When I think of pain, my mind wonders to you,
Because for you, pain is not something shiny brand new,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of strength, my mind wonders to you,
In your resolve to scrape pain away like old mildew,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of happiness, my mind wonders to you,
In your sunflower smile and floral rose gold tinted view
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of hope, my mind wonders to you,
Your flora brought sunlight when I thought it taboo,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of Holy God, my mind wonders to you,
Because you gave me the bridge to see Yahweh in me too,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of love, my mind always wonders to you,
In the way you have your heart is so open and see-through,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of caring hands, my mind wonders to you,
Because I see the way you love in radiant red with no ocean blue,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of resolve, my mind wonders to you,
How you connect the dots and attach people like glue,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of faith, my mind wonders to you,
I nearly lost mine but you held onto me with your glue,
My mind always wonders to you

When I think of you, my most beloved friend,
I bless God in your name, our journey is not the end,
Because my mind always wonders to you.

Looking out my window I saw a fright!
The coldest and most blackest night,
Not a soul alive and I could not hide,
For the wind it screamed full of spite,
Against my window with vicious might!

I prayed for solace and for good day-light,
Yet my prayers were in vain of such a sight,
Petrified, I watched as the tempest grew,
The Thunder laughed at my dearest plight,
For it crashed to ground and lit it alight!

Never had a storm caused such a blight,
Had I angered the Gods? Is this their smite?
For no storm of man could shatter the trees,
O what a tale my death shall write,
The storm rages with rampant delight!

What horror is this? O it cannot be!
Do my eyes deceive me, or is this what I see?
A man soaked to the bone in this cyclone!?
Desperately clinging to but a broken tree,
In the foulest of nights, I run to his plea!

I ran into the vicious gale suddenly,
To walk the line between bravery and foolery!
Whilst the downpour drowned the very ground,
I felt like a sailor who was lost at sea,
My only guide this man’s despairing plea!

He screamed and bellowed as if a banshee!
O what more horrors had this night for me?
His body was broken, his back cut open,
God what such a wound, perhaps a tree?
I could not tell for it was too dark to see!

I reached to lift his head, for he might be dead!
Stunned to find his skin burning hot instead,
He whispered to me in the howling night,
I could not hear, what must he have said?
I cared not for the storm filled me with dread!

He turned his beautiful face to me,
Never will I forget what I did see!
For it filled me with sorrow,
To see such beauty in melancholy,
Black tears ran from his eyes freely!

My heart cracked at his obvious pain,
He stood up, the lightning striking again!
He lifted a hand and the storm subsided,
Whispering to me in a voice of disdain,
“I am no mortal; do you know my name?”

I rejoiced as my dark night turned light!
For an Angel had come in my darkest plight!
I praised The Lord and fell to my knees
Bowing my head in respectful benight,
“What is the name of the Angel who saved me tonight!?”


“I am not what you claim
And I have many a name
Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies,
Morningstar, Moloch and Beelzebub
Mortals I do despise.”

My eyes widened in stricken fear,
As he smiled at me with cheer,
I tried to turn, I tried to run,
My attempts met with a sneer,
I was trapped like a hunted deer!

Drenched to the bone I could see my home
Is this my punishment, my sins to atone?
I wondered how such beauty sat on
The darkest of Thrones,
I watched as he snapped two Angelic wings,
The crack sounding right from the bone

Blood as black as oil seeped into the ground,
Where it festered and boiled, I stood still spellbound
The tar sizzled my skin and bone, I prayed for God
“Pray all you want but this is unhallowed ground,
Your prayers fall silent they make not a sound!”

I began sinking into the black boiling pit,
My skin blistering and becoming alight,
He hovered above me, looking with spite,
And I felt his true hate and menacing might,
I sank deeper and deeper, I realized with fright,
I was falling into the Eternal Night.

