It tends to hurt
On this end of the knife

The friends he has are wonderful and magestic to the fullest

He creates them

Coming to life in his own reality
He creates abstraction.

i look at you and i’m wondering if you feel angry or cheated
(i know i do) because you threw all of us away
for the new unknowns
but the unknown never came
and all you're left with is the same people
but not the same friends.

i wanna sit next to you
and watch that smile spread across your face
and i wanna kiss you, run my hand across your face
but...
i wanna hurt you.
feel the tears roll down my face.
i wanna scar you.
in your heart, without a trace.
i want your eyes to know the shadow in my heart, deep within your own.
i want your eyes to know all the blackness and the pain that you.put.here.
you put it here.
the lines you drew to cover up my smiles were all too dark.
and it seems they won’t erase
and i want you to know how
this beating red soul
turned to black marble, from one heartbreak.

the anger that consumes them causes their eyes to go white
blind
they lash out
at who?
they dont know.
you    me   everybody
themselves.
they cant hear anything but your words echoing thrpugh their heads
they yell so that you can hear them.
will you listen?
do they want you to listen?
somethimes all they want is to speak
to feel the power of their speech.

"the world is so wrong.
and you need to know why."

Sleeping in your jacket tonight

It's nice to think of myself going to sleep with your smell here beside me

It's nice to think of your arms wrapped around me, warming me up from the inside out

You won't ever be here with me, you won't ever lean over and whisper good morning to me, but you can always be here by giving me the strength I need to face tomorrow, and the strength to close my eyes

Thank you, for keeping me safe at night

Alone here without you!
No choice but to doubt you!
You never where here for me!
You blinded and swindled me!

Not sure how exactly I'm supposed to feel
Seven days of lovely views
Looking on the world anew
Colors bright
Loud and deep
But you're not here
You never will
I walk around with clouded eyes
Trying to hide my silent cries
I think of you
That's all I do

Your gone now
And
Im not sure
If im happy
Or just, incredibly sad beond words
Because you where so important
And then
You turned.
And i saw you
Not the you that i had fallen in love with
Not the you who was my best friend for five years
I saw the you
Who didnt care.
Ignorant
small minded
and selfish
You left.
Or was that me?

I am the one hit wonder
Who has a big splash and big attention
But all my efforts boil down to zero
As i try just as hard
And cry just as much
And sing just as loud
*blink me out of the background

The most topical color
The biggest sigh
The faintest regret
A lurch of sudden memories
Bringing emotion and no tears
It's tough to cry with you right here
All my biggest fears
Fulfilled in an hour
A week of paradise
Is hell without you
It's hard to say no
To the most topical shade of love
One night stands
No holding hands
Swings and dips
The sway of hips
Bursting bubbles and causing troubles
Matters of the heart
Have become an art.
The most topical shade of art.

I hate your hugs.
Because when im okay all day long.
Feeling so proud of myself.
Evading my own terrors.
You bring them back.
Why does nothing help anymore?
Why do I feel so sad?
Am I so unfixable?

Broken hearts
Mine, in particular, was made of glass.
Yes it had cracks and scratches
From break ups, and let downs. And small little frowns
Never had I felt real heart break.
A heart made of glass.
And you dropped it.
Threw it onto the ground really.
And started to grind it under your ***** shoes.
And I looked you in the eyes, and told you that it was okay, I looked at you and smiled as tears ran down my face.
Not seeming to be able to get out quite fast enough.
You wispered lies to me.
And I almost believed them.
But you don't just leave, someone you care about.
You don't just give up and smash every bit  of them into tiny little pieces.
That is not caring about someone.
that is not love.
Worse than I'd do to any enemy.
Any foe.
Any rival.
You've broken my heart.
And I cant quite find the courage
To bleed and break my fingers
Picking up the shards

I stare into your eyes
defiant
Who are you to question me?
I who stands curagous and brave.
Strong and willing.
Greatfull and compassionate.
I have won

Armies of jealousy and propaganda
Holding no power.
They tumble and scrape.
A fit for escape.

Eyes open for the first time
*They are alone

desisions desisions
Insisions insisions

I can't tell you about the pain in my chest because I don't understand it.
I can't tell you about my emotions because I know you can't stand it

The burn in my chest is always there.
Bit by bit I'm changing.
Am I melting?    (in your arms)
Or am I flaking and charring?
Either way I am no longer the same.  (Soul)
Am I hardened from you leaving me out in the cold?
Or am I soft from all the heat?
                       (Temper temper,love)
We both always knew that I was no match
However much it subsides it will always return
This thing we call friendship
Is the cause of our cracked skin
Our white knuckles

Our melted hearts are now turned to dust.
The fiery embers that set them aglow have faded.

Our words scatter with the wind.

be careful,love

Wouldn't want to choke..

The presence you hold in my heart will forever be sewn of silver and gold.
At the draw of s string
It all will unfold.
For you my dear.
All for you.

