“I feel like someone after a deluge being asked to describe the way it was before the flood while I’m still plucking seaweed out of my hair.” —

Norman Rush

We can't be together
But I love him

And the worst part is
He loves me too

I love you sea level
and I don't mean surface level
I mean I love you as deep as the ocean
but you only see what's on top
and you are blind to how I really feel
then again, if you felt what I feel, you would drown

If I knew that was our last moment, I would have told you how safe I feel around you, how I'm my best self when I'm with you

If I knew that was our last moment, I wouldn't have gotten mad at you for having to leave me early

If I knew that was our last moment, I would have cuddled you until I could feel your heartbeat against my chest

If I knew that was our last moment, I would have kissed you goodbye and a 101 more times after that

If I knew that was our last moment, I would have told you that I miss you every single second that I'm not with you

If I knew that was our last moment, I would have tried to convince you that I'm worth it

But I guess if didn't see my value in the moment you left me, you will never see my value
and I hate myself every time I think even for a second that I'm not worth it
That I don't deserve it all
Because I do
I deserve it all and more

I like you and I miss you so much
But sometimes, that's not enough
even if you feel the same way

I know what I demand and I'm sorry you couldn't be that

Regardless
I will always miss you
as you were my greatest admiration and my most distressful loss

When you are feeling sad and lonely, seeking security,
Lust comes by and gives you a little taste of beautiful gifts
and it says to you,
"Come to me and I will make you feel warm and secure. I will insert butterflies into your stomach. You will smile for no reason and be happy all the time. You won't be able to sleep all night, but when you finally fall asleep, you will fall asleep happy."
You are overjoyed at what lust has to offer, and jump up and down in excitement as a little child would on Christmas Eve.
Suddenly you feel a little tug at your waist from behind.. It's Reality
You turn around and you ask Reality
"May I please go with Lust?"
Reality says with a smile on its face,
"Go on, have fun. But please be careful. Just know that I will always be here waiting for you at the end."
You think to yourself, what does Reality even mean?
You don't need it anymore.. you have Lust now
You're way too excited to embark on this new journey with Lust so you forget all about what Reality had to say

For a while, being with Lust is great
It gave you all the things that it said it would
You finally feel like you're happy and nothing could change that
Right at that moment when you felt like you were secure
Suddenly, things turned evil
Lust is not what you thought it was.
Lust was just a big tactic to take you away from you
Lust was an offering, a sacrifice, to lose your state of mind and routine of everyday life

The inevitable happens and
Just like that,
Lust leaves you

You cry helplessly
You get on your knees and beg lust to stay
That you will do anything, give it anything at all
Just for Lust to stay

But when Lust came to you, it didn't tell you one very important thing
Lust is a *****
Lust was not built for relationships
Lust cannot and will not stay
For anybody

Sure enough, Reality is there
It was waiting for you to come back
Beside Reality stands Life
You confront Reality and say that you're sorry for leaving
Life overhears your cry and says,
"Don't worry moon child, you will get over this because you are a strong individual. You were built for this. You were meant to be on this Earth to make mistakes and learn from them, and grow as a person. You were meant to feel happiness just as you were meant to feel sadness. This is a beautiful cycle. You will be okay again. Please remember to not forget to enjoy this journey. I love you."

© yungwifey

Sometimes
If I close my eyes and cry hard enough
I can feel your lips almost touching mine
Your soft, flesh-filled, luscious lips...
It reminds me of the time I used to take my finger and gently trace over the outer-lining of your lips
I've never wanted to kiss someone so badly

Then a force just violently pulls me at my spine and I am flustered
I open my eyes
I'm back to reality
I've realized I cried myself dry

I stay still and just stare into the ground
Only the thoughts of you remain now

I told him I wanted to see him
He told me he was broke and couldn't take me out
I told him I didn't want his money, I just want to spend time with him
He told me he was too busy



I stayed quiet.

every time I tell myself to breathe
it works for 10 seconds
but then my heart, shrivelled and dry, ironically bleeds
what if I'll forever feel this way? I start to reckon

I feel the anxiety creeping up on me again

what is the maximum threshold?

how much would it take to bend before I break?