I remember is the gaping hole in his chest as he... left. So many unanswered questions are lingering in the back of my mind. How did it happen? Who or what had done that to him? Why did it have to happen to him? Why not me? I feared that these questions hung inevitably in the unknown, locked away in a subconscious prison with no means of being bailed out.  Life had to continue though, no matter how unconditionally excruciating the pain may be in my chest when I miss him, no matter how many times I had cried myself to sleep because he wasn’t there to tell me that it will be OK whenever I had night terrors. They started soon after my mother died. I would wake up screaming and writhing in fear. My father would run into my room and bring me close to his chest. He would whisper in my ear “Shh son, it’s OK, nothing will get you. I am here now.  Calm down, you’re safe now.”

After the yelling had stopped he would carry me downstairs and into the garden. The cool air would cause the beads of sweat on my face to tingle. I always loved that feeling. It was the indication that I was back in reality. We would both sit on the grass. Dad would run inside and return carrying a large blanket. He would wrap it around the both of us. It always smelled just like my mother, a faint scent of lavender and honeysuckle. We would then peer into the sky, where dad would show me all of the constellations: Orion, Pegasus, Cetus, and other names that I couldn’t pronounce. “Each of these constellations tells a story, son” he would say to me as I tried to make sense of the jumble of stars that floated in the dark sky, “and one day, when the time comes, I will be up there. One day you will be able to tell your own children my story. All you have to do is simply look to the skies.”

I shook myself free from the painful reminiscence. I am eighteen, these things do not happen anymore. I stood up and stretched, feeling the muscles beneath my skin pull and uncoil. I strolled over to the lake. It was surrounded by thick forest, silhouetted against the black backdrop of the night’s horizon.  Ripples rolled over the surface of the silent lake. The crystal clear water reflected the night sky.  I took off my shoes and socks and dipped my foot into the water. The stars rippled around me. The water was lukewarm, refreshing after the scorching heat of another day that had passed me by. After testing the water I couldn’t resist. I took a few steps back, sprinted forwards and leaped into the air. I crashed into the water, fracturing the serene reflection of the night-time sky. The water cooled every fibre of my body. I let the water soak into my bare skin. I could feel my pores filling with the liquid, the bubbles brushing delicately over my legs and arms. I wanted to stay underwater forever.

I hit the surface, puncturing the barrier between tranquillity and realism. I ****** in the humid air and let it fill my lungs. I let myself float effortlessly onto my back and glided across the water. The stars sat there in the sky watching me. Up there somewhere, I knew there was somebody among them watching me too, smiling and waving as he saw this boy float upon a bed of water.

I wish he could be floating next to me this very moment and enjoy the placidity of the night.

I feel it
s
  l
   i
    p
   p
  i
n
g
from my fingertips
like sand in an hourglass,
The suffocating pull of gravity
Dragging
me
                                            f­urther
                                                          ­   and
                                                             ­                     further away
until finally I have disappeared from the face of the Earth
And into the glacial depths of Space.

I knew it would only be a matter of time before this happiness
Derailed
From the tracks,
It would never have reached its final destination without experiencing some
Destruction
During it's journey.

The thing that is crushing me the most is that I didn't even have long enough
To taste the forbidden fruit of happiness long enough to
Savour it and I am left with a sour taste in my mouth.

I'm losing it again,
And I am terrified that the black hole that I managed to crawl out of will
Swallow
me
*Whole.

I don't want to talk to the world.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Never.
My words are reserved for beautiful things
And the world is too ugly,
Broken.
No friends,
No family,
Nothing will hear me speak,
Because I am done.
I've come undone.

Inject me,
Pierce the skin
And it let it merge
With blood cells and
Bacardi,
Press your lips against mine
And slip the pill onto my tongue,
Don't pull away until each grain
dissolves
Stacks of cash
From selling love in bottles,
Capsules,
IV drips,
Losing our minds as we
Become entangled in unconsciousness.

But when I wake up you're gone.
Sweaty palms,
Goosebumps,
The fear of relinquishing control,
Or even losing my mind?
We become addicted to the visions
In our head,
The dreams we steal from dark corners
Of the brain
When we are intoxicated,
Yet with each passing of time
We rely on what numbs the pain
Of what we lost.