For you my dear
Open the screens and the gears.
All for you.
The pumps
The tanks
The engine
All thud in unison.
You perceive a beautiful melody.
I block out shreiks and creeks.

Circling the heart
Similar to a stray dog fight or a used car dealer.
Are you a man or a mouse?
From which did this come out?

So treat it like another plaything.
Similar a goldfish

Ivory scars line her chest
Sharp stings when touched
Sharp stings when untouched.

To think...your heart a goldfish?

He broke my heart, shattered to bits, and i thought it was the healing that was hurting.
But he hadn't broken my heart, he had given up on it and shoved it back into my chest as he bit my neck.
and began to tear it apart.
tortuously slow.
grinning as my smiles disappeared.
and my eyes darkened.
the shreds left are far and thin.
and i cannot talk it through.
and i cannot make-believe myself into a happier existence.

Hand in hand
We float across this icy land
Stiff and stumbling you take my hand
Through clouds we fly
But never land.

Nightclub atrocities to background melodies

With you beside me
The coldness Is subsiding.
Though here for another
We found each other
With a dashing smile and blue green eyes you steal my heart

No longer floating
But now, we glide
Through skies of blue and red
Through seas of deepest green
Just touching the water
We hold one another

*I believe my love has been found this afternoon.

Listening to her sob
Is like listening to a hammer
Pounding away at my heart
The peices settel in my stomach
As heavy as iron.

I cant imagine why
She would put her pain before mine
I would do anything to help her.
But i cant do what she wants.

The salt stains on her pillow
Her clothes
And her hands
Are all my fault.

I love all my faults.
people without are so bleak

Youve grown to just the way your supposed to be
If you look close enough
I'm sure you could finally see.
You are perfect.
At least to me.

don't give up hope my friend.
rules where made to bend

its okay to weep.

but if you promise me this I can sleep

do you promise to keep your head up?

to sing to the broom when you sweep?

to not be scared when your floorboards creak.

picture a mouse.
small and meek

life is no chore
let it bore no more

Do not let it scare you
Tease you
And wear you (down)

I will not let you attend your own funeral my friend

for this is not the end.

Through his own abstraction he creates the tunnels
They bear the harassment as well
For that is a thing that haunts.
His friends.
they tower over the noise
For all the lust in their eyes they must not lay a finger
For pain
Is no game
And he sees that to the truest extent.
Through broken bones he has suffered
And not a false word he has muttered
now tell me.
who has won?

Life's just a bottle of embarrassment with a lemon of succes.

Sadness fades like morning dew
Fading with Sunshine
So softly they flew.
Flew through heaven,
Flew through dust
Staining their color like rust.
Dark and grey
They turned to rain.
Only to settle deep in drains.
They sat and they thought.
And they moped quite a lot.
They missed their early few (years)
They where not morning dew.
Not fresh and new.
But tears
Stained by dust and rust.

Then sunshine came to meet them.
Through metal bars so cold.

Then they flew.
Flew through heaven,
Bold and new.
The wet on your tongue.
A breath through a lung.
A baby's first rain.
*They flew without pain.

The feel of you
silk between my fingers.
The things you say, do they burn true?
Your hand lingers
All the same now
Your taste on my lips
Mine, on your hips.

im crying!
now my mothers hands around me
shes talking staight to my heart
and shes always here
hold my hand
my head up high
she can look at all these broken shards and see a glass slipper
shea looking now
for my heart to open to her words
but theres only closed doors here
im sorry
all the pain
and the strain
and the hurt
and the blame
i had to lock it all away
before my mind began to fray
but she wipes it all away
along with my tears
boy,and i glad to have you here
With all these closed doors
Your the only one to check the locks
Well theyre all loose and free
Shes the only one to see
These broken parts of me

I lost my halo
The one that made my eyes sparkle
The one that spread on my smile with my morning toast

Now I dont eat
My eyes stay on the ground
And I can't breathe.
      is this a poem or a self diagnosis you idiot?
I dont care.
Feed me needles and nails.
Maybe then I will understand.
The pain she feels when she looks at me.
When she looks at me

*cant even bear to see me

He is my saving grace.
He is my grave.
Without him I cannot breath.
With him I will always have only him
All or nothing.

I hate myself.
But when im around him I can forget all this.
This really hurts.
*I dont want to drown but im already sinking

Words form rocks in my throat
And drop to my stomach.
Her sobs become mine.
The tears on her face
Become the tears on my pillow
Smothered in the unaccompanied darkness of night

Boys flock to her dark lashes and painted cheeks
They want a taste of her cherry red lips
To run their hands through her soft chocolate hair
They want access to the buttons on her clothing
Wrapping around her perfect curves no longer

She wants only the kindness that comes with lust.
Only the fake smiles following her jokes.
Kisses are nice.
Friends are better.

