welcome to a house of terror, 
we are a family of smiling wall starers, 
this is a happy life you know, 
and this happend just a couple of years ago, 

I used to wake up and get dressed, 
hide from all of the rest,
as I speed away to school, 
I only felt like the world was cruel, 

when I finally go there, 
I used to hide next to the toilet-chair, 
because I needed some seconds to beath, 
before I went out and joined the heat. 
pushed, teased, beaten, kicked, defeat, 
I stood my grounds my my heart fell down. 

I went home thinking my day would come around, 
but it never did, I was always hellbound, 
nasty words and beatings was my usual greetings, 
until I took that gun and POPPED, 
no, but I wish I wouldnt have stopped, 

because now I still live in fear,
and I always wounder if the end is near.

we live in a world where money means more than your life,
you have to work hard to support your kids and your wife,
nobody cares that while your child was in labor,
your wife died and your kid came out as her equal,

we live in a word where grades mean more than your life,
you need to get straight A´s in a system where they won´t help you advance,
you suffer from depression, ADHD and some more,
you are not a brat or just bored,
but they don´t care that last night you slit your own wrists with a blade,
come back to school today - you need to improve this grade.

we live in a world where looks mean more than your life,
you have to be attractive to get anything in life,
they don´t care if you are anorexic, bulimic or if you have social anxiety,
all they care about is that your scars can only be portrayed in your personal diary,

we live in a world where were locked in a cage and told what to do,
they tell us who we are, how to act, and what to do,
they do not care about our personal struggles,
they could care less if you were on the very brink of committing suicide,
as long as you don´t disturb their plan its fine,
you will be forgotten, if they struggle with it you will be called selfish, for hitting rock bottom - with your face first.
because they don´t get, they can´t imagine that your struggles was way worse than theirs, a lack of compassion splits us from the rest,
don´t expect no help when you scream in distress.

When everyone's asleep
I admit my defeat

When everyone celebrates 
My depression elevates 

Because while everyone is dreaming on
I stand frozen and watch my dreams burn on

And while everybody gather with family and friends
I stand lonesome and watch my world burn again

I see the house, Im here to stay .
Nobody to hold my hand, nobody to protect me if they try to-
take me over.
Im so scared Im shaking.
I open the door and I pass into the hall.
Where my mother comes up.
She makes me feel so small.
She is screaming, raging mad.
And dad is drunk, he ain´t doing nothing about that.
She raises her hand about to hit me,
then she disappears.
Throughout this experience I've been shaking violently,
I stopped breathing or breathing extremely hollowly,
could feel a sense of cold washing through my body,
and all I want to do is fall down sobbing.
Im not yet ready to pass through,
I need help, because of you.

after 14 years of bullying and abuse,
mentally ill she seeks a thrill,
she seeks validation from anyone in this wide nation,
she just wanted some good attention,
to relief some of that tension,
she just wanted a friend,
but her autism made it hard to comprehend.

It started out so innocent,
she could not see his intent,
he moved in slow and calm,
he had her in the palm of his hand,

they finally met and behind all of the distress
she felt like he ment well
then it all turned around and became hell

he wasn´t  who he said he was,
and the girl ran out of all her luck,
forcing her into submission,
he could do whatever he wanted,
bewitching - her with charm and kind words,
that innocent girl turned against the world,

the depression got worse,
and in the end she just wanted to purge,
she wanted it gone,
her family, her school the world,
she was alone,
nobody to her support,

and as the days grew old,
she made another attempt on her life,
she succeeded,

that´s how I wish It would have ended sometimes
but I kept going,
I held my head high,
I am not that innocent anymore,
and my soul is forever sore,

I´m still fighting my demons every day,
and I will for the rest of my life,
until I finally hit the hay.

Sit, stand, walk, talk, write, read.
They think that they are teaching you everything you need,
and if you don't go to class you're failed you deadbeat
Admit defeat
Adjust to the heat
Mat test on Monday, science, history and English test on Tuesday and don't forget to read that book until tomorrow.
My blood build and I want them to feel how sorry -
I am for them that they do not understand
We are individuals from different named lands throughout the city
We have the rich the poor the A-kids and the sissies.
The jocks who mocks the nerds and where am I?
I stand between everyone and all I'm in my own line.
We need the schools to adjust to every individual to give them the same change of success.
Give the dyslexic a shot
Help the Adhd kid to relief her stress
So she doesn't make a mess of everything she is trying to achieve.
And you might realize that many of these individuals are so much smarter than you think
When you help them to float instead of helping them to sink.

