My mind is aloof.
Not a thought too kind,
Too ignorant for truth.
Though I cannot blame it,
Life is too cruel.
It is afraid
Of it's ailment,
It runs with no fuel.
But here she is,
My little sweet heart.
Pumping love to me,
From the very start.
Turning thoughts of pain
To ones now mild.
For my heart
Is a mother,

And my mind it's child.

My body is weak,
Engrossed in these sheets.
This land of comfort
Is all that I seek.
For one moment
Im asleep,
The next i'm awake.
My eyes they close,
I'm drifting away.
In slumber,
I ponder,
Wishing day for night.
For moving is sombre,

My mind sleeps tight.

Walk,
Talk,
Sleep,
Wake.
This is my cycle,
Day to day.
It drags,
It flows,
It gives me less hope.
No cycle with hills,
Just a constant low.
In skin,
In body,
In sin
And woes.

My calling is somewhere,
But where is it I go?

If I could have
Just one last dance.
To laugh in awe
Of your youthful prance.
Around we go
Like a merry-go-round,
Our joyous breaths
Blocking the sound.
And we live,
And give.
Every moment of us
We never hid.
For each other,
We built a home.

But alas,
We're older.

And now alone.

Is my purpose in life,
To only think?
To hear such thoughts
Grow and shrink.
To live
In feeling,
And breathe
In deep.
To walk on legs
That feel so weak.
Though I try
In mind,
To know just why.
To trudge these hills
And reach the skies.

And I know,
Inside,
I will finally find.
The meaning of all,

The meaning of life.

In my heart and soul,
I know she is there.
I feel her breath
In the Winter air.
Birds tweet outside
Near gardens we wet.
Watering flowers
With tears of upset.
'But don't fret',
You said,
Upon our bed.
'My time is short,
I must live instead'.
'Embrace this life,
It's not over yet'.
'For I rather live
Than die in regret'.

As do I,
My darling,
You have lived till your end.
As your words are something
I'll always commend.

You are harsh
To yourself.
Why would this be ?
Has life made you doubt
Of the worth that I see ?
We are driven
By others ,
And our brain the driver.
Speeding too fast
From someone no wiser.
Breaking the breaks
When our gas is low.
Others do see ,
Yet nobody shows.

Do you really wish
For them to proceed?
Wrecking your worth
Until you bleed.

But thoughts
Of our own,
Are no others to mould.
Your mind is free
As is your soul.

For the mind it cracks
Under false illusion.

As conclusions of false ,
Are the brains confusions.

I was once so little,
Though mature in the mind.
My heart now brittle
From moments unkind.
And with that
I fell cold,
No warmth for my soul.
My mind
Turned old,
Then my heart fell alone.
With no love,
Nor touch,

From parents of stone.

'Your body is a temple'
Or so it was.
My skin now soiled,

Just because.

A shot in the dark,
A moment of lust.
Leaving me soaked
To the bone,

Just because.

I was your greatest toy,
To pass and toss.
Tears still stream
From moments i've lost.
No reason to find,

But just because.

Clear the path
Of a mind so weak.
Home is near
Though I cannot see.
'Take me,please',
Pray God for ease.
Mouth shut
Outside,
As I try to speak.
Though only my thoughts
Can hear my pleas.
Now worn in exhaust,

From pain not seen.

From child to adult,
We learn to flee.
Away from home,
And to the sea.
From the wings of our guardians,
We fly among the rest.
To our own creation,
Away from our nest.
Flying is hard,
Terror pollutes the air.
Leaving me burdened,
Alone,

And ever so scared.

The mind
Is larger than
Anyone could see.
Panic and worry
Over things unseen.
Find comfort in worlds
Of make believe.
Yearning for safety
In the heart of green.
Urging to run,

Waiting to be free.

My mind is windy,
So cold in storm.
Thoughts so violent
They scrape and scorn.
Illness of those
Who freak and fret,
Led to temptation
Of permanent rest.
Locked in frustration
Of guilt and regret.

Succumb to hatred from birth to death.

We fall
Into design.
A pretend world
Created,
According to the eyes
Of ones with no sight.
We live,
And we die.
Some fight
And some hide.
Both strong in right,
Though equal in fear.
As living through others,

Makes life unclear.

Pretty,
You are.
A beauty of gold
That shines afar.

I know
I stalled these feelings
So large.
Sewing my heart
And hiding my scars.

But now
I know the truth as is.
I would give my soul
For a little kiss.

And now I pray,
To the lord above.
Give me your hand,

And let me love.