You killed Romance:
In the night shrouded in blue,
See Romance thought you cherished him,
So he looked after you,
Fantasized and idealized images of you-
Herbal baths, pink perfumed steam,
Caring hands that you loved too,
Gentle kisses down your neck,
Sweet like dripping whip cream,
Nose to nose, breath to breath, cheek to cheek
Romance's lucid teenage dream,
Eyes saying more than we could ever speak,
In car windows filled with steam,
But they were only cheap thrills,
Destined to wilt, destined to fall apart
left Romance so weak
To him it was you and I- but to you?
There was no team.

Yet you still threw love at him in synthetic roses
Told him you loved him,
Told him you missed him,
That you wanted to see him,
Be with him,
Care for him,
But did you?
Romance offered you a world to view
In pastel colours of orange and blue,
Hints of violet and a love ever so true,
Wanted to cherish your smile,
But you Made him feel like a criminal on trial,
While he kissed the glint in your eye,
You lied-made him believe you'd try,
So he listened to the sound of your laughter,
And you'd cancel, tell him you'd have to see him later,
Romance craved to speak to your soul, but you never exposed it- afraid to lose control.

Romance left you ironically you never missed him,
Because you never cared enough to understand him,
Or knew him in your apartment with the city lights over the balcony,
Romance could never have touched you, only dreamed of you,
Because you sought out Lust,
And he gave you flesh,
With little faith and a lot less trust,
Not someone to love and caress,
Only someone for your body to ******,
Romance wanted the passion of your heart,
the wonders of your mind,
That night you killed Romance he cried one last tear
Hoped you'd leave lust behind and find someone at night you can rely on-
Hold dear
He couldn't hate you because he knew not how to
Only love you
Drive the knife deeper
Your unwanted pig to slaughter
Chop him up
Throw away the parts you didn't like
Wrap him in cling film
Sell him to the highest bidder
And he still loved you
Hoping you'll find happiness too.

You can change your life, if you want to;
Gather all those broken pieces,
Pick yourself up, no need to feel blue,

Glue them together, make something new,
Rise like a phoenix, shed like a snake,
You can change your life, if you want to,

Turn over a new leaf, buy a horseshoe,
Smile at the rain and reconcile your pain,
Pick yourself up, no need to feel blue,

Go learn a language or get a new hairdo,
Learn how to sew or start Kung Fu!
You can change your life, if you want to,

You deserve a second chance, we all do,
From mistakes we learn and grow,
Pick yourself up, no need to feel blue,

Take a new class, ride in a canoe,
Go wherever life takes, trust me,
You can change your life, if you want to,
Pick yourself up, no need to feel blue!

We tried to grow red roses;

But they were rotten from root, out of place,

In a colorful meadow we once called our own,

When you left me, running away without a trace,


We tried to grow red roses;

Maybe they would have bloomed, had you stayed,

But I doubt it, your thumb is as green as your heart,

Instead you left me to rejuvenate your rot and decay,


We tried to grow red roses;

But the seeds hadn't a chance, you knew from the start,

Emotionally unavailable gardeners reap what they sew,

I found many fields, where you also crossed your heart,


We tried to grow red roses;

Talking other gardener's into broken and cracked promises,

Already planning on your next field to seed rot through,

Heinz-sight exposed your compromises to excuses,


We tried to grow red roses;

But they are nothing but ash and grey dust in the wind,

See my garden now comes with fences and lie detectors,

To detect liars like you, throwing them in my compost bin,


I will regrow those red roses;

So they bloom brilliantly, they will shake in effervescence,

With both of my gentle hands, without your green heart,

So they know a love that is constant and not just convenient,


I will regrow those red roses;

So that I can learn to love my garden again, in all its glory,

Not one just filled with roses but bluebells, daffodils, violets,

And when you come back, Gaze upon me with green envy.

