Sweet little lily,
She asked me for my name.
Then once she kissed me,
I had never felt the same.

All these kisses are now poison,
Burning scars onto my cheek.
When my lily she did leave me,
I drowned down by Silas creek.

Reflectors stab my retinas
Reflecting the inside.
Thoughts crawl out of me
Ghouls of telepathy
Constantly scratching and screaming,
"Let me be free
I wish to see."

Choke them with pills and herb,
"Stay down you awful beasts"
I used to think,
Now I just feel.
Today they will see the side of me,
The side of me I want to be.
Freely and complete, truly.
Indescribably.
I will subscribe to thee,
Til' the beast can see,
This beast will be free,
"Finally"

I can't find the words to explain
The gratitude for every single thing,
That stomach sinking feeling when
I saw your face the last time
And I knew it was the last time
Fly you butterfly
You're no longer hurting
Spread those wings
Arthritis can't grip you now
We'll miss you
But we'll see you in the seasons
In the breeze
That moves the trees
In the night sky
One more star added
In our minds
A constant stream of smile
Will fill our souls
Fly you butterfly

Everyone's individual epiphanies are
Uninteresting
But when I have an epiphany
It's unique and everyone must listen
Rinse and repeat

We live in boxes
Drive in boxes
To work in boxes

We live separate from nature
Drive around nature
And work unnaturally

This is not living
THIS IS DYING
WHY CAN'T WE SEE
WE ARE NOT SEPARATE FROM NATURE
WE ARE NATURE
WE WERE NOT ONCE NATURE
WE DIVERGED FROM NATURE
IT WANTS US BACK
AND SO DO YOU
STOP FOOLING YOURSELF

Your box is not you
Nature is you
Act like it

Signs go north but you point south
So I follow you
South
All the way past your brain
And beyond your heart
I arrive at your soul
You disappear
I'm now lost and scared
It's empty here

Rain falls on this desert land
With it falls hope
But unfortunately for the rain
It's still falling on desert land

Your individual lives
Are ultimately only
Interesting to you
So shut up about them

Flowers fornicate as you and I do

They're just much prettier

Considerably less dangerous too

Once you find yourself

An outsider in your own body

Life feels much more meaningless

But listening is much easier

Because why would you wish

This hellish existence on someone else

None of you understand
My shifting perception
Words I can't mention
Thoughts I can't conjure
Books I can't write
Feelings I can't picture
All changing every day
It's driving me insane

Sorrow grips at my mind,
Yells at me
Kills me slowly
Until all hope is gone
So why do I keep going
How do I keep going
When all hope is gone
Am I even me anymore?

I want to cry so bad
But the tears just well
Why must I be so sad
And why can't you tell

Buzz buzz buzz
Busy bee brain
Buzzing blindingly because
Busy bee brain be insane

Window I stare from everyday
When will you show me a thing
I constantly crave
Show me a life worth living

Curtains in my attic
Growing stale from lack of wind
Falling daintily across the floor
Shall they never move again?

But now I'm growing sick
Of the outside looking in. These
Curtains in my attic
May finally sway again.

Like jiu jitsu my mind is in a tussle
Back and forth
Throw to grab
Submission to tap
Tap tap
My mind is lost
My heart is victorious

Oh feeling in my chest
The irregular drumming
Like a deaf child flailing
Aimlessly
Crying
Why can't I hear?
Why am I cursed?
To never hear the sounds
That separate us from animals
To never feel those goosebumps
When that rhythm is just right
And everything feels like it
Is falling into place

Oh feeling in my chest
I grow tired of your discord
When I close my eyes
Please never beat again

Huge round drums beat within my ears
Flood my brain with debate of self hate
I sing my favorite song
They hate my favorite song
Screaming to shut down my mind,
Tempt me to hate my own voice.
It feels like I'm watching my life from-
The outside, and it's a horror show.
I just wish I was young again

Find out what made you blossom
The first time
So you can bloom not one time
But forever more

If your passion constantly shifts
It doesn't mean it isn't just as beautiful
For in the bouquet of your mind
Why would you ever only want
One flower?

Without my rose
I'm just dirt
Just dirt
Holding a stem
That used to have potential
Now instead it holds something tragic
A dark, deep, depressing thing
Something I regret dearly
It's hope

As quick as I fall in this pit
Just as quick do I climb back out

Now I must ask myself
Which of these actions is of love

I felt love for the first time today
It was written in your iris
It was spoken in your stare
My tongue skips a beat
My heart dances in your mouth
Please kiss my soul
Don't abandon my lips

Vaporwaves course through sunset droplets
On the summer sidewalk
One deep breath for me
Two if I count yours
One heartbeat flutters
Two hearts rest on another
I could stand here forever
But forever isn't long enough

Please come home, oh tired soldier,
Rest your bones a little while.
You've been gone for far too long,
Much has changed within the years.
Your home burnt down,
We built a garden,
Your kids play there
They don't know, oh tired soldier
They were born while you were gone

Wish I could write a poem about some incredible overcoming
A feat among feats
I'm different than the societal norm
But I guess I'm just not
Different enough

The bucket fills with soft emotion
It starts with small amounts
The faucet does keep flowing
Til is spills onto the mouth
"I like you"

My neighbor started beating his drums again
For the first time in what seems like years.
Could it be he found them in his closet,
Or did he find something else instead?