A note to nature ,
Blooming in scenes.
Comfort in quiet,
Enriched in peace.
Leaving me silent
And blind from greed.
Clueless to violence ,

Finally at ease.

No.
Not again.
My heartbeat stops
And comes to an end.
Lord.
It’s the end.
A flower once nourished
Now withered instead.
Nothing.
Blue feelings instead.
Imbalanced inside
As I hang by a thread.
Hm.
I’m hung by a thread.
Cut off from stitches
That helped me to mend.

As now I hang down,
In the blues of my head.

I am no good.
Not the look of light
And ‘beauty’ that I should.
You say this once ,
Now twice in fights.
Saying my body
Is all but nice.
Fine.
I am so good to despise.
Not the look of woman
That you need in sight.
But that’s alright,
Your mind has fled.
To dream of a woman
Of ‘beauty’ in bed.

Am I,
Not enough ?
The hurt is bitter,

Your words are tough.

Is she ,
Better than I?
Your little angel,

The apple to your eye.

But me?
I’m a mess.
A child of stress ,

You love me less.

And her ?
She’s your whole life.  
Living in your arms ,

Letting me die.

But alas ,
No need to shout.
Your actions speak louder,

Than words from your mouth.

You wear and compare,
The things I bear.
Sorries of none,
Pretending to care.
Scared to share
What you have of me.
Critical of others
That fail to see.
The parts of me
I tend to hide,
You make them scream
Until they die.
But i'm your truth,
And your my lie.
A friend of fake

Is no friend of mine.

My fault,
And only my own.
That's what you say
In your dim dark tone.
I pick up the phone,
Shaking with rage.
You have my senses
Locked in a cage.
But I stay,
And fray,
For you know best.
Studying my words,
Like an upcoming test.
Taking my heart
To put it in rest.
And that is something,
I deeply detest.
Yet I still
Stay,

For my mind has reset.

I would hold your dread,

Letting it rest
Onto my chest.
Visions of next,
Engulfed in fret.

You toss and turn,
Over these ghosts.
Unaware of me holding you close.

For I love you always,
And always the most.

Just one moment,
I plead for you.
To kiss me,
Hold me,
And care for me too?
Please tell me tales,
Of wonder and play.
Love me through words,
I need you to say.

'I love you, child',
'It'll be okay'.

But all is a dream,
You get quite annoyed.
For the child
Facing you,

Is the one you avoid.

These twisted tales,
Carved in my mind.
Turned bitter and blind
From frantic fright.
Numbed from nettles
That poke me at night.
Accept the strangles
That choke me so tight.
Feeling only the dark
And hiding from light.

These walls
Have spoken a thousand tales.
Yet still,
They pound,
Like thunder and hail.

Oh,
No.
I must dismiss,
And forget.
But my mind is low,
And my grave is set.
Eyes they water,
And hands they sweat.
Sounds of laughter
To thoughts of threat.
Please.
Leave me be to just reset.
Let the cycle be free,

And just let me rest.

I am cold ,
Like ice.
My soul sunk
Like the sun at night.
And though I tried
To leave you behind,
The thoughts of you
Did not subside.
They wandered
About,
Inside my mind,
Climbed great heights
Like clouds of sky.
But clouds,
They rain,
As did my eyes.
For now,
My heart,
Has left to die.

Look at us,
Buried in dust.
This little love
Has died with us.

We had our fun,
Oh yes we did.
But your heart is heavy,
Too broken to fix.

For mine is steady,
But my soul,
Amiss.
As I turn away
From your quiet kiss.

We sit in silence,
Near the door we wait.
For one to open,

And the other to stay.

I lost my mind ,
Or so it seems.
Doused in fear
Of uncertainty.
The mind is small
Yet we think so big.
And here I lay
In the grave I dig.
As one small nudge
And I’m ready to blow.
Losing myself ,

Now out of control.

'Come,
Take my hand'.
Said the boy
That I,
Created in my head.
To live a little lie,
And go here instead.
Escaping my pain,
Away from such dread.
When I open my eyes,
I see nothing but red.
But I cave inside,
And here,
I fled.

Again,
And again.
A mind empty ,
Now full of dread.
Thoughts of confusion,
Moments in illusion.
Following an order
From strange intrusions.
My mind is chaotic
With harsh infusions.

Feelings they urge me,
With wrong solutions.

'Hold it together';
Says the voice in my head.
But my brain is burning
And rotting in dread.

'Stay steady, and grounded';
They tell me once more.
But I'm frozen in worry
Of thoughts that scorn.