Grow what you need in the cracks of my spine,
Care for and nurture your trust in my soul,
Take all you need, I'll give you all that's mine,

You will smile at the colours you'll see in time,
They'll run into my blood and dance on my eyes,
Grow what you need in the cracks of my spine,

Deconstruct me, tear me to pieces- I'm fine,
Take what you want and I'll still provide,
Take all you need, I'll give you all that's mine,

Drink me deep into you like fine red wine,
Let my trust of you age- mature into love,
Grow what you need in the cracks of my spine

Drain all you need and leave my eyes no shine,
Wash away my colours- give to someone new,
Take what you need, I'll give you all that's mine,

I grew you trust laced with love- was that a crime?
Your face becomes that of someone I don't know,
Grow what you need in the cracks of my spine,
Take all you need, I'll give you all that's mine.

I grew pears from my home,

Inside a ***, inside of my heart,

A Baby seedling;

adolescent stems,

To mature green jaded Jems,

Green and vibrant, plump-juicy

Lavishing my heart with beauty


So I gave them out, to you and to him,

My beige tote-bag filled to the rafter,

Thinking one or two is what you'd be after,

Shocked to find such a ravenous hunger,

I had no pears to no longer offer.


I tried to grow more, but come winter,

My pear tree withered and shivered,

I came to you with no pears, you were bitter,

So I grew opal plumbs in that same winter,

Thinking I'd be sure be onto a winner.


But you said you hated plump plumbs,

And that it's pears you're really after,

"If only pears could grow in winter,"

I would wonder,

"Then we could have our happily ever after "


So I waited till the dewy mossy spring,

To my pear tree did I most softly sing,

About a day, where I spent its jade gems,

Plucked right from their own stems

To someone who would appreciate them.

All the tears I've cried,
Swam from thine eyes,
Testaments to the times,
Each drop an example,
Of all the hurt and lies,
Yet they flow no more,
Leaving fluid scarring,
Broken meadeners,
Across run down cheeks,
Each line, a visceral cut
Deep into my core,
Reminding me clearly,
The weak don't inherent,
The Earth.

Who I am, is not what I want to be,
Who I am, is someone that I can't see,

Who I am, is not who I want to be,
I am caged in self-doubt and spite,
Who I am, is someone I can't see,

Rooted in bad-habits, a rotten tree,
The fruit of my efforts poisonous,
Who I am, is not who I want to be.

Rockbottom, I've gone far below sea,
Drowning in regret, thoughts I circumvent,
Who I am, is someone I can't see,

When will I feel something? I plea,
Tired of feeling tired when I'm tired,
Who I am, is not who I want to be,

Me and self-love can't seem to agree,
And it isn't self-hate, just negligence,
Who I am, is someone I can't see,

This year has been tough on me,
Broke down my armour and stability
I've survived somehow miraculously
Broken and hurt, faced my problems,
Even if I did it a little haphazardly,
But I will change, I will change cause:

Who I am, is not who I want to be,
Who I am, is someone I can't see.

I'll drink this wine
Like it's medicine
For a sick mind

And I'll do my time
Each year a scar
Remembering

You were mine

I am shattered shards,
Grains of sand and stone,
Of thin ice and poker cards,
Yet they slip from my hands,
A hound that's lost his bone,
An arena vacant of any fans,
A sinner reluctant to atone,
Forever lost in distant lands,
Trying to find my own home,
But I am stretched too thin,
Playing a game I won't win.

It started off as innocent flirting,
You were just so **** charming,
So charming it flat-lined my heart,
Need CPR to jump-start and restart,
You spoke in warm milk and honey,
I ate it all up with my silver spoon,
Until the bowl was all but empty,
And they way you looked at me,
As if you'd won the ****** lottery,
The apple of your eye, your only prize
I knew then, there'd be no other guys
I knew I loved you unconditionally,
My whole bleeding heart in its entirety.

We danced and smoked cheap cigarettes.,
In the dark of night between shadows,
Two dancing but fading silhouettes.

I think about you all the time;

Each thought as if a finger cut,

From knife as sharp as time,

One that was dipped in lime.