But the again.how would she know?
never had any of those.
always got a boyfriend.
Never had a real friend.

Telling people how she feels
Has never helped.
"look at all the people that surround you"
there are no eyes meeting hers.
they aim towards her hips and torso.
her lips.
these are my friends?

she wonders if anybody enjoys her company

myaddiction

I'm addicted to love.
And
I'm addicted to blond hair.
And
the color blue.
and
I'm addicted to the smell of smoke.
And
I'm addicted to the way I feel around you.
And
I'm addicted to green eyes.
And
Im addicted to sunshine.
And
warmth.
I'm addicted to sadness.
And
I'm addicted to hiding.

But most of all.

*I'm addicted to being alone.

Let me inspire you.
I want my voice to crash waves in your head.
I want my eyes to shine like the night sky.
I want them to remind you of all the things that could've been
and everything that is
I want you to notice the red in my hair
Secret glances.
I want you to see the warm smoke from my mouth on a cold day
The way I talk when I'm tired.
Let me inspire you.
Let my ideas spark voices and stories in your head
Let my quiet demeanor make you picture my thoughts
Let my smile plauge your mind.
Let my stories succumb to background music in your own.
Talk to me late at night
Pull quotes from our altercations.
Notice me.
Notice the bandages always wrapped around my fingers
Notice when I tug my ears.
Notice how I encourage my hair into my face.
Notice the way I walk
The way I stumble over my feet
The way I stumble over my words
The way I stumble over compliments
The way I stumble over you.
Will you pay attention where no one else has?
Don't make me a wallflower
I want to be the rose on your dinner table.
Your coffee in the morning.
Your warm blankets
I want to be cared about.
I want you to miss me.
I want to be noticed.

A fish in a river he is.
A bear in the wild they run.
Wouns he inflicts on himself
Drawing blood
The scent draws them
Their pupils dialate
see the dark demons residing in the enchanting mask of the iris.
Wild, with rabid laughter they tease.
Seeing how far they can push a life.
Embarrased and humiliated he goes home
Carving knives in hand.

It's bigger than the highest mountain

It's longer than any bridge could ever cross

And it's farther than any eye could see

It's the love between you an me!

The painted roses have wilted to shrubs.
Rain showers against glass windows and my drawings.
Water seeps into ink
moving down my desk like a grey shadow
They cast tears down my portraits and fog through my still-lives
my fascinated eyes sit and stare.
Ruined and no longer beautiful
They refect the change in my life
How quickly came the rain's results.
How quickly came life's consequences
My insides filled with my crimes and sins
I find this injustice the worst.

The same salt in our tears is searing our cuts.
But yours,I'd tend to first.
To try and show how much I care
I will try my best to bear
The consequences life has given me.
Remember,the salt in your wounds must be cleared before mine
I really dont mind.

What about all thoes times you ran your hand through my hair?
now I have to act like I don't care.
blunt and dark
a rock in my heart.

Through pity parties and costume parties
fond memories are all I hold

I can't fill my holes anymore.
Being empty is one thing.
Being completely riddled with holes and scars is quite another
Missing pieces
And I'm thinking that it's almost better
To lose everything
Or to never have
-Than to only miss one vital piece
And watch yourself struggle to go on
-surviving without it.

Looking into the ocean.
I've got too many tears of my own to hold yours.
A hand full of spray
And it falls away.
A token of our love.

A blue drop.
Shielded by the light of silver and gold.
A symbol of our love
Never to be old.

Every glistening piece
Perfect on its own.
Washed away and drowned
Every last breath
Wished away from you.

I hate the way I cause you pain.
Making teardrops fall like rain.

I hate the way you make me think.
clouding my mind like I'm half asleep.

I hate the way I feel so weak.
I always feel like such a freak

but though we both make clouds and sleet.
we must try to stand on our feet

hope

is what we have.
this bleary endeavor will not last forever.

in my mind my heart is weak.
On its own,my heart can't think.

im afraid that i've become sour.
im looking for the bad in people.
i am no longer looking for the best.
there is no more benifit of the doubt.
i dont believe you.
i dont trust you.
the is always a catch behind your kindness
there is always a sneer hidden in your smile.
perhaps it is a loss of trust
in myself
in you
in humanity
are we really so selfish?
or am i seeing through tainted glass?

I'm afraid of the pain you hold in your heart.

If it becomes mine..

Will it tear me apart?

Happy and smiling I fly through the sky.

Moaning and sick I ask the world why.

Such hipocracy i see in my own situation.
I have created my own putrid cycle

Feeling up your aspirations
Nibbling at your concentrations
Noticing that gleam you hold
Feeling cold
Our love is old
Striking eyes and soft goodbyes
Looking back at all the lies
Redened eyes and smallish sighs

I don't want to fight you anymore
Red cheeks and bitten lips
Couldn't help a softer kiss
Squinting through the daylight hours
Pouring over love turned **sour