A love letter written for you by my hands filled with band-aids and dried blood from all the paper cuts

An emotionally orphan.

Thrown away like garbage.

Like our blood ties are cut off.

By the scissors of regret.

I heard death calling for me as I layed there in the hospital bed.

His voice came closer, and I could feel his cold breath on my face.

He tried to convince me to give in to him.

I wanted to go, that was my goal.

But something inside me told me it's not my time yet.

I fought back and somehow I'm still alive.

Watching people go on with their lives,
not knowing that today I planned to be dead.

Beer cans all over the place.

Sad songs in the background, to provoke me.

To help me feel.

Please help me feel..

Picking my words carefully on the field of eggshells.

Knowing that if I told you the truth you'd leave.

Like so many times before..

My struggles are seperating us.

Leaving me walking on the ground cracking with every step.

A faked laugh is worth your smile.

A proud hug that I cannot live up to.

With a heavy heart I know I've failed you..

I am afraid.

My inner demons are taking control like never before.

I feel how the darkness makes me rot from inside.

The stench from my walking corpse.

I am so afraid.

I feel how they're winning the last battle.

The person I was is dying, beyond saving.

There's no turning back, I'm a living dead.

Silently waiting.

For my overdose of meds to kick in.

I'm starting to relax.

Waiting for what's to come.

Hoping that it'll be over this time.

Maybe I'll finally find my freedom, my peace, in death.

This time I hope I won't wake up.

I've been a prisoner of my thoughts for too long.

The life of suffering won.

So maybe my wish comes true this time.

That it'll be over.

That I'll find peace in nothing but the fire afterwards.