'Concentrate now';
They shout quite loud.
As I walk back and forth
Inside this house.

My lungs have no air,
Yet I'm breathing just fine.
'This won't last long';

And neither will I.

My love,
I wish you could visit.
Your smile,
Your laugh,
Is truly exquisite.
And I knew,
From the very start,
That you and I
Can never depart.

As not a million miles,
Can break us apart.

Dear lord,
Please help me know.
That these feelings I feel
Will come to go.
Guide me through paths
That frost in snow.
Cover me in sun
To dim the unknown.
And lord,
Please know,
Before I go,

I feel ill at mind,
But hope in my soul.

I have blossomed,
I have sewn.
From a girl of youth,
To a woman of grown.
My body
Is different.
To me it's unknown.
Though I feel
Such hatred,
For my newer mould.
But that is okay,
We all must grow.

And learn to love our beauty of old.

To hear your cries,
Broke me inside.
Wheezing for breath,
As I sit by your side.
My mind,
Hurt me,
But at least we tried.
So weary in fret,
Though we seemed just fine.
But I live in regret,
It should pass in time.
Though I'll never forget,

The you and I.

Hatred,
It runs through my veins.
Cascading through
My body of pain.
Attacking my system,
It alters my brain.
Leaving bitter notes
And thoughts that stain.
And I,
The victim,
Of my own demise.
Unable to love
My own little mind.

From little dollies,
To sitting in trollies.
Sitting beneath trees,
In the summer breeze.
Not a care I felt,
Nor a worry to feel.
Just me and my friends,
Imaginary or real.
The delight of innocence,
In the simpler days,

As I ponder back to the simpler ways.

My company ,
Is home.
Though others fill
My battery ,
True company,
Is alone.
Taking pleasure
In silence ,

Cosy in my dome.

My mind is dying,
And I with it too.
Thinking is tiring,
I'm empty of fuel.
From working in jobs,
To studies in school.
From speaking with others,
Then losing my cool.

My body is weary,
My brain on fire.
But alas,
I give in.

For I am just too tired.

Your company ,
Is wanted,
Yet mine is not.
My words mean nothing
As they tie in a knot.
I slow walk behind
As you hold their hands.
And I know,
That I am the one you can’t stand.
Yet you make yourself known,
Like the lead of a pack.
But your acting ,
So greatly ,
As I hang in the back.

Someone tell me,
How the mind can stall?
From thinking too much
To nothing at all.
As I sit,
Still,
Staring at the wall.
Emotions
They numb,
As my thoughts
Do brawl.
And now,
Worn out,

I am ready to fall.

Darling,
What has changed?
Your eyes once glistened,
Now lock in flames.
Your heart once mellow,
Now lives in pain.
Your mind once yellow,
Now blue and grey.

And your soul,
Is cold,
And has flown away.

My heart,
Does not beat with yours.
Our rhythms
Irregular,
And I don't know the cause.
Time has flown,
Yet we haven't grown.
We're open stitches
That can't be sewn.
And now,
We continue our paths alone.

Can I confess?
That it wasn't my dress,
That led you to see
Me in my vest.
Dress to impress,
I do indeed.
But not to be stripped
And dipped in your sheets.
So you see,
Your desires,
Are your OWN to keep.

And do NOT blame a woman
Who you made unclean.

From one night,
To daylight,
My mind in a haze.
My body in a daze,
My soul full of shame.
As not one moment,
Can I live in present.

For past,
Is where I stay.

Your words,
They sting.
They float like bees
In the middle of spring.
Around they go,
From head to toe.
Yet I try
To swat them away.
But they stay.

And leave a stain to this very day.

Sinking in silence,
My breath is shallow.
Mind is rapid
Yet still so hollow.
'Let it pass'
They say,
Thoughts will subside.
But mine continue
To haunt me inside.
My body is tired,
Brain on fire.
As pressures of life
Raise much higher.

I wrote a letter,
For you.
A darling for me,
Caught in the blue.
Unknown,
Silent,
A mystery to life.
Though I
Saw through,
And found your light.

I feel,
Tense.
Nothing is wrong,
But nothing makes sense.
Things are,
Intense.
Overwhelmed
By fear
Locked in my head.
Silly little scares,
Born and bred.
To fears of unknown,
I can't comprehend.

Dare I say,
Take me back to sweeter days.
No worries
To fight,
Nor sorrows
To woe.
Just waiting
For sun
And the fall of snow.
These little joys
Replenished my soul.
And now,
I yearn,
For thoughts of old.