My neighbor started beating his drums again
With such fiery emotion and perfect rhythm.
Like the sound of 1000 hearts beating
Or the resurrection of one that's long since died.

My neighbor started beating his drums again
I'm now starting to worry for him
I hope that all his beating and banging
Will not cease and last for many a day.

I'm not deserving of anything that I have besides misery.

What's confidence?

Nothing that I've been taught or raised.

Certainly she can come back,
Well I shouldn't say "back."
She's here, but she's away
The train is out but how far?
How far does this train need to go
Before it reaches this station
We desperately wait for her return
Though we see her now,
We wish to see her once more

Living the life I'm not
Watching the world unfold
A passenger on the journey
To a magical land I call--
Nowhere

Since the day I left
I've never fully returned
Only pieces of who I thought I was
Slowly drifting away from
Who I really am.

When will I find where my ghost is heading?
Days?
Years?
Eons?
Or am I already here, maybe the
Journey ended when I found
I'm not who I really am.

Radiant innocent
Flower blooming slowly
Is she a rose, delicate petals
Or a ****, strong but loathsome
Each passing Spring she grows higher
Bringing with her all the damage
Damage and cold frost of-
Silent Winter nights
Will she grow stronger
Or wilt and wither
Becoming food for the
Soil

Two worlds exist within another
A mind within a body
A body within the world
Both peering out in awe at what
It thinks is reality, at what
It feels is reality

Which world do you live in most often

Here I am,
Seat to rear.
My break time is over
Yet I still sit here.
Time is speeding up;
I don't want to start again.
Dear God save me, for
Work is an unnatural sin.

Your betrayal is a knife
Laced with scorn
Anger
And idiocy.
Turn your scaly back
On the Sun
And the Sun will burn you,
I wish at least.
I hope for the burn to lasts ages,
So you feel the dull,
Aching,
Wretched pain of your forked tongue
Spitting venom in my face
And on my back.

Embers burn bright for the moment
Don't forget to add another log
And stoke the flame
Or the bright yellow embers will burn out

The day after She left me I broke
I decided it was time for a change
A change,
Something new to wake up to,
A new start as hopeful as it sounds.
They all say now is the best time to
Become a new me.

So I stole my neighbors tractor tire
**** it sure is heavy
Heavy, like the morning light on my
Eyes when I finally quit my job--
But I digress
I take the dilapidated tire to the edge
Of my suburban lot
(I hate this lot
Why she chose this lot I'll never know
Stupid ***** can take it all)--
I crawl into the tire
And with a single push

I'm off!

Ambition fills my empty shell
This loathsome corpse
Rolling endlessly away from his
Past
Past the neighbours
Past the dog that **** in my yard
If you could call it a yard
A yard is where kids play
And men pridefully mow
And women tan brown and laze
Like my neighbors wife half-past noon
While he works and lays his assistant
I stare promiscuous beams at her
Hoping she'll see me and know I too
Long for a real love

Maybe I could talk to her
Have an affair
Move away to a lovely town
With a yard
Along with little children who
Call me daddy and make mudpies
In our driveway

Maybe one day
But on this day
I roll
And roll
Roll
Into a new me
A real
Me
Into a new love
Onto a field of opportunity

Maybe one day
But on this day
I roll
Into a new me
Onto the train tracks

My impulses guide me again and again
Light in clear path yet I stray toward sin
A hand grabs my shoulder to pull me back in
A familiar face, room, and warmth from within

Sweet fragrance of the void of which I cling
As I jump I start to hear the angels sing
Their singing growing to a shrieking sting
Oh god how I wish I still had my wings

Life doesn't fill me
With the same thrills
And wondrous charm
That it used to as a young lad

Through my experiences
I've been instead filled
With the horrors of humans
And their wonderless deeds
That scarred me as a young lad

Hunger pains remain
Years past your glowing skin
How it filled me up
Yet now I hear a dropping pin

Summers come and go
Winters always seem to stay
Where has my flower gone
I cannot last another day

I have lost my hunger pains
They left with winter passing
My flower has come again
Our love is ever lasting

Sour life balances
Sweetly with strife

Who would want to be
One travelling delicately
Ignoring all the possibility
That one day you will be
F
R
E
E

Repugnant relationships
Post all day and night
How much they love one another
Until they tire and fight

Then comes sweet bliss
No more diarrhea of the mouth
You really loved one another
Until things quickly traveled South

Flowers are the mind manifested
Sometimes your rain may fall
Much harder than normal
But you'll find eventually
That the sun will feel so much
Brighter than before