My life would be so much better, if you just dropped dead,
because staring into your eyes makes me see red,
for all that you have done,
and all the hurt that you have caused,
you would think the beating would be the worst,
but its always the words that hit the hardest,
and its not like I had a helping father,

living in a middle class house,
driving in a middle class car,
my mother sat the bar,
and she raised it up too far,

so everything was to look perfect,
I was supposed to smile,
I was supposed to make it worth it,
I was supposed to be perfect,

so what happens next,
Its not like I passed all her test,
I passed none,
i was to much and she was too strong,

I still feel her beatings on my face,
but that´s not what ended me up in this place,
because her words hit the hardest,
she said she regretted the adoption,
and with every second the words always hit harder,

because I tried my very best to be perfect,
but with insomnia, ADHD, Asperger and more,
it was like glass shattered beneath my feet with each step,
and all I ever wanted was to be like the rest.

I did it good, I did it all,
I tried my best and I threw that ball,
I went to school, I did my job,
I worked my *** of even tho math was a flop,

I brush my teeth and I go to sleep,
but suddenly I´m wide awake,
nothing works not even counting sheep,
and I´m yet again loosing faith,

I can lay in bed for hours,
I realize that I have no real power,
so I shove a pill down my throat,
I´m ready for sleep I´m stoked

but all it does is make me dizzy,
and I´m getting cranky and pissy,
it has been like this a few days in a row,
and I want to get out of this deep dark hole,

suddenly I cant bring myself to school,
doing anything is a mess,
my bodys getting weaker,
and I´m collapsing underneath the stress,

I´m trying pill after pill but nothings working,
some makes me drunk,
others just makes me thirsty,

after hours of hours,
days and hot showers,
my memory is fading,
the room is once again shading,

I´m putting my my head on the bed,
lights go out,
and I´m finally at rest.

Pain shoots through my spine,
blood flow is restricted,
to the pain meds I´m starting to get addicted,

I can hear the bones in my knee krack,
and I could feel the tendon snap,

I spent my life training, riding, playing, swimming,
now everything is compromised,
this ontop of all is hell summarized,

but Im plowing through,
screaming in pain,
but nothing can stop me now,
my head is too deep into the game.

I take a step, my heart´s a wreak,
I take another, my heart´s on fire,
I try to sneak past, but your anger is on a wreaking path,
one wrong step, one wrong move,
the flame is off, setting off you,
everything turns black, and it all is in slowmotion,
you throw your things, you are stuck in one emotion,
I try to survive and I try my best to make my inner demons go to rest,
so that i can be strong enough to put out the flame,
without getting burnt and feel all that pain,
but that is usually how it ends,
you strike it twice and you strike it again,
not because your mad but because you want to cause you pain,
and I love you so I rush there to save you,
I feel like I´m loosing you again,
but just as I try and stop you you power your defense,
now I´m not scared for you I am scared for me,
because I know you can control it,
because you are not thinking of me,
not in this second at least, and then you push too hard,
you´ve got me on my knees, you run out,
and everything is messy,
but at the end of the day you always come back you gather your senses and push away your pride,
to tell me you´re sorry and that its going to be fine,
but I have always wounder´ed were to draw the line.

just breath, in and out
surround yourself with peace all around,
but when time stops and the instincts kick in,
that is when the horror story begins,
first I get cold and I feel so old,
then I get numb and feel like i´m suddenly dumb,
my mind turns to a cloud and all the sounds are so loud,
I start to shake violently like an earthquake,
remember to breath everyone always tells me,
but its hard when you loose all control,
and people telling you what to to gets so old,
panic setting in and there is really no words to describe the
stress i´m in.
either I ill finally calm down or I will collapse lifeless to the ground,
and what was the cause of all this horror?
I don´t know but I will wake up and go on like there is no tomorrow.