Tell her that you love her when you go,
Put it in the papers so that everybody knows,
Pretty she will feel when she's on your arm,
Calm her nerves when she's alone,
And keep her safe from harm,


Chorus
Don't you think she's such a keeper?
You should keep her,
Angelie you know he cares so open the door,
Don't you see she's scared to believe you?
Oh you need to,
Angelie he wants you back so don't cry any more

Verse Two
Angelie don't shut him out again,
Listen to his reasoning, he wants to be your friend,
Those photographs you left to burn in flames,
Is past the point of no return, it'll never be the same,

Chorus
Don't you think she's such a keeper?
You should keep her,
Angelie you know he cares so open the door,
Don't you see she's scared to believe you?
Oh you need to,
Angelie he wants you back so don't cry any more

Bridge
I wish you could stay strong,
I wish that you were wrong,
I wish that she could see,
That she meant everything to me,
Angelie

Chorus
Don't you think she's such a keeper?
You should keep her,
Angelie you know he cares so open the door,
Don't you see she's scared to believe you?
Oh you need to,
Angelie he wants you back so don't cry any more

And after she moved on,
He knew that she was gone,
He wanted to propose,
A ring that's made of rose gold,
Angelie you never gave the chance to say goodbye,
Another hopeless romance left to die

Verse One
Tie me down,
I'm scared of floating away,
Take the crown,
I'm tired of the game of swords we played,
Hold myself steady,
Soul is heavy,
I should have sounded the alarms
When the charm
Spilled from the heart in your hands

Chorus
I've torn down the walls in my home,
Won't build them up so I don't feel alone,
And you left me to clean up the tears you spilled,
Hide the mess and the shame of the time you killed,
Under the floorboards,
You were only bored.

Verse Two
Take my hand,
I'm too frightened to fall,
Beneath the sand,
To lose sight and sense of it all,
Step back slowly,
I'm so lonely,
I should have screamed when you struck
And I ran out of luck,
Yeah the glass was too **** full

Chorus
I've torn down the walls in my home,
Won't build them up so I don't feel alone,
And you left me to clean up the tears you spilled,
Hide the mess and the shame of the time you killed,
Under the floorboards,
You were only bored.

Bridge
I'm busy swimming through quicksand,
The pole balances in the palm of your hand,
Turn your back and walk away,
'Cause you were bored and I was your
Entertainment for the day

Chorus x2**
I've torn down the walls in my home,
Won't build them up so I don't feel alone,
And you left me to clean up the tears you spilled,
Hide the mess and the shame of the time you killed,
Under the floorboards,
You were only bored.

Verse One
Sometimes life gets hard and you want to throw it all away,
Let the passion and the happiness just fade to grey,
Lock up all your troubles and throw away the key,
Bury them beneath the soil so nobody would see

Chorus
Oh it's OK to be in pain,
Don't ever feel ashamed,
To cry all through the night with a broken heart,
To play back all the memories you had from the start,
Darling I'll be by your side,
You never have to hide,
Another secret tear rolling down your face,
Another shallow breath 'cause it's more than you can take,
I'll be here everyday

Verse Two
Sometimes it takes a little longer to take a step forward again,
From standing in the past and holding it together like a chain,
Take off all the worries that are pulling you to the ground,
When you're feeling lost I promise you will always be found

Chorus**
Oh it's OK to be in pain,
Don't ever feel ashamed,
To cry all through the night with a broken heart,
To play back all the memories you had from the start,
Darling I'll be by your side,
You never have to hide,
Another secret tear rolling down your face,
Another shallow breath 'cause it's more than you can take,
I'll be here everyday

The pain will go away,
One more step,
One more day.

Verse One
Lay down beside you,
On the dark side of the moon
So we're not blinded by the Sun,
Lean into you,
Deafened by the sirens
We could be lovers on the run,
Don't let go of you,
The world is caving
And there is nowhere we can go,
Don't turn away from you,
Dance upon the wire
We like to lose control

Chorus
Foolish hearts are easy to break,
Watch it crumble and circle the drain,
You ran away before I was able,
To look at the cards you threw to the table,
Left my heart be 'cause it was unstable,
Foolish hearts are hard to maintain,
You let me trust you again

Verse Two
You told me,
That we are made of steel
But we fell apart like paper,
You touched me,
Fingertips were warm
But emotions turned to vapour,
You cheated me,
Said I was invincible
But crumbled under pressure,
You never saw me,
A shipwreck of a man beneath
Skin that's made of leather

Chorus
Foolish hearts are easy to break,
Watch it crumble and circle the drain,
You ran away before I was able,
To look at the cards you threw to the table,
Left my heart be 'cause it was unstable,
Foolish hearts are hard to maintain,
You let me trust you again

Bridge
You twisted my words and I lost the battle,
Hiding the key and left me in shackles,
My foolish heart caved 'cause it was too much to handle,
You crushed in your hands,
Gone down the drain with the rest of our plans

Chorus**
Foolish hearts are easy to break,
Watch it crumble and circle the drain,
You ran away before I was able,
To look at the cards you threw to the table,
Left my heart be 'cause it was unstable,
Foolish hearts are hard to maintain,
You let me trust you again

Verse One
You can see it in the dark,
There's a flame without a spark,
There are voices beyond the dying flames,
I'm the ocean, you're the stream,
I'm the wake up, you're the dream,
We are broken and want to be the same,

Chorus
Flaws are only open when you hate,
Changing yourself is the only bond you break,
Our skin is more perfect than in our heads,
Imperfections can be your perfect friend,
We are only human.

Verse Two
I'm the bridge and you're the swing,
Disconnected from everything,
I'm the mountain who splits the sky apart,
Don't try to run or try to hide,
Loneliness is all you'll find,
The doors are closing on your fragile heart,

Chorus
Flaws are only open when you hate,
Changing yourself is the only bond you break,
Our skin is more perfect than in our heads,
Imperfections can be your perfect friend,
We are only human.

Bridge
Open,
Keep on hoping,
Open,
Keep on coping

Chorus**
Flaws are only open when you hate,
Changing yourself is the only bond you break,
Our skin is more perfect than in our heads,
Imperfections can be your perfect friend,
We are only human.
We are only human .

Verse One
Rockstar wages
And a chevy impala attitude,
Pornstar secrets,
With a red light point of view,
But something has me going,
So controlling,
I need to get out of my head,
Can't stop hoping,
Overdosing
On the thought of living high instead,
And I said

Chorus
Don't be scared to rest those shot glass shattered eyes,
Give ******* kisses to the boys and the girls who lied,
Don't tell me you're sober
Until it is over,
The tears won't dry on their own.

Verse Two
Las Vegas Luck
And I'll always be rolling the dice,
Wartime loss,
As I fight to surrender my life,
But something keeps me going,
Overflowing,
With temptation to let go,
Keep on coping,
Roller coasting
Falling too fast and never want to go slow,
And I said

Chorus**
Don't be scared to rest those shot glass shattered eyes,
Give ******* kisses to the boys and the girls who lied,
Don't tell me you're sober
Until it is over,
The tears won't dry on their own.

Bridge
Another shot,
Another chance,
To sort out life
And finish this dance,
If I can't be happy,
At least carry on
'Til the end of the song.

I picked up the pieces from my shot glass shattered eyes,
Gave out ******* kisses to the boys and the girls who lied,
I'm an unholy mess,
But I will try to impress
The devil when he comes to take away my soul,
And I'll say

Chorus
Share the shot glass glances with the World outside,
Save the ******* kisses for the ride to Hell tonight
This song isn't over
Even if you are sober,
The tears won't be wasted on you
The tears won't be wasted on you.

Verse One
Looking back on the days of my youth,
Reckless and young, and life was fool proof,
I sit there and smile as I look at the past,
Then my heart starts to melt because I want it to last,
The parties all night and staying in bed all day,
Oh how I wish those times never ran away.

Chorus
Those were the days,
Those were the times I loved,
Photographs and distant laughs,
Innocent fools and breaking rules,
These were the years that time forgot,
Yeah those were the days.

Verse Two
Nostalgia is catching like a fire,
But now this feeling is about to expire,
But photos they hold all the stories we told,
The truth, the dares, how we broke the mould,
Clothes stained with dirt and our minds weren’t so clean,
I crave for the years of how it should still be.

Chorus
Those were the days,
Those were the times I loved,
Photographs and distant laughs,
Innocent fools and breaking rules,
These were the years that time forgot,
Yeah those were the days.

Bridge
I’m still a child at heart,
I want this life to slow down,
Rewind the clock and restart,
Instead of this chaos that I live in now.

Chorus x 2**
Those were the days,
Those were the times I loved,
Photographs and distant laughs,
Innocent fools and breaking rules,
These were the years that time forgot,
Yeah those were the days.

I have to run faster now,
I have to leave this town,
Change my name,
Change my face,
**** my identity and leave no trace,
The monster you made is creeping in the dark,
Yearning for the taste of a beating heart,
The bitter scent of soiled blood,
Alcohol and cigarettes,
Another fish caught in the net.

This kid is far from a ***** hot mess,
When he's unable to hide the stress,
To hold down tears that smell like Jack,
Barely able to keep himself back,
From the edge of his so called sanity,
Fractured by the pressure of male vanity.

This MANnequin is just a boy,
18 years and feels destroyed,
Metal pecs and washboard abs,
A dream of his while he covers the 'flab',
Betrayed by friends who style their hair
While he keeps on running so they don't stare
At the failure of physical attraction,
Repulsed by the existence of his own reflection,
Another flaw on a social scale,
**A grizzly end to this unwanted tale.

She finds consolation
In the shell of her being,
At the bottom of an ocean
Where neither man
Nor the tide that follows him
Can carry her away.

Her heart belongs in a shell,
Wrapped in layers upon layers
of nacre
Where she can abstain
From pain,
From torment
And from his touch.

The heat,
The way it ripples from the steel handlebars
And burns my hands,
The way the clunking of the chain feels
As each pedal propels me forward
Beneath the sun.
The sky is blue,
The air is crisp and leaves pinpricks
On my skin,
Soothed by the tenderness
Of sun rays that fall like curtains
Upon the concrete.

It smells of rubber,
A lingering scent of nostalgia
That fills my lungs like tar
And fills my heart with youthful
Thoughts.
As the wrinkles emerge,
And the delicate cracks begin to show,
I realize that my bike
Is the last memento that
Resonates through my aging ways.

Let's take a final spin down the boulevard,
Before the sun goes down
And my bones